Tag Archives: montana

  judge not

Congrats, ‘Sentencing A Rapist To Volunteer At A Rape Crisis Center,’ You Are The Dumbest Idea Yet

We could probably write a “terribly inadequate rape sentences” post every day with our eyes closed and one hand tied behind our backs. Today, we’ve got Sir Young, who at age 18 raped a 14-year-old girl, a crime for which he could have received a 20 year sentence but because everything in this country is broken, he got 45 days. That would be a bog-standard level of dumb, except for the fact that he also got sentenced to 250 hours of community service AT A RAPE CRISIS CENTER. Read more on Congrats, ‘Sentencing A Rapist To Volunteer At A Rape Crisis Center,’ You Are The Dumbest Idea Yet…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

These People Trapping And Shooting These Teenagers Are Not Very Nice, No, Not At All

The law is a grand thing, a collection of not merely statutes, but also precedents from previous cases, and when a legal innovation comes along, sometimes there have to be a few test cases to determine the boundaries of that new law. Do Nazis have the right to march in Skokie? (yes) Can ‘intelligent design’ be taught as science? (no) Just how black dangerous-seeming does someone have to be before it’s legal to shoot them on your property, and if you really really want to shoot a criminal, any criminal, can you lay out a trap to entice one onto your property? (undetermined) Thankfully, with a lot of states broadening the scope of what counts as “self defense,” several brave Responsible Gun Owners have taken to killing folks for the sake of finding out what kinds of homicide are justified. No applause necessary; these everyday Second Amendment Heroes just see it as their civic duty. Read more on These People Trapping And Shooting These Teenagers Are Not Very Nice, No, Not At All…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly March Through The Marshes Of Madness

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we scrape the dumbest possible news leftovers off our overheated browser tabs, blend them into an almost-digestible slurry, and serve them up to you with a muffin and a warning to imbibe heavily. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly March Through The Marshes Of Madness…
  derpasaurus rex

Lucky Ducky Montana Tech Graduates Get To Be Commencement Talked At By Young Earth Creationist

Direct from the land of “wait, what?” we bring you news of this year’s commencement speaker at Montana Tech, Montana’s mining and engineering college. This is not, of course, the kind of thing we’d usually cover, except for the part where the commencement speaker is a billionaire young earth creationist, which is sort of an odd fit maybe? A major funder of “creation museums” has been selected — strange as it may seem — to be the commencement speaker at Montana’s leading institution of science, Montana Tech, the mining and engineering school in Butte that has produced some of the world’s top geologists. The speaker is Greg Gianforte, a conservative billionaire whose philanthropic endeavors include funding museums whose purpose is to discredit Darwinism and persuade visitors that the Earth is 6,000 years old, that North America’s geology was carved by Noah’s flood, and that dinosaurs coexisted with early humans. Read more on Lucky Ducky Montana Tech Graduates Get To Be Commencement Talked At By Young Earth Creationist…
  Are there no workhouses?

States Find Farm Bill Loophole To Feed Poor People; Jesus And GOP Righteously Pissed

TRIGGER WARNING: It appears that several states are following the law as laid out in the new farm bill to… wait for it… help poor people eat!!!!1!1! Oh, the humanity! Are you outraged? Are you clutching your pearls while your panties bunch themselves in a wad? We should have warned for earmuffs for all children, because the level of bamboozlement and chicanery and hoodwinkery should get a Political NC-17 rating, turning up the faux-rage to eleven… nay, to TWELVE. TWELVE WE SAY. TWELVE. Sorry we are breaking such awful news to you. Despite the efforts of the GOP (and all too many weak-willed Dems) to cut food stamps by some $8 billion, states are finding ways to continue to provide food stamps, much to the petulant outrage of the GOP, per The Hill: “I would hope that the House would act to try to stop this cheating and this fraud from continuing,” Boehner said. Clearly. States are doing their best to eradicate child malnutrition, and This. Must. Be. Stopped.  Read more on States Find Farm Bill Loophole To Feed Poor People; Jesus And GOP Righteously Pissed…
  bitches set them up

Missoula, Montana, Prosecutors Have A Way Of Shutting Rape Victims Down

You know what it means when we break out the Emergency Kittens, folks. This time around, they are there to help you get through your rage while you read this Mother Jones story about the Department of Justice’s probe of the Missoula, Montana, County Attorney’s Office, which found that when prosecutors bothered to pursue sexual assault cases at all, they “often [treat] these victims with disrespect” and occasionally don’t even prosecute cases for which there are eyewitnesses or even confessions. The DOJ sent a letter to the prosecutor’s office Friday, informing them of the investigation. Jocelyn Samuels, the Acting Assistant Attorney General for the Civil Rights Division, released a statement Friday on the DOJ investigation: “We uncovered evidence of a disturbing pattern of deficiencies in the handling of these cases by the County Attorney’s Office, a pattern that not only denies victims meaningful access to justice, but places the safety of all women in Missoula at risk.” Missoula County Attorney Fred Van Valkenburg denied the accusations in an email to Mother Jones Saturday, claiming that “everything the DOJ is saying about our office is false” and that “these people” are pushing a “political agenda” in their investigation. Van Valkenberg also claimed that the DOJ had made “no effort whatsoever” to inform him that the report was about to be released. A DOJ spokeswoman told the magazine that the department had attempted “more than a half-dozen times over the past 21 months” to reach an “amicable resolution” with the Missoula County Attorney’s Office, but that’s different from telling Van Valkenburg that they were going to release a report about all that, now isn’t it? Read more on Missoula, Montana, Prosecutors Have A Way Of Shutting Rape Victims Down…
  mean old cracker says what?

Racist Yellowstone County Treasurer Wants Gubmint To Pay Him Year’s Salary For His Awesome Racism

Here is a fun tale about a mean old racist man who loves to work for the county for a cool almost hundred large, and who is also obviously a Republican because a) racist and b) hypocrite and c) “small government no taxes” we are gonna just assume while he has also been feeding at the government trough since 1969 … and oh, what is this? He got busted using government email to sexplain that the reason we keep getting stuck with that ol’ tyrant Nobama is because o’ all the queers and n-words? He seems awesome. BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! And that “more” is that sure he will resign, and all he asks in return is a little bitty teeny tiny year’s pay of $90 thousand, to make up for all the “censuring” of his racism. Read more on Racist Yellowstone County Treasurer Wants Gubmint To Pay Him Year’s Salary For His Awesome Racism…
  This is why we can't have nice things part eleventeen trazillion

Feminists Hysterical

Why are the feminazis burning their bras and refusing to shave their pits today? Oh, just the usual: A judge’s conclusion that a 14-year-old Billings rape victim was “as much in control of the situation” as her schoolteacher rapist has sparked outrage across the nation. Organizers have scheduled a Thursday rally and a petition drive against District Judge G. Todd Baugh, who Monday handed down a net sentence of 30 days in jail to former Senior High teacher Stacey Rambold, 54, who raped 14-year-old Cherice Moralez. […] Under state law, children younger than 16 cannot consent to sexual intercourse, which makes Rambold’s crime felony rape. However, when issuing the sentence Baugh said Moralez not only had equal control of the rape, but was also a troubled youth “older than her chronological age.” Oh. Yup, just the usual letting a rapist get off (er, walk away) with a mere tsk-tsk because the “child” — who was pretty slutty for her age, so come on it’s not like she was really a child — could have stopped it if she really wanted to. Besides, it’s not like this was the real kind of rape. The judge said so: Read more on Feminists Hysterical…
  a real comer

Montana Legislator Dave Hagstrom Makes Run At Title With Homophobe/Die-Poors One-Two Punch

Ladies and gentlemen, do we have a new contender? Is Montana Rep. Dave Hagstrom here to take home the whole shebang with his one-two knockout punch? First Hagstrom wrote a fairly hilarious letter to all his tenants explaining that they were just going to have to die young for the good of the nation — before it was revealed that when it comes to federal moneys and his rentier lifestyle, a river runs through it. And then Montana Cowgirl gifted us with this video, above, where Hagstrom explains how gay penises should retract like ball point pens, because of how they are not “normative.” Aw man, next we are going to be hearing about Foucault and cis-privilege and hegemony and stuff, like we never escaped from grad school at all. Read more on Montana Legislator Dave Hagstrom Makes Run At Title With Homophobe/Die-Poors One-Two Punch…
  idiots are people too my friend

Montana: Your Paradise of Corporation-Voting and Roadkill-Eating Awaits

Ohey Montana. What have you been up to? State stuff? Red state stuff? Cool stuff like fapping over how you’d enforce the law by killing federal law enforcement officials? No? Something newer? Cooler? Something that pretty much destroys the concept of residency and voting as we know it? Something about giving corporations a vote in Montana elections because hey, what could go wrong? Bring it on home, Montana! Read more on Montana: Your Paradise of Corporation-Voting and Roadkill-Eating Awaits…
  freedom's just another word for nuthin' left to shoot

Montana Law Enforcement Will Protect You From Other Law Enforcement Because Freedom

When you’re layin’ in bed at night, getting ready to drift off to sleep, do you fantasize about how you would totally have stopped Waco and reasoned with David Koresh? Sure you do! Do you also fap to the idea that those dirty varmint federales shouldn’t come around because you’ve got a sheriff and that’s all a grown man needs? If so, then scenic Montana is for you! Read more on Montana Law Enforcement Will Protect You From Other Law Enforcement Because Freedom…
  this whole court is out of order!

Supreme Court Invites Our Corporate Masters To Come In And Stay A While

Good news everyone! Our benevolent corporate overlords are here to stay and it’s full steam ahead for the New American Plutocracy! USA! USA! USA! The Supreme Court on Monday turned away a plea to revisit its 2-year-old campaign finance decision in the Citizens United case and instead struck down a Montana law limiting corporate campaign spending. Rather than hearing the case to rethink Citizens United, as Justice Ginsburg had predicted, the court decided that our public discourse was enriched immeasurably from commentary from Foster Freiss and as a result, we will have to hear from people like him possibly forever. Since the court is not at all a partisan body, the decision was 5 -4: Read more on Supreme Court Invites Our Corporate Masters To Come In And Stay A While…
  poo-poo ca-ca

Meh, Montana GOP’s Barack Obama Outhouse Was Funnier 30 Years Ago, When Hustler Did It

Right, so every blog in blogland is very upset by the poor taste shown by person or persons unknown at the Montana Republican Convention, where was found a mysterious outhouse marked “Obama Presidential Library,” and it had bullet holes and a birth certificate and the vulgar swear “bullshit” and “for a good time call Pelosi.” Pardon us, but yawn. Call us when Obama is just cold fucking his (WHITE!!!) mother in that outhouse, in 1983. Read more on Meh, Montana GOP’s Barack Obama Outhouse Was Funnier 30 Years Ago, When Hustler Did It…
  dirty filthy money

Wonkette Bookmaker: Will Supreme Court Overturn ‘Citizens United’ With ‘Citizens United First Blood Part 2’?

HOT NEWS, HOT NEWS! The Supreme Court is hearing a Montana case with direct bearing on its infamous decision in Citizens United, which may have done more to scar the Court’s reputation than anything besides Bush v. Play-Acting Dilettante. Their biggest detractor? “Straight-Talk” John McCain, just cold threatening the Supreme Court’s lives and such, with such terrrrrible thuggery as the following: “What the Supreme Court did is a combination of arrogance, naivete and stupidity the likes of which I have never seen,” McCain said. “I promise you, there will be huge scandals because there’s too much money washing around, too much of it we don’t know who’s behind it and too much corruption associated with that kind of money.” Will someone fetch our smelling salts? We are fairly sure that kind of potty talk is not allowed around the great and inerrant Court. Read more on Wonkette Bookmaker: Will Supreme Court Overturn ‘Citizens United’ With ‘Citizens United First Blood Part 2’?…
  dr. livingstone is in

Wonkette Endorsements: This Swashbuckling GOP Lunatic Spy

Who’s the man who offered to help get Khadafi out of Libya for a cool $10 mill? Neil Livingstone! Who’s the cat on a yacht full of pussy-for-hire? Neil Livingstone! Who fled from Argentine Nazis, ate borscht with Russian mafia, and was “wrongly subpoenaed for gun running and involvement in the Iran-Contra affair”? Neil Livingstone. You can see why Your Wonkette has no choice but to endorse Neil Livingstone for … let’s see … yes, it says right here, Montana governor! Super shady “security expert” Dr. Neil Livingstone (yes, that’s right) is now trying to downplay how completely and irredeemably awesome he is, taking a buncha spy stuff off his website. But there’s no running away from the book he wrote for other Men of the World about how not to get rolled by hookers while you are off being a Man of the World. Read more on Wonkette Endorsements: This Swashbuckling GOP Lunatic Spy…
  Activist Judges

Montana’s Top Federal Judge Says Obama’s Mom Screwed Dogs

The top federal judge in Montana simply does not care for America’s federal president, Barack Obama. That’s why he had no choice but to send a racist email that suggests Barack Obama is black because his white mother was impregnated by a … dog. A black dog, we guess? “The only reason I can explain it to you is I am not a fan of our president,” Bush-nominated federal judge Richard Cebull said instead of apologizing. Read more on Montana’s Top Federal Judge Says Obama’s Mom Screwed Dogs…
  big sky small minds

Montana Still Wants To Prosecute People For Being Gay

“Fourteen years ago the Montana Supreme Court ruled that a state law criminalizing gay sex violates Montana’s constitution, yet the Montana Legislature has repeatedly failed to scrub the language, which places homosexuality in the same legal category as bestiality, from the books.” Too busy trying to legalize drunk driving? No, Montana’s legislators just hate gay people. According to Republican state Rep. Ken Peterson, the ruling against the gay-sex law has, thank God, left open a loophole for the prosecution of gays. What sort of thing could be illegal? “Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it,” Peterson said (really). Some young man out there in Montana should go show up in Peterson’s bedroom so he can be arrested. Read more on Montana Still Wants To Prosecute People For Being Gay…
  killing people is okay when we do it

Montana Legislator Wearing Dumb Tie Decries Drunk Driving Laws

(To be fair, everyone in the Montana legislature is wearing a stupid tie. But c’mon, look at that thing.) Drunk driving is a way of life in Montana, and bars can only survive if they get their patrons drunk enough to go out and kill people? Yeah, sounds about right. [Youtube] Read more on Montana Legislator Wearing Dumb Tie Decries Drunk Driving Laws…
  violent art critics

Crowbar-Wielding Lady Attacks Jesus P0rn

Sometimes vigilante crowbar justice is the only way to stop Jesus Blowjob Art: A Montana woman has been charged with criminal mischief after allegedly taking a crowbar to a controversial art museum display in Colorado that critics say portrays Jesus Christ receiving oral sex from another man. Read more on Crowbar-Wielding Lady Attacks Jesus P0rn…
  every child is different

Teabag Lady First Person Ever To Use ‘Forced Down Our Throats’ Correctly

If you follow American politics and you have a soul, one of your least favorite phrases is some variation of “forced down our throats.” This is generally used to imply that some law or regulation has gone into effect as a result of an election in which the winning side received 52 to 56 percent of the vote, as typical in a democratic system (e.g., “This health care reform has been rammed down our throats”). It is occasionally hilarious when it involves gayness (e.g., “The tyrannical courts are shoving gay marriage down our throats”) because it makes it clear how much the speaker thinks about hot cocks and the deep-throating thereof. But it’s almost never used in a political context to describe the sorts of things that might actually enter a person’s throat (i.e., food) — until one brave teabagger candidate for the Montana legislature dared speak out against this communist “healthy eating” craze. Read more on Teabag Lady First Person Ever To Use ‘Forced Down Our Throats’ Correctly…
  stories for your grandkids

Montana State Sen. Charged In Congressman’s Boat Crash

In late August, juuuuuust as the Congressional recess was reaching a close, Montana Rep. Denny Rehberg — who has a history of getting trashed and flopping around on horses in Kazakhstan — went out on a boat with some buddies, and within minutes that boat was somehow vertical, among a pile of rocks. How drunk was the Boat Captain?, America asked. Well now we know: 0.16 — and that was several hours after the crash! It wasn’t Rehberg, though, operating the boat, just one of his buddies, some loser local politician who is now in big big trouble. Read more on Montana State Sen. Charged In Congressman’s Boat Crash…
  shootin' homewreckers

Sketchy Private Security Force Becoming Sketchier By The Minute

TPM has been all over that story about the terrifying private security company that secretly bought a fancy public jail from a Montana town, so as to convert it into a War Facility. The head of the company is such a dirty criminal that the best title anyone can give him is “California-based grifter.” And here, TPM has created a slideshow of screen shots from the American Police Force’s website, which doesn’t seem to work as well as it used to. The whole thing is hilarious. Lots of special-ops services, with guns! Try to remember the stupidest creep from your middle school class — he probably works here now. [TPM] Read more on Sketchy Private Security Force Becoming Sketchier By The Minute…