Al Franken Will Win Minnesota Senate Seat Because More Stupid Voters Like Him
Monday, November 24th, 2008
Have you all been following this Franken-Coleman senatorial recount drudgery on the FiveThirtyEight? Good for you! Certain Wonkette editors have resisted wading into those treacherous waters, for they are abrim with regression analyses & dragonnes & awful flashbacks to Florida of 2000. But here is a funny non-maths-related theory about the soul-sucking recount process in Minnesota, and one novel Republican explanation for why the venerated radio host Al Franken will win! MORE »
Oh here is a fun game! Check out these actual disputed voter ballots from Minnesota, and look at what laughable excuses the Coleman and Franken campaigns have for arguing “voter intent” in one direction or the other. Minnesota Public Radio, you have rendered a valuable time-wasting service unto the nation. [
Amid all the excitement of last night’s HISTORIC ELECTION a few important questions went unanswered, at least here on the Wonkette. For example: did fluorescent light foe and unrepentant baby-farmer Michelle Bachmann successfully defend her Minnesota district from insurgent chaotic-good lawn sprite Elwyn Tinklenberg? And whatever happened to that 
HOW SCREWED IS MICHELE BACHMANN? DETAILS AT 11: SurveyUSA will release a tasty new poll for Minnesota’s District 6 at 11pm Eastern tonight. Prediction: Bachmann is winning by 50 points, at least. [
The proudly ignorant baby farmer and bold anti-flourescent light crusader Michele Bachmann, Congresswoman from Minnesota, has been horribly victimized by the liberal left-wing anti-American attack machine. All these crazy leftists have been watching this Hardball interview she gave last week and reading the transcript of the interview, and, based on this publicly accessible and quickly verifiable information, reaching easily supportable conclusions! Well she’s had about enough of this nonsense. 
Your associate editor took a long, expensive cab ride to a party at the club Aqua, in Minneapolis, and, despite having a ticket, was rejected. SAD. Here’s what happened: this thieving piece of trash “security” tranny asked us whether we were with the media before we even entered the line, and then told us we weren’t “on the media list.” Shortly thereafter we procured our regular, non-media ticket and were about to enter until, then, this same tranny told us we could not enter because she already “knew” we were with the media. “I have the right to revoke the ticket, this is a private affair, no media,” spaketh the tranny. Well, fine. But did she think we didn’t know what was going on in there? 
Last night, your Wonkette editors visited the city of St. Paul, in Minnesota. What a glorious City Of Lights! Ha ha, not really, it was empty except for cops and military people protecting John McCain Arena. We thought this was offensive — why are the cops and military people still here when there’s a hurricane in New Orleans? Racists. Let’s check out a few more pictures from this famous twin Minnesota city that locals know as “The Boring One.” 
It is common knowledge around D.C. that Hobo King Norm Coleman sleeps in a drawer and gives hand jobs for lunch money. But NOW it turns out that he also failed for a whole year to pay the utilities on the 6-cubic-foot basement dungeon he rents from some pal of his. He is truly the most corrupt legislator invented since, who is it, that guy with the astonishing 
Your favorite crazy Minnesota Rep. 