Wonkette

Hey did you hear Barack Obama is doing this worldwide terror tour with his senator friends? Look at those crowds, of soldiers! (Yes, also a lot of them are black. This is true in real life, too.) We can’t really hear what Obama is saying, but he gets a lot of applause, and then he makes a THREE-POINTER FROM DOWNTOWN and he hasn’t even changed into workout clothes. [YouTube]

Here’s your Wonkette Friday Lunch Hour “Escapist” Video: John McCain’s new ad, about how he hates war! First line: “Only a fool or a fraud talks tough or romantically about war.” Ha ha! Then he romanticizes his and his family’s war experience, for political gain, for 30 more seconds. [YouTube]

The great George W. Bush delivered the commencement address at Colorado’s Air Force Academy today, the same day that his former hobbit slave was publicizing mean books about him. Here he is this morning “chest-bumping” a graduate, who has probably already died in Iraq. [AP Photo]

SUPPORT THE TROOPS: “The U.S. Army doubled its use of ‘moral waivers’ for enlisted soldiers last year to cope with the demands of the Iraq war, allowing sex offenders, people convicted of making terrorist threats, and child abusers into the military.” [Guardian]

In a Sunday interview with the West Virginia’s Charleston Gazette newspaper, Senator Jay Rockefeller reinforced his support for Barry Obama. Mostly, however, he made fun of John McCain’s war experience with some heavy words about bombs. McCain is dehumanized and cannot understand the human condition, Rockefeller says, and that is why he enjoyed bombing the Vietnamese from the air so much. MORE »

In light of the Sinbad-Bosnia scandal, Hillary’s entire history of funny Tuff Guy statements is being reexamined. This process alone could endure well past Hillary’s lifetime. But here’s a fun treat: In 1994, Hillary says she thought about joining the Marines in 1975, but then the recruiter made robotic sexist statements about her, so she decided to become a Monster instead. MORE »

Iraq War protester-hippies poured red paint on the sidewalk outside of an Army recruitment office today. When a recruiter — who, along with his colleagues, was counter-protesting — noticed the spill, he asked some hippies what impact pouring red paint on the sidewalk has on the war. One hippie responded along the lines of, “It’s the blood of foreign countries that you’ve spilled.” The recruiter responded with something about bringing peace to the Middle East. This really happened. They each went their own ways after a minute or so — the hippie back to his hippie mob which was chanting “fuck the war!”; the recruiter back to his Army friends who were responding with “win the war!” (although it might have been “bring the war!” which is, well, terrible). Between these two groups was a puddle of red paint on the sidewalk, claiming naive pedestrians one-by-one.

Worst protest in the history of protests. Our last pictures are below, so you can see for yourself. MORE »

The key to any hippie protest is having a wide range of signs, usually homemade, each of which features some wry slogan of the individual protester’s making. This strategy creates a safeguard against the corrosive effects of Mob Rule upon the brain. To illustrate further: a protester is at home reading conspiracy theories on the Internet, and this protester’s mind is churning out revolutionary new postulates by the second. The protester can write the best of them all — “The Bush is burning,” say — on his or her sign. Each protester does this, the Mob Mentality sets in, and voila, it’s a protest: a sea of ugly signs with pathetic phrases and a loud roar of “BWAH BWAH BWAH BWAH” erupting from hundreds of overfed mouths. A Wonkette Photo Tour of today’s best signs, after the jump. MORE »

The cultish Washington Times today featured a front page tell-all about Barack Obama’s military inexperience, and how it has led him to have strange opinions. The Times quoted all sorts of neocon hawks in the military, who believe that Barack Obama’s youthful ignorance on national security has led to him to such wild conclusions as “the surge isn’t winning the war,” “we should withdraw from Iraq at some point” and “the Muslim religion will not bomb America if we act nice to it.” The reliable Washington Times, once again, gets to the heart of the election: How can we elect a man so inexperienced that he isn’t a neocon? MORE »

Here’s something that may come as a shock to you: Iraqis don’t want us in their country. No, seriously, it’s true. The Washington Post is reporting on a new study that found Iraqis of all sectarian and ethnic groups blame the U.S. occupying forces for the violence that plagues them. So we’re packing up and leaving, right? Right? MORE »

All 14th anniversaries deserve extra special festivities, and the Human Rights Campaign is celebrating the big 1-4 of the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy for gay soldiers by… asking if candidates will get rid of it! All this week, the organization has been queerying each Democratic candidate, “If you are elected President, what concrete steps would you take to overturn ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?’” Hillary Rodham Clinton, perhaps swayed by her platonic lover Keith Kerr, responded that she will bring her “strength and experience to bear to end this outdated and outmoded policy.” But your husband the President Bill made that policy! Clinton must obey Clinton or all Clintons fail! MORE »

“The head of Iran’s elite Revolutionary Guards dismissed the possibility of U.S. military action against Iran and warned that his forces would respond with an ‘even more decisive’ strike if attacked, an Iranian news agency reported Friday.” [MSNBC]

MORE »

Kids today: what’s the matter with them? According to the Navy, they are actually aliens. Danger Room found a Navy recruiting powerpoint presentation and apparently these nutty “millennials” have crazy ideas about not joining the Navy. Why? Because they are “coddled” and “narcissistic praise junkies,” of course! Oh, and because of Iraq. Also did you know they have complicated text messaging codes? And if you want to convince them to sign their life away to Uncle Sam, you’ll need to crack that code. MORE »