Minnesota - Wonkette

Minnesota Robo-Calls Warn Against Exciting, Unusual Sex Acts

Hey Minnesota, would you like to learn more about "oral-anal sex"? Just answer the phone! Chances are you'll eventually be on the receiving end of a bizarre robo-call from the Minnesota Family Council that warns people against buttsecks, rimming, and other horrors. Apparently the liberals want to give your children hands-on demonstrations of biblically forbidden acts, in school, using fetal pigs and Thai hookers. More »

9:50 AM on Wed May 14 2008
By saraksmith
23,603 views, 71 comments

up with celibacy

Tim Pawlenty Does Not Have Sex With His Wife

Hey, maybe the Republican governor of Minnesota is gay enough to run for Vice President after all! It is a scientifically documented fact that many leading lights of the Republican party prefer the company of other gentlemen, and remarks Tim Pawlenty made this weekend suggest he is a member of the Party's elite cabal of well-groomed fellows who happen to know all the words to every ABBA album ever recorded. He told a WCCO radio show host he doesn't have sex with his wife! More »

10:39 AM on Mon May 12 2008
By saraksmith
8,862 views, 58 comments

Latest by IrasGlasses: I don't believe not-unattractive married couples actually don't have sex at least a couple times a month or whatever, even at 47. I think the whole "joke" about no sex after marriage is a myth. I realize there is the more »

hannah montana bill

'Hannah Montana Bill' Gets Minnesota Legislators Hot

Minnesota's legislature thinks it's the bee's knees these days because it is the first state legislature to pass what is known as a "Hannah Montana bill" in Insider Parlance. The bill — named after potentially whorish "tween-age pop TV icon" Miley Cyrus' Disney channel character — bans software that enables "vendors to grab up blocks of tickets before much of the public can" and then sell them back online for hundreds of millions of dollars. Apparently many, many people wanted to see this underage gal lip-sync some songs last year but could not. More »

1:45 PM on Fri Apr 25 2008
By Newell
7,471 views, 69 comments

Latest by whatever_dc: i see another britney in the works!!! woo hoo!!! more »

rates of attrition

Michele Bachmann's Underlings Express Love By Fleeing

How much does fluorescent light advocate and Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann's staff love her? So much that they are constantly quitting! New information reveals that Rep. Bachmann has lost two chiefs of staff, a district director, a press secretary, two legislative assistants, a staff assistant, a caseworker, an outreach and grants coordinator and a district scheduler since she hired them early last year. Is her insanity driving them away, or is it her penchant for playing footsie with her colleagues? More »

11:21 AM on Thu Apr 17 2008
By saraksmith
3,732 views, 55 comments

Latest by null: Bachmann staff turnover You posted a blog entry regarding a Story about Michele Bachmann staff turnover, in The Hill. She actually is now on her fourth Chief of Staff. The first one, Sean Murphy, quit before he even made more »

crazies

Is Lusty Congresslady Michele Bachmann Being Naughty?

Bush-groping robot-loving Foster MILF Michele Bachmann is America's favorite Republican lady congressperson from Minnesota, but is the baby-farming beauty getting busy with a fellow lawmaker who is not her husband? Read the hot rumor that is suddenly sweeping the state, after the jump. More »

7:45 PM on Wed Apr 16 2008
By Ken Layne
8,382 views, 36 comments

medical marijuana

Medical Marijuana Ads Featuring Tragically Ill People Bum Everybody Out

This sad lady does pot because her back esploded and she doesn't want to be a criminal anymore. Note the strange time-lapse visual effects that make you, the viewer, experience the same strange "LSD trails" that are a hallmark of the dangerous drug called marijuana. Other effects include meth mouth, baby sales, and penile ossification. [Minnesotans for Compassionate Care/YouTube]

3:09 PM on Mon Apr 14 2008
By saraksmith
1,009 views, 52 comments

drinking liberally

Twin Cities Bars Will Stay Wide Open For Republican National Convention

Praise Jesus the Minnesota House Commerce and Labor Committee has approved a very important measure! It allows bars in the Twin Cities metropolitan area to stay open till 4 AM during the Republican National Convention. This will allow local governments to reap greater benefits from out-of-towners' hot economic injections, while Republicans will have extra time to get liquored up before retiring to their rooms for gentle frottage with underage campaign volunteers. [TwinCities.com]

2:25 PM on Wed Apr 9 2008
By saraksmith
873 views, 39 comments

future techmologies

Michele Bachmann Declares War On Light Bulbs

Insane baby-farming robot-herder and sometime Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann has a new enemy: fluorescent light bulbs. That's right. She does not care for these newfangled hippie environmentalist group-sex bulbs, preferring the honest and trustworthy incandescent kind. And now she is taking her case to the American people with her "Light Bulb Freedom of Choice Act." More »

11:10 AM on Thu Mar 27 2008
By saraksmith
5,173 views, 96 comments

capers

Pooping Bandit Strikes Minnesota Homeland!

A defecating terrorist invaded the heart of American democracy on Sunday and literally crapped all over it. St. Paul police reported that a shitmonger breached the defenses of the mighty Minnesota Homeland Security and Emergency Management building and pooped in several rooms before prancing off into the night. More »

12:30 PM on Thu Mar 20 2008
By saraksmith
2,476 views, 58 comments

kooks

Rep. Michele Bachmann Hates Terrorists, Compact Fluorescents

Minnesota Representative Michele Bachmann recently took a little break from her baby-farming to remind voters of how crazy she is. She assured her constituents that God had not abandoned them in Iraq and called global warming "voodoo." She also warned them about a terrible place called "Democrat land" where something is horrifically wrong with the phone systems. More gibberish after the jump. More »

1:45 PM on Tue Mar 18 2008
By saraksmith
4,522 views, 54 comments

larry craig

A New, Very Gay Larry Craig Court Reply

Wow, we'd gotten so entangled in the Eliot Spitzer sex scandal that we forgot about America's Gays and their leader, Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. What's that unbelievably gay man been up to recently? When not scanning over intern applications, it seems he's still going on about that little airport incident last summer. His lawyers have entered another "reply" to the court of Minnesota, arguing in vain that What He Did was not gay at all. Let's find the most hilariously gay moments of this 42-page document! More »

1:54 PM on Tue Mar 11 2008
By Newell
21,126 views, 42 comments

Latest by jerseyjeff: I especially enjoy the locution: "the appellant is not guilty of the crime to which he pled...". Wait, do I hear tapping? more »

funny pictures

Violent Masturbation Epidemic In Minnesota House Of Representatives

Oh no wait, it looks like these guys got "disciplined" for not voting the right way. Thanks to reader MG for the tip. [Bemidji Pioneer]

11:34 AM on Thu Feb 28 2008
By saraksmith
1,831 views, 24 comments

future techmologies

Michele Bachmann Cowers Behind Robot Phalanx To Avoid Voters

Crazed baby-farming Minnesota congresswoman Michele Bachmann has recruited a robot army to stand as a first line of defense between her and her increasingly disillusioned constituents. One voter writes of a chilling episode in which robots called him at home, promising to let him speak with the elusive President-groper, and then hung up on him before he got to ask his question. More »

10:54 AM on Thu Feb 14 2008
By saraksmith
3,665 views, 29 comments

the revolution will be fined

Paultard Motorist Penalized For Massive R[LOVE!]ution Sticker

Cody Hauer, a Paultard in Owatonna, Minnesota, fancies decorating his car with various Ron Paul stickers. And now the CIA FBI DEA DOJ NBA and ATF are all after him! These cars stickers may cost him $550 “following four citations in one week from the Owatonna Police Department for having a $40 window decal on the rear window of his Buick Park Avenue.” Says Mr. Hauer, “I support Ron Paul, the city police department doesn’t… They gave me a DWR - driving while Republican.” These DWRs sound like a pretty great idea. But there’s more! More »

1:08 PM on Mon Feb 11 2008
By Newell
2,617 views, 39 comments

Latest by kindofabigdeal: This guy's really not all that Paultarded. He drove past three or four cops without getting stopped, so he thought it was okay. It only took him four citations to get the hint that it wasn't. There's hope for America more »

super duper tuesday

Liveblogging The Next Thousand Super Tuesday State Results

So many new states are about to pick their own special presidents! Let’s see who will be projected to punch Wolf Blitzer in his “beard.” It’s Arizona, Colorado, Kansas, New Mexico, New York, North Dakota, Minnesota … so many states, so much election projection business! More »

9:31 PM on Tue Feb 5 2008
By KLayne
3,180 views, 49 comments

they got plans for you alright

Republicans Have Stimulus Plans, Too

Minnesota Congresswoman Michelle “Pearl Necklace” Bachmann joined in with a bunch of her Republican colleagues to unveil their stimulus package, which mostly involves… reducing the corporate tax rate? Way to get the memo, boys. But the ever-clever Michelle had some news for the nay-sayers: Minnesotans don’t need the Democrats’ stinkin’ tax rebate because they like to work. Sayeth Michelle: “I am so proud to be from the state of Minnesota. We’re the workingest state in the country, and the reason why we are, we have more people that are working longer hours, we have people that are working two jobs.” That’s right, Michelle’s damn proud to be from a state where her constituents (likely not the ones who voted for her, but, quibbles) have to work two jobs to make ends meet. That’s the American Dream, isn’t it? [Think Progress]

6:00 PM on Wed Jan 16 2008
By megancarpentier
1,087 views, 35 comments

Latest by EWALDA: @ragingmonk: Yeah, we're suckas, alright. My grad school days there were '73-75. more »

top that, al franken

Senator Norm Coleman's Wife Now Available For 'BLO & GO'

Remember GOP Senator Norm Coleman’s hot model wife? Well she’s back, with the life-changing As Seen On TeeVee product we’ve been waiting for ever since we killed the dog with the FLO-BEE. Laurie Coleman is now selling the amazing BLO & GO. Just blow, and go! So awesome. After the jump, see how she looks almost naked. More »

3:34 PM on Thu Jan 10 2008
By KLayne
7,987 views, 50 comments

Wonkette

Dina McGreevey Needs Gay Governor Lifestyle -- Especially The Helicopter

Posts Tagged “Minnesota”