Barack Obama Gives Presidential Medal of Freedom To Bunch of Homosexuals, Blacks, Women & Muslims
Thursday, July 30th, 2009
Today, the LG-BLT crowd is finally happy with the breeder Barack Obama, because he has awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom to an alive lesbian (Billie Jean King) and a dead gay man (Harvey Milk) along with many sundry black people from both Africa and (maybe?) the United States. Also: Stephen Hawking, a known scientist/god-hater and Englishman, and Ted Kennedy, a liberal. Full list after the jump! MORE »
Gaah, Mitch McConnell, what a buzzkill! The Senate Minority Leader told members of the Republican National Committee that they’re in danger of becoming “a minority party,” by which he means, “a party with no minorities in it.” It is a well-known fact that the only people who voted for John McCain in the presidential race were Southern whites who wore their best overhauls on election day to vote against a Muslin in the White House (it’s not the Black House, people!). This won’t do for a party of the Future. 
Jeez, who’s running this government anyhow? Given his latest string of appointments, it appears Barack Obama favors Indonesian Socialist pansexual witch-doctors such as Tom Daschle and Tim Geithner. This leaves little room for Obama to install in key positions such competent Southerners as … well shit, are there even any Southern Democrats alive anymore? Or are they like the ivory-billed woodpecker, another mythical Southern rarity? 
Here is the saddest thing: Times of London reporter Tom Baldwin was surprised to find two young black ladies canvassing for John McCain in Des Moines. He asks if they’re volunteers. Nope, they are temp workers from an employment agency. And one of them sheepishly admits to being an Obama supporter, while the other one warns they could lose their $10-an-hour part-time job for talking to the press. And they’re both so ashamed. 
Hey, Andy Rooney’s not dead! Who knew? Also, he’s not happy with the all these 
It’s time, everybody, it’s time! Feel the disconnect as Nightly Business Report segues to PBS Presidential Primary Forums With Tavis Smiley. Ladies and gentlemen, get your cocktails ready.
One fun part of America that’s sadly missing from modern life is the Race Riot. These exciting events were caused by various factors such as race, racism, poverty, white cops hating on black kids, no jobs, the FBI killing MLK, etc. During the 1967 Detroit riots, Governor Romney (always the same people, forever!) called in the Army, and a combined 17,000 troops and cops finally crushed the insurrection after five days. Central Detroit was basically destroyed. Between 1964 and 1971, there were similar riots in DC, LA, New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Cleveland, Baltimore, Kansas City … pretty much every big city and lots of smaller ones, 
Pro-gun Democrats did better in the midterms than probably any other class of politician, but the National Rifle Association is not in the business of reflecting moderate political reality. The NRA lives off memberships, and the standard card-carrying member has two enemies: Democrats and … deer, most likely.
