mitt romney
Maybe Mitt Romney’s multiple years of screaming for Detroit to go bankrupt as rapidly as possible are becoming a net-negative, pollingwise, or maybe the people of Michigan simply feel that Mitt Romney is a useless lying fraud, as people do everywhere. Whatever the case, he’s now losing badly in his latest “firewall” state, Michigan, where [...]
The New York Times created its own little Lifetime movie recently by visiting wonderful, cold, middle-class Chisago County, Minnesota, which gave 57 percent of itself over to Rick Santorum in last week’s caucus. There, the reporters asked some Americans how they felt about the government, and of course many of them said they hated it, [...]
Your Wonkette was performing its routine of googling “Romney” at the start of each morning for daily affirmation when lo, what was this third result that appeared? “SpreadingRomney.com,” a dictionary page defining the verb “Romney” as “defecating in terror.” This refers to his dog on top of the family car. When will the Internet grow [...]
Your Wonkette was walking through the hallway at CPAC on Friday only to find this pagan shouting dance underway to celebrate Mitt Romney, conservatives’ cherished leader.
Here, via Operative/”Wonkette Guy” Garrett Quinn, is a photo of Mitt Romney after taking off all of his clothes and human skin. “TICKETS, TICKETS” he was demanding like a lunatic. No one knew what he was talking about. Mitt, get your clothes back on! “FISH HEADS, FISH HEADS, FEED MY SKULL FISH HEADS,” he then [...]
Mitt Romney has so many children, he must like sexytime at least a little bit, right? No. Mitt Romney is so prim and sexless, his wife actually had to “be the man” when they made the pregnancies. (Weird religious stuff, never mind.) But Mitt Romney does love money! It is the only thing he has [...]
Finally, some action! The Occupy people have reached CPAC and are protesting around this cute kitty furry structure near the driveway. So far no murders, but maybe if the kitty keeps squeezing that worker? Squeeze the worker, Garfield, squeeze him for every last Amero! Oh and that fellow with the long hair at the bottom [...]
Here’s the beloved Conservative Comedian, Brad Stine, giving his lighthearted send-off to CPAC 2012 DAY 1 yesterday. Your Wonkette would’ve gone to watch him personally but was busy doing anything else. What’s his joke? Americans are such wusses now with their basic car safety measures. Ha! Ehh. If you listen really closely you can hear [...]
As the undisputed loser of three crucial Republican head-on collisions this week, Mitt Romney can’t be blamed for turning his campaign into something of a fire sale. This is America, kiddos. ABC, Always Be CLOSING. Mitt is a businessman, allegedly, so he knows that if no one (literally!) is buying what you’re selling, well, it’s [...]
Whoa hey, look at those numbers in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado for Mittens. Two out of three isn’t so bad. And the sheer numbers of votes — tens and hundreds of thousands! What a world. The only problem is that those are his numbers from the 2008 primary cycle, when he still ended up losing [...]
Uhh, wasn’t this supposed to be wrapped up by now? No. Not when all your candidates are so terrible. Rick Santorum is back in the race, in other words. He won Missouri! That’s … let’s see, 55% for Santorum, which is DOUBLE Mitt Romney’s second place finish. Meanwhile, in the “near the Mormons” state of [...]
One unfortunate Mitt Romney supporter in Florida seems to have discovered a novel way of getting kicked out of a campaign event: Alan Reynolds showed up to a Mittens rally with a sign bearing the (mysterious?) collection of words, “Tea Party Includes Cuban Coffee Romney.” NOT COOL, said Romney campaign staff. Because Mitt Romney does [...]
Rick Santorum is going to ruin America tonight! No but listen: The nominating contests in Colorado, Missouri, and Minnesota tonight are non-binding, inconsequential in general because Mitt Romney will still win the nomination, and… dumb… we don’t know… but will possibly have the effect of crowning Rick Santorum as the main alternative to Mittens, which [...]
The famous “in-flight magazine of Joe Lieberman and Air Force One,” The New Republic, wants to make you vomit blood for the next week. This is the only explanation for its most recent cover, in which a 400-year-old black-and-white space dragon is depicted and weighed as a possible victor over Barack Obama in the upcoming [...]
Here’s some more awkward humor from the robot comedy that is Mitt Romney’s 2012 ascent to the GOP nomination: Mittens actually did worse on Saturday in the Nevada GOP caucus than he did back in 2008. This time around, “Inevitable Willard” got 50.1%, or a little less than his winning total back in the 2008 [...]
