Wonkette

We usually save the political cartoons for Fridays, but Jeff Danziger himself sent us this one today, and we are going to have terrible, terrible nightmares about Mark Penn tonight, again. [Danziger Cartoons]

While some people “stuck in the past” are protesting the Iraq War’s Fifth Birthday today, Dick Cheney is always thinking about the future — specifically, he’s thinking about how he can personally start a war with Iran. And he’s not just sitting in his Naval Observatory lair dreaming up horrible schemes. Dick Cheney is actually in the Persian Gulf right now, on some Sultan’s super-luxury yacht. You know, for a “fishing trip.” MORE »

That “buy a cheeseburger for Cheney” campaign didn’t really work, and the mean old lunatic seems closer than ever to his Viagra-fever dream of nuking Iran before he’s tried and hanged in Paraguay, so what else can people hope might happen to our greatest ever vice president? The liberal New York Times reports that scientists have figured out a way to electrocute Cheney to death from a distance! MORE »

She is truly a monster, run by the Lizard King Bowser, running kamikaze nosedive straight into the soul of our personal Secular Jesuses. She is ruining everyone’s life. We need to end this primary, because all of this Internet ranting and raving about Hillary Clinton is just starting to sound too real. MORE »

Thanks to the Young Turks for making the video that will heal America: a retrospective of our dearly departed Republican candidates. God, these guys were fun. Fortunately, Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney will probably run again in four or eight years, and those candidacies will probably launch in a few months. In the meantime, vote in our poll for which monster you miss the most. MORE »

Everybody knows the three rules of real estate: Location, Refinance, Foreclosure. But our best vice president ever, Dick Cheney, is focused on the first part of that maxim by building his “retirement” house literally across the street from CIA headquarters in McLean, Virginia. MORE »

So, um, there’s this CNN video of Bush talking about the subprime mortgage meltdown. And there’s a frickin’ SPACE ALIEN standing over his right shoulder, presumably giving him his lines. Go ahead, watch the video. WHAT IS THAT OMG WHAT IS GOING ON?

Help for homeowners in trouble [CNN Video]

Well, it’s Friday, and this is my last post of the day/month/year, and it is a YouTube clip of President Ronald Reagan saying, twice, in public, in front of television cameras, that he wants Space Monsters to invade Earth so we will have a common enemy and then be able to be friends with The French. And as crazy as it sounds, compared to “Let’s Blow Up All The Muslims” it is kind of charming. Happy Labor Days and Good-Bye.

Ronald Reagan and Aliens [YouTube]

Monstrous nocturnal carnivorous badgers have taken over the streets of Basra, and local Iraqis have a pretty good idea what’s behind the awful plague: occupation troops. There’s a big British base in Basra and people know that anything horrible — and there are endless horrors — is the fault of the occupation troops. Here’s video of the giant flesh-eating monster badgers: MORE »

Listen up, Americans: Just because you like some candidate and send a nice campaign contribution does not mean the candidate will refrain from publicly humiliating you and your family because you’re not rich enough. MORE »