mitch mcconnell
Mitch McConnell Accidentally Says What He Thinks About Poors and Uninsureds
Here’s something fun about Thursday’s Supreme Court Ruling (which, in case you have been living on Mars in a cave with your fingers in your ears, upheld the Affordable Care Act): it has gotten certain Republicans (like *cough* Mitch McConnell *cough*) so upset that they are going on the teevee and ACTUALLY SAYING WHAT THEY [...]
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell Perhaps Not Totally Upbeat About Romney Victory In November
Really who even cares what dozy question Senate Minority Leader and King of All He Surveys Mitch McConnell was responding to when he said the following about Republican nominee and His Lord High Hairgel Mitt Romney: “He is the leader of our party from now until November,” McConnell said, explaining why he didn’t want to [...]
Senate Celebrates Spring Break With Free Love Festival of Bipartisan Votes
Check out the Senate, guys, they passed two whole major bills on Thursday! Don’t look now, but the JOBS Act to reduce regulations on small businesses and the STOCK Act to prevent insider trading in Congress — both already passed by the House — made it through the Senate by fairly convincing bipartisan margins. Where [...]
Sure, Let’s Spend All Of 2012 Talking About Contraception
Republicans reacted happily to Barack Obama’s Compromise last week on contraception — the big political issue of the day, this day, this 2012 day — in which religious employers were allowed to opt out of covering contraception in health plans and the insurer would pay for it instead. Not “reacted happily” in this sense that [...]
No One Told Us All These Conservatives Would Be At CPAC
Good news: They let us in! Bad News: They let us in. The Marriott Wardman Hotel & Conference Centre is much like a mall where you can’t find anything except the big anchor store, which is Mitch McConnell. But alas, after stepping over a few mass graves, we checked into CPAC for Wonkete.com. Jesus, even [...]
Harry Reid Blows Up Time And Space With Voting Procedure Change Thing
Here are some of the news story quotes we woke up to this morning, GAH: ancient tribal casino chieftain Harry Reid “pulled the nuclear option” trick in the Senate and as a result the entire chamber is now “in chaos,” (because it is enveloped in a giant ball of radioactive flames) and the Republicans are [...]
The Terrorists Win, Because of Casey Anthony
We are still trying very hard to ignore this Casey Anthony thing, but it is difficult to do this when it continues to inspire the minds of Americans with abortion jokes and dumb talking points. Oh, in case you managed to escape this horror, Casey Anthony is a lady from Florida who probably murdered her [...]
Rand Paul Being Mean To Henry Clay Made McConnell Walk Off Senate Floor
Last week, America’s back-alley ophthalmologist senator, Rand Paul, delivered his first speech on the Senate floor. It wasn’t about freedom. It wasn’t about disgusting eye diseases. It was about himself. Paul contrasted himself with famous historyman Henry Clay. According to Rand, he will not make compromises ever, because when Henry Clay did, SLAVERY kept happening [...]
Christmas Monsters Steal Thousands of Toys From Underprivileged Children
Massachusetts police are investigating the theft of approximately 1,500 “Toys for Tots” toys that were supposed to be delivered to needy children rather than thieved. This comes just days after a similar incident in Maine, in which a shrewd entrepreneur silent-auctioned an entire Toys for Tots warehouse on eBay. C’MON AMERICA. Children are already the [...]
South Carolina Honors Treasonous Slaveholders At Debutante Ball
Dust off your fiddle and play a nice slave owner hymn: It’s Secession Remembrance Week in South Carolina! And what better way to honor your treasonous, slave-owning heritage than to attend the magnificent Charleston Secession Ball this evening? (Lindsey Graham will wear his favorite gown, the one made out of ham biscuits. Good luck, eligible [...]
Republicans Reluctantly Agree To Consider Getting Whatever They Want
Senate Republicans foolishly blocked tax cuts for ninety-eight percent of Americans on Saturday, giving Democrats perhaps their greatest legislative victory to date — because now they have the perfect bargaining chip. Yes. Everybody is laughing at Mitch McConnell and all the other spineless Republicans who might compromise their family values and agree to “temporarily extend [...]
John Boehner, Mitch McConnell Will Tell Americans What They Want
Americans have no idea what they want, having given their nation’s leaders no clear mandate for what to do the next few years. So Republicans, as always, will be around to tell Americans what they want. John Boehner and Mitch McConnell are meeting with Barack Obama today to tell him this, and they also put [...]
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