Republican Missouri State Rep. Caught Banging 14-Year-Old
Thursday, August 7th, 2008
“JEFFERSON CITY — Missouri state Rep. Scott Muschany, R-Frontenac, was indicted today in connection with a reported sexual assault of a 14-year-old girl on May 17, the day after this year’s Legislative session ended.” What, were all the 14-year-old boys already taken by the other celebrating Republican legislators? MORE »
“JEFFERSON CITY — Missouri state Rep. Scott Muschany, R-Frontenac, was indicted today in connection with a reported sexual assault of a 14-year-old girl on May 17, the day after this year’s Legislative session ended.” What, were all the 14-year-old boys already taken by the other celebrating Republican legislators? MORE »
A Wonkette St. Louis Radio Spy sends us a thrilling update on the John Ashcroft Saliva Auction, now taken down from eBay because it was too sexy for mainstream tastes. Our dreams of cloning a personal army of Ashcroft Sex Robots is slowly dimming. The sad report straight from a listener’s ears, after the jump. 
He’s got most of the money remaining in the U.S. economy, and yet. Barack Obama’s plane, a rickety old hackjob called an “MD-80 Midwest charter,” was going to crash into a World Trade Center today en route from Chicago to Charlotte — it was just that broken! Alas, his terrible pilots were forced to make an emergency landing in Missouri. Hey, Missouri… that’s one of those whatchamacallits… border states… slave states… oh that’s right, it’s a swing state. What a fortuitous terrorist crash landing! 
Wonkette Semi-Aquatic Rodent Operative “Claiborne” asks this very important question, and the answer is: because they are terrorists. New evidence reveals that violent extremist muskrats perpetrated 
Wonkette GILF Operative SloppyCronkite sends us this hot tip: “I’m pleased to announced that a possible GILF is running for the governor’s office in Missouri. Her name is Sarah Steelman, so if elected we’d have a glorious two Sarahs as hot governors. Imagine that.” This current state treasurer, like Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, is a Republican. [
Ron Paul’s supporters are at it again, participating in their Democracy. Even though their guy won less than 5% of the vote in the Missouri Republican primary there on February 5, they made sure to show up for their party caucuses this weekend. And simply by appearing physically at these events, which are normally the exclusive domain of elderly cranks with ham radio hobbies and 40-year unlapsed subscriptions to Reader’s Digest, these civic champions were able to remake the face of the Missouri Republican party. 
*PROHJECKSHINSSS:* It is at least 7:44 a.m., in the morning, right now, and we’re still typing about politics. Why, Mormon Jesus? Why??!? WONKETTE ANGRRRY. Oh yes, the point of this post: Hillary wins Missouri! That was a close one between her and Barry, because… fuck them both. [
We at Wonkette would like to apologize to you, our readers. We have not had nearly enough coverage of ugly, male politicians and their twisted sexual peccadilloes lately but, between 
A senior administration official groping and kissing his gal employees, the chief executive covering the whole thing up, Democrats calling it worse than Watergate, silence payments made from government checking accounts — this would be the greatest scandal of the year, but it’s just some Missouri governor/agriculture director thing.
According to a Wonkette operative who heard this from two different sources, Republican Senator Kit Bond is going to bail on the Hill and become Chief Lord of the University of Missouri.