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Posts Tagged ‘minnesota’

Ventura Deprives Minnesota Voters Of Proper Circus

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

Drat this sexy beast!Jesse Ventura, the former governor of Minnesota, has given the collective electorate blue balls for a whole week. We’ve been anxiously awaiting his declaration of candidacy for Senate against incumbent Republican Norm “Boxcar Willie” Coleman and Democrat Al Franken, who used to be a comedian once. But then Jesse Ventura went on the Larry King last night and said he wouldn’t be running after all, boo. MORE »


Minnesota Senate Race Produces Latest Extraordinary Ad

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

We love the advertisements in this Minnesota Senate race, whether it’s hobo Sen. Norm Coleman editing his Hollywood wife into his kitchen or, well, Norm Coleman editing Al Franken into Minnesota entirely. Here’s a new, campaign-unaffiliated ad in support of Norm Coleman that tackles some issue about private ballots. Some guy in a business suit looks at a cardboard cutout of Norm Coleman and says, “that’s a hero.” Then — NEEDLE SCRATCH — “I hate heroes.” CUE THE BURGLAR MUSIC. Things should get even better when Jesse Ventura steals the show. [YouTube]


Jesse Ventura Running For Senate After All, Probably!

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

Meet your new senatorNow that he has finally defeated Flash Gordon, the former despised governor of Minnesota looks like he’ll try to be that great state’s next senator. His opponents: Hobo King Norm Coleman, and Michael Kinsley’s boyfriend Al Franken. His chances of winning: pretty much zero. MORE »


Senator Norm Coleman Sleeps In A Drawer

Friday, June 27th, 2008

Senator Coleman is Kearney's kid.Norm Coleman, the hobo senator from Minnesota, rents a basement room from a Republican campaign consultant so he doesn’t have to sleep in the back of a freight car when he’s in Washington. Senator Coleman is supposed to pay $600 a month in rent, but he missed a couple of payments over the past year because he is a degenerate as well as a hobo. MORE »


Best Attack Ad Of The Election Season?

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008

Last week, there was a big controversy in the Minnesota Senate race between Norm Coleman and Al Franken in which some Liberal Bloggers thought that Coleman’s wife, Laurie, was edited into an ad for her husband. Laughable!, responded the Coleman campaign, which has gone so far as to produce a response ad of Al Franken “green-screened” into Minnesota. It is STAGGERING. Your Wonkette has not laughed this hard since the start of the Iraq War. [YouTube]


Is Norm Coleman’s Wife Really In That Kitchen?

Friday, June 20th, 2008

Here’s a new ad for Minnesota Sen. Norm Coleman, who by all accounts should be losing his re-election bid this year but will win because the Democrats have nominated an unfunny hack comedian, Al Franken, to challenge him. None of this changes the fact that this ad is grating on all the usual levels, but there’s a special terrible twist in addition! MORE »


Jesse Ventura Threatens/Entices Minnesotans With Possible Senate Run

Thursday, June 19th, 2008

Put that thing away.Once upon a time there was a man named Jessie “The Body” Ventura. He made money wrestling, and then he shaved his head and ran for governor of Minnesota. And he actually won! Then he made some crazy remarks about hunting and other stuff, and eventually he left office, and now he divides his time between “just chillin’” in Minnesota and surfing in Latin American war zones. And now he thinks he might enter Minnesota’s upcoming Senate race, because if Al Franken can do it, anybody can. MORE »


Dick Cheney Treats Prostitutes Like Dirt!

Monday, June 9th, 2008

He probably raised the bills just high enough to be out of reach for a 12-year-old Thai slaveboy. Sexistracist. [TwinCities.com]


Clintards Shocked By Obama Supporters’ Decent Manners

Thursday, June 5th, 2008

Typical Clinton supporterA pack of grieving Clinton supporters in Minnesota dragged their dejected pantsuits over to the Xcel Center the other night and were amazed by the fact that Barack Obama and his army of houligans weren’t complete dicks to them. The Democratic nominee met with a bunch of Clinton heavies and shook their hands and then Michelle Obama “put her hand out to mine and rubbed her cheek against mine.” That is just the beginning of the amazing night these Clintards had discovering that NOBAMA and his ilk meet the minimum threshold for basic human decency. MORE »


Jesse Ventura: Where Is He Now?

Tuesday, May 20th, 2008

Nice beardRemember that time former pro wrestler Jesse “The Body” Ventura ran for Governor of Minnesota, and then he said, “Until you hunted man, you haven’t hunted yet,” and then he turned into a crazy paranoid kook with Satanic facial hair? Well, now he has a new book, and he has embarrassed the Libertarians, so he is doing about as well as anybody expected. [Reason]