mitt romney
The Year In Sesame Street Evil
First they came for Big Bird, and we did not care, because dude, old news. (Little known fact: if you stop funding the NEA, Sesame Street and Planned Parenthood, there would be enough budget left over to fund at least three GSA conventions.) They ALWAYS come for Big Bird, because sharing = communism, everybody knows [...]
Mitt Romney Didn’t Want To Be President Anyway, You Jerks
Whatever, being president is dumb. Who would want that anyway? I’m glad I didn’t get to be president. I’m going home. And give me my basketball back! These are the thoughts of one Willard Romney, per his son of equally silly name, Taggert, who told the Boston Globe that, like, whatever man, Dad didn’t even [...]
Mitt Romney Grifted Your Yearly Salary In The Time It Takes To Read This Headline
One thing we have learned in the past few years of grifter politics is that rich people are way way better at grifting than poor slobs like us. You are probably just too fucking lazy to figure out how to get someone to buy you $150,000 worth of clothes for a job you did not [...]
Sad Slob Mitt Romney Just Deliberately Messing With Our Heads Now
Hey, remember that Mitt Romney guy? Yeah, us neither, really, but apparently he was expecting to be president, since it was his birthright or something? And now, he’s just wandering around in a sad daze, with only his hundreds of millions of dollars for company. Poor dude. So like any US American who’s feeling a [...]
Ann And Mitt Romney Adjust To Sad Lonely Life Of Regular Old Centi-Millionaires
Mitt Romney is SO VERY SAD, you guys. All he wanted was to be President. That’s it. He had a dream, just a simple dream, and You People crushed it. So now he spends his days alone, shuffling around in his $1000 bathrobes, talking to secret service personnel that aren’t there. And Ann! This has [...]
Romney Face Tattoo Guy: Another Proud Republican Stumbles
Oh god Romney/Ryan face tattoo guy. We had hoped never ever to write about this guy, and somehow managed to escape writing about him the first time around. So, in case you’re just joining us, a brief recap. Dude auctioned off his noggin to the highest bidder, and said highest bidder wanted him to get a [...]
Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him
Mitt Romney was lonely. A week after the election, and all anybody was laughing at was Karl Rove and Fox News and Dick Morris and Gallup, and people had kind of forgotten Mitt himself, the onetime standard-bearer of the GOP. Had he himself not shit the bed? Was he not the master of his own [...]
Tea Party Learns Its Painful Electoral Lesson: That Mitt Romney Was Too Moderate
It is so much fun to watch the Party of Personal Responsibility point fingers and self-implode, isn’t it? It certainly is! Today’s finger-pointing blame-game session comes courtesy the Tea Party, which has engaged in about a week of sober reflection and concluded that the GOP lost because Mitt was too moderate. No, really: Tea party [...]
Romney’s Expensive Computer Get-Out-The-Vote Effort Explodes Miserably, Like Rest Of Romney Campaign
You can find just about anywhere on the Internet right now important stories about how Team Obama used a bunch of high-tech gee-whiz computer business to analyze huge amounts of data on voters and contributors and get them out to the polls, both in 2008 and 2012. Well, the Republican establishment wasn’t about to take [...]
Come, Drink In Delusional Mitt Romney’s Election-Night Sadness With Us
Oh boy, we have now reached our favorite part of the election cycle: the end! It’s great because (a) the stressful part is over and (b) all the low-level staffers for both campaigns start telling secrets to the reporters that they most want to sleep with. And so it was that the lucky folks at [...]
Hero Boss Fires 22 Employees, For America And Patriotism
Well, David Siegel, whom people jumped all over just because he plagiarized a hilarious chain letter and threatened to fire all his employees if B. Barry Bamz won the ‘lection, in favor of holing up in his 5000 room mansion, has changed his tune and will not be firing all his employees to make a [...]
blog advertising is good for you
