minnesota
Tea Party Has New Holy Cause: Converting Known ‘Atheist’ George Soros!
The Tea Party is the absolute worst party in American history. It’s just like every sequel — the first one is totally awesome and brings about the creation of a new country, and the second one is Hangover 2. The Tea Party Nouveau is just like that! There is a fucking monkey and a Thai [...]
Bradlee Dean: Gay Marriage Results In Plague Of Rocks, Rabies
Since you read Wonkette, you are probably a ghey or a ghey-lover, so you probably reacted with a range of emotions from “cool” to “ABOUT FUCKING TIME HELL YEAH” to the news that Minnesota’s gone gay all of a sudden. What you probably did not do is gnash your teeth and rend your garments about [...]
Gays Take Minnesota, Gain Crucial Ground In Global War On Marriage
You guys, it has been a banner fucking month to be a homosexual type person. Thus far in the merry merry month of May we’ve seen Rhode Island and Delaware go gay, but those were tiny states with laughably small land masses. It was time for a big Midwestern kind of state to step up. [...]
Minnesota Terror Suspect: Patriot, Gun Fondler, Juggalo
So, yet another home-grown terrorist has been arrested, this time a 24-year-old man who was stockpiling guns, pipe bombs, and Molotov cocktails in his parents’ mobile home near Montevideo, Minnesota. We don’t wish to stereotype (actually, why not, since it saves time?), but you have to figure that somebody with a name like Buford “Bucky” [...]
Loser Congresscritter Thoughtfully Gives Departing Staff Extra Money For Hookers, Blow
Sometimes, congresscritters are the douchebag gift that keeps on giving, long (well, semi-long…long-ish. FINE. not all that long) after they leave. Witness Chip Cravaack (it is more fun to say the last syllable like the ACK! in Cathy comic strips, not like AAHK in, well, nothing really), late of Minnesota’s 8th District. The now-deposed one-term [...]
‘Concerned Minnesotan’ Explains How Mixing Sperm, Butt Enzymes Causes AIDS
New American hero Mike Frey isn’t just an ordinary “concerned Minnesotan.” He is also a husband and father, so you can understand why he is so concerned about this gay marriage thing. He’s agin it and he wants to make sure Minnesota lawmakers are also agin this “gay marriage.” See, married people have sex. Like [...]
Police Chief Calls Pro-Choice Woman ‘Scum-Sucking Slut’ On Facebook, Rewarded With Investigation
In a shocking development, someone said something terrible and stupid on Facebook! About sluts and abortion! Yes okay, sadly not shocking. But this time it was Zeb Hemsworth and he is a Police Chief for Pike Bay, Minnesota, and now he is under investigation for being a crazy person out-loud about how he feels about [...]
Hero Dad Stands Ground Against Daughter’s 3.6 GPA
So, just in case you might be worried that there might not be any positive sides to the upswing in gun sales following the Newtown Massacre, here’s the feel-good story of a dad who tried to use the Second Amendment to remedy his kid’s academic problems. St. Paul, Minnesota, dad Kirill Bartashevitch, 51, was charged [...]
Minnesota, Oklahoma, Tennessee GOP Lawmakers Want More Guns In Schools; Utah 6th Grader Decides Not To Wait
Good news, everyone! We are having a national dialogue on guns! Unfortunately, it seems to be just about as coherent as our national dialogue on race. In Minnesota, Oklahoma, and Tennessee, GOP lawmakers plan to introduce legislation that would arm public school teachers in those states. Meanwhile, in Utah, a sixth-grade boy brought a handgun [...]
Minnesota Conducts Fun ‘Experiment’ On Its Olds, Poors
Guess what happens when middle aged people are given a $400-per-month voucher to purchase health care in the Free Market. Guess! Just guess! Did you guess?
Court To Cook County Attorney: No More Creeping On Teenagers, Please
It just isn’t a good time to be a public figure in the Chicago area if you’re into the teen girl thing. First everyone threw up in their mouths a little when Mel Reynolds announced he would run for Illinois’ 2nd Congressional District. Now, teen-romance man/Cook County* Attorney Tim Scannell has himself a Harassment Restraining [...]
Sad Bachmannite Party Clown Bradlee Dean Invites Children To Commit Arson, For Freedom
Wonkette fan favorite Bradlee Dean is back at it with his tireless campaign to save the youths. Why do we need Michele Bachmann BFF Bradlee Dean more than ever? Because freedom needs brush fires, duh: Need for the Program: It is ever more urgent to use the internet to get our message out, since this [...]
Nobody Expects The Minnesota-Teens-Who-Approve-Of-Gay-Marriage Inquisition!
We all know that the holy rite of communion is not available to divorced Catholics, remarried Catholics, and nuns who are hospital administrators and allow women whose lives are in immediate danger from their pregnancies to get abortions. (And may get excommunicated, depending.) (Oh and it’s still available to priests who rape their charges, because [...]
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