mitt romney

Obviously we’re no fans of Mitt Romney here, but we sort of admire his pluck, his willingness to try to force his robotic exterior into human-like behavior, like trying to be down with the kids by quoting their hippity hop songs. A few days ago, he had a dancing module added so he could show […]

It would be so exciting to live in a country where “Obamacare Medical Codes Confirm: Execution by Beheading To Be Implemented in America”, but PolitiFact says no, we cannot live there because there is a fire on its pants. Why is PolitiFact so mean to our childlike sense of wonder and our precious need to […]

We’re going to assume that, even though it includes that image up there (minus Derpy Hooves, of course), this post on today’s Washington Free Beacon is not actually joking in naming Mitt Romney 2013′s “Man of the Year.” And to think, they’re only a year behind Yr Wonkette; we declared Mitt the Hu-Man of the […]

Happy Solstice, you ugly vile little snark mob! Welcome to yet another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we steam-clean our browser tabs, clearing out a bunch of stories that weren’t worth a full post on their own, but too stoopid to ignore altogether. Then we serve up the resulting sludge up for you to […]

One man… born with a silver spoon up his ass… risked a small fraction of his donors’ vast fortunes… for reasons that were never entirely clear… “If you lose, the country may think of you as a laughing stock… and that’s okay.” But only after he failed spectacularly… did he realize… that running for president […]

Rick Santorum has given it a lot of thought, and he’s figured out that if the true results of the 2012 Iowa Caucus had been reported right away, he’d have been the guy to win the Not Romney Sweepstakes, get the nomination, and lose to Barack Obama. “Had he lost Iowa, then the air of […]

Average guy Mitt Romney and his wife Egg went on the CBS This Morning teevee Showcase of Disgrace to talk about why he lost so badly in the last “America’s Next Top Figurehead” contest. Oddly, he said a thing that is arguably true: “The place that my campaign and I fell short was probably in […]

Good news, Republicans! You know how you keep losing the lady vote and you cannot understand why oh why that is so, because golly gee, telling lady voters they will lose their health care and they should say, “Thank you, God, for sending me this nice rapist’s baby” and “You can’t have equal pay for […]

You’ve probably been staying up late, losing sleep, wondering how Mittens could have lost in 2012 so bad and also, too, whatever became of the dream team that was supposed to get him elected King of America. Well, worry no more because those dudes are keepin’ on keepin’ on, coming up with fresh hot new […]

Welcome to a Very Special Armistice Day Edition of Derp Roundup, our weekly accumulation of arglebargle that was too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite enough to do a full post on. Let’s ring in the Derp with this bit o’ conspiracy theorizin’: Mitt Romney mighta won the 2012 election if only that power-mad […]

There’s a new book out about the 2012 election that made Barack Obama dictator for life (again) and exiled Mitt Romney to the wolf-stalked beaches of Southern California. It’s called “Double Down,” probably after the KFC bacon and cheese and two hunks of fried chicken instead of bread sandwich, because like the sandwich it appeals […]

We here at Wonket love… no, we luurrrvvveee hypocrisy. It feeds us, sustains us, amuses us, and gives us a reason for getting up every morning… that and whiskey. And there is no better source of hypocrisy than Sen. David Vitter (R-LA), who has once again taken a break from putting his ‘family values’ wenis […]

Our story about the organizers of the “Million” Vet March distancing themselves from last Sunday’s teabagger rally in Washington DC — they were shocked, SHOCKED! that it turned “political” — drew a rather unhappy comment from a participant who just wants to clear up a few things! “Nospinplease” writes: This is ridiculous. People who are […]

Egg Romney woke up to a new and strange feeling. Could it be? She wiggled her toes, grazed her fingers on the 1000-count sheets, interwoven with threads of gold. For once, the gosh darn sheets weren’t abrading her ultrasensitive skin. Why, they almost felt soft! Egg Romney wrinkled her little princess nose. She smelled something […]

His Lord High Hairgel, Mittens of Romney, last week: