Tag Archives: moonies

  shoddy journalism

Corrections: Your Wonkette’s Week In Mistakes

In the story “Jerry Brown To Washington Times Reporter: ‘Are You a Moonie?'” we referred to idiot reporter Kerry Picket as him, he, his, etc. We are sorry to report that Kerry Picket is in fact a woman. This shames us all — all women, that is, as Picket’s tete-a-tete avec Governor Brown was the worst reportorial outing since Diane Sawyer slurred her way through one of this year’s 437 GOP primary debates. Read more on Corrections: Your Wonkette’s Week In Mistakes…
  governor moonbeam

Jerry Brown To Washington Times Reporter: ‘Are You a Moonie?’

California Governor Jerry Brown dealt with some hack Washington Times reporter in the exact way all elected officials should deal with Washington Times reporters: by repeatedly correcting him on basic facts, pointing and laughing in his (presumably fat and pasty) face, and then delivering a rough-and-ready Jerry Brown-style head-butt to the dingle. After much back-and-forth in which the Hero Wingnut Reporter mangled basic historic and economic facts and then declared that California was going bankrupt, we arrive at the crux of the matter, the moment in which Brown just totally fucks the poor simpleton’s head, in front of his sniggering fellows, haha. Read more on Jerry Brown To Washington Times Reporter: ‘Are You a Moonie?’…
  anthony weiner did 9/11?

Moonie Times: Weiner Maybe Showed His Weiner Because He’s Secretly Muslim

How is crazyland? Still crazy! Here’s what the Washington Times posted about a well-known Jewish man from New York: Given the defense articulated by the Imam, which would be offered only for a Muslim man, we must believe this opportunity to remove this Muslim woman from a union with an non-believer would be quickly taken. Therefore we must consider that Mr. Weiner *may* have converted to Islam, because if he did not, we have to consider the unlikely, that being that Ms. Abedin has abandoned her Muslim faith, even while she still practices. Read more on Moonie Times: Weiner Maybe Showed His Weiner Because He’s Secretly Muslim…
  rumors on the internets

Wicked Witch Of the Left Casts Hex On John Dennis

A video game from 1998 CONCLUSIVELY PROVES that Marxism is a lie. [Ludwig Von Mises Institute] The Huffington Post and some Islamaphobe blog are in a juicy spat because HuffPo reported the Islamaphobe’s Islamaphobic ads were taken down when they were actually not taken down, prompting MASSIVE RETALIATION via blog post. [AtlasShrugs] Read more on Wicked Witch Of the Left Casts Hex On John Dennis…
  unwanted crap

Get Your George W. Bush Commemorative Items!

If you’ve wondered what the Washington Times might be doing for the next eight years, these selections from the oddball paper’s online store suggest the Moonie pamphlet will start offering all sorts of other stuff nobody wants, such as this President Bush Commemorative Cigar and W. Commemorative Book — a coffee-table sized shame-box apparently featuring washed-out pictures of Bush Junior grimacing and flinching as his henchmen actually ruined the world. Well hey, whatever it takes to keep our Liz Glover gainfully employed! [Washington Times’ Bush Store] Read more on Get Your George W. Bush Commemorative Items!…
 

Rev. Sun Myung Moon Makes Dead Presidents Want To Crawl Out Of Their Graves!

Here’s a fun little movie made by John Gorenfeld, who has a creepy new book out about the Rev. Moon and the Washington Times and all sorts of Bush Family/Cult hijinx. But do not let John McCain see this video, because he doesn’t yet know Teddy Roosevelt died, 89 years ago. Read more on Rev. Sun Myung Moon Makes Dead Presidents Want To Crawl Out Of Their Graves!…
 

Helen Thomas Still Hates Bush, Loves (John) Kennedy

Our Florida operative Lauren Selsky found White House correspondent Helen Thomas hanging out at Florida Atlantic University, which is Selsky’s own school! What are the chances? Thomas, currently 87 years old, was known as the “Original Wonkette” when she started covering the JFK White House nearly a half-century ago. So how much does Helen hate George W. Bush? Read more on Helen Thomas Still Hates Bush, Loves (John) Kennedy…
 

Reagan Diary: ‘Let’s Bust Rev. Moon Out of Prison For New Year’s!’

We are about this close to actually buying and reading the Reagan Diaries book, because everything we’ve heard so far is 100% crazy. The latest: “Senator Hatch is after me to grant clemency to the Rev. Moon,” Reagan wrote in a Dec. 24, 1984, entry. “I’ve explored this & find I just can’t. I have, however taken action to see if I can grant him a furlough over New Years. It seems that day is the holiest in that religion.” Uhh … why was Orrin Hatch (famous Mormon) going to bat for Rev. Sun Myung Moon (infamous nut who thinks he’s God)? Because everybody is basically a Scientologist! Read more on Reagan Diary: ‘Let’s Bust Rev. Moon Out of Prison For New Year’s!’…
 

Bush 41, Rev. Moon Almost Tragically Burned To Death

How much fun was last night’s Washington Times 25th anniversary rave? The sexy action got so hot that a fire alarm went off and BFFs George H.W. Bush 41 and Reincarnated Jesus H. Christ Reverend Sun Myung Moon were forced to briefly evacuate the party, along with the other 1,500 Moonies and WashTimes employees. Read more on Bush 41, Rev. Moon Almost Tragically Burned To Death…
 

Happy Birthday To America’s Greatest Newspaper!

Listen up, haters: The Moonie Times is not a jingoistic right-wing propaganda sheet. In fact, the almost-25-year-old paper actually HATES AMERICA. By our calendar, the Moonies launched the fringe publication in 1982 — you know, the peak of the Ronald Reagan era in Washington? Read more on Happy Birthday To America’s Greatest Newspaper!…
 

Bush I, King of Peace to Reunite for One Last Show

Former President George H. W. Bush will deliver the keynote address at a ceremony honoring the Washington Times’ 25th birthday this May. Also appearing: Times founder the Reverend Sun Myung Moon, who, you might remember, is the Messiah. And the King of the Ocean, but it’s in his role as the Messiah that he goes around demanding churches throw out their crosses and start worshipping him instead. Read more on Bush I, King of Peace to Reunite for One Last Show…
 

Asteroid Will Kill Everybody … Except the Bushes, In Paraguay

While everybody was enjoying the nice three-day weekend, the Main Stream Media announced that we’re all going to be blown up or drowned by a terrible asteroid named Apophis — that’s also the Greek name for the demon monster god of Ancient Egypt who devours all that is good and hides in the eternal evil darkness and commands an army of demons who plague mankind. (If you’re confused, just remember that Cheney is an earth monster and Apophis is a space monster.) But there’s a chance of survival if you’re in the right place … say, shielded from the massive tsunami by the wall of the Andes and perched atop the world’s largest fresh-water aquifer. You know, where the Bushes and Rev. Sun Myung Moon bought all that land in Paraguay! Read the latest chapter in the Weirdest Story Ever Told, after the jump. Read more on Asteroid Will Kill Everybody … Except the Bushes, In Paraguay…
 

Bushes Escaping To South America Next Month

The preparations are finished, the massive land holdings have been purchased, the huge military base is in hand and Jenna has made her rounds of high-level diplomatic negotiations. Finally, the Bushes can escape to South America before they’re convicted of War Crimes and executed on YouTube. Read the dirty details, after the jump. Read more on Bushes Escaping To South America Next Month…