Wonkette

Here is delightful Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer cracking wise about John McCain’s eleventy billion back yards, and how they cannot make America energy independent. This guy was adorable, with his bolo tie and his “I am a used car salesman, but a used car salesman from 1950, when it was still wholesome” demeanor. Wasn’t there some talk about him being on Obama’s veep list early on? Ah yes. [YouTube]

Yesterday Wonkette brought you the EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE SEEN NOWHERE ELSE of Barack Obama’s 10- and 7-year-old daughters, Misha and Selma or whatever, being interviewed by some pretty Access Hollywood gal. This was a first, as Obama usually likes to hide his children in underground caves to shield them from THE SPINELESS INTERNET. Naturally, everyone made fun of these two children and, by the end of the day, were blaming them for starting the Iraq War and also capitulating on FISA. Nary an Internet Addict found the children, say, adorable. And that is why Barack Obama told adult-child Diane Sawyer on today’s Good Morning America that he’ll never put his children on teevee again. MORE »

It is finished. There are no more primaries, no more whining about Michigan and Florida. Even though she may not ever concede, Barack Obama says: “Tonight I can stand here and say, that I will be the Democratic nominee, for the United States of America.” That should be worth some interesting discussion and freakouts, no? MORE »

John McCain finished his angry old-man rant, Hillary finished her “I have made no decisions” speech, folks talked about some stuff in the middle, and now it’s time for Barack Obama, the Hopeful Boy Unicorn, to bring it home. Of course the Decemberists opened for him here in St. Paul, so we can assume the big crowd is for them. Still, let’s have a listen! MORE »

BREAKING NEWS LITTLE SIREN GIF: Barack has got the Power, and the Delegates …. Well, what have we learned, tonight, other than that your editor has a “drinking problem” due to having some drillings/fillings done on his own teeth an hour ago? We’ve learned that Maverick RINO McCain wants to hate fuck the war until it finally loves him, and he went to a New Orleans suburb to explain why it’s good when there’s no “big government” to help you with change you can believe in. Anyway, let’s liveblog the nonsense as we get some results from South Dakota, the “Bukkake State.” MORE »

Attention whore John McCain didn’t want Democrats to have all the fun tonight, and we needed to start up another comment thread for you lunatics, so join us as we watch John McCain saying mean things about Barack Obama. MSNBC has stationed Howard Fineman on some sort of “Listening Post,” which maybe means he has tapped people’s phones or something? Anyway we can “listen” to Howard Fineman for a little while before John McCain’s angry senile rant, hooray! MORE »

We will be back tonight to provide more blog laffs as we cover the Montana and South Dakota primaries, the final two in this Historic Election between an Historic Black Person and an Historic Woman. Until then, check out the latest gossip and “news” surrounding this End of this Historic Primary Election in History, after the Historic Jump. MORE »

Tonight, beloved Wonkette readers, we shall gather for one last (?) primary contest before Cheney attacks Iran and ends this campaign for good. Join us for the liveblogging, beginning at about 8:30 p.m. Eastern, which is 7:30 p.m. Central (for most of South Dakota) and 6:30 p.m. Mountain Time (for “Western South Dakota”) and also 6:30 p.m. Montana Time (Montana=Mountain) and, who knows, probably 5:15 p.m. Pacific Time. As always, makes sure to stop at the liquor/gun store on the way home for some bitter booze & ammo. Please leave predictions — and graphical-theme ideas for tonight — in the comments.

Yesterday, Barack Obama visited Montana’s Crow Nation of Native Americans, or as the Republicans call them, “Mexicans.” He spoke to about 4,000 folks, and this happened: “When he took the stage, Obama announced he was proud to have been adopted — in Crow tradition — by the Black Eagle family. And he was also given a Crow name, which translates as ‘That Person Who Goes Throughout Our Land And Tries To Help People…’” Sounds like the name-inventor is some kinda liberal. It was all Hopeful and shit for a while… until they cursed Obama, with their spells. MORE »

There are two people, total, in Montana: the governor and some high school kid. The latter goes by Jeff Greenwood, and on Friday, he was the only student to graduate from Opheim High School. The governor of Montana, Brian Schweitzer, gave the commencement address to this one student. Creepy. [AP]