Wonkette

Your editor’s sort-of relative teaches at Walter Reed Middle School in North Hollywood! We knew she taught in the Valley but did not know where, exactly — and she is right there, at the heart of the failure of the John McCain Campaign and its weird attempt to put some kind of picture related to Walter Reed Army Hospital behind McCain’s head during his big acceptance speech about his plane crash 40 years ago, even if all most of you saw, on the teevee, was yet another dumb “green screen” behind his bald skull, just waiting for web geeks to fill that vapid void with dancing hobbits, furry porn or Abu Ghraib photographs. Anyway …. MORE »

It is not even a slow news day, but all the news is about tire pressure so kill us now. So we went to Idaho Senior Senator Larry Craig’s webpage to see if anything gay was going on and lo and behold, everything gay was going on, in this one screen cap. What a frightening devil this one is, oh, what a terror. [Larry Craig]

Some Obama freaks have trained their parrot to speak some of Barry’s popular catch phrases, including “Yes We Can” and, well, “Obama,” which is actually just his name. The brainwashed monster also says what sounds like “Oh My Cow,” so this household is obviously a local bestiality bath house. Also: this bird is Elitist. If John McCain were buying a goddamned bird, he’d go straight for the parakeet — the Working Man’s Bird. [YouTube]

SHRIMPOCALYPSE NOW: “The right lane of the Inner Loop at Md. 210 will remain closed through Friday morning’s rush hours after an accident involving a tractor trailer hauling frozen shrimp.” [WTOP]

UH OH — PEGGY NOONAN IS MAKING SENSE: Yes, she does scream in Latin at some point, but otherwise this week’s Peggy’s World is probably the best column on Hillary’s Last Stand. Scary times, scary times …. [Wall Street Journal]

Here is — no joke — the official portrait of Marc “Hawaiian Pizza” Dann, the Ohio attorney general who likes to stick it to his staffers and will soon be impeached. This picture literally hangs outside his office. Why anyone ever had sex with this creature, we will never know.

And look at that, John McCain completely evaded the legitimate question with the usual “that’s offensive to people” nonsense. But guess what? John McCain reportedly called his nice rich recent wife Cindy McDain a “cunt” when she mocked his thinning hair stretched over his thousand-year-old skull. Look, we are not quaint with our language, but we don’t call our wives “cunts.” [YouTube/FireDogLake]

Oh look, it is NBC Anchorman Willard Scott, seen here during his “glory days” as TeeVee’s Ronald McDonald, horrifying the children of Washington and Annapolis. Later, he became famous in Stephen King’s It. [Via Metafilter]

We usually save the political cartoons for Fridays, but Jeff Danziger himself sent us this one today, and we are going to have terrible, terrible nightmares about Mark Penn tonight, again. [Danziger Cartoons]

While some people “stuck in the past” are protesting the Iraq War’s Fifth Birthday today, Dick Cheney is always thinking about the future — specifically, he’s thinking about how he can personally start a war with Iran. And he’s not just sitting in his Naval Observatory lair dreaming up horrible schemes. Dick Cheney is actually in the Persian Gulf right now, on some Sultan’s super-luxury yacht. You know, for a “fishing trip.” MORE »