Tag Archives: millennials

  God hates literary experiences

Duke Freshman Snowflake Babies Pretty Sure Mom Said No Reading Books About Lesbians

And this time, they brought Jesus.
And this time, they brought Jesus. Hating on millennial snowflakes and conservative Christian whiners at the same time? SIGN US UP! So here is a story from the 8th-ranked-in-the-nation Duke University, where, IN THEORY, idiots aren’t allowed to study. Every year, Duke picks a book for all the new kiddies to read, as part of the Duke Common Experience Program, which “is designed to give incoming students a shared intellectual experience with other members of their class.” Because “I just finished puberty and I’m really good at beer pong!” is apparently not “intellectual” enough for these snobs, we guess. This year, they chose Fun Home by Alison Bechdel, which Duke describes like so: Read more on Duke Freshman Snowflake Babies Pretty Sure Mom Said No Reading Books About Lesbians…
  #notallmillennials

Millennials Do Racism Almost As Good As They Do Texting, Studies Show

#notallmillennials
Everybody’s always talking about “millennials this” and “millennials that” and “millennials sure do bitch a lot” and “millennials are so bad because of their helicopter parents,” but it turns out they’re good at something, and that something is racism! Now, now, boomers, sit down and STFU because they’re no more racist than you are. In fact, they’re a little bit less racist! A LITTLE BIT. According to an analysis by the Washington Post, pulling from data from the General Social Survey, racist inclinations among Whitey haven’t changed much over the last three generations: Read more on Millennials Do Racism Almost As Good As They Do Texting, Studies Show…
  Everybody loses

Wingnut Millennial Picks Dumb Fight With Wingnut Boomer On Fox, Hilarity Ensues

Actual screen shot from Fox episode
So this conservative millennial lady who writes for the National Review picked a fight with this conservative boomer fart guy who “reports” for Fox Business Network, about which of their generations are worse. And we are really struggling because who should we root for? Hahah, trick question, we hope they both lose. Let’s see if we get our wish! Read more on Wingnut Millennial Picks Dumb Fight With Wingnut Boomer On Fox, Hilarity Ensues…
  To be fair Millenials ARE the worst

Bill O’Reilly Knows Why Kids These Days Are Stupid And Dumb, And It Is Facebook

News man.
Bill O’Reilly, the world’s greatest news reporter, who has never lied about anything at any time, knows who is stupid, and it is millennials. Why? Because they get their news from these silly sources like The Internet. “Reporting” on a Pew poll that found 61 percent of millennials get political news from Facebook, while others get news from Google News and Yahoo, O’Reilly said, “I don’t know what any of that means.” We know, Bill, it is very confusing: Read more on Bill O’Reilly Knows Why Kids These Days Are Stupid And Dumb, And It Is Facebook…
  This is what a feminist looks like we guess?

Some Chicks Like Granny Panties, And The NYT Is ON IT!

Take THAT, patriarchy!
From the august pages of our nation’s newspaper of record, which always keeps us apprised of the national zeitgeist — like how Jeb Bush doesn’t eat enough fatty foods for Real Americans to vote for him, and some little boys don’t like wearing jeans — comes this latest trend watch from the always absurd style section of the New York Times: Read more on Some Chicks Like Granny Panties, And The NYT Is ON IT!…
  Here have some news n stuff

Hero GOP Senator Will Save Tax Dollars From Dumb Things Like Chocolate

Republican Jeff Flake, the other jackass senator from Arizona, loves to Make A Point about how much of your tax dollars the government is wasting on dumb stuff that he, Jeff Flake, does not understand and therefore sees no reason to fund. Here’s the most recent installment in his weekly #PorkChops series: Read more on Hero GOP Senator Will Save Tax Dollars From Dumb Things Like Chocolate…
  The kids are all right

Catholic High School Teachers In Gay Trouble

Good way to get out of that Calculus exam.
The kids of Dowling Catholic High School in Des Moines seem pretty cool, for stinky teenagers. They have a substitute teacher they really like, Tyler McCubbin, who is engaged to be married to his boyfriend, in a gay way. Which is legal to do in Iowa. McCubbin was in line for a full-time position at the school, but was rejected because his big gay life, according to the Diocese, “was at odds with Church teaching.” This pissed the students off, so instead of taking it lying down, they decided to stage a walkout: Read more on Catholic High School Teachers In Gay Trouble…
  He Schocked Me And It Felt Like A Kiss

Millennial Congressbro Aaron Schock Catchin’ Tasty Waves All The Way To The Office Of Congressional Ethics

All he needs are some tasty waves and a good attorney
Looks like it might not all be fun and games and romantic Indian getaways with his “personal photographer” and taxpayer-funded (but reimbursed!) “Downton Abbey”-inspired interior decor for “the first millennial congressman,” Aaron Schock. Stories of Schock’s luxurious “business trips” and extravagant spending and unreported jet-setting keep, uh, coming out, and that is raising a few questions for the pride and joy of Peoria, Illinois: Read more on Millennial Congressbro Aaron Schock Catchin’ Tasty Waves All The Way To The Office Of Congressional Ethics…
  The KKK Took My Baby Away And Ate My Homework

Poor Dears At U Of Iowa Terribly Upset By Anti-Racist Art Piece. Makeup Tests For Everyone!

Even the far-left liberal blog Wonkette says you don't get a free pass over art that bothers you
The University of Iowa has urged faculty members to let students miss or re-take tests if they were upset over some campus art that was SUPER RACIST (because it addressed racism). Apparently some students were so broken up over either the artwork itself — or the controversy surrounding its removal by the university — that they simply couldn’t get their schoolwork done. Letting students ignore their assignments because they had really strong feelings about a work of art strikes us as maybe a bad idea? Read more on Poor Dears At U Of Iowa Terribly Upset By Anti-Racist Art Piece. Makeup Tests For Everyone!…
  Here have some news n stuff

Not-Racist Mississippi Gent Very Sorry Now For All That Not-Racism

According to his notes, he's very sorry now
Hooray, we have defeated racism once again! It seems like it was just days ago that Mississippi state Rep. Gene Alday (R-Even Though Democrats Are The REAL Racists) was still trying to justify his charming reflections on coming “from a town where all the blacks are getting food stamps and what I call ‘welfare crazy checks.'” Oh right! That’s because it was on Monday, of this very same week, that he said those comments were supposed to be “off the record.” Plus, the reporter who’d cornered him into saying that stuff had called him “late at night,” and everyone knows how easily racism rolls right off the tongue after sundown. Not that it was racism, mind you, because as Alday was insisting up until a second ago, “I didn’t do anything wrong. The guy made me look like a fool.” So, per the standard procedure of Racist Dude Says Racist Thing, after “out of context” and “I’m not sorry cuz I didn’t do nothin’ wrong,” we have the sincere and very credible apology: Read more on Not-Racist Mississippi Gent Very Sorry Now For All That Not-Racism…
  Here have some news n stuff

GOP Looks To The Future, Thinks It Over, Sells Reagan/Bush T-Shirts Instead

So fashion forward!
Republicans are SO going to take back the White House in 2016 from those evil Democrats who’ve been in control of everything for the last 30 years, THANKS OBAMA. And they’ll do it with cutting-edge technology and 21st century ideas. What, why are you laughing? Read more on GOP Looks To The Future, Thinks It Over, Sells Reagan/Bush T-Shirts Instead…
  Here have some news n stuff

Congress Sort Of Has A Deal To Keep Government Open Maybe

He'll take the help, but it's gonna hurt
With the clock ticking toward Thursday, when our U.S. of America government will be officially out of pocket change and out of business, the do-nothing layabouts in Congress have maybe cobbled together a deal to avoid that. Hooray, end-of-year bonuses for all of you, for doing such a good job at doing your jobs! Especially you, Speaker John Boehner, for agreeing to suck it up and beg the Democrats to take pity on you by giving you a hand. Read more on Congress Sort Of Has A Deal To Keep Government Open Maybe…
  Here have some news n stuff

Not Ready For Hillary? Too Bad, Facebook Already Made Her President

Up to no good, maybe or maybe not
In case you didn’t get the memo, it is already 2016. It is soooooo already 2016. In fact, Facebook is already projecting the winner of the next presidential election, so everyone else who’s just getting started on teasing about hinting about exploring the idea of thinking about announcing a run for the White House can just pack up and go home because it’s already over. According to ABC News, this BREAKING! EXCLUSIVE!!! information shows that — hang on to your hats, folks, this is big — Hillary Clinton has more likes and interactions on Facebook than any of those Republican also-rans, so we can pretty much call it a day and start practicing saying Madam President.Guess it’s pretty convenient we didn’t even have to bother voting, huh? Read more on Not Ready For Hillary? Too Bad, Facebook Already Made Her President…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Paul Ryan Has A ‘Book,’ Bald Eagle Poop Isn’t Purple, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Good morning, everything is terrible again. Hooray, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-His Butt) has a new book out, called How I Learned To Stop Caring What Jesus Actually Had To Say Because I Sure Do Hate The Poors, or whatever he’s calling it, who cares? Courtesy of The Agenda Project Action Fund, please enjoy the original book cover above. You’re welcome. Read more on Paul Ryan Has A ‘Book,’ Bald Eagle Poop Isn’t Purple, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…