Tag Archives: mitt romney

  Cooking The Books

Mean New York Times Won’t Let Ted Cruz Cheat His Way Onto Bestseller List

To Grift, or not to Grift...
Oh, see how the liberal New York Times is mistreating and suppressing Ted Cruz! Outrageous! Horrors! His publisher sold a bejillion copies of his new book-shaped object, A Time For Truth: Reigniting the Promise of America, but is the Times giving it the place it deserves on the Bestseller list? Obviously it is not, because the New York Times just hates books by conservatives, like Chris Kyle’s American Sniper (still on the combined book/ebook list after 72 weeks) or David Brooks’s The Road To Character, or Ann Coulter’s Adios, America!, (currently #6 and #11 on Hardcover nonfiction). Read more on Mean New York Times Won’t Let Ted Cruz Cheat His Way Onto Bestseller List…
  He made it the old fashioned way

Jeb Bush Tax Returns Reveal He’s F*cking Rich

Only in America
There’s one thing Jeb Bush learned real good from Mitt Romney, besides how to flip flop around like a dying fish on even the simplest of questions, and that is: don’t try to hide how rich you are. You are rich, and everyone knows it, so don’t be all mysterious and defensive because you’ll be asked about it for the rest of your life. (We’re still waiting for Mitt to let us see his tax returns so we can calculate approximately how much of his cash is stashed in the Cayman Islands.) Read more on Jeb Bush Tax Returns Reveal He’s F*cking Rich…
  You go first

Republicans Decide Time Has Come To Take Sorta Brave Stand Against Confederate Flag

(not one of the trucks in question, for you sticklers for accuracy)
Seems like only yesterday, Republicans were afraid to follow in the footsteps of Mitt Romney and tell South Carolina to take down its Confederate flag. Who’s to say the flag is hate, not heritage? (Everyone.) And now isn’t the right time for that discussion anyway. (Yes it is.) And South Carolina doesn’t need the rest of the country, especially not presidential candidates, telling it what to do. (Clearly, it does.) And, as South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham has said, the state’s compromise — to fly the flag and have a memorial for African Americans — works JUST FINE. (Uh huh.) Read more on Republicans Decide Time Has Come To Take Sorta Brave Stand Against Confederate Flag…
  Why Would A Racist Give *Us* Money?

Charleston Killer’s Favorite Racist Gave A Bunch Of Money To Top Republicans, Oops

Just a racist, his gun, his flag, and his spring planting project
By now you’ve probably read about what’s believed to be Dylann Roof’s idiot manifesto, detailing all his insights into The Blacks and The Jews. It’s the usual loathsome pile of racist crap, but he does at least let us know where he got a lot of his ideas: from the Council of Conservative Citizens (CCC), the modern version of what used to be the “White Citizens Councils” of the ’50s and ’60s. And here’s a heck of a thing: Earl Holt, the leader of the racist group, has given buttloads of money to Republican candidates in the last few years, not that they agree with him, oh no no no, he’s despicable. But he has a checkbook. Read more on Charleston Killer’s Favorite Racist Gave A Bunch Of Money To Top Republicans, Oops…
  Profiles In Cowardice

GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney

Time to put that sucker out
You wouldn’t think calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from the grounds of South Carolina’s state capitol would be a difficult thing to do, especially for those who believe they are bold and brave enough to be this nation’s next president. We’re not in the habit of honoring our enemies by flying their flags or building memorials to their fallen, after all, so it stands to reason that state-sanctioned deference to the traitors who declared war on the United States would be easily recognized as, well, un-American. Read more on GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney…
  Show us on the doll where Obama touched Lady Liberty

Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse

Pollsters are hilarious sometimes. Talking Points Memo has the results of a new poll from Public Policy Polling, asking people which do they like better:  The Duggar family, kid-touching and all, or Barack Obama? You will be so shocked to find out that a full 67% of folks who voted for Mitt Romney in 2012 still like the Duggars better than Obama, whereas 87% of Obama voters think Obama is better than kid-touchers and the people who cover for them. THERE’S YOUR PARTISAN DIVIDE, AMERICA. Read more on Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse…
  Meanwhile Hillary's measuring the drapes

Mitt Romney’s Summer Camp Teaches Republicans How To Lose Like Mitt Romney

We're laughing at you, not with you
Doesn’t this sound like a marvelous time? Sunning and funning and fancy horseback riding at a luxurious five-star lodge in Deer Valley, Utah, and learning how to not become president, from America’s foremost expert himself, Mitt Romney! Read more on Mitt Romney’s Summer Camp Teaches Republicans How To Lose Like Mitt Romney…
  She might not even vote for him

Rick Santorum Has One Supporter In Iowa, And Her Name Is Peggy

Can't go wrong with the classics
Poor Rick Santorum. He has been trying so hard to get somebody to care about the fact that he is running for president, but nobody does. And in a race to see which GOP candidate can out-wingnut them all, by hating the gays and the ‘bortions and the Messicans THE MOST, Santorum loses, not because his heart isn’t in the right place, but because he comes across as sad and pathetic. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel! The light’s name is Peggy, and she is Santorum’s one supporter: Read more on Rick Santorum Has One Supporter In Iowa, And Her Name Is Peggy…
  actuarial tables are so mean

GOP Full Of Olds Who Will Die Soon, Says Science

These ladies were never part of the GOP base.
According to an article in Politico, the GOP may have a bit of a problem going into the 2016 election, and it’s not that all their candidates are morons who frighten the American people, though that is also an issue. Rather, it’s that many of the people who make up their core voting base are Olds, which means statistically, they may die before they can bring Mike Huckabee the victory his heart desires: Read more on GOP Full Of Olds Who Will Die Soon, Says Science…
  Here have some news n stuff

Sore Loser Mitt Romney Loses Again, Like A Loser

Loser. Again.
Shocking news! Perpetual loser Mitt Romney, who swears he’s done losing presidential elections but we’re not sure we believe him because he is Mitt Romney and he loves losing and we love watching him lose, did not win his charity pretend boxing match against actual boxer Evander Holyfield. Holyfield graciously did not grind his bones into dust and even allowed Romney to land a punch, out of pity we guess, before Romney — who has apparently named himself “The Glove,” how original — surrendered, maybe so he could wrap up the night and put his apparently drunk wife to bed. Romney also delivered some “jokes” after the match, we guess because he’s still trying to prove he has a personality, sigh: Read more on Sore Loser Mitt Romney Loses Again, Like A Loser…
  let's challenge her to a rap battle

Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
WELL HELLO THERE, Wonketariat! It is Sunday, which means it’s time for us to go to brunch and also gossip with you about the week’s top stories, but before we get to that, we feel compelled to quickly discuss the picture above, which Ann Romney, wife of Mitt, shared on the Twitter after her husband’s charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield. Is Ann Romney in a gang now? PROBABLY, because she is so street. She told the Twitter that she was very excited to be part of “Mitt’s posse.” Anybody who coughs up a video of Romney (husband OR wife) twerking wins an “Obamaphone.” Read more on Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Mitt 2016!

Mitt Romney Has ‘Thoughts’ On Baltimore And Hillary Clinton, Still Not Running For President (Wink Wink)

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comIf you are a perpetual loser of the Republican persuasion, there’s really no better place to go for some tender loving ball-fondling than Fox News. So Mitt Romney spent some quality time with “Fox & Friends” non-blond host Brian Kilmeade, to talk about his big charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield later this month, and to sneak in a “serious conversation about what’s happening in the country, and what’s happening in politics”: the alleged murder-by-cop of Freddie Gray in Baltimore; how much Hillary Clinton sucks; the Republican Party’s need for a fresh face like, say, Jeb Bush; and how beloved he and Ann are (no, he is not joking). Read more on Mitt Romney Has ‘Thoughts’ On Baltimore And Hillary Clinton, Still Not Running For President (Wink Wink)…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Murder The ATF And Its Jackbooted Thugs

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Emboldened by last week’s victory for the rights of gun-humpers to be able to ALSO be able to hump bullets, Field Marshall Sarah Palin presses forward. She has offered the Kenyan tyrant Obama clear and simple terms: abolish the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF), and we will spare you our screeching. And, instead of listening to her, the Kenyan tyrant sits alone in his empty palace, a place that collaborators and the weak-willed still call the White House, and he does NOTHING. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Murder The ATF And Its Jackbooted Thugs…
  Here have some news n stuff

The Way Jeb Bush Is F*cking Up, You’d Think He Was Already Running For President

Maybe the not so S-M-R-T one
Jeb Bush — who has got to be tired by now of being laughingly referred to as “the smart one,” but screw him, let’s never stop doing that, he IS supposed to be the smart one, isn’t he? — has had a lot of campaign problems for a guy who hasn’t officially launched his presidential campaign yet. Here’s his latest: Read more on The Way Jeb Bush Is F*cking Up, You’d Think He Was Already Running For President…
  Trollin' like a BOSS

Obama Rubs Obamacare In Republicans’ Faces Again, What A Bad Man!

President Obama can NOT shut up about how great his precious Affordable Care Act is, just because of how great his Affordable Care Act is. The White House has been in full Hells Yeah! celebration mode, in honor of the fifth anniversary of the law that is going to destroy the nation any day now, and then we’ll see who’s laughing, WON’T WE, AMERICA? (Spoiler: It’ll probably still be Obama.) Read more on Obama Rubs Obamacare In Republicans’ Faces Again, What A Bad Man!…