It took us so long to check it out, but we finally did, and guess what? Mitt Romney’s “Free and Strong America PAC” website has any number of funnies! There are all these videos of him yelling at Obama for doing things that Mitt Romney did like 20 times when he was governor of Massachusetts. And then he always asks for money to support whatever he needs money for. (The best is probably the one where he goes nuts about cap-and-trade supposedly costing every person $1,700 dollars, after which he requests $5,000 donations.) But let’s check out this dongle he links to at Human Events, an op-ed by Mittens himself: “Iran: Biggest Threat Since Soviets.” MORE »

Things are getting so out-of-hand that the forecasters at “Team Romney” are having to step in and act like adults: “There are cooler heads: Former Mitt Romney spokesman Kevin Madden passed along some entirely unheeded advice from another Republican strategist, Scott Stanzel: ‘Note to GOP officials/consultants - resist temptation to pile on about Chicago losing just becuz Obama made the pitch.’” MORE »

Ted Kennedy might have a mean old liberal Democrat replacement in the Senate soon! All the Massachusetts legislature must do is change the comical law that Ted Kennedy forced it to enact in 2004, the one that prevented Gov. Mitt Romney from appointing a Republican to President John Kerry’s Senate seat. The legislature has moved up a hearing from October to early September on a bill that would allow Gov. Deval Patrick to appoint a temporary replacement to Kennedy’s seat, immediately. Patrick will be looking for a replacement with such qualifications as the ability to press the “yea” button on a health care reform bill, and nothing else. Would it be hypocritical of the Massachusetts state government to amend this law right now? Yes. Good GOD, yes! But who cares? [Salon/War Room]

ROMNEY’S HOT NEW POTBOILER DUE OUT IN MARCH: Smut merchant Mittens “Willard” Romney will publish a sexy new nonfictional work, No Apology: The Case for American Greatness, an unapologetically graphic 304-page how-to guide to Tantric brain-sex with the awesomest nation on earth. Reserve your copy now! [NBC's Newly Redesigned Local News Sites, Which Are So Purty]

Somehow it seems unlikely that this dude, who vows not to read Wonkette ever again, has read much of it in the past. MORE »

Mitt Romney thinks he can get elected the Republican president of the United States someday, even though he served as the governor of the People’s Republic of Taxachusetts and instituted a Cuban healthcare regime while in office. To commemorate his unhappy tenure as a hostage of the Massachusetts state legislature’s overwhelmingly Democratic majority, the state unveiled an official portrait of the former governor yesterday. If he looks uncomfortable, it’s because of the rectal spindle that attaches him to the desk. UPDATE: MORE »

[LINK BAN OFF, their trolling has won this battle] Local Internet site The Politico has written “one of those stories they write,” oh boy. Barack Obama is terrible! “Call it the politics of personal perfection. The Barack Obama brand is as much about being a personal example to the nation as it is about being a political figure. But the danger of that frothy mix of glamour and domesticity is that President Obama could become in the public mind something he never sought to be: the Martha Stewart of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. And political veterans say the fine line between what’s inspiring and what’s annoying can be difficult to spot in advance.” Here are their stories. MORE »

John Ensign, yep, he’s got the scandals. Oh and this Mark Sanford, yes, he is flying back and forth to Argentina to have sexytime with Ms. Not His Wife. Hmm, what other GOP 2012 name is plagued by “tabloid scandals” — the one who steals Neiman Marcus clothes and made a Sex Den for her teen-aged daughter and spends all her time yelling at a late-night talk show host? EXTRA HINT TO RICH “STARBURST” LOWRY: You cum in your slacks when you see her on the teevee. [The Corner]

First: HOW HOT is Mittens in high definition? Mmm, 1080p of crisp, orange-pored lies. But what does he want? It’s a contest! Mittens knows that there are radical terrorists literally everywhere trying to end America and specifically you. What we need now, Mittens suggests, are more Essays. An Essay Contest. Winner gets to sit on his lap at the baseball field. MORE »

Have you ever gone to a buffet and seen, say, three dishes such as lobster, chocolate cake, and cocaine, and wondered which of these delights to sample first? That is precisely the dilemma facing Republican voters as they ponder the upcoming 2012 general election, which starts in precisely one thousand-ish days. MORE »

When Mitt Romney nears an election of his — only four more years-ish! — he transforms into his super-funny lying clown alter ego, “Mittens,” who literally believes in nothing and will simply invent exquisite lies or make fun of Bob Dole if that’s what’s demanded of him in the very short term. He’s harmless and terrible. Now he is selling all of his residences, because having lots of houses was embarrassing for John McCain for about hmm, a week?, last year. Which house is he keeping? The summer vacation home in… New Hampshire, of course! Why he just woke up one morning and decided he wanted to “winter” in the summer home from now on! [Hotline]