Do yourself a “favor” and scan through this interview with freshman Rep. Gregg Harper, Republican of Mississippi, on the POLITICO CLICK WEBSITE. Question: “What in the world does the Congressional Sportsmen’s Caucus do?” Answer: “We hunt liberal, tree-hugging Democrats, although it does seem like a waste of good ammunition.” Haw haw fags. MORE »

Huzzah for the Can-Do spirit of Americans, who continue to just pile on the pounds despite the nation’s crushed economy. Turns out you don’t need much money to become obese! And without jobs, Americans have more time than ever to sit in front of teevee eating another bucket of corn-syrup taco-ball cheezey-poop pasta-bowl Grease Dipperz™. So, let’s all give a KFC double-drumstick round of applause for Mississippi, with a literally staggering 32.5% of its population medically obese. Second prize (a truckload of trans-fat soaked Chocohoglick-brand chocolate-flavored Globulez™) goes to West Virginia, Alabama and Tennessee, each boasting obesity rates of 30% or higher. MORE »

Check out this sexy article which shows every fancy college newspaper endorsing Barack Obama except one, in a ratio coincidentally similar to that of the editorial staff at Slate, “the college newspaper of the Internet.” The only college newspaper to endorse McCain is that of the University of Mississippi, where they hate black people all the time, because of slavery. Not all of Mississippi is horribly racist like this, however, as the “grown-ups’” Clarion-Ledger of Jackson, Mississippi has endorsed Obama. For some PERSPECTIVE, the headline for this paper’s wrap-up of MLK Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” deal in 1963 was, “WASHINGTON IS CLEAN AGAIN WITH NEGRO TRASH REMOVED.” This newspaper has no consistency whatsoever. [Editor & Publisher, HuffPo]

Uhh, that’s your terrible & presiding president, “George,” with the sparkles. What’s his importance tonight. No one knows. No one knows why George Bush isn’t LOCKING THIS CRAP UP for Barry Obama. Who won this debate? Let’s see what the teevee pundits say, on CNN. Once it ends which will be never. MORE »

And now we fight into the third and final round of this hellish battle between the Black Knight and the jabbering old goon. Not very exciting, is it? Is the idea to keep Barry from offending anyone? Well, mission accomplished. Let’s get some bloodshed! Red meat! Eh, no, it’s a debate. Always boring, terrible, and oh lord of allah there is another half hour of this, let’s go. (Here is the Pre-Game and Part I and Part II.) MORE »

That’s WALNUTS! after downing his fifteen nightly Ambien. What a nut. But, he showed up for tonight’s debate, and that’s more than he was planning on yesterday! So give him credit HE WAS IN THE WAR FOR CHRIST’S SAKE JESUS. Anyway: tonight’s debate is about race. No. Foreign policy… of race? we have four 40s for the night but still have some vague idea of what’s going on at the moment. Let’s watch, uh, MSNBC CNN or something, sure, and get drunker faster better before the “show” starts. We’ll be having a new liveblog every half-hour tonight. MORE »

Hoorah the first debate is Friday, in Confederate Mississippi! Will the plantation owners even let Barack Obama onto the debate stage, or will he have to shout his answers from the balcony? That would be sure to spark a national conversation about race, between no one. But! We’ll see. This week, however, each campaign has assembled a team of debating “vets” for rigorous preparatory regimens. John McCain, for example, will practice-debate with the one black Republican, so as to learn all of “their” tricks. Watch the eyes, Walnuts! THEY SHIFT. And Barack Obama will be debating some old coot he kidnapped at Costco. MORE »

We ran into YOUR president, George W. Bush, on the streets of St. Paul. He’s been arrested oh no! This is why he can’t appear in person to deliver his address — he’ll be getting bondage-whipped by this pink sexbot cop on the shores of the Mississippi river for the rest of his term. Also, we’ve gone through the official schedule of the night’s events and, shortly after 9:00 ET, there will be a video tribute to George “H.” W. Bush, the Yankee plutocrat everyone pretends to like these days. This comes right after the video tribute to Abraham Lincoln, whose presidency failed due to his lack of previous experience. *Just saying.* Also MICHELE BACHMANN is speaking within the hour. Tee hee!

Chip Pickering, the Mississippi Congressman who’s retiring to spend more time with his divorced family and mistresses, participated in last night’s annual Roll Call Congressional Baseball Game one last time, for the fans. If you would like a recap of last night’s game that cannot go three words without divining about what it portends for the election, we recommend The New Republic. We’re more interested, however, in an alleged incident that an eyewitness tells us about, involving our friend Chip: that he let go of his aluminum bat during a practice swing in the on-deck circle, letting it soar into the crowd and destroy some man’s face. MORE »

Charles “Chip” Pickering is the only Mississippi Republican left in the House. He is the ultra-conservative son of famous racist/civil rights champion and retired federal judge Charles Pickering. Chip announced in August that he was quitting Congress so he could, of course, spend more time with his family, and get a lucrative lobbying job. The lobbying job will surely come, but on Friday it was announced that Chip is divorcing his wife so he can spend more time with all the various women he’s been connected with over the years. What, a Republican in Congress who commits adultery with the opposite sex? MORE »

The AP has just called the special election in Mississippi Congressional District 1 for Democrat Travis Childers, who said… oh Hell, he said plenty. Folks, that is Northern Missisippi, an intensely conservative district, just as Louisiana’s 6th was. Don’t get too worried about John McCain just yet, or ever. [AP/Clarion-Ledger]