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Posts Tagged ‘minnesota’

Is Norm Coleman’s Wife Really In That Kitchen?

Friday, June 20th, 2008

Here’s a new ad for Minnesota Sen. Norm Coleman, who by all accounts should be losing his re-election bid this year but will win because the Democrats have nominated an unfunny hack comedian, Al Franken, to challenge him. None of this changes the fact that this ad is grating on all the usual levels, but there’s a special terrible twist in addition! MORE »


Jesse Ventura Threatens/Entices Minnesotans With Possible Senate Run

Thursday, June 19th, 2008

Put that thing away.Once upon a time there was a man named Jessie “The Body” Ventura. He made money wrestling, and then he shaved his head and ran for governor of Minnesota. And he actually won! Then he made some crazy remarks about hunting and other stuff, and eventually he left office, and now he divides his time between “just chillin’” in Minnesota and surfing in Latin American war zones. And now he thinks he might enter Minnesota’s upcoming Senate race, because if Al Franken can do it, anybody can. MORE »


Dick Cheney Treats Prostitutes Like Dirt!

Monday, June 9th, 2008

He probably raised the bills just high enough to be out of reach for a 12-year-old Thai slaveboy. Sexistracist. [TwinCities.com]


Clintards Shocked By Obama Supporters’ Decent Manners

Thursday, June 5th, 2008

Typical Clinton supporterA pack of grieving Clinton supporters in Minnesota dragged their dejected pantsuits over to the Xcel Center the other night and were amazed by the fact that Barack Obama and his army of houligans weren’t complete dicks to them. The Democratic nominee met with a bunch of Clinton heavies and shook their hands and then Michelle Obama “put her hand out to mine and rubbed her cheek against mine.” That is just the beginning of the amazing night these Clintards had discovering that NOBAMA and his ilk meet the minimum threshold for basic human decency. MORE »


Jesse Ventura: Where Is He Now?

Tuesday, May 20th, 2008

Nice beardRemember that time former pro wrestler Jesse “The Body” Ventura ran for Governor of Minnesota, and then he said, “Until you hunted man, you haven’t hunted yet,” and then he turned into a crazy paranoid kook with Satanic facial hair? Well, now he has a new book, and he has embarrassed the Libertarians, so he is doing about as well as anybody expected. [Reason]


Minnesota Robo-Calls Warn Against Exciting, Unusual Sex Acts

Wednesday, May 14th, 2008

The dance of loveHey Minnesota, would you like to learn more about “oral-anal sex”? Just answer the phone! Chances are you’ll eventually be on the receiving end of a bizarre robo-call from the Minnesota Family Council that warns people against buttsecks, rimming, and other horrors. Apparently the liberals want to give your children hands-on demonstrations of biblically forbidden acts, in school, using fetal pigs and Thai hookers. MORE »


Tim Pawlenty Does Not Have Sex With His Wife

Monday, May 12th, 2008

He would rather make love to this fish.Hey, maybe the Republican governor of Minnesota is gay enough to run for Vice President after all! It is a scientifically documented fact that many leading lights of the Republican party prefer the company of other gentlemen, and remarks Tim Pawlenty made this weekend suggest he is a member of the Party’s elite cabal of well-groomed fellows who happen to know all the words to every ABBA album ever recorded. He told a WCCO radio show host he doesn’t have sex with his wife! MORE »


‘Hannah Montana Bill’ Gets Minnesota Legislators Hot

Friday, April 25th, 2008

Minnesota’s legislature thinks it’s the bee’s knees these days because it is the first state legislature to pass what is known as a “Hannah Montana bill” in Insider Parlance. The bill — named after potentially whorish “tween-age pop TV icon” Miley Cyrus’ Disney channel character — bans software that enables “vendors to grab up blocks of tickets before much of the public can” and then sell them back online for hundreds of millions of dollars. Apparently many, many people wanted to see this underage gal lip-sync some songs last year but could not. MORE »


Michele Bachmann’s Underlings Express Love By Fleeing

Thursday, April 17th, 2008

Fly away, little birds!How much does fluorescent light advocate and Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann’s staff love her? So much that they are constantly quitting! New information reveals that Rep. Bachmann has lost two chiefs of staff, a district director, a press secretary, two legislative assistants, a staff assistant, a caseworker, an outreach and grants coordinator and a district scheduler since she hired them early last year. Is her insanity driving them away, or is it her penchant for playing footsie with her colleagues? MORE »


Is Lusty Congresslady Michele Bachmann Being Naughty?

Wednesday, April 16th, 2008

A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.Bush-groping robot-loving Foster MILF Michele Bachmann is America’s favorite Republican lady congressperson from Minnesota, but is the baby-farming beauty getting busy with a fellow lawmaker who is not her husband? Read the hot rumor that is suddenly sweeping the state, after the jump. MORE »