missouri
Theater Just Trying To Give Audiences A Little Fun With Actor Dressed As Gunman, What’s The Big Deal?
The manager of a movie theater that hired an actor dressed as a gunman, like, with a fake rifle and body armor or whatever, to come in and give its Iron Man 3 audiences a little PTSD thrill, is sorry he’s not sorry! Like, what part of “entertainment” do you not understand, Jefferson City, Missouri, [...]
Missouri Bill About Gun Instruction For First Graders Only Half As Awful As It Sounds
It seemed like this thing was gonna be a gimme: Missouri Republican introduces legislation putting an NRA instructor in every first-grade classroom. Start ‘em young, Missouri, just like God and the NRA intended! But then we actually read like a whole paragraph about it, and the thrust is the NRA instructor will actually teach the [...]
Missouri School District Busy Being Awesome at Being Horrible to Poor Kids
So, let’s say you’re a lunch lady. Lunch person, whatever. Just go with it. Now, let’s say you’re a not-gender-specific lunch person working in Missouri. Still with us? Now, because you’re in a red state, you have a ridiculously high percentage of poor kids going through your lunch-scape. Let’s say you’re doing your lunch-providing in, [...]
How Is Todd Akin Helping Claire McCaskill Today?
Oh how SHOCKING! We have just confirmed, via video, that crazy things have been coming out of Todd Akin’s mouth for many years now. For example, did you know that Todd Akin’s daughter writes science fiction stories about a dystopian future wherein child care is widely available and administered with efficiency, and that Todd Akin [...]
Gentleman Scholar Todd Akin Laments Claire McCaskill’s Loss Of Ladydom
Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin is back in the Missouri Senate race … because he never left it, son. Having weathered the storm caused by the liberal media pretending he thinks vaginas are washing machines for rape sperm (truth: he thinks they are car washes for rape sperm), Todd Akin now has to figure out how [...]
Todd Akin Explains Inner Workings of Democracy In Language You Can Understand
Here is a pressing question that might be keeping you up nights, particularly if you live in whatever district in Missouri Todd Akin (R-Ladiesman) represents: What if you want to tell Todd Akin how much he sucks? How do you know he will listen to you and absorb what is sure to be thoughtful and [...]
Ha Ha, Look At How Todd Akin’s Campaign Tries To Spin Losing By 10 Points
This morning a Rasmussen poll came out showing Missouri magical fetal dumphead, Rep. Todd Akin, trailing Sen. Claire McCaskill by 10 percentage points, 48% to 38%. Considering that any GOP Senate candidate who can spell his own name was expected to be leading McCaskill by 10 to 15 points consistently through November, this is considered [...]
Rep. Joe Walsh Just Doesn’t Get Why Everyone Slammed Todd Akin Like That
Now that Missouri’s finest reproductive sorcerer Rep. Todd Akin is “in it,” by which we mean his Senate race, so as “to win it,” we should expect to see many on the right to start saying, oh well, maybe we were too hard on the ol’ galoot after all. It was just one sentence, right? [...]
Phyllis Schlafly And Bryan Fischer Pretty Much Think Todd Akin Is Jesus
Perfidious cockbucket Todd Akin received enthusiastic support Tuesday from noted insane persons Phyllis Schlafly and Bryan Fischer. Remarkably, this is not expected to hurt his chances for election to the US Senate. Reaching previously unplumbed depths of either cluelessness or chicanery — even for her — Ms. Schlafly carefully explained that Akin was not in [...]
Akin Clarifies Clarification: Women Just Constantly Lie About Rape All The Time
Serial fact-raper Todd Akin (R-R’lyeh) has decided, what the hell, since he’s clarifying things, he might as well just clarify a little more. After telling Mike Huckabee that he’s definitely still running for the Senate, and after appearing to momentarily acknowledge biological facts, Akin has now doubled down on the crazy, insisting in an interview [...]
Todd Akin’s Final Answer: He’s In It To Win It! (Also Too, 9/11)
Vaginal magic expert Rep. Todd Akin has just gone on the Mike Huckabee radio show to announce his final decision before today’s 5:00 drop-out deadline and LOL, he’s staying in. The reason is the same as yesterday: 9/11, and how the first responders wouldn’t want him to quit!…?? Hoo boy. We could see this coming, [...]
Todd Akin Straightforwardly Accepts Responsibility For Deeply Loving Rape Victims
Todd Akin has decided to stick with his Senate race in Missouri and ensure that Claire McCaskill gets another six years of Hardball appearances, and his first step to losing is this brilliant ad.
Todd Akin Explains ‘Legitimate Rape’ To Mike Huckabee With Wheelchairs And 9/11
Yesterday, Rep. Todd Akin, who is the GOP nominee for the US Senate in Missouri, made a comment declaring that women who experienced “legitimate rape” could not get pregnant. Today, Man-Who-Used-To-Be-Skinny Mike Huckabee had Akin on his show to handhold him through a damage control interview. About two minutes in, Huckabee asks Akin if he [...]
Missouri Senate Candidate Todd Akin’s Guide to Legitimate vs. Illegitimate Rape
Missouri Congressman and GOP Senate candidate Todd Akin is a brilliant scientist (with a B.S. in something called “Management Engineering”) and is therefore highly qualified to speak on the intricacies of female anatomy, especially when it comes to the heretofore unknown magic powers of the reproductive system. Did you know, for example, that the uterus [...]
What Are Humble Followers Of Jesus Burning To The Ground Today?
A portly neckbearded gentleman with a pink shirt and a blowtorch sets fire to a box of Honey Nut Cheerios to show General Mills that he does not care for its gay-friendly policies. It does not go quite as brilliantly as he planned, thanks to wind and highly flammable sugar. But what else has been [...]
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