By the Comics Curmudgeon
There is a certain class of American who cares nothing about the tales of economic carnage that fill our newspapers day after day. I’m talking, of course, about editorial cartoonists, whose jobs are basically guaranteed, and whose pay makes possible a lifestyle that makes AIG vice presidents look like starving hobos eating dirt under a rusty, leaky bridge. Of course, these princes of the pen also have the best health insurance, with fresh kidneys and livers delivered twice weekly to keep their insides smelling fresh. Nevertheless, as part of their job, they must pay attention to the day-to-day problems suffered by you, the “little people,” and have noticed that maybe things are not quite so rosy further down the socioeconomic ladder! MORE »

* Senators refuse to confirm George Casey as Army chief until he tells them where he gets the good happy drugs. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* The “unpleasant but very detailed” 90-page National Intelligence Estimate on Iraq goes to Congress. The 2 pages you’re allowed to see will be podcasted. [WP]
* If you give money to poor people you have to give it to rich people too, this is America, everything has to be equal. [WP, NYT]
* Yes, the Senate is still talking about their, “Mr. President, don’t send more Americans into the middle of civil war!” resolution, letter, email whatever. [NYT]
* Only the brain-dead pay the death tax. [WSJ]
* New Iraq “casualty” count only reflects soldiers who were shot at, not who shoot themselves. [NYT]
* United Nations to world: Global warming, it’s real. [LAT]
* President Bush to nation: no fatties. [WP]

Poor and hungry families across the United States were ecstatic to learn about the Senate’s generous new minimum-wage decision today, because it could mean huge new paychecks of up to $290 (gross) per 40-hour work week! That’s $15,080 per year (gross)! But with no health insurance or 401k deductions to whittle away at the gross, many poor employees can hope for about $225 a week after tax and social security withholding. Better start learning about foie gras and getting fitted for Top Hats! MORE »

To the utter shock of no one, Senate Republicans are holding up the minimum wage bill until they can shove a couple tax cuts into it. In return, apparently, the Democrats are blocking the annual congressional pay raise. MORE »

* President Bush admits old mistakes in Iraq, then makes a new one. [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT]
* WP says Bush needs to “make the case that those new assumptions are more valid than the last.” NYT thinks “that the new policy will be a tough sell.” [WP, NYT]
* Kid that makes your morning latte to become even more arrogant as House passes minimum wage increase. [WP]
* “Electability” is the only thing Democrats care about for 2008. Well, that and gambling. [WSJ]
* Nancy Pelosi shuts down House-side smoking. Members now required to cower in their offices with the lights off if they want a drag. [WP, NYT, WSJ]
* White House at odds with The House over new stem cell legislation, Dr. House thinks they’re all idiots. [WP, NYT]

* President Bush says victory in Iraq is “achievable” with more troops, will likely be sending them as soon as he can get rid of some whiny-ass Generals. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* Those Generals, John Abizaid and George Casey, (no pushovers) run the old “rope-a-dope” on Robert Gates. [WP, NYT]
* No mere shirt and tie can cover Virgil Goode’s Muslim-hating red neck. [WP]
* Democrats’ plan to raise minimum wage gets endorsement, caveats from President Bush. [WP]
* Arnold Schwarzenegger to give all of California health insurance for Christmas. What does he want? To terminate bad movie-pun headlines about him. [WSJ]
* Even Mitt Romney doesn’t know how he feels about the gays. [WP]
* First big wave of declassified documents to hit January 1st, impact on the conspiracy theory community still unknown. [NYT]
* Yes, Sandy Berger is that “ham-handed and comical.” [WP, NYT]

• Bush began final campaign trip in Montana, and will travel to other historically Republican strongholds that are now under threat. [WP, NYT]

• Campaigns to end with ad blitz that “will boost spending on political and issue advertising past $2 billion in this campaign, or $400 million more than in the 2004 presidential campaign.” [WP]
• U.S. Government website releases Iraqi nuclear “cookbook.” Post is titled, “BREAKING! Must Credit Saddam!” [NYT]
• Conservative Christian leader Ted Haggard resigns amid allegations of whoring, gaying. [WP]
• A cost/benefit analysis of raising minimum wage shows it does cost business owners, does benefit workers. [WSJ]
• Economist bloggers believe “Democrats are better for growth than Republicans.” [WSJ]
• Report by House Ethics Committee on Pagefuckergate cover-up to be released to an apathetic post election world. [WP]
• Latest Military authorization bill eliminates the, “Office of the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction,” as the reconstruction no longer needs inspecting, obv. [NYT]
• New web-based tool showing Metro train arrival times aims to allow passengers an extra few minutes to take care of blowjobs before heading to the station. [WP]

• Rhode Island’s 15 minutes of fame are up as maverick Senator Lincoln Chafee wins GOP primary. [WP, NYT, USAT]

• Michael Chertoff tells congress that the US cannot “defend ourselves against every conceivable threat.” Nation’s petting zoos and popcorn factories now totally unprotected. [NYT]
• Hillary Clinton wins primary in a cakewalk, eats no actual cake. [NYT]
• Democrats feel NSA is inappropriately advocating it’s own spying program. [WP]
• Maryland elections display DC levels of logistical incompetence. [WP]
• States taking it upon themselves to increase minimum wage, “for the first time, a majority of states could require higher pay than the federal rate.” [USAT]
• Diplomacy now so obsolete reporters forced to write about who’s doing Condi this week. [NYT]
• Adrian Fenty will be next mayor of DC. [WP]

Republicans? Still willing to sacrifice their highest ideals if it’ll bug the hell out of Democrats and win any sort of tax break. The Associated Press? Still hiring the best graphic designers in the business. MORE »

• Americans fighting terrorism may be protected from “prosecution for past violations of the War Crimes Act of 1996…That law criminalizes violations of the Geneva Conventions governing conduct in war and threatens the death penalty if U.S.-held detainees die in custody from abusive treatment.” [WP]
• No significant troop withdrawal in sight this year. [LAT]
• “Unable to agree on major lobbying and ethics legislation, Senate and House leaders have made plans to adopt vastly scaled-back versions of the measures as part of their rules so that lawmakers can claim that they responded to recent congressional scandals.” [WP]
• Pro-immigrant rights groups divided by Senate immigration measure, some say it contains “loopholes that could criminalize individuals, including legal immigrants, for helping family members or friends who are in the country illegally.” [WP]
• Rep. Thomas M. Davis III (R-Va.) has a wife and close friend inside consulting firm ICG Government, “a consulting company for technology firms seeking government contracts.” [WP]
• Minimum wage may increase to $7.15, House votes today. [NYT]

MORE »