John Ensign, yep, he’s got the scandals. Oh and this Mark Sanford, yes, he is flying back and forth to Argentina to have sexytime with Ms. Not His Wife. Hmm, what other GOP 2012 name is plagued by “tabloid scandals” — the one who steals Neiman Marcus clothes and made a Sex Den for her teen-aged daughter and spends all her time yelling at a late-night talk show host? EXTRA HINT TO RICH “STARBURST” LOWRY: You cum in your slacks when you see her on the teevee. [The Corner]

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Now that Barack Obama has killed Comedy, America’s last best hope for political laffs is a McCain-Romney ticket. And it looks like Mitt Romney may oblige, given the latest development in his years-long quest to be humiliated by, with, and on behalf of John McCain. He has forgiven the $45 million in loans he made to himself so that he could eke out a few more weeks in terrible debates with the cranky old war vet during primary season! And this means he probably wants to be vice president. MORE »

Now that Hillary is “out,” we will devote our full attention towards getting Mitt Romney on the Republican ticket and saving humor forever! And it looks like progress is being made on that front, according to Time’s Mark Halperin, who knows these terrible things. MORE »

Ever since John McCain pissed all over Mitt Romney in a debate, and even before then, Mormons haven’t taken kindly to the foul-mouthed, unhandsome, twice-married atheist grumpus. So it’s no surprise that McCain might get a lukewarm reception at a couple of Utah fundraisers — even when they feature big draws like George Bush and Mitt Romney. Hilarious details about McCain’s Epic Utah Fail, after the jump. MORE »

Last night was the annual Radio/Television Correspondents Association Dinner in Washington, where all the famous teevee stars and radio voices come and make dumb jokes with the Feds. And who was there but Mittens “Mitt” Romney, our favorite hilarious presidential candidate from 2007. And for the first time, he was actually *trying* to be funny. He did this by interrupting some poor CBS news guy and then giving a top 10 list. He calls Al Gore “fat” and it’s mean, because Al Gore is going to be president again. Video below. MORE »

Mitt Romney joined his “successful” nemesis John McCain on the campaign trail yesterday, and they raised some cash from Mormon Fat Cats and other mountain men in Denver and Salt Lake City. They even rode together on John McCain’s stupid little plane. But Mitt wants to be McCain’s vice president, and McCain wants to woo the “Romney Wing” of the Republican party — Space Elves — so they had to play it nice for the cameramen. Look at how gay they were with each other yesterday, ha ha! The full gay photo tour, after the jump. MORE »

America’s most believed ex-presidential candidate, Mittens “Mitt” Romney, is joining Maverick candidate John McCain on a fundraising tour through the “mountain west,” starting today. They hate each after a brutal campaign where each lied and smeared the other to no end, although John McCain is, again, a Maverick, and Mittens wants to be his vice president. MORE »

Who knows where Mittens goes? Marc Ambinder knows, Marc Ambinder knows: “According to two Republicans with knowledge of his plans, Romney, at some point during the next few weeks, intends to establish a new political action committee to help elect Republican candidates.” So Romney is going to raise money for all of the Republican candidates, campaign for them, and then buy their brains for the 2012 primary, in which he will also place third. And then, this: “Other Republicans close to Romney said that Romney was looking for ways to position himself as the ideas factory for the Republican party over the next four years…” This might be the only way for the Republican party to lose even more convictions. [Marc Ambinder]

*ANOTHER FUN FACT ABOUT PERVERT LEGISLATOR ROBERT MCKEE:* He was on the Romney for President Maryland Steering Committee. Or as he probably called it in his head, Mustache Rides For Mittens. [Mitt Romney]

Just as the world was getting over the end of Mitt Romney’s campaign — as the tears of children in Java, Mongolia, Malawi and even our own United States had finally stopped flowing — our Mittens has decided to formally endorse John McCain today. We miss you, Mittens! Don’t surrender like this to the McCain 9/11 Terrorists! Seeing your name in the news again… oh, the tears of loss have suddenly returned. [AP/Breitbart]