mittens
Uhh, wasn’t this supposed to be wrapped up by now? No. Not when all your candidates are so terrible. Rick Santorum is back in the race, in other words. He won Missouri! That’s … let’s see, 55% for Santorum, which is DOUBLE Mitt Romney’s second place finish. Meanwhile, in the “near the Mormons” state of [...]
There was another caucus, apparently! The reason nobody noticed is because it was in Nevada, which is actually home to lots of Republican-voting Mormons. (Take out the corporate prostitution resort of Las Vegas in the southern corner of the state, and Nevada is just a sparsely populated length of mountains and desert right next to [...]
OMG you guys, Mitt Romney has a Flickr account. It is incredible. Here’s one of the very first pictures that “caught our eye,” oh lord. Mitt Romney, everyone! He has a Flickr, just like that Barack Obama did, back in 2008.
Dull little rich boy Mitt Romney can’t get Republicans to love him, because he loves the Wrong Jesus and also was the creator of Obamacare in Taxachusetts. The news media, meanwhile, will only write about where Herman Cain would’ve liked to stick his dong, and the money he paid to silence the ladies about his [...]
Your former editor Juli Weiner has an Important Article at Vanity Fair about Mitt Romney’s strange Official Portrait from when he was the socialist governor of Taxachusetts. For all of his money and all of his calculated lust for public life, Romney acts like he was sewn into the wrong body — a characteristic that [...]
Hello, and welcome to Hades. It’s time for another “there’s actually a GOP debate every week forever” edition of Tonight’s GOP Debate. Who Will Win? Maybe Michele Bachmann will revive her lagging campaign by making the “Cakes of Light” (you really don’t want to know) and then maybe Chris Christie bursts out of this enormous [...]
Aren’t there any presidential candidates any more who will bother to stand up for all the corporations in these weary times? Does Mitt Romney have to be the one to do it? Oh fine, he’ll just say it, he’ll say it right now, right here to this crowd of angry people standing in front of [...]
Human oddity Mitt Romney is one of the richest people in the world, with a fortune worth hundreds of millions of dollars. He is a businessman and investor and was born into a great deal of wealth that he has transformed into even more wealth, because the poor stay poor and the rich get rich. [...]
Execution worshipper Mitt Romney has a strange new campaign video that features Mittens driving around very depressing neighborhoods in Detroit, lost maybe? No, it is Mitt Romney’s Tour of Ruined America, which is not Obama’s fault, says Mitt (ALWAYS BLAME OBAMA, MITT), but Obama isn’t fixing it, either. Blah blah, this explanation is taking too [...]
Voters are still vaguely suspicious about the whole “Mormon cult” thing and whether Mitt Romney can be both President and a Mormon. A new Quinnipiac University poll proves that only 45 percent of voters have a positive view of Mormonism, and 36 percent of voters declare themselves “uncomfortable” about electing a Mormon, because Mormons believe [...]
It’s official: Americans have now “forgotten 9/11.” Obama is tied with Mittens in a new Post-ABC poll after losing his “bin Laden bounce,” and voter focus has mysteriously switched back to the jobs crisis. Our national honeymoon with bin Laden’s corpse is over (the sex was already sort of dropping off), and America is still [...]
