Wonkette

Ah, the video that started it all. But today it’s defeat, and not a blimp, that’s in the air. The Paultard Blimp has been returned after making its last “go” of things in Florida, which mostly resulted in elderly car accidents. From Ron Paul Blimp’s website: “Current Blimp status: The blimp is headed back home to it’s hangar in Elizabeth City, NC. The blimp did not receive enough sponsorships to keep it afloat any longer.” Hey now, that’s not the Paultard spirit we know! Is defeat a word, or a Mainstream Media “spin” tactic? That blimp will be in the air in no time! MORE »

To throw his kindly (wo)men-about-town supporters a bone, Ron Paul has said he’ll stay in the race through Super Tuesday on Feb. 5, basically because he kind of has to. But in speaking to the AP after an Iowa event Monday, Paul seemed to wish that he had all this money maybe several months ago. After all, it’s nearly bag-packing time for the second and third tier of candidates. MORE »

Congrats on your failure of a moneybomb, Paultards! That $20 million or so you’ll get in Q4 fundraising will go a long way towards fueling… jackshit. At least it will give you enough confidence to keep posting 80 billion sheisty new videos per diem, and we’re all about that. Be warned, readers. [YouTube]

If you’re like me and woke up at the crack of dawn for the latest news about today’s Paultard Blimp launch, well, it’s not happening. The official Elizabeth City, NC launch will now take place Wednesday morning. The Blimptards (self-explanatory subset) have planned their flyover (and teabagging?) of the Federal Reserve in DC for Thursday morning. Considering Paul’s whole deal about destroying the Fed, government security officials should feel pretty safe with this plan. [Ron Paul Blimp]

The Paultards are freaking, and it’s not just because of the big spambot disclosure. The Paultard Blimp is supposed to fly Monday, Dec. 10 from Elizabeth City, NC, en route to an eventual “Tea Party” in Boston to coincide with their latest moneybomb on Dec. 16. They need, however, $200,000 in real money — pledges, Liberty Dollars or Ameros won’t cut it now — by midnight on Friday in order to make the rental. Plus, there are all sorts legal entanglements and whatnot. For all of these reasons, Paultards are going mad mad MAD(DER than usual), and we’d like to document as much of it as possible.

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People on the road and in hotels for Thanksgiving tomorrow are sure to check out USA Today en masse, because that’s just what you do when you’re on the road. As they happily skim through the usual 50-word pieces about new breast cancer research (and 10 billion accompanying pie charts), a full page ad of unusual arrogance, misplaced enthusiasm and opaque references to our Founding Fathers will get in their way. That’s right: The Paultard virus has somehow affected the printing presses of USA Today and will insert a full-page ad (PDF) into tomorrow’s edition. Discuss.

Wonkette officials have been alerted of a disturbing new “YouTubeBomb” (above) from the Paultard enemy camp. From the surroundings, it appears Paultarda bin Laden — a well known illegal alien spambot — made the footage with the usual laser-and-Photoshop personifying parlor tricks. MORE »