Tag Archives: missouri

  fuck the poors

Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries

When I was hungry, you said I needed to show 2 forms of ID to get food.
The Midwestern states sure do seem to be having a contest right now, over who can fuck the poors the baddest and the longest! Missouri gave it a shot, what with that dickhead rep who just wanted to make sure people receiving public assistance couldn’t waste it on seafood. But then Kansas totally took the lead, by passing a bill to ban poors from doing all kinds of things with their precious government-funded riches, like take Caribbean cruises. Gov. Sam Brownback signed the bill because DUH, everybody knows that poor people are always like “Oh I am busy that week, I’m going on a cruise.” But Wisconsin Rep. Jesse Kremer (R-You Knew That) has come up with some shit so demeaning to those struggling with poverty that we are kind of actually dumbfounded, which doesn’t happen often! Read more on Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries…
  Let's Not Jump To Any Conclusions

We Are Sure Entire Missouri Town Had Good Non-Racist Reason For Quitting When Black Lady Elected Mayor

We can see why she'd cause 'safety concerns'
Here’s a fun little political fuck-tussle: In the town of Parma, Missouri (population 713 and reportedly declining), five of the six members of the town’s police department resigned, as did several city officials, just before the town’s first black woman mayor took office last week. Mayor Tyrus Byrd won a recent election by 37 votes against the previous mayor, Randall Ramsey, who had served for a total of 37 years, and apparently the previous administration was just really, really loyal to Randall. Read more on We Are Sure Entire Missouri Town Had Good Non-Racist Reason For Quitting When Black Lady Elected Mayor…
  Right-wing humor is as good as it's always been

Here Are The Racist Emails That Landed Sh*tty Ferguson Officials In The Unemployment Line

Good thing they didn't send their emails to Strongbad, he would have gotten SO MAD.
If former court clerk Mary Ann Twitty, of Ferguson, Missouri, had been paying any attention to Hillary Clinton’s lessons, she might still have a job right now. Same goes for Rick Henke and William Mudd, who used to be police captain and police sergeant, respectively. Instead, it never occurred to them that “hey we send each other racist haw haw jokes all the time, maybe we should delete them, or maybe do this over Snapchat,” and they were relieved of their jobs in March. Well, now we actually get to see the emails! Were they talking about how much they wanted to lynch slaves or how Barack Obama should go back and live with the monkeys in Africa? Less of the former, more of the latter. Read more on Here Are The Racist Emails That Landed Sh*tty Ferguson Officials In The Unemployment Line…
  Let them eat ... the following list of approved poor people food

Missouri D*ckhead Rep. Will Stop Poors From Depleting State’s Sushi Supply

Hi, I'm a douchebag, you can tell by my face.
Missouri state Rep. Rick Brattin is at it again, addressing the the Real Problems affecting his state. Last year, he made news for a bill that would simply require ladies to get permission slips from the men what had made them pregnant, if they wanted all the ‘bortions. If it was rape, he said that as long as the woman proved it, then there would be an exception, so no worries! He’s also a proponent of the completely ineffective and pointless effort to force welfare recipients to have drug tests. Which brings us to today! Brattin has decided that on top of making sure all the poors aren’t on drugs, we should probably make sure they don’t eat any “luxury” foods, like fish, because heaven forfend they make healthy choices. Those are for rich people! Read more on Missouri D*ckhead Rep. Will Stop Poors From Depleting State’s Sushi Supply…
  Billo's Seen Cops Shot Too

Oh, NOW Bill O’Reilly Thinks Irresponsible Words Can Inspire Violence

Call him irresponsible...and he will DESTROY YOU.
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Bill O’Reilly would just like to see a little more responsibility on the part of the media in how they cover sensitive issues, because as he’s recently discovered, language can have consequences! In a piece on the shootings of two police officers in Ferguson early Thursday morning, O’Reilly explained the link between violent words and violent deeds: “As we saw here in New York City, inflammatory rhetoric can get police officers killed.” You know, violent rhetoric like telling your black son that he needs to be extra careful around the police, or saying that police shouldn’t be shooting black people quite so often. Read more on Oh, NOW Bill O’Reilly Thinks Irresponsible Words Can Inspire Violence…
  Maybe More Guns Would Help?

Fox News: Eric Holder Really Should NOT Have Shot Those Cops In Ferguson!

The other chyron for the story: 'Street Justice: Police officers shot in wake of DOJ Report'
While two police officers were still hospitalized after being shot in Ferguson, Missouri, early Thursday morning (they have since been released), and police have no suspects, Fox News and other rightwing sources have identified the true culprits: Attorney General Eric Holder and everyone who’s ever protested against police brutality. Read more on Fox News: Eric Holder Really Should NOT Have Shot Those Cops In Ferguson!…
  Not Helping Not At All

Two Police Officers Shot In Ferguson, Wingnuts Certain Shots Came From White House

Nothing all that funny
Two police officers were shot in front of the Ferguson, Missouri, police department early Thursday morning. The shootings occurred hours after Wednesday’s resignation of police chief Tom Jackson, as protesters near the police department called for additional resignations in Ferguson city government. One officer was shot in the face, the other in the shoulder. Both were hospitalized with injuries that were described as very serious but not life-threatening. The shootings occurred shortly after midnight as the protests appeared to be breaking up. Read more on Two Police Officers Shot In Ferguson, Wingnuts Certain Shots Came From White House…
  don't let the door etc.

Just About Every White Person In Ferguson Resigning For Being A Racist Disgrace

Looks like the end of Close Encounters, only with tear gas.
The fallout continues in the city of Ferguson, Missouri, following the Justice Department’s report on how the city pretty much ran its police force as a revenue-collection operation aimed at transferring money from black citizens to the city’s general fund. On Wednesday, Chief of Police Thomas Jackson announced, “with profound sadness,” that he is resigning, effective March 19. Read more on Just About Every White Person In Ferguson Resigning For Being A Racist Disgrace…
  Not even poetic justice

Scumbag Deadbeat Ferguson Judge Resigns To Spend More Time Not Paying His Taxes

The face of shame
Ronald J. Brockmeyer is the municipal judge in Ferguson, Missouri, who up until about five minutes ago had the nasty habit of tossing the local non-white poors in debtors’ prison for failing to pay their traffic tickets and other minor fees and fines, while, gosh, he was busy fixing his own traffic tickets for himself and his buddies. As one does if one is an actual scumbag, which the Justice Department’s report revealed Brockmeyer indeed is. And not just a scumbag, but a deadbeat scumbag who currently owes more than $170,000 in back taxes, like some kind of guy who doesn’t pay his debts and would probably get himself tossed in jail if he had the misfortune of appearing before a jerk-faced judge like, say, Ronald J. Brockmeyer. Read more on Scumbag Deadbeat Ferguson Judge Resigns To Spend More Time Not Paying His Taxes…
  Ten Thousand Applicants One Cup

Welfare Drug Tests Don’t Work, So Now Republicans Want Them Everywhere

We might go see a band named 'Welfare Piss Test'
In an enormous surprise to nobody who saw it fail miserably in Florida, it turns out that drug-testing applicants for welfare doesn’t work well anywhere else, either. Think Progress reviewed the seven states that currently require applicants for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) and found that they’re all spending a huge amount of money to “ferret out very few drug users.” Imagine that! In addition to being found unconstitutional, at least in Florida so far, the programs don’t find many drug users: a far smaller percentage than in the general population. But that’s not stopping about a dozen other states — including Montana, Texas, West Virginia, and the libertarian paradise that is Wisconsin, of course — from proposing such programs, because slapping poor people around is always politically popular. Read more on Welfare Drug Tests Don’t Work, So Now Republicans Want Them Everywhere…
  Nice time though not for Republicans

Magic Ladyparts Expert Todd Akin Would Like To Try For Senator Again, Yesssssss!

Please come back and keep talking!
Todd Akin — the former Missouri representative, failed senatorial candidate, and expert on how ladies have magic vaginas than can detect and deflect “legitimate rape” sperm to prevent pregnancy (right, THAT guy) — is not going away. Sorry, Republicans, we know how you wish he’d just delete his account and shut up forever and stop making you SOOO embarrassed, but nope, not gonna happen: Read more on Magic Ladyparts Expert Todd Akin Would Like To Try For Senator Again, Yesssssss!…
  Driving While Poor Is The New Driving While Black

Good Old Days Of Debtors Prison Making A Comeback In Ferguson, MO

OK, so the prisoners today don't look much like Mr. Pickwick...
The city of Ferguson, Missouri, sure seems to have a problem with black people, especially when it comes to driving. Which is why the Justice Department is investigating the police department. One big data point: the disparity between traffic citations for black and white drivers. Blacks get ticketed like crazy, and as John Oliver said, white drivers would have to be “snorting cocaine directly off your dashboard” to get stopped by cops. Read more on Good Old Days Of Debtors Prison Making A Comeback In Ferguson, MO…
  False Flag To Make Anti-Vaxxers Seem Sane By Comparison?

Forget Elmo Videos: Teach Kids About Stranger Danger By Kidnapping Them!

Someone on the internet is an evil genius
We’re pretty sure we’ve found Wonkette’s Parents of the Year for 2015. At least we hope nothing tops this: In Lincoln County, Missouri, police have arrested four people in a fake kidnapping plot intended to teach a 6-year-old boy about “stranger danger” because the family thought that the boy was “being too nice” to people he didn’t know. Tell us, CNN, how did the boy’s mother, grandmother, aunt, and a co-worker of the aunt manage to rack up felony charges simply by teaching the child an important lesson about safety? Read more on Forget Elmo Videos: Teach Kids About Stranger Danger By Kidnapping Them!…
  Enjoy your sexytime while you still can

Wannabe Missouri Gov Lady Wishes Liberals Would Stop Porning The Children

She seems nice
Lucky you, Missouri. If you play your voting cards just right, your new governor in 2016 will be this real nice lady, Catherine Hanaway. She has some neat thoughts on sex and liberals and ladies, and sorry, Missouri, but if you elect her, you will probably never have sexytime fun again because she is REALLY against that: Read more on Wannabe Missouri Gov Lady Wishes Liberals Would Stop Porning The Children…
  Guns don't kill people ... oh screw it

The Idiot’s Guide To Gun Storage

good wholesome ugh
Hey Wonkette, didn’t we just talk about Idiots With Guns being Idiots With Guns? Yes we did! But since this is America and small children seemingly have greater access to guns than to decent early childhood education, we had ample opportunity to up the depressing for today’s installment. Read more on The Idiot’s Guide To Gun Storage…
  Revised Revisionist History

Fox Knows Who Is To Blame For Ferguson Riots (It’s Still Eric Holder Obvs)

They just can't seem to quit him
Fox News wasted no time in repackaging the news that the Justice Department is not expected to file civil rights charges against Darren Wilson in the killing of Michael Brown, according to a report in the New York Times, into an astonishingly distorted pack of lies about Ferguson. Yes, we know you’re shocked. Read more on Fox Knows Who Is To Blame For Ferguson Riots (It’s Still Eric Holder Obvs)…
  Cold Dead Hands

Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever

As gun ownership becomes more about making a half-baked political statement predicated on paranoid delusions and industry propaganda, and less about practical matters like hunting and home defense, it stands to reason that gun owners themselves would display an ever-diminishing quotient of common sense. This is just a theory, but damned if the facts on the ground don’t support it. WITNESS: Read more on Gun Roundup: The State Of Our Union’s Gun Nuts Is Stupid As Ever…
  Secrets And Lies

Grand Juror Thinks Ferguson Prosecutor Should Eat A Bag Of Dicks

We concur. Lightly salted rat dicks are called for in this case
You may find this very hard to believe, but it looks like we haven’t heard the final word on the grand jury’s decision not to indict Officer Darren Wilson in the killing of Mike Brown in Ferguson, Missouri. Even though Sean Hannity and the rest of the Fox “News” legal team told us that Darren Wilson had been proven innocent by a flawless grand jury process! Read more on Grand Juror Thinks Ferguson Prosecutor Should Eat A Bag Of Dicks…
  Don't You Boys Know Any Nice Songs?

Cops Laugh And Chortle And Ho-Ho-Ho To Song About Dead Black Boy

I'm not touching you...OK, I'm throwing you to the pavement, but not touching you...
From the “Lighten up, it’s only a JOKE” files, we have this delightful little ditty about “Dead, dead Michael Brown, Baddest thug in the whole damn town,” which was performed at an Elks Lodge in Glendale, California, following a charity golf event on Dec. 15, according to TMZ. The dinner was organized by former LAPD officer Joe Myers, and was attended by between 50 and 60 people, roughly half of whom were retired law enforcement officers. TMZ’s source for the recording is identified only as someone at the event who “videotaped it because they were offended by the song and upset no one was objecting.” You know, a troublemaker who simply doesn’t respect people’s privacy (there’s your lede, Mr. Hannity). Read more on Cops Laugh And Chortle And Ho-Ho-Ho To Song About Dead Black Boy…
  letters from the derp

Sundays With The Christianists: Why ‘Huckleberry Finn’ Is Eeeevil (Not The Reasons You Thought!)

Come back to the drag show agin, Huck honey
We’ve decided that we’re actually rather grateful to wingnut radio preacher Kevin Swanson for writing his bizarre e-screed Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, which makes the case that American and European civilization have been ruined by all of our philosophy and literature. We’d be much better off, Swanson suggests, if we lived like the Puritans, only maybe with the internet so Kevin Swanson could do his podcast and sell ebooks. Why are we grateful to Kevin Swanson? Because his awful little book’s awful chapter on Mark Twain finally reminded us to pick up a terrific biography of Twain’s later life, Mark Shelden’s Mark Twain: Man in White: The Grand Adventure of His Final Years. It’s a heck of a fine book that had been sitting on our shelf just waiting for us to get to it, and it’s a fine reality-based counterpoint to Swanson’s caricature of Twain. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Why ‘Huckleberry Finn’ Is Eeeevil (Not The Reasons You Thought!)…
  outstanding achievements in shitmuffinry

Nominate Your Terrible Local Lawmakers for Legislative Sh*tmuffin of the Year!

It’s that time of year again, Wonketeers! We’re gathering nominations for our coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year award. Competition for 2014 honors in both national and state divisions has been fierce and we want to be sure we don’t overlook any worthy nominees, particularly among those who ply their trade in the state capitol buildings across our great nation. Read more on Nominate Your Terrible Local Lawmakers for Legislative Sh*tmuffin of the Year!…
  'Truth' And 'Lies' Are Such Judgmental Terms

Ferguson Prosecutor: Sure, I Sent Liars To Grand Jury. That’s A Problem Now?

We concur. Lightly salted rat dicks are called for in this case
On Friday, St. Louis County Prosecuting Attorney Robert McCulloch spoke publicly about the grand jury process for the first time since November, when he announced that the grand jury had found officer Darren Wilson a swell guy. He also admitted that he knew that some of the witnesses he put before the grand jury were lying and obviously couldn’t have seen what they claimed. “There were people who came in and, yes, absolutely lied under oath,” he said, and seemed perfectly OK with that, actually. Here’s the full interview: Read more on Ferguson Prosecutor: Sure, I Sent Liars To Grand Jury. That’s A Problem Now?…