Wonkette

Hey, Andy Rooney’s not dead! Who knew? Also, he’s not happy with the all these ethnic-sounding people running for president. Barack Obama, Rudy Giuliani … jeez, this is supposed to be America, not the freakin’ Rainbow Coalition. You know who had a good, white-sounding name? Adolph Hitler, that’s who.

It’s time, everybody, it’s time! Feel the disconnect as Nightly Business Report segues to PBS Presidential Primary Forums With Tavis Smiley. Ladies and gentlemen, get your cocktails ready.

Come on in, the water sucks.

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One fun part of America that’s sadly missing from modern life is the Race Riot. These exciting events were caused by various factors such as race, racism, poverty, white cops hating on black kids, no jobs, the FBI killing MLK, etc. During the 1967 Detroit riots, Governor Romney (always the same people, forever!) called in the Army, and a combined 17,000 troops and cops finally crushed the insurrection after five days. Central Detroit was basically destroyed. Between 1964 and 1971, there were similar riots in DC, LA, New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Cleveland, Baltimore, Kansas City … pretty much every big city and lots of smaller ones, 700 riots in all.

Why did they end, and when will they finally return? Barry and Walnuts have all the answers, after the jump.

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Late Night Shots — the closed social network which allows you to explore Washington DC’s social landscape and bar scene — has been such a success that its leaders are forced to divide the LNS crowd between the super-white cretins and the lesser lights of binge-drinking takedown-impregnating conservative youth forced to live amongst the minorities of DC before going back to San Diego and becoming a defense lobbyist.

Yes, there is a Great Schism. The invitation-only special forum will be seductively open for everyone to read, but only the upper crust will be able to opine on Muslims, morning-after pills and the “Ethiopians” who scurry about Adams Morgan. Everybody else is stuck in the “B Forum.” Read the memo, after the jump.

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Pro-gun Democrats did better in the midterms than probably any other class of politician, but the National Rifle Association is not in the business of reflecting moderate political reality. The NRA lives off memberships, and the standard card-carrying member has two enemies: Democrats and … deer, most likely.

But even loyalists go soft, as the GOP learned last month, and you need some Grade A propaganda to get people riled up again. Let no one accuse the NRA of shirking its duty. Freedom In Peril: Guarding the 2nd Amendment in the 21st Century, is a spectacularly beautiful graphic novel. Here, for example, is one of the biggest threats to the white suburban hunter: dirty hippies and their evil sidekicks: the dynamite-carrying owl, sinister pig, angry Wall Street bull, dire wolf, terror chicken and Land Lobster:

We’ve got a lot more from this super-secret advance copy of the NRA’s hot new comic, after the jump.

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• New poll shows Democrats favored by 2 to 1 among the important independent voters who have soured on Iraq. [WP]

• Black and Latino voters once supportive of GOP turn to Democrats as previous campaign promises go unfulfilled. [LAT]
• President Bush no longer saying “stay the course.” Difference between old course and emerging new course unclear, though might involve setting up progress benchmarks in Iraq. [NYT]
• In a sign he intends to run for president Barack Obama talks about getting high with a room full of magazine editors. [NYT]
• Academics disagree about whether the midterm elections will constitute a Democratic “wave” or a “wavelet.” Larry Sabato sides with the “wave year” camp. [WP]
• Long-shot candidate in California incites rash of corny headlines, may be “washed” into House next month. [WP]
• Dennis Hastert’s top aide testified before the House ethics subcommittee yesterday in a sign that the “Who knew Foley was a perv and when?” investigation may be drawing to a close. [ ]
• Former Enron CEO Jeffery Skilling expresses remorse while maintaining innocence, but the sentence is 24 years and 4 months in Federal “pound me in the ass” prison. [LAT]