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Posts Tagged “Money”

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Hillary Owes A Lot Of Money, Boo Hoo

Hillary Clinton's campaign has acknowledged that it is $20 million in debt. Who cares? That's about a fifth of the money she and Bill have made in the last seven years, and Barack will help ease some of it when she quits. She can put a few more weeks on her AmEx if she wants to, and she might as well at this point: Let her run out the rest of the primaries, everyone will decide, and the only thing pushing her out will be her old nemesis, Math, finally set-in-stone. And then she'll sue and take it to the convention where Al Gore will become president, again. [Washington Post]

gas tax holiday

Hillary Places Economists Beneath Large Transportation Unit

From this morning's ABC "town hall" with Hillary Clinton, about the gas tax holiday:

STEPHANOPOULOS: "But can you name an economist who thinks this makes sense?"
CLINTON: "Well, I'll tell you what, I'm not going to put my lot in with economists."

Silly George, the Clintons don't listen to economists for economic advice. Spanky the Money Octopus tells them all they need to know.

happy news

Strong Dollar Policy Really Paying Off

Wonkette Monetary Policy Operative "Lee" sends us welcome news: the U.S. dollar is totally beating the pants off the Kenyan shilling. You'll recall that Barack Obama's hometown of Kenya, Africa finally swore in a power-sharing cabinet following two months of violence after a disputed election. So it is nice to hear the American currency has gained "a slight ground" versus the currency of a nation with a 21.8% month-over-month inflation rate and a recent history of grave political instability. [NASDAQ.com]

money funnies

Hilarious Signs That It's Not A Great Depression Yet

Marketwatch wants you to cheer up. Well, not all of you, just the ones with investments and money who are freaking out because poor people are rioting over scarce food supplies, millions of foreclosed homes are sitting empty and unsold, and local governments are no longer able to afford police and firefighters to protect rich people from the hordes. What to do? Laugh, that's what! More »

credit for all

Slaphappy Federal Gov't Employees Buy iPods, Panties With Your Money!

According to a new audit from the Government Accountability Office, the United States of America's Government has been purchasing iPods, lingerie and other goodies with federal credit cards. About 300,000 federal government employees used purchase cards in 2007. Government purchase cards are like corporate credit cards, except the Corporation is YOU, the AMERICAN TAXPAYER PEOPLE. You and your subprime corporate friends should be ashamed and banished to Spain, with the Moors. More »

quarterly fundraising totals

Broke Loser Obama Raises Only $40 Million In March

Because Barack Obama is despised by all America save for a small enclave of leftist weirdos, he raised just $40 million in March while John McCain was overseas fighting for Freedom. So far in 2008, Obama has raised $134 million. Why won't doomed presidential candidate Obama step aside and spend his hundreds of millions of dollars on useful things, such as cigarettes and bowling lessons? [Washington Post]

our flourishing economy

Meet Henry Paulson's Hilarious New Financial Overhaul Package!

Today the Bush administration offered its brave response to the current financial crisis, as delivered by Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson. The administration has faced overwhelming pressure to give the government more oversight and regulation within the financial markets, since every major player (investment banks, hedge funds) keeps dying and then asks the government for money. And who better to ramp up regulation on investment banks than Henry Paulson, the former C.E.O. of Goldman Sachs! So what's in his funny new oversight package, and how will it not do anything save the economy again? More »

sewer politics

Angry Republican Donors Literally Crapping On Fundraising Pleas

Things are looking pretty rough in Republican fundraising circles these days...except for an elite group of operatives who accept campaign contributions in the only denomination that still holds its value in the global market: human feces. More »

the corporates

Pro-Hillary Fat Cat Democratic Donors Threatening Nancy Pelosi

The world is an evil place, controlled by money, oil, liquor, Hollywood, and women. When these forces of vice combine, we call the beast "Wealthy pro-Clinton Democrats." Today this cabal got pushy with powerful House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and called on her "to back away from previous comments and reaffirm that superdelegates should be free to back whichever candidate they believe would be the party's best nominee." Fortunately, this does not confirm any stereotypes about money and power and the political process. More »

they cheat with their fundraising

Democrats Use The Web To Exploit Small Donors

Hip young Democratic newcomers like Hillary Clinton have mastered the art of fundraising over the Internets, while Republicans continue to raise campaign contributions in gold dubloons via Pony Express. Massive citizen participation in their hopeful quests has allowed Democrats to forever unshackle themselves from The Special Interests, big business, and The Lobbyists. How long will it take Republicans to catch up with these innovative fundraising techmologies? More »

poverty in america

McCain's Lock On Nomination Brings In No Money Whatsoever

Now that John McCain is the Republicans' "presumptive nominee," the right wing is flooding his campaign with all sorts of corrupt lobbyist cash. WALNUTS! raised a grand total of $12 million in February — considerably more than "the average American" earned that month! Now maybe McCain can afford both his prescription drugs and his groceries — unlike most of America's seniors — but nothing else. More »

our flourishing economy

Ben Bernanke To Save America From Stagflation

Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke testified about our flourishing American economy to Congress again today, and the economy’s just not good at all! He signaled more rate cuts would come to stave off the growing credit crisis, but balanced it with fears of inflation. As the Federal Reserve noted in its semi-annual policy report today, it foresees “a negative combination of below-trend growth and inflation rates topping 2% this year, though conditions are expected to start improving in 2009.” So we’ll have horrible stagflation for all of 2008, but Ben Bernanke will make 2009 wondrous! More »

the wisdom of age

McCain Courts Donors, Evades Grim Reaper

The McCain campaign’s two biggest priorities right now are finding a running mate and fundraising. According to reports, one issue “is being treated with considerably more urgency.” If you guessed that priority #1 was finding a successor to a candidate who, on Inauguration Day, will be just three years shy of average life expectancy, guess again! McCain is more worried about money, duh. [CNN]

feed my lutefisk, baby

North Dakota Full Of Cheap Bastards!

Americans know that you get what you pay for, whether you’re talking about nice clothes, decent cars — or presidential candidates! That’s why we give so damn much money to them: millions upon millions of dollars, most them handed over to losers who will never get within a mile of the Oval Office. We know that this wasted cash is the price of good governance. But one state isn’t holding up its end of the deal. While the good citizens of New York and Connecticut are paying upwards of $2 a head to fund the 2008 election insanity, the inhabitants of North Dakota (aka “Baja Manitoba”) have only ponied up 9 cents apiece to our various beloved candidates! What lies behind this miserly attitude? The New York Times investigates, and we summarize, after the jump. More »

hoperaising?

Obama's Luo Tribesmen Give Campaign $32 Million

Barack Obama raised $32 million in the month of January alone. As Politico’s Ben Smith notes, “That would be more than $1 million a day.” Indeed, it is actually $750 million dollars a day. Barry also brought in 170,000 new donors, a.k.a. “Suckers for Hope.” This explains how he’s been able to buy such heavy advertising in the expensive Los Angeles market, with Change. [The Trail, Ben Smith]

DOESN’T FEAR GOLD GROW ON REPUBLICAN TREES?: While Barack Obama and that old racist Arkansas couple, the Clintons, each have massive national blitzes of the teevee ads, “major Republican presidential candidates do not have a single bit of paid media on the air in Super Tuesday states.” Not even gazillionaire Mitt Romney. This is good! When John McCain automatically wins the election by being a Republican, the influence of money shall no longer have a place in politics. [The Page]

our flourishing economy

Bipartisan Congress Saves American Economy!

This morning, Demrats and Republicans in Congress came to a tentative agreement on an economic stimulus package. Hosanna in the highest, everyone gets free jobs! More »

a veritable money scare

Financial Panic(!) To Steal Our Babies, Kill Concept of Fun

This recession scare, it’s real. Too real! The Federal Reserve, much to Ron Paul’s dismay, lowered the fed funds rate by 3/4 of a percentage point today to stave off a, hrm, bank panic of neo-Victorian proportion! More »