Tag: minnesota

Financial model remarkably similar to Trump's

Michele Bachmann Advising Donald Trump On International Policy, Radical Islam, Underpants Gnomes

Michele Bachmann is advising Donald Trump on foreign policy. How's that for a kick in the pants?
He seems nice

Minnesota GOP Congressional Nominee Has Fun, Creative Views On Women, Slavery, Everything

Meet Minnseota's brand new rightwing GOP nominee for Congress. He has the potential to out-Bachmann Michelle Bachmann, but comes from a swing district, thankfully.

Michael Jordan Would Like To Have A Word With You People About Police Violence

Michael Jordan is a very big superstar important person! Will this help change the conversation?

Barack Obama Says ‘We Are Not As Divided As We Seem’ And We Even Believe It For A While

Barack Obama calls for healing after another wound to America's heart. We're just saps enough to be optimistic, a little.
We knew Judge Dredd. You, sir, are no Judge Dredd

Donald Trump To Be Law And Order President, Execute All Black Teens Not Playing Checkers

Donald Trump continued to crib lines from Richard Nixon's 1968 playbook, promising to be the 'law and order candidate' of 2016. His vow to crack down on hippies may not resonate quite as well.

Another Black Man, Philando Castile, Shot Dead By Police, Because That’s What Happens In America

Philando Castile was a law-abiding citizen who was reportedly complying with police orders, and now he is dead.

CNN Steps On Own Dick, Wonders If Prince’s Death Is Good News For Trump And Hillary

Know what's been nice? Since Prince's untimely passing on Thursday, people really haven't said hardly anything shitty about it. Cities large and small have gone purple, the cast of Broadway's The Color Purple sang the tribute to end all tributes, and...

Prince Will Never Die

What in the hell is wrong with 2016, when it comes to God taking away our greatest icons? TMZ is reporting that Prince has died at age 57: The artist known as Prince has died ... TMZ has learned. He was 57. Prince's...

Servers Tell Boss To Take Her Crap Anti-Minimum-Wage Op-Ed And Shove It

Oh hey, it's a Maine story (about the minimum wage, no less) that doesn't directly involve Gov. Paul LePage! Five servers at a restaurant in Portland called Five Fifty-Five have quit in one hell of a mic drop, giving their notice...

Stories Of Staggeringly Dumb Restaurant Customers, Part 2

Welcome back to Off The Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. This week, we've got a special bonus week of more Dumb Customer stories, because WOW do I have a...

Joe’s Crab Shack Very Sorry For Serving Crab Nachos With Side Of Lynchings

Hey, you know what really gets customers in the mood for colorful crab mimosas? Classic, old-timey depictions of festive lynchings! SOUND BUSINESS MODEL, JOE'S CRAB SHACK. Joe's Crab Shack, aka "That Place That Probably Isn't As Gross As Red Lobster,...

Marco Rubio Wins A State, Still Second-Place Champion Of Our Hearts

Aww, serial state-loser Marco Rubio finally won a place! We wonder, though, if this means he'll have to bow out of his run for Second-Place President of the United States of America? Aww, poor Marco; no matter what he...
Imaginary driver on closed videogame course. Do not attempt.

St. Paul Cop: Go Ahead And Run Over Black Lives Matter Protesters, Just Remember To Call 911

A St. Paul, Minnesota police sergeant is under investigation after allegedly posting a Facebook comment urging drivers to run over Black Lives Matters protesters and keep driving. The comment, since removed, was on a newspaper's Facebook post about a...

Angry Dude Whips It Out At Sex Shop Over Broken Dingle-Dangle Pump

Penis pumps are no laughing matter; every year they are responsible for a host of unspeakable tragedies, like the time that one dingus got his balls stuck in one. This story therefore deserves to be treated with the utmost...

Dudes Who Shot Up Black Lives Matter Crowd Not Quite Racist Enough For Hate Crimes Charge

We are learning ever so many charming things about the four dudebros arrested for the shooting attack on five people attending a Black Lives Matter protest in Minneapolis last week. For one thing, we have learned alleged shooter Allen...
Not sure if this is the judge or not, we just found it on the internet.

Arkansas Judge Invited Hot White Felon Boys Over For Sexytime. Totally Normal.

Judging is real tough because sometimes you're just going about your day and saying "GUILTY!" and "IT'S SLAMMER TIME, MAURICE," but then you get distracted by all the OMG CUTE WHITE GUY BUTTOCKS that came through your courtroom for...