mitt romney

Are you following the failboat that is the Sochi Olympic readiness thus far? Journalists have arrived to super fun neato things like their phones being hacked pretty much the second they touch Russian soil or finding out that if they go elsewhere for awhile, their hotel rooms just get rented to someone else in their […]

Oh Mittens. Why couldn’t you just get fat and sassy and grow a beard like other presidential losers, huh? Oh that’s right – because staying out of the public eye and not griping about being a sore loserman takes class, and perhaps that program hasn’t been uploaded yet. Instead, you are still rehashing things that […]

So here is Mitt Romney playing straight man to Jimmy Fallon, making a generically pleasant call for an “end to all the partisan bickering in Washington” and plugging the Netflix documentary about Mitt Romney. There’s even a little “47%” joke in there. It’s not a bad performance for the Mittbot; he seems reasonably un-stiff, and […]

“We need to do a better job of appealing to women, minorities, and young people,” said every self-aware Republican after Mitt Romney and a bunch of other 2012 GOP candidates fed themselves feet first into the great wood-chipper of American Democracy. From “self-deport” to “binders full of women” to “who let the dogs out?”* with […]

So you are Chris Christie. Your once-bright career is falling apart before your eyes, all because you closed a bridge in a fit of unexplainable pique, thanks to the fact that you are an inveterate bully. Oh, and you also may have blocked Hurricane Sandy aid to one of your own cities, but c’mon! That’s […]

You don’t even need to open this week’s Sunday New York Times to know that it is going to be wall-to-wall Chris Christie. First there was the news that he may have blocked Hurricane Sandy aid to Hoboken because the mayor there didn’t love Chris Christie’s real estate development as much as she should have, […]

Remember when Obama was going to singlehandedly fix everything that was wrong with America, with socialism? And everyone would feel a great awakening of consciousness, and all our old hatreds would vanish, and we’d all become One in a vast field of organic fair-trade ironic mustaches? That didn’t happen, but at least the National Labor […]

Obviously we’re no fans of Mitt Romney here, but we sort of admire his pluck, his willingness to try to force his robotic exterior into human-like behavior, like trying to be down with the kids by quoting their hippity hop songs. A few days ago, he had a dancing module added so he could show […]

It would be so exciting to live in a country where “Obamacare Medical Codes Confirm: Execution by Beheading To Be Implemented in America”, but PolitiFact says no, we cannot live there because there is a fire on its pants. Why is PolitiFact so mean to our childlike sense of wonder and our precious need to […]

We’re going to assume that, even though it includes that image up there (minus Derpy Hooves, of course), this post on today’s Washington Free Beacon is not actually joking in naming Mitt Romney 2013′s “Man of the Year.” And to think, they’re only a year behind Yr Wonkette; we declared Mitt the Hu-Man of the […]

Happy Solstice, you ugly vile little snark mob! Welcome to yet another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we steam-clean our browser tabs, clearing out a bunch of stories that weren’t worth a full post on their own, but too stoopid to ignore altogether. Then we serve up the resulting sludge up for you to […]

One man… born with a silver spoon up his ass… risked a small fraction of his donors’ vast fortunes… for reasons that were never entirely clear… “If you lose, the country may think of you as a laughing stock… and that’s okay.” But only after he failed spectacularly… did he realize… that running for president […]

Rick Santorum has given it a lot of thought, and he’s figured out that if the true results of the 2012 Iowa Caucus had been reported right away, he’d have been the guy to win the Not Romney Sweepstakes, get the nomination, and lose to Barack Obama. “Had he lost Iowa, then the air of […]

Average guy Mitt Romney and his wife Egg went on the CBS This Morning teevee Showcase of Disgrace to talk about why he lost so badly in the last “America’s Next Top Figurehead” contest. Oddly, he said a thing that is arguably true: “The place that my campaign and I fell short was probably in […]

Good news, Republicans! You know how you keep losing the lady vote and you cannot understand why oh why that is so, because golly gee, telling lady voters they will lose their health care and they should say, “Thank you, God, for sending me this nice rapist’s baby” and “You can’t have equal pay for […]