Ron Paul’s Rally For The Republic Was Awful
Thursday, September 4th, 2008
We really went to the damned Ron Paul rally. It was honestly depressing. This guy was just cold enforcing the Constitution on these food-service workers trapped in Target Center all day with these losers counting out their change for another chili dog. We have other sad pictures, if you want to cry or laugh or whatever people do. MORE »
We really went to the damned Ron Paul rally. It was honestly depressing. This guy was just cold enforcing the Constitution on these food-service workers trapped in Target Center all day with these losers counting out their change for another chili dog. We have other sad pictures, if you want to cry or laugh or whatever people do. MORE »
The Republican National Convention has brought truckloads of new visitors to the Twin Cities — and with every event getting canceled in honor of the poor black people who didn’t get killed in the hurricane yesterday, veritable dozens of GOP males were left in their swank hotel rooms with nothing to do. Let’s find out what happens when a bunch of closeted, discreet hairless dudes go looking for good clean fun on Craigslist … 
The RNC, 
Ron Paul’s exciting all-day sports arena concert in Minneapolis was really missing only one thing: actual entertainment of some kind for the Paultards expected to pay $17.76 (get it?!) plus five-hundred dollars in Ticketmaster fees for the special privilege of sitting with other Paultards in a sports arena just a few miles from the fancy GOP convention in St. Paul, where the rich people will be 
First, plans were made for the Republican convention in St. Paul during the first week of September, at the Xcel Center, starring John “Oh him” McCain. Then, wacky freedom-fighter Ron Paul and his Campaign for Literacy anounced a Paultard rally, a weeklong thing that would also take place during the first week of September, but at the Pepsi Center in Minneapolis. Oh and there’s also a socialist May Day rally of some kind, which we only know about because hey, free Steve Earle concert. But also: dirty hippies and laborists. And today we learn Ralph “Malph” Nader is having his secret rally in Minneapolis, too. 
Well, this is a terrible disappointment. The City of St. Paul decided to charge bars $2500 for a license to stay open till 4 a.m. during the anxious, angry slog known as the Republican National Convention — an event to make a drinker out of anyone — not a single establishment has applied. A POX ON ALL THEIR HOUSES. 
Thank you to Wonkette pamphlet operative “Taylor” for sending us this fantastic brochure from the Minneapolis Saint Paul 2008 Host Committee about the exciting upcoming convention. How rad will it be? Well if this pamphlet is any indication, John McCain will enter the arena with his seven children and two wives on a War Elephant — decorated in gold, rubies and fine silks — carrying the Sword of Gryffindor in one hand and the dripping, severed head of Chuck Hagel in the other; he won’t even have to speak because everyone will just be cold goin’ nuts at the sight of this. 
Praise Jesus the Minnesota House Commerce and Labor Committee has approved a very important measure! It allows bars in the Twin Cities metropolitan area to stay open till 4 AM during the Republican National Convention. This will allow local governments to reap greater benefits from out-of-towners’ hot economic injections, while Republicans will have extra time to get liquored up before retiring to their rooms for gentle frottage with underage campaign volunteers. [