Ron Paul’s supporters are at it again, participating in their Democracy. Even though their guy won less than 5% of the vote in the Missouri Republican primary there on February 5, they made sure to show up for their party caucuses this weekend. And simply by appearing physically at these events, which are normally the exclusive domain of elderly cranks with ham radio hobbies and 40-year unlapsed subscriptions to Reader’s Digest, these civic champions were able to remake the face of the Missouri Republican party. MORE »

*PROHJECKSHINSSS:* It is at least 7:44 a.m., in the morning, right now, and we’re still typing about politics. Why, Mormon Jesus? Why??!? WONKETTE ANGRRRY. Oh yes, the point of this post: Hillary wins Missouri! That was a close one between her and Barry, because… fuck them both. [The Page]

We at Wonkette would like to apologize to you, our readers. We have not had nearly enough coverage of ugly, male politicians and their twisted sexual peccadilloes lately but, between Chris Hansen and Larry Craig, it seemed like they were all keeping their, um, heads down. Luckily for you, the holidays can make a man really lonely for some underage tail, and thus the fuzz nabbed Collins, Missouri mayor* Allen Kauffman. Hey, whaddaya want? At least he’s a Republican.

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A senior administration official groping and kissing his gal employees, the chief executive covering the whole thing up, Democrats calling it worse than Watergate, silence payments made from government checking accounts — this would be the greatest scandal of the year, but it’s just some Missouri governor/agriculture director thing.

But just in case it eventually involves a ritual murder (because otherwise this is never going national), we’ve got the creepy rundown … after the jump.

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According to a Wonkette operative who heard this from two different sources, Republican Senator Kit Bond is going to bail on the Hill and become Chief Lord of the University of Missouri.

In a dastardly move that won’t change the Balance of Power (unless it also involves somebody sneaking into Tim Johnson’s hospital room), Republican and Missourah Guv Matt Blunt will do a Dick Cheney and appoint himself to the Senate seat.

More rumors and a funny picture, after the jump.

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Missouri’s Claire McCaskill made the bold decision to skip the first boring Week of Orientation on the Hill. Why? Promised to go on vacation with her family as a reward to them for not abandoning her during the long campaign. Where? Undisclosed location! MORE »

And With That [NRO Corner]

• New media fails Rick Santorum as his two full-time campaign bloggers can’t find a link to victory. [Blog P.I.]

• Regular basement bloggers thankful for self-aggrandizing post-election rant template. [Mr. Sun]
• One tiny ballot cast for a Democrat, one giant vote for Sean Penn, NAMBLA, the Klu Klux Klan, Pete Seeger, and Kim Jong-Il. [Sweetness & Light]
• Self styled hipster-minister blames Ted Haggard’s gayness on his wife’s refusal to strap it on and get the job done. [Pandagon]
• Supreme Court clerks are in it for the pussy, don’t care if you know. [Above The Law]
• Elvis Aaron Presley: registered voter, Memphis, Tennessee. [Voting in Memphis]
• Missouri Senate race to be decided by which candidate’s pronunciation of the state’s name sounds less like a redneck pig-fucker. [The Right Place]
• Next-to-last day of Katherine Harris’s political career goes swimmingly as she is endorsed by the brothers Bush. [The Swamp]

Missouri Senator Jim Talent was raised by wolves Jews, according to an anonymous and very poorly sourced email we recently received and didn’t bother to check in to: MORE »

We always knew Michael J. Fox was basically in league with the Devil — Mojo Nixon described Fox as “the evil opposite of Elvis, the Anti-Elvis” — but who knew Jesus Christ himself would be coming down to help Rush Limbaugh save the innocent stem cells. MORE »

Dear YouTube user ding1999, MORE »