Tag Archives: monica lewinsky

  history's greatest monster

What Is Chelsea Clinton Hiding About Monica Lewinsky?

Everyone knows that Chelsea Clinton is the world’s most boring human being — though she did grow up to be quite a fetching member of the female species, suck it Rush Limbaugh. She is even more boring than Luke Russert, and possibly has less-notable insights! But were you aware that the reason she is such a flop on NBC, which hired her for “journalism,” is not that she is not particularly a journalist, or experienced, or fluffed up by her famous name to a rank she might have actually earned someday — no, it is only those things a little bit! The real reason, according to Buzzfeed, is because she will not tell us how it felt to be a 13-year-old whose Dad was getting impeached by Newt Gingrich for cigar-banging a plump luscious vixen, “claiming” that it’s “none of our business.” Buzzfeed has some well-considered and not at all creepy thoughts on this! Read more on What Is Chelsea Clinton Hiding About Monica Lewinsky?…
  wiccan mysteries

Why Do Teabagger Celebrity Gals All Look Like Monica Lewinsky?

Why do today’s teabagger sweethearts all look like infamous White House intern Monica Lewinksy? Could it be that the fetching Oval Office paramour of Bill Clinton had some deep, weird effect on right-wing men in this country? Was all that posturing and yelping and going insane over a politician having a tacky affair really about something much weirder? Did Lewinsky hit some special button in the impotent nether regions of America’s wingnuts? And why does Christine O’Donnell look exactly like Monica in her heyday? It would be sexist to even raise this subject, but our pal Rebecca Dana already did it for Tina Brown’s Internet Tendency, so it has automatically transubstantiated from filth to scholarship! (This is witchcraft.) Read more on Why Do Teabagger Celebrity Gals All Look Like Monica Lewinsky?…
  cartoon violence

Gayest Cartoon Violence Ever

By the Comics CurmudgeonDid you ever see one of those romantic comedies where the two principals just straight up frickin’ loathe each other, and try to undermine and destroy one another, but then, in the stunning turnaround that generally happens at the end of Act I or thereabouts, it turns out that all that animosity is just a cover for the fact that secretly they want to bone? Oh, you have seen that, because it’s the plot of virtually every romantic comedy ever? Well, since all life follows the formulas laid out by our entertainment industry, what do you think that says about the partisan gridlock in Washington? (ANSWER: IT MEANS THEY WANT TO DO SEX WITH EACH OTHER, ALL THE TIME.) Read more on Gayest Cartoon Violence Ever…
 

What You Need To Know About The Next Few Weeks

If you turn on the Internet and visit any of its websites, you’ll find some guy or gal’s analysis of the Pennsylvania primary results and the future of the election. While there only may be one or two ways to assess the question of “Does an ongoing primary hurt or help the Democrats?”, the Internet’s “Rule of 10 Million” means that there are somehow 10 or 20 million ways to assess it. We’d like to chip into the pot with three of our own, from readers. Read more on What You Need To Know About The Next Few Weeks…
 

Chelsea Continually Harassed About Monica Lewinsky

Everyone should ask Chelsea Clinton about Monica Lewinsky at every possible opportunity. Chelsea is like 45 years old now — 24 years older than Monica Lewinsky will ever be! America’s favorite brace-face can handle it. [MSNBC] Read more on Chelsea Continually Harassed About Monica Lewinsky…
 

Ken ‘Obama’ Starr Keeps Asking For Hillary’s Tax Returns

The Blowjob Era has returned! Today, in response to the Obama campaign’s demand that the Clintons release their tax returns NOW, communications director Howard Wolfson called it a “Ken Starr” tactic. Ken Starr was a famous investigator douchebag from the 1990s, when Obama was on crack and Hillary was fixing Northern Ireland and children’s sicknesses, you see. Read more on Ken ‘Obama’ Starr Keeps Asking For Hillary’s Tax Returns…
 

New York State Farmers Still Love Hillary Clinton

Wonkette operative Christine Longiaru (via Jessica Keltz) found this charming rural decoration while “traveling for work” in upstate New York. The most awesome thing about this anti-Hillary agricultural-simulacra tableau is that the guy finished it, stepped back, gave it a proud once-over, and went back into the house completely satisfied with his work. Read more on New York State Farmers Still Love Hillary Clinton…
 

Bill Clinton Lies To 5-Year-Olds, Too

Bill Clinton was just doing his normal snarling elect Hillary or die speech in South Carolina yesterday when an adorable 5-year-old child asked the famous adulterer about holy matrimony. “What do you do when you get married?” the innocent moppet asked the ex-president. Everybody just started laughing, because what’s he going to do, start explaining how mommy sleeps in one bed and daddy stays up all night getting sucked off by a fat girl in the Oval Office? [Political Ticker] Read more on Bill Clinton Lies To 5-Year-Olds, Too…
 

Lewinsky Scandal Celebrates 10 Years of Easy Head!

The “official” anniversary of the Lewinsky scandal is Jizzuary 17. But since the man who broke it, Matt Drudge, is already linking to a retrospective, we are forced as writers to follow his lead. After the jump, a celebration in time line form of the famous blowjob scandal. Read more on Lewinsky Scandal Celebrates 10 Years of Easy Head!…
 

Bush White House Blamed For Lack of Kennedy Parties

Do you remember the swinging social scene of early-1960s Washington? So many parties with those fun-loving and oft-assassinated Kennedy boys! And then George W. Bush ruined it all when he was appointed president four decades later. That’s the gist of this six-hundred-page Vanity Fair recollection about the glamorous good old days of yesteryear, and it prompted one Washingtonian to pen the following recollection of the glamorous Clinton years. Read more on Bush White House Blamed For Lack of Kennedy Parties…
 

Men Stray, Women Wreck

In a perhaps unsurprising showing of this country’s women’s double standards, a NY Daily News poll shows that most women think Judy Giuliani is a worse person (and less suited to be the spouse of the President) than Bill Clinton because she’s a “home-wrecker.” Notably, while Rudy was the married one in their affair that ended in marriage, Bill was the one stepping out on Hillary for BJs in the Oval Office from a woman he had no intention of leaving his wife for. But, whatever, it’s never the man’s fucking fault, right? They can’t control themselves when presented with a piece of ass. [NY Daily News] Read more on Men Stray, Women Wreck…
 

Happy Birthday Monica!!

Beloved international celebrity Monica Lewinsky turns 34 today. The former White House intern-turned-handbag designer stole America’s heart in 1998, when her love affair with President Clinton charmed the nation and taught us all that even in the cold domain of politics, there’s still room for good old-fashioned love. Read more on Happy Birthday Monica!!…
 

Bill Clinton’s Favorite Room in the White House

From an AP report on the new audio tour at the Clinton Library in Little Rock, narrated by Bill Clinton: Although Clinton says the Oval Office was “the best place in the world to work,” he had another favorite spot in the White House: his private office. “I restored it to look the way it did after the Civil War, and I brought in a desk, which was Ulysses Grant’s Cabinet table,” Clinton says. Read more on Bill Clinton’s Favorite Room in the White House…