Tag Archives: mistresses

  bundles of joy

Get Ready For Your Close-Up, Tea Bag Pro-Life Congressman Who Pressured His Mistress To ‘Bortion His Baby

Bitches. All you’re trying to do is treat their foot fungus or whatever, and they hold you down and rape you probably, and then they tell you they are on the Pill or something, and then they get your sperm all up in them and it makes a little tiny baby! Obviously it is their fault your wife divorces you after initiating divorce proceedings two years prior when she found out about your first affair (of four). What can a future Tea Bag pro-life Congressman do but record himself on the phone pressuring the succubus-raper to get a ‘bortion of his tiny little Gift from God? Tennessee Congressman Scott DesJarlais, you are a walking Good Decision! Read more on Get Ready For Your Close-Up, Tea Bag Pro-Life Congressman Who Pressured His Mistress To ‘Bortion His Baby…
  of course

Newt Gingrich Committed Adultery Because America Made Him Horny

Presidential candidate/kitsch 1990s artifact Newt Gingrich knows he’s going to have to explain why he had so many affairs when he was trying to remove President Clinton from office for getting a blowjob, and here’s how he explained it to CBN in what appears to be some kind of tractor shed for storing murder victims: “There’s no question that at times in my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard, and that things happened in my life that were not appropriate.” Ah, there you go! Newt was so horny for America he would have sex with anything, and probably even made his mistresses dress up in a map of the United States in the sack so he could act out his fantasy. Newt Gingrich will stop committing adultery as soon as this country stops looking so gosh-darn beautiful! It’s not his fault! Read more on Newt Gingrich Committed Adultery Because America Made Him Horny…
  exciting state scandals

Pennsylvania’s Beauty Queen/Fake Job/Cigar Store/Car Sex Scandal

Hey, here is a sexy state scandal while we wait for Hopey to set up his podium ‘n stuff! Pennsylvania State House Majority Leader H. William DeWeese might have to resign because his chief of staff allegedly hired some youngster he (the chief of staff, Michael Manzo) was banging to do pretty much nothing for $30,000 a year. Because all these people are Democrats, it’s a boring heterosexual affair, and while this story could be improved if the gal had been making, oh, ten times that pitiful amount, we’ll work with it. Hilarious details after the jump. Read more on Pennsylvania’s Beauty Queen/Fake Job/Cigar Store/Car Sex Scandal…
 

RUDY MYSPACE SHOCKER: IS THIS HIS NEW GAL PAL?

So remember how 2008 is going to be so different because of the YouTubes and the MySpaces? Turns out that’s maybe all true! Our first candidate-mistress story backed by a MySpace page that could’ve been set up by literally anyone is here, and it comes complete with softcore half-naked pictures, Larry King and Donald Trump. Meet Starr Shephard, after the jump. Read more on RUDY MYSPACE SHOCKER: IS THIS HIS NEW GAL PAL?…
 

Open Secrets Watch: The New Guy At Interior

Here is a picture of the President with people who have names like “Dirk” and “Butch Otter” and “Spuddy Buddy.” Whoda thunk the Department of the Interior would be a hotbed of scandal? And not that lame, hard-to-follow “corruption” and “bribery” kind of scandal, but honest-to-god sex ‘n’ stuff! Read more on Open Secrets Watch: The New Guy At Interior…
 

Another Day In the Rumor Mill

Cheney rumor we don’t believe: The delay in reporing the incident was to cover up Cheney’s affair with Pamela Willeford. We thought long and hard about this one, and we just can’t wrap our minds around the idea of any heterosexual woman fucking Dick Cheney. Hence, Lynne. Read more on Another Day In the Rumor Mill…