mitt romney
Here is something nice to wash the awful taste of this morning out of your mouth: Congressional Democrats led by Pete Stark have introduced legislation graciously allowing Mitt Romney an out on his latest flip-flop (the one where he was for moms after he was against them), by amending federal welfare requirements so parents of [...]
Hey, what’s tackier than constructing a nauseating black-and-gold skyscraper in New York City dedicated to your weenie? Nothing. But check out this children’s cake that sparkly bronze television choad Donald Trump and his wife, Mrs. Wife, gave Ann Romney at the birthday party they threw for her last night. That’s Ann, the Republican nominee for [...]
Casually loathed industrialist Mitt Romney and his wife Ann, a stay-at-home mother of five middle-aged men, recently allowed the soothing but cunning Diane Sawyer unfettered access to the Romney home, raw and uncut, so that Mitt could remind the American public, again, of why they’re still not that into Mitt Romney. Okay, presumably that wasn’t [...]
And there was John Boehner, all alone at the Capitol Hill Club at 8 a.m., loadin’ up at the bar for another day of his miserable life. “Who’s president… I should be… the pressydent,” he slurred, nine empty bottles of Sutter Home merlot on his either side. “Hey who’re you asshole,” he says to the [...]
Man you guys, all the former GOP presidential candidates, like Herb Cain and Newt Gingrich and Ol’ Smegma Lips over there, are having such a hard time dealing with the cold FACT that they are losers, who lost, because people like them even less than they like Mitt Romney! Herb Cain is trying to keep [...]
Ramesh Ponnuru wants you to stop worrying about this so-called “gender gap,” Mitt Romney, because it does not actually “exist.” The evidence that Romney is lagging in the polls because voters are upset about a “war on women” — rather than because of a bruisingly negative primary campaign or the recovering economy — is pretty [...]
PALM BEACH, Fla. – Willard Romney took a moment out of his daily dog and pony show to deliver some real ideas a la Romney. This wasn’t a typical Romnification of bullshit jib jab. These were actual ideas coming from the Republican contender. This was a closed-door fundraiser that was held by some of Romney’s [...]
Ann ‘Quintomom’ Romney, an unemployed housewife with five children, has recently gained recognition due to her stressed domestic situation. With a husband on the road almost seven days a week, she doesn’t have a chance to have any ‘Ann Time.’ When her story took to the air, the heartstrings of a selfless job creator were [...]
Presumptive Republican presidential nominee and man-shaped pile of hair gel Mitt Romney needs some more scratch, fellows, and so his surrogates are passing around a nifty Kickstarter-style menu of fabulous prizes you could get if you had 50,000 clams that for some weird reason you did not need for shelter, food, or four months worth [...]
Well this is unfortunate. After the Great Mommy War (Redux) of Two-Thousand-And-Twelve, which pitted the Sanctity of Motherhood and America against one lesbo (and Barack Obama), and which was second only to the Great Wonkette Commenter Riots for the year’s most devastating skullfucking and bloodshed, it seems General Romney may have turncoated his own once-firmly [...]
The Moms can really hotfoot it, but we have tracked them down with illegal surveillance tools: They are in St. Louis at an NRA convention, listening to every paranoiac in the country spout off about and/or purchase as many guns as possible. If the Moms are safe anywhere, it’s surely at a convention of gun [...]
We have been suggesting it for years: Palin/Santelli ’12. Santelli/Shimkus ’12. Becton/Santelli ’12. Newt/Santelli ’12. Sanford/Santelli ’12. Cornyn/Santelli ’12. “Jessie”/Santelli ’36. Mitterand/Santelli ’12. Eastman/Santelli ’12. Cheney/Santelli ’12. MAIL MAN/Santelli ’12. Jim Ready/Sanelli ’12. This is just a small sample of our recommendations. But now it is time to act. CNBC ranter jackass Rick Santelli, the [...]
