Tag Archives: missouri

  SWAT On The Wrist

Justice Department: Maybe Police Treating Ferguson Like Fallujah Was A Bad Idea

A bit like the end of Close Encounters, only with tear gas.
A draft Justice Department report on the police response to demonstrations in Ferguson, Missouri, last summer finds — and we hope you’re sitting down here — that the heavily armed police were heavy-handed in their tactics, poorly coordinated, and tended to make tensions between police and protesters worse. Who’d have guessed? Read more on Justice Department: Maybe Police Treating Ferguson Like Fallujah Was A Bad Idea…
  Farwell To The Keystone Kops Panzer Division

Mean Obama Won’t Let Cops Play With All Their Badass Military Toys

First they came for that camo, and I said nothing...
Just like some mean federal consumer agency taking away all the lawn darts, Killjoy-In-Chief Barack Obama has ended the practice of sending high-end surplus military equipment to local police departments, which is going to put a real damper on the Mayberry P.D.’s plans for an armored assault on Miss Jennifer and Miss Clarabelle’s still. The restrictions were recommended by a task force Obama created in January, which determined that police departments didn’t really need certain types of military-grade equipment, such as “tracked armored vehicles, the highest-caliber firearms and ammunition, and camouflage uniforms.” Read more on Mean Obama Won’t Let Cops Play With All Their Badass Military Toys…
  Old news

Missouri Family Values Republican Sorry For Sexting Co-Ed, Ready To Forget This Ever Happened

He said he's sorry, let it go!
Missouri House Speaker John Diehl — Republican, family man, church-goer, and opponent of marriage equality because “tradition” and “the children” — is very, very sorry y’all found out about his sexxxytime texting with a college freshman and telling her paperback romance novel words like he wants to “leave her quivering” and also looking at pictures of her hot bikini’d bod and such. Read more on Missouri Family Values Republican Sorry For Sexting Co-Ed, Ready To Forget This Ever Happened…
  2 bad 4 u

Family Values Republican Says Marriage Is Only For Straights And Married Dudes Who Sext Interns

Enjoyest thou intern, sayeth the Lord
Oh what have we here? Why, it’s a Republican sex scandal. Our favorite! This time, it’s Missouri House Speaker John Diehl, and he’s been a bad bad boy. According to some ewwww gross texts obtained by the Kansas City Star, Speaker Diehl did all kinds of sexytime talk to a college intern, who was not his wife, Kelly, who is also the mother of their three sons — and no, his office has not yet commented on how will they explain this to THE CHILDREN?! Kelly is not a college freshman at Missouri Southern State University, participating in the internship program, which was suddenly canceled, thanks to Speaker Diehl not keeping his dirty emojis in his pants: Read more on Family Values Republican Says Marriage Is Only For Straights And Married Dudes Who Sext Interns…
  Knock It Off With All The Local Control Will You?

Missouri GOP Knows Cities Can’t Be Trusted To Make Their Own Minimum Wage Laws

You weirdos just knock it off with your local control, OK?
Republicans in the Missouri State Senate are the latest to jump on the trendy new thing where Small Government Conservatives blather on endlessly about the sanctity of states’ rights and local control, and then turn around and pass state laws to prevent towns and cities from passing laws that might differ from Republican policies. If they have their way, local governments will be prohibited from setting their own minimum wage, as well as from restricting use of plastic bags, and maybe other stuff as well. Because freedom and local control are beautiful, except when they aren’t. Read more on Missouri GOP Knows Cities Can’t Be Trusted To Make Their Own Minimum Wage Laws…
  Sincerely Helled Beliefs

Surprise! Satanic Temple Has Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs About Abortion Too

Enough Norman Rockwell, and you're damned forever
We are once again pleasantly gobsmacked by the simple brilliance of our favorite First Amendment trolls, the dead-serious activist/satirists at the Satanic Temple. If Christianists are going to insist that sincerely held religious beliefs give them an opt-out for any law, then by the Hoary Beard of Baphomet, the same should hold for Satanists, which is why the Missouri branch of the Satanic Temple is preparing to sue for the right of a Satanist lady to skip Missouri’s dumb 72-hour waiting period for an abortion. Read more on Surprise! Satanic Temple Has Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs About Abortion Too…
  but if you outlaw baloney only outlaws will have baloney

Heroic Maine Governor Paul LePage Stops Poors From Bogarting The Baloney Slices

Gee willikers golly Jeebus on a cracker, the states of this union are stepping up their game in the eternal contest to see who can fuck the poors with the least amount of lube. If you know Maine’s governor, Paul LePage, you won’t be surprised to hear that his entry into the Fuck The Poors contest is a doozy! Yes, it’s time for another list of Prohibited Poor People Food Theater, everyone follow along closely, because it is stupid and confusing, and it shows the lengths Republicans will go to, in order to curb-stomp poor people. Read more on Heroic Maine Governor Paul LePage Stops Poors From Bogarting The Baloney Slices…
  Mayor For Life

Corrupt Missouri Town Locks Out New Black Lady Mayor. No, A Different Corrupt Missouri Town

you didn't say the secret word
Congratulations, people of Kinloch, Missouri! You found someone willing to undertake the thankless job of small town mayor and you gave her the most votes. But who knew the difficulty of a campaign would pale in comparison to trying to physically enter Kinloch City Hall. Read more on Corrupt Missouri Town Locks Out New Black Lady Mayor. No, A Different Corrupt Missouri Town…
  fuck the poors

Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries

The Midwestern states sure do seem to be having a contest right now, over who can fuck the poors the baddest and the longest! Missouri gave it a shot, what with that dickhead rep who just wanted to make sure people receiving public assistance couldn’t waste it on seafood. But then Kansas totally took the lead, by passing a bill to ban poors from doing all kinds of things with their precious government-funded riches, like take Caribbean cruises. Gov. Sam Brownback signed the bill because DUH, everybody knows that poor people are always like “Oh I am busy that week, I’m going on a cruise.” But Wisconsin Rep. Jesse Kremer (R-You Knew That) has come up with some shit so demeaning to those struggling with poverty that we are kind of actually dumbfounded, which doesn’t happen often! Read more on Wisconsin Rep. Will Card Poors For Food At Their Separate And Unequal Welfare Groceries…
  Let's Not Jump To Any Conclusions

We Are Sure Entire Missouri Town Had Good Non-Racist Reason For Quitting When Black Lady Elected Mayor

We can see why she'd cause 'safety concerns'
Here’s a fun little political fuck-tussle: In the town of Parma, Missouri (population 713 and reportedly declining), five of the six members of the town’s police department resigned, as did several city officials, just before the town’s first black woman mayor took office last week. Mayor Tyrus Byrd won a recent election by 37 votes against the previous mayor, Randall Ramsey, who had served for a total of 37 years, and apparently the previous administration was just really, really loyal to Randall. Read more on We Are Sure Entire Missouri Town Had Good Non-Racist Reason For Quitting When Black Lady Elected Mayor…
  Right-wing humor is as good as it's always been

Here Are The Racist Emails That Landed Sh*tty Ferguson Officials In The Unemployment Line

Good thing they didn't send their emails to Strongbad, he would have gotten SO MAD.
If former court clerk Mary Ann Twitty, of Ferguson, Missouri, had been paying any attention to Hillary Clinton’s lessons, she might still have a job right now. Same goes for Rick Henke and William Mudd, who used to be police captain and police sergeant, respectively. Instead, it never occurred to them that “hey we send each other racist haw haw jokes all the time, maybe we should delete them, or maybe do this over Snapchat,” and they were relieved of their jobs in March. Well, now we actually get to see the emails! Were they talking about how much they wanted to lynch slaves or how Barack Obama should go back and live with the monkeys in Africa? Less of the former, more of the latter. Read more on Here Are The Racist Emails That Landed Sh*tty Ferguson Officials In The Unemployment Line…
  Let them eat ... the following list of approved poor people food

Missouri D*ckhead Rep. Will Stop Poors From Depleting State’s Sushi Supply

Hi, I'm a douchebag, you can tell by my face.
Missouri state Rep. Rick Brattin is at it again, addressing the the Real Problems affecting his state. Last year, he made news for a bill that would simply require ladies to get permission slips from the men what had made them pregnant, if they wanted all the ‘bortions. If it was rape, he said that as long as the woman proved it, then there would be an exception, so no worries! He’s also a proponent of the completely ineffective and pointless effort to force welfare recipients to have drug tests. Which brings us to today! Brattin has decided that on top of making sure all the poors aren’t on drugs, we should probably make sure they don’t eat any “luxury” foods, like fish, because heaven forfend they make healthy choices. Those are for rich people! Read more on Missouri D*ckhead Rep. Will Stop Poors From Depleting State’s Sushi Supply…
  Billo's Seen Cops Shot Too

Oh, NOW Bill O’Reilly Thinks Irresponsible Words Can Inspire Violence

Call him irresponsible...and he will DESTROY YOU.
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Bill O’Reilly would just like to see a little more responsibility on the part of the media in how they cover sensitive issues, because as he’s recently discovered, language can have consequences! In a piece on the shootings of two police officers in Ferguson early Thursday morning, O’Reilly explained the link between violent words and violent deeds: “As we saw here in New York City, inflammatory rhetoric can get police officers killed.” You know, violent rhetoric like telling your black son that he needs to be extra careful around the police, or saying that police shouldn’t be shooting black people quite so often. Read more on Oh, NOW Bill O’Reilly Thinks Irresponsible Words Can Inspire Violence…
  Maybe More Guns Would Help?

Fox News: Eric Holder Really Should NOT Have Shot Those Cops In Ferguson!

The other chyron for the story: 'Street Justice: Police officers shot in wake of DOJ Report'
While two police officers were still hospitalized after being shot in Ferguson, Missouri, early Thursday morning (they have since been released), and police have no suspects, Fox News and other rightwing sources have identified the true culprits: Attorney General Eric Holder and everyone who’s ever protested against police brutality. Read more on Fox News: Eric Holder Really Should NOT Have Shot Those Cops In Ferguson!…
  Not Helping Not At All

Two Police Officers Shot In Ferguson, Wingnuts Certain Shots Came From White House

Nothing all that funny
Two police officers were shot in front of the Ferguson, Missouri, police department early Thursday morning. The shootings occurred hours after Wednesday’s resignation of police chief Tom Jackson, as protesters near the police department called for additional resignations in Ferguson city government. One officer was shot in the face, the other in the shoulder. Both were hospitalized with injuries that were described as very serious but not life-threatening. The shootings occurred shortly after midnight as the protests appeared to be breaking up. Read more on Two Police Officers Shot In Ferguson, Wingnuts Certain Shots Came From White House…
  don't let the door etc.

Just About Every White Person In Ferguson Resigning For Being A Racist Disgrace

A bit like the end of Close Encounters, only with tear gas.
The fallout continues in the city of Ferguson, Missouri, following the Justice Department’s report on how the city pretty much ran its police force as a revenue-collection operation aimed at transferring money from black citizens to the city’s general fund. On Wednesday, Chief of Police Thomas Jackson announced, “with profound sadness,” that he is resigning, effective March 19. Read more on Just About Every White Person In Ferguson Resigning For Being A Racist Disgrace…
  Not even poetic justice

Scumbag Deadbeat Ferguson Judge Resigns To Spend More Time Not Paying His Taxes

The face of shame
Ronald J. Brockmeyer is the municipal judge in Ferguson, Missouri, who up until about five minutes ago had the nasty habit of tossing the local non-white poors in debtors’ prison for failing to pay their traffic tickets and other minor fees and fines, while, gosh, he was busy fixing his own traffic tickets for himself and his buddies. As one does if one is an actual scumbag, which the Justice Department’s report revealed Brockmeyer indeed is. And not just a scumbag, but a deadbeat scumbag who currently owes more than $170,000 in back taxes, like some kind of guy who doesn’t pay his debts and would probably get himself tossed in jail if he had the misfortune of appearing before a jerk-faced judge like, say, Ronald J. Brockmeyer. Read more on Scumbag Deadbeat Ferguson Judge Resigns To Spend More Time Not Paying His Taxes…
  Ten Thousand Applicants One Cup

Welfare Drug Tests Don’t Work, So Now Republicans Want Them Everywhere

We might go see a band named 'Welfare Piss Test'
In an enormous surprise to nobody who saw it fail miserably in Florida, it turns out that drug-testing applicants for welfare doesn’t work well anywhere else, either. Think Progress reviewed the seven states that currently require applicants for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) and found that they’re all spending a huge amount of money to “ferret out very few drug users.” Imagine that! In addition to being found unconstitutional, at least in Florida so far, the programs don’t find many drug users: a far smaller percentage than in the general population. But that’s not stopping about a dozen other states — including Montana, Texas, West Virginia, and the libertarian paradise that is Wisconsin, of course — from proposing such programs, because slapping poor people around is always politically popular. Read more on Welfare Drug Tests Don’t Work, So Now Republicans Want Them Everywhere…
  Nice time though not for Republicans

Magic Ladyparts Expert Todd Akin Would Like To Try For Senator Again, Yesssssss!

Please come back and keep talking!
Todd Akin — the former Missouri representative, failed senatorial candidate, and expert on how ladies have magic vaginas than can detect and deflect “legitimate rape” sperm to prevent pregnancy (right, THAT guy) — is not going away. Sorry, Republicans, we know how you wish he’d just delete his account and shut up forever and stop making you SOOO embarrassed, but nope, not gonna happen: Read more on Magic Ladyparts Expert Todd Akin Would Like To Try For Senator Again, Yesssssss!…
  Driving While Poor Is The New Driving While Black

Good Old Days Of Debtors Prison Making A Comeback In Ferguson, MO

OK, so the prisoners today don't look much like Mr. Pickwick...
The city of Ferguson, Missouri, sure seems to have a problem with black people, especially when it comes to driving. Which is why the Justice Department is investigating the police department. One big data point: the disparity between traffic citations for black and white drivers. Blacks get ticketed like crazy, and as John Oliver said, white drivers would have to be “snorting cocaine directly off your dashboard” to get stopped by cops. Read more on Good Old Days Of Debtors Prison Making A Comeback In Ferguson, MO…
  False Flag To Make Anti-Vaxxers Seem Sane By Comparison?

Forget Elmo Videos: Teach Kids About Stranger Danger By Kidnapping Them!

Someone on the internet is an evil genius
We’re pretty sure we’ve found Wonkette’s Parents of the Year for 2015. At least we hope nothing tops this: In Lincoln County, Missouri, police have arrested four people in a fake kidnapping plot intended to teach a 6-year-old boy about “stranger danger” because the family thought that the boy was “being too nice” to people he didn’t know. Tell us, CNN, how did the boy’s mother, grandmother, aunt, and a co-worker of the aunt manage to rack up felony charges simply by teaching the child an important lesson about safety? Read more on Forget Elmo Videos: Teach Kids About Stranger Danger By Kidnapping Them!…