Tag Archives: mississippi

  Here have some news n stuff

Not-Racist Mississippi Gent Very Sorry Now For All That Not-Racism

According to his notes, he's very sorry now
Hooray, we have defeated racism once again! It seems like it was just days ago that Mississippi state Rep. Gene Alday (R-Even Though Democrats Are The REAL Racists) was still trying to justify his charming reflections on coming “from a town where all the blacks are getting food stamps and what I call ‘welfare crazy checks.'” Oh right! That’s because it was on Monday, of this very same week, that he said those comments were supposed to be “off the record.” Plus, the reporter who’d cornered him into saying that stuff had called him “late at night,” and everyone knows how easily racism rolls right off the tongue after sundown. Not that it was racism, mind you, because as Alday was insisting up until a second ago, “I didn’t do anything wrong. The guy made me look like a fool.” So, per the standard procedure of Racist Dude Says Racist Thing, after “out of context” and “I’m not sorry cuz I didn’t do nothin’ wrong,” we have the sincere and very credible apology: Read more on Not-Racist Mississippi Gent Very Sorry Now For All That Not-Racism…
 

Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!

Screw you, huddled masses
Wednesday was supposed to be the day President Obama officially rolled out the Kenyan welcome mat for all them illegals who’ve already snuck across our border to infect us with diseases and their strange foreign languages. But oh no, you can un-unfurl that Hispanic flag over the White House, Mr. Thinks He’s So President, because United States District Judge Andrew S. Hanen has put a stop to that nonsense, at least for now. Read more on Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!…
  the fault in our stars and bars

Fine Mississippi Gentleman Lawmaker Definitely Not Racist About Welfare And ‘The Blacks’

he steams nice.
Mississippi state Rep. Gene Alday (R-Circa 1844, Most Other Years) is not a fan of a new state education bill under consideration, which would prevent third grade students from advancing to the fourth grade if they don’t reach a certain reading proficiency level. Why? Read more on Fine Mississippi Gentleman Lawmaker Definitely Not Racist About Welfare And ‘The Blacks’…
  Racism is dead in Mississippi

Racist Mississippi Judge Indicted For Assault and Racial Slur, Probably Isn’t Even Racist

happy smiley mug shot
Well, who is this happy bro, with the smug and smiley mug shot? This is Mississippi Justice Court Judge Bill Weisenberger, who was just indicted by a Mississippi Grand Jury for felony assault on a vulnerable adult. Weisenberger is accused of smacking Eric Rivers, a cognitively disabled 20-year-old black man, and then yelling “run, nigger, run!” Read more on Racist Mississippi Judge Indicted For Assault and Racial Slur, Probably Isn’t Even Racist…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Oregon Governor Definitely Resigning Or Maybe Not, Who Knows?

Rachel's WTF? muscles really get a workout in this segment
Rachel Maddow takes on the increasingly strange story of Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber, who has reached a crisis point in the continuing scandal over the shady financial dealings of his fiancée, Cylvia Hayes, who is under investigation for alleged pay-to-play deals with companies doing business with the state. Virtually all the top elected officials in the state, Democrats like Kitzhaber, have called for him to resign. Tuesday saw a bizarre cross-country odyssey by Secretary of State Kate Brown, whom Kitzhaber called to come back from chairing a meeting in Washington DC, to meet with him. Very Urgent. And then he seemed surprised when she walked into his office. He told her he was definitely not resigning, and then said they should probably discuss the transition from his administration to her becoming governor if he does. Which he said he wouldn’t. Read more on Morning Maddow: Oregon Governor Definitely Resigning Or Maybe Not, Who Knows?…
  What First Amendment?

Let’s Just Count All The States That Aren’t Trying To Make The Bible Their Official State Book

Time for another history lesson
Congratulations, Tennessee, you’re now on the distinguished list of states who need a quick refresher in How Does The First Amendment Work, No Really, How? You can thank your new state Rep. Jerry Sexton (R-No Surprise) for proposing legislation to make the Holy Bible “the official state book.” Gosh, why might that be a problem? Read more on Let’s Just Count All The States That Aren’t Trying To Make The Bible Their Official State Book…
  florida has cured ebola hooray

Excuse Us While We F*ck This Dolphin: Your Florida Roundup

We have finally (already?) reached Peak Florida Man. Peak Florida Man, as it turns out, is a 63-year-old named Malcolm Brenner who is the subject of a new documentary examining his year-long love affair with a dolphin back in the ’70s. Read more on Excuse Us While We F*ck This Dolphin: Your Florida Roundup…
  Another edition of the Mitt spins

Who’s The Best Liberal To Take On Hillary Clinton? Mitt Romney, Of Course

A regular man of the people
Good news, liberals! While Hero Badass Queen For Everything Please Sen. Elizabeth Warren still is not answering those 2016 draft calls, there is a super lefty liberal who is dying SO HARD to be your president. He will take on that corporate Wall Street shill Hillary Clinton and sing sweet populist lullabies into your ears while eating the hearts of the rich right before your very eyes, for your politicaltainment pleasure. That’s right, tree-huggers, Mitt Romney is your new liberal hero: Read more on Who’s The Best Liberal To Take On Hillary Clinton? Mitt Romney, Of Course…
  Thanks Texas

Your 2014 Legislative Sh*tmuffin (National Division): Oh Right It’s Ted Cruz For A Change

Behold! He stands before us!
2014 was the year when Senator Ted Cruz (R-Alberta) officially renounced his Canadian citizenship and became a true American. It was also the year when Cruz made his first successful title defense of Wonkette’s coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award (National Division). How else did Ted save the soul of America this year? Let’s Wonksplore! Read more on Your 2014 Legislative Sh*tmuffin (National Division): Oh Right It’s Ted Cruz For A Change…
  Rest In Peace

Chuck C. Johnson Decries Lack of Deathbed Apology From Rose Cochran

Thad Cochran, dwarfed by his own hands, celebrates his primary win
Rose Cochran, the wife of Mississippi Republican Sen. Thad Cochran, died at a hospice facility in Ridgeland, Mississippi, Friday at the age of 73. She had been at the center of one of the most bizarre episodes of the 2014 elections, although she was blessedly unaware of it. Read more on Chuck C. Johnson Decries Lack of Deathbed Apology From Rose Cochran…
  Wingnut Wish List

Mississippi Group Gonna Make Christianity The State Religion Without Violating Constitution, Just You See

Sure Why Not?
In a great victory for freedumb, the “Magnolia State Heritage Campign” is pushing a ballot initiative that would finally give the state’s Christian heritage the recognition that it deserves, writing into law that Mississippi is a “principally Christian and quintessentially Southern state” and also acknowledging that the Holy Bible is where all the state’s laws really come from. Read more on Mississippi Group Gonna Make Christianity The State Religion Without Violating Constitution, Just You See…
  Here have some news n stuff

Who Wants Open Interwebs? Oh, Just Everyone

This joke never gets old
Via Blurrent You’d think, from the reaction of certain especially loud dudes on the right, that President Obama’s support of net neutrality was like proposing Obamacare for the internet. Or even the Holocaust. But despite what a few blowhards on the, AHEM, internet say, even conservatives think net neutrality is a great idea, actually: Read more on Who Wants Open Interwebs? Oh, Just Everyone…
  Land Of The Freaked And Home Of The Terrified

What Stupid Pointless Ebola Freakouts Are We Having Today?

Keep Calm and Freak Right The Fuck Out
Now that the first group of people to be exposed to Thomas Eric Duncan — including his fiancée and other members of his family in Dallas — have made it through their 21-day quarantine period without developing the disease themselves, you might think that maybe people might be calming down just a little bit, maybe. But then, maybe you are not a panic-mongering moron, so you may not be typical, you un-American weirdo. Maybe you’re not rushing out to buy flimsy “protective” gear or Vitamin C (or “colloidal silver” to turn your skin blue), but plenty of people are — or at the very least, scammers hope so. And it’s never a bad time to have a good old-fashioned panic over every last rumor and sneeze, like the nice people in Mississippi who pulled their children out of the local middle school when they learned that the principal had recently visited Zambia, which doesn’t even have any Ebola diagnoses, but is very definitely in Africa. Or the timid souls of Strong, Maine, who insisted on turning their town’s name into a possible Twilight Zone locale when they convinced the school board to place an elementary-school teacher on a 21-day leave because he’d been to an educational conference in Dallas. Those monsters should be coming down Maple Street any minute now. Read more on What Stupid Pointless Ebola Freakouts Are We Having Today?…
  Cue the Scary Black Men Narrative

Stupidest Man On Internet Pretty Sure Restaurant Fight Was Work Of ‘Black Lynch Mob’

Hide your kids, hide your wife
Better be a little more afraid, White People, because The Blacks are on the rampage now, driven into a frenzy of anti-white violence by race hustlers like Al Sharpton and Oprah! Stupidest Man on the Internet Jim Hoft brings us this breathless lede: Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Pretty Sure Restaurant Fight Was Work Of ‘Black Lynch Mob’…
  Mississippi Derping

Chris McDaniel’s Lawyer Fingers Himself

I see fraud people -- everywhere!
Mississippi sore loserman Chris McDaniel’s team just KNOWS that the June 24 Senate primary vote was rigged against him, and so it has been combing all the voting records to list every possible “irregular” vote and insisting they be tossed so that he can be the Republican nominee for Senate this fall, instead of doddering critterdiddler Thad Cochran. Among the votes that McDaniel wants tossed are those cast by McDaniel’s own lawyer, Mitchell H. “Mitch” Tyner Sr., and his wife, Sloane Tyler. Those two obvious fraudsters are on a long list of sketchy votes in an affadavit submitted to Cochran’s lawyers by McDaniel’s legal team, which is headed by Mitchell H. “Mitch” Tyner Sr., the big fraud. Read more on Chris McDaniel’s Lawyer Fingers Himself…
  motion to quash

An Amicus Brief For Award-Winning Journalist Chuck C. Johnson By The Wonket Legal Team Of Idiots

Monkey court! Dog and Pony show!
Wonket Legal has been alerted to a possible threat to the freedom of dumb speech (which, while distinguished from non-dumb speech, is still a kind of speech). Charles C. Johnson, Mississippi’s award-winning reporter on the nursing home break-in beat, has been ordered by a grand jury to disclose some details of the shoddy workmanship that goes into cobbling together his rickety news-shack GotNews.com. It seems that one of Mr. Johnson’s paid sources for his MEGASCOOP story of the year, a Mississippi “pastor” who supposedly bought votes from African-American Democrats to help incumbent Thad Cochran win his Senate primary runoff, might have fabricated his accusations for money from various people as part of an effort to get sore loser tea partier Chris McDaniel a new election or, even better, have the state GOP just hand him the nomination. Read more on An Amicus Brief For Award-Winning Journalist Chuck C. Johnson By The Wonket Legal Team Of Idiots…
  Mississippi Derping

We Are Starting To Think The Mississippi Republican Senate Race Might Be A Bit Of A Clusterfuque

Let us take a quick peek at the ongoing clusterfuck that is the race to be the Republican Senate nominee from Mississippi, which has already brought us so many laughs. There was Tea Party candidate Chris McDaniel playing footsie with neo-Confederates, and senile old Thad Cochran’s discovery that black people not only exist but also have the right to vote. (In Thad’s defense, he was already old and senile when the 15th Amendment passed.) There were allegations from blogger and living Garbage Pail Kid Charles C. Johnson that the Cochran campaign paid black voters $15 each to turn out and vote for Thad in the runoff election that followed the initial primary. Finally, just this week the McDaniel campaign demanded that the Republican Party throw out the election results and declare its candidate Supreme Emperor or something, because how is it fair that he lost just because he received fewer votes? Read more on We Are Starting To Think The Mississippi Republican Senate Race Might Be A Bit Of A Clusterfuque…
  I want a Senate seat NOW!!!!

Sore Loserman Chris McDaniel Demands Mississippi GOP Give Him Senate Seat, Because

Actual picture of Chris McDaniel
Remember that time waaaaay back in June when Mississippi Republicans had a Senate primary race, and the teabagger favorite, state Sen. Chris McDaniel — who sure is an interesting fella with really nice, totally-not-racist supporters — lost to sitting Sen. Thad Cochran, and everyone said, “Yup, that’s what we thought would happen,” and moved on with their lives? Read more on Sore Loserman Chris McDaniel Demands Mississippi GOP Give Him Senate Seat, Because…
  gonna need a bigger vote

Ted Cruz Simply Does Not Care For All These Black People Voting Republican

Smirking asshat Ted Cruz brought his inimitable gravitas to the Mississippi Senate primary (on the day that the vote was certified by the state’s Republican party, naturally), agreeing with losing loser Chris McDaniel that there’s no way Thad Cochran really won the Republican primary, because a lot of “liberal Democrats” voted for Cochran in the state’s open primary run-off. There had to be massive fraud, after all, and Ted Cruz is appalled, because Chris McDaniel totally deserved to win the election. But Cochran went and exploited an obscure loophole in the state’s primary system, which allows just anyone to vote, like the time in 2003 when Chris McDaniel voted in the Democratic primary. So Ted Cruz is demanding an investigation, because there just has to be something fishy about Cochran winning with the help of Democrats voting blackly legally but for the wrong guy. Read more on Ted Cruz Simply Does Not Care For All These Black People Voting Republican…
  a visit to the goon squad

Bryan Fischer Blessed My Hot Gay Marriage

Yr Wonkette is pleased to bring you a special guest bloogpost by longtime commenter ElviouslyQueer. And congratulations, EQ! What has your intrepid correspondent, the beloved Elviouslyqueer, been up to this weekend? GLAD YOU ASKED! I was in Minnesota, at the Mall of America, getting my very gay ass™ very officially gay married on Saturday (there was a chapel! There were beads! There was booze galore, and delicious cake!). I even rode a mechanical bull, because I am classy and shit. My newly minted hubby and I continued celebrating the next day by going to Twin Cities Pride and laughing at the many, many scantily clad tweens for whom the “Dick Pocket” seemed to be this years’ de rigueur clothing accessory, before heading back to Mississippi. And, you also ask, was there a honeymoon? There was NOT a honeymoon because we are not richer than fuck and cannot afford a two-week long vacay to Mykonos or The Pines or wherever it is where all good gays go (we shopped, also too, so we are now officially the best-dressed poors in the Mid-South). Read more on Bryan Fischer Blessed My Hot Gay Marriage…
  we left out utah and no one will notice

Get Your Hot Fresh Electoral Primary Derp!

Thanks to Snipy staying up late so we could post the results of the one election yesterday that everyone was following (Mississippi: the Old Guy won, the other asshole lost), we are left with tidying up the electoral crumbs from around our great nation. Of course, Chris McDaniel is still making grumpy whining noises about recounts and “the integrity of the vote” and such, so he hasn’t exactly conceded to the critter-fiddler. Or to reality. Now, on to the other primaries of note! Read more on Get Your Hot Fresh Electoral Primary Derp!…
  Mississippi Derping

Mississippi Teabaggers Will Be On Lookout For Scary Negro Voters In Primary Runoff

Tomorrow is the runoff election for the Great Mississippi Ratfuck — aka the Republican Senate Primary — between Terrible Old Clueless Thad Cochran and up-and-coming neoconfederate grifterweasel Chris McDaniel. Needless to say, it’s managing to remain horrible right up to the very end! In an effort to get someone, anyone to vote for him, Cochran has been reaching out to black voters, and so McDaniel supporters are getting ready to march to the polls to protect them from interfering Democrats who shouldn’t be messing with a Republican primary — even though it’s an open primary, and the only people disqualified from voting in it would be those who already voted in the Democratic primary. Mind you, it’s not about race, because it is never about race. Read more on Mississippi Teabaggers Will Be On Lookout For Scary Negro Voters In Primary Runoff…