Tag Archives: mississippi

  It's amazing who gets to be a "journalist" these days

Lady Writer Wishes Hurricane Katrina Would Destroy Chicago, Is That Mean?

Obama probably shouldn't mention weather either.
It was like so great you guys! Hey, remember Hurricane Katrina? It was ten years ago, almost! It was devastating. The final death count was 1,836 in Louisiana and Mississippi, and over half of them were elderly. Eighty percent of the city of New Orleans was flooded, and in poorer areas, the city is STILL rebuilding, or worse, not rebuilding. Yes, it’s rebounded in many ways, and of course it’s a hipster magnet, yadda yadda, but some of the things that have sprung up in the last ten years are NOT so great, like how the public schools were already failing before Katrina, but the new holy grail charter school system isn’t really doing any better. Oh, and also, too, much of the “rebirth” that’s happened in New Orleans is super fucking GREAT if you are middle-class or above, but if you’re poor? Sucks to you be you, honestly. Read more on Lady Writer Wishes Hurricane Katrina Would Destroy Chicago, Is That Mean?…
  Worst Honeymoon EVER

Sad Mississippi Lovebirds Just Wanted ISIS Honeymoon Of Their Dreams, Is That Wrong?

THOSE CRAZY KIDS!
THOSE CRAZY KIDS! KIDS THESE DAYS. These two crazy Mississippi kids, Jaelyn Delshaun Young and Muhammad Oka Dakhlalla, had it all, or so they thought. They were in love, they got married, they had planned to fake a honeymoon but instead go fight with ISIS in Syria, they picked out this cute little house on the outskirts of town with a white picket, WAIT WHAT? Why you gotta do ISIS, y’all? What about “the beach” or “France” or “oh fuck it, we’re poor, let’s just drive to Memphis for the weekend?” Ugh, you idiots: Read more on Sad Mississippi Lovebirds Just Wanted ISIS Honeymoon Of Their Dreams, Is That Wrong?…
  Getting Pretty Jaded About Jade Helm

Schmuck Shoots At Jade Helm Troops, Thwarts Obama’s Invasion Of Mississippi (Updated)

Good ol' '50s MAD
[Update: New developments; see end of post] An unidentified idiot with a gun fired shots at soldiers training near Camp Shelby, Mississippi, who were taking part in the Jade Helm 15 training exercise that has so many wingnuts exercised; nobody was hurt, but the suspect is still at large. Read more on Schmuck Shoots At Jade Helm Troops, Thwarts Obama’s Invasion Of Mississippi (Updated)…
  Mad about another thing

Here, Rage At This Dickhead American Dentist Who Murders Beautiful African Lions For Fun

Hi, I'm Cecil. A bad American man killed me. Please have Sarah McLachlan to do commercial and end this.
Didn’t we just say recently that we are not against hunting? We did say that, and it is still true, but let us clarify real fast. It’s one thing to hunt in that real Native American way, where you use the whole animal and you respect that it gave its life to feed, nourish, clothe you and whatever else. It’s even one thing to be a redneck from Mississippi (hey y’all) and go out early in the morning and kill a deer, as long as you bring us deer meat or invite us over for deer chili. But it is a whole different goddamn thing to be a piece of trash American who travels across the globe to find new, exotic animals to murder, for no reason nobler than the fact that you really have a hard-on for murdering animals, you sick fuck. Introduce yourself to Walter Palmer of Minnesota: Read more on Here, Rage At This Dickhead American Dentist Who Murders Beautiful African Lions For Fun…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: Why Do You Liberals Care If Druggies Die?

Scootaloo is a skateboard punk rocker. Let's hope she ends up saner than Michelle Shocked.
We’ve got a heapin’ helpin’ of hostility for you this week, on any number of topics, so let’s jump right into it with this one-liner from “Boggy,” who posted it this week in reply to our June piece on Ted Cruz’s classy jokes about Joe Biden, four days after the death of Biden’s son Beau: Read more on Deleted Comments: Why Do You Liberals Care If Druggies Die?…
  Here's a story to ruin your day

Nice White Dad Mysteriously Dies In Police Custody, We Can Talk Police Brutality Now?

A man beloved by many, but most of all by his family.
Saturday evening, Troy and Kelli Goode of Memphis headed off to a Widespread Panic concert in nearby Southaven, Mississippi. What should have been a nice night off for two young parents ended with Troy, a 30-year-old chemical engineer, loving husband and devoted daddy of a 15-month-old, being hogtied by the Southaven police, and soon after dying in their custody. One of the family’s attorneys, Tim Edwards, explained the timeline of events to the Huffington Post: Read more on Nice White Dad Mysteriously Dies In Police Custody, We Can Talk Police Brutality Now?…
  In Which We Fact-Check A Sermon

Fox’s Todd Starnes Will Save America With Smoked Pork Butt, Just Like Jesus

Secret admirer, secret admirer!
Fox News anchor, still-living Christian martyr, and legendary urine-drinker Todd Starnes treated the congregation of Abilene Baptist Church in Augusta, Georgia, to one beautiful “sermon” Sunday, with lots of terrifying examples of just how bad Christians have it in America today. Never mind that it was less a sermon than a collection of half-true stories from his dumb book God Less America — Starnes talked about the imminent government crackdown on faith, and that was all he needed to accomplish. Read more on Fox’s Todd Starnes Will Save America With Smoked Pork Butt, Just Like Jesus…
  Definitely More Said Than Done

Nancy Pelosi Sticks Confederate Flag In Republicans’ Eyeholes, Chaos Ensues

Sadly just a photoshop job
The fight over the Confederate Flag in the U.S. House of Representatives got weird Thursday, complete with shouting, bills being pulled off the floor, and, most terrifying of all, open and flagrant deployment of parliamentary procedure. The fuck-tussle was a sequel to Wednesday’s butthurt-fest by southern Republicans who sought to undo a Democratic move to limit display of Confederate flags in national cemeteries; in response, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi introduced a separate resolution that would have banned the display of Confederate symbols in the U.S. Capitol. Rather than going on record for or against the treason banner, Republicans voted instead to refer the bill to committee, essentially punting on the issue. Read more on Nancy Pelosi Sticks Confederate Flag In Republicans’ Eyeholes, Chaos Ensues…
  The Christians Are Revolting

Jesus-American County Clerks Paralyzed By Gay Cooties

You think you're Doing Unto Others? Really, bitch?
Despite the Supreme Court ordering every single American to get gay married right this second, some Real Good Christians are shouting, “Don’t wanna! Don’t hafta! YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!” Which is rude and also wrong, but that rarely stops bigots from doing that thing they do. Which is why they are inventing loopholes, or outright defying what is now the law of the land, to continue their battle against equality. Read more on Jesus-American County Clerks Paralyzed By Gay Cooties…
  Not A Rash Decision

California Pries Measles Out Of Anti-Vaxxers’ Cold, Dumb Hands

Are your brains melting yet, Mommy? Are they? Now, about that pony...
Hey, how about some Science Nice Time? California Gov. Jerry Brown signed the state’s new vaccine requirement into law today, over the cries of “Government Oppression!” and “Big Pharma! Big Pharma! Big Pharma!” from anti-vaxxers. The bill eliminates exemptions for personal and religious beliefs, even though many Californians will be sad because their precious unvaccinated disease vectors will not be allowed to attend public schools. Read more on California Pries Measles Out Of Anti-Vaxxers’ Cold, Dumb Hands…
  Just close your eyes and think of Jesus

Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging

The threat is real.
Alabama has officially joined the bandwagon of Sore Losers who refuse to believe the War on Marriage Equality is over, and the bigots did not win. The state’s Supreme Court issued an order Monday, declaring that even though the United States Supreme Court already ruled on Obergefell v. Hodges, Alabama has not decided yet whether that ruling applies (spoiler: it does), so the case is NOT closed: Read more on Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging…
  Hide Your Kids Hide Your Wife

Let’s Get Drunk On Republican Obamacare Tears, Together!

That's it, moving to Canada.
Ehrmagerd, the Surperm Curt upheard Abummacurr! This was not met on the right with universal approbation, although many Republicans were quietly breathing a sigh of relief that they won’t have to reveal that their ready-to-implement fix was really just a copy of the 1996 Houston Yellow Pages that they’d been lugging around in a briefcase. Read more on Let’s Get Drunk On Republican Obamacare Tears, Together!…
  Drink Too Much And Laugh Too Loud

Confederate Flag Suddenly More Hated Than Donald Trump, Pubic Lice

Don't know our ass from a hole in the ground
So how about that Confederate flag? Now that it has a negative association for the first time ever, seems like everybody has decided to jump off the Confederate bandwagon, except of course for the diehard morons, of whom there are quite a few. Within hours of Gov. Nikki Haley’s call to remove the Confederate flag from the South Carolina Statehouse, a whole bunch of other Republicans suddenly realized they had permission to get rid of the goddamned thing, too. Mitt Romney actually did something good in his life! The next domino fell Monday night, when Mississippi’s Speaker of the House of Representatives, Philip Gunn, said it was time to remove the Confederate flag emblem from the state’s flag, too. Read more on Confederate Flag Suddenly More Hated Than Donald Trump, Pubic Lice…
  Nice Time update!

Mississippi Grads’ Families Won’t Face Jail Time For Being Excessively Proud Of Kids

We don't either.
Remember that real dumb story we typed at you, about the high school graduation in Senatobia, Mississippi, where two of the graduates’ family members were ejected from graduation for the egregious crime of cheering with beaming pride when their kids’ names were called, even though they had been EXPLICITLY TOLD no clapping until the end? And then District Superintendent Jay Foster decided to make an example of these obvious criminals (who are black, why do you ask?), so he demanded and had served warrants for their arrests, for “disturbing the peace”? The nerve of those families, for getting so excited they forgot they weren’t supposed to say “You did it, baby!” to graduates who did, in point of fact, do it, baby. Read more on Mississippi Grads’ Families Won’t Face Jail Time For Being Excessively Proud Of Kids…
  Back in my day!

Jeb Bush: Let’s Get Rid Of Unwed Whores By Making Fun Of Them In Public

Baby did a bad bad thing.
Try to contain all your surprise, but Jeb Bush has been A Idiot for a LONG TIME. We know about his recent string of fuckups — “Knowing what we know of knowing about Iraq and stuff and things, it was not a mistake to invade Iraq, except totally was, QED!” — but today we present to you a Jeb Bush fuckup from 20 years ago, in his 1995 book Profiles In Character. How do we get unwed pregnant ladies and welfare queens and other miscreants to stop being all pregnant and moochy? By bringing back public shaming, of course! Here is your pull quote from the book: Read more on Jeb Bush: Let’s Get Rid Of Unwed Whores By Making Fun Of Them In Public…
  50 Shades Of Grad

Families Face Jail For Cheering Mississippi High School Grads, Lucky Not To Be Tased

The 'broken windows' theory of graduation policing
Four people were ejected from a high school commencement ceremony in Senatobia, Mississippi, after breaking the rules and cheering for their graduating teens, because the school superintendent had said quite clearly that everyone should hold their applause until all the graduates’ names had been announced. He said it right at the beginning and everyone knew the rules, but SOME PEOPLE just can’t follow simple rules, now CAN THEY? And then, to emphasize the point, a week later, Senatobia Municipal School District Superintendent Jay Foster somehow managed to get a judge to issue warrants for the offenders’ arrest on charges of Disturbing the Peace, because you Have To Set An Example. At least nobody prayed. Read more on Families Face Jail For Cheering Mississippi High School Grads, Lucky Not To Be Tased…