Wonkette

• THEY’RE MORE LIKE ‘GUIDELINES’: Attorney General Michael Mukasey announced today that former Justice Department officials like Monica Goodling will not face prosecution for hiring D.O.J. staffers based explicitly on their political views — i.e. how many awesome things they could say about Alberto Gonzalez in 20-second lightning round interviews. Mukasey’s statement came replete with a classic Bush Administration sound bite: “not every wrong, or even every violation of the law, is a crime.” Ha ha, the top legal official in the country just said that “violation of the law” and “crime” are different. [AP]

YOU DON’T SAY: “The inspector general’s investigation found that Ms. Goodling and a handful of other senior aides to Mr. Gonzales developed a system of using in-person interviews and Internet searches to screen out candidates who might be too liberal and to identify candidates seen as pro-Republican and supportive of President Bush.” [New York Times]

Everyone’s favorite ex-Justice Department lady exterminator, Monica Goodling, may have fired some gal in 2006 for being a thoroughgoing LESBIAN. The DoJ’s inspector general is investigating this allegation, among others, in the never-ending U.S. Attorneys Firing Scandal investigation. As you may have heard, Monica Goodling recently got engaged to some guy from RedState, our frienemy in the War on Paultards. But does he know that before getting engaged, this very same Goodling was going around firing LESBIANS everywhere? MORE »

Oh blessed occasion! Monica Goodling, the former Justice Department liaison to the White House and blonde temptress who brought you the DoJ attorney firing scandal, has found herself a man to marry. What lucky fellow will be her solemn and eternal co-husband, along with Alberto Gonzales and Jesus? His identity revealed, after the jump! MORE »

This week, Larry Craig, David Phillips, Robert Novak, Monica Goodling, and Barbara Bush were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. MORE »

What the hell was really going on at DoJ? It’s amazing that a very young and very inexperienced law-school grad from a pretend college went from a very junior nobody to the Justice Department’s liaison to the White House overnight. MORE »

And what did we learn from Monica Goodling’s testimony before Congress today? MORE »

* Billy Clinton will tickle Mike Bloomberg’s prostrate if it gets him to run. [Passport]
* Democrats love wasting campaign money almost as much as taxpayer money. [MyDD]
* Democratic staff asses now getting ass. [The Hill]
* Sam Brownback yearns to feel a life growing in his belly. [Think Progress]
* Monica Goodling is testifying next Wednesday, so get a courier to start standing in line for you now. [The Gavel]
* Iraq problem: solved. [Dilbert Blog]

* In Lou Dobbs’ “non-partisan independent reality” everyone has orange skin, sprayed on-hair, and the government is on the verge of invading Tijuana. [1115]
* Street price of Ambien goes up as another Kennedy considers Congress. [NYP]
* Paul W’s holy socks likely to be filled by a Bobert. [Passport]
* Condi’s not looking to leave Iraq, ever. Charlie Rose isn’t looking to stop using that stupid curious face, ever. [Think Progress]
* HuffPo commenters bring 14 pages of the funny on Ft. Dix “terror plot.” [HuffPo]
* Monica Goodling gave Ashcroft the “titties are evil” idea. [TPM Muckraker]
* Pelosi’s pork turns out to be the other white meat. [Media Matters]

Former Wonkette editor and AboveTheLaw blogger David Lat perfectly summarizes a gossip double-play that the Politico will spend 1,500 words explaining:

The secretary for Monica Goodling’s lawyer moonlighted as an escort for the D.C. madam.

OMG: The Akin Gump Escort Worked For… Monica Goodling’s Lawyer!!! [Above the Law]
Goodling Shed Tears Before Revelations About Firings [Bloomberg]