• If you were hoping to buy or rent a bunch of abortions and charge them care of whatever new health care bill ends up passing, this will not be possible! [New York Times]
• China is very upset with the Dalai Lama for going to some Himalayan town that is not technically a part of China but is so close it’s probably at least entertaining the notion. [Washington Post]
• It’s probable that Nidal Malik Hasan acted alone at Ft. Hood. Oh plus President Barack Obama, but other than that, alone, yes. [Wall Street Journal]
• So guess now’s as good a time as any to take a look at mental health policy and practices in the military. [Los Angeles Times]
• Even though Tony Blair will never admit it, he still wants to be the president of the EU. [Times Online]
• Hurricane Ida is the first hurricane to hit America this year. It struck parts of Mississippi, Florida, and New Orleans. All three still exist.  [AP]

There is no reason, ever, to invite racist ex-Congressman failure Tom Tancredo onto any television show, or at least the political ones. So thank you Tom Tancredo for graciously acknowledging your unimportance and leaving the set mid-interview! MORE »

• JUST TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT: The news out of Fort Hood keeps getting worse: 12 people have now been confirmed dead, with 31 injured. The two gunmen were soldiers stationed at Fort Hood and “the shootings took place at a readiness facility, which is where soldiers go before deploying overseas.” It started just before a 2 p.m. graduation ceremony. UPDATE: Uh oh: “The suspected gunman was identified as Major Malik Nadal Hasan.” The Internet will give this one another 45 minutes or so, out of respect, before a veritable World War II of furious accusatory typing begins. We’re getting out now. [NYT]

Erm so earlier this month someone asked Gen. McChrystal to talk about some of the weird shit that people tell him to do, all the time, re: Afghanistan. He was like, “Oh get this: Chaosistan,” which basically involves letting Afghanistan just become a “Somalia-like haven of chaos that we simply manage from outside.” And everyone laughed and laughed, because how tenuous does that sound? Rather tenuous, is the answer. Oh but anyway, turns out “Chaosistan” was an actual classified CIA document. Ha ha: “Somalia-like haven of chaos”—a regular Sy Hersh this McChrystal.  [Newsweek]

• SHUT UP AND MAKE THE GENERAL A GODDAMN PIE: Republicans tend to hate it when ladies have jobs. They should be at home, pooping out babies, because of the Bible. Sometimes they conceal this hatred, sometimes they don’t, and sometimes they don’t in official NRCC press releases: “If Nancy Pelosi’s failed economic policies are any indicator of the effect she may have on Afghanistan, taxpayers can only hope McChrystal is able to put her in her place.” These vaginers don’t understand America, and War: our government ranks military commanders over civilian commanders, duh. [NRCC via Matt Yglesias]

Most of the publicity pitches your Wonkette receives during the workday are for relatively innocuous, easygoing things. “Hey Wonkette me & my buddy Dave just made a hilarious video in our dorm room that your readers would love,” the average one reads. “We dress up in saran wrap & overalls and smash a model town of Sarah Palin Lego pieces with vibrators. Thank you for your consideration.” Today, however, we received a considerably more horrifying and evil pitch from the murky depths of the military-industrial complex. Does a global communications executive from GE seriously think that Wonkette will help his company gin up support for a multi-billion dollar defense contract to build F136 alternate engines for a new fleet of Lockheed Martin F-35 warplanes of death?? MORE »

Here’s some service-y journalism for you, so you can enjoy everybody else screaming and otherwise going nuts after midnight, when Air Force fighter jets begin a two-night assault on Washington’s fragile psyche. “A pair of F-16 fighter jets are scheduled to make periodic passes over downtown Washington at relatively low altitudes early tomorrow and again in the predawn hours Wednesday as part of a military exercise,” the Washington Post reports just late enough in the day for nobody to hear the news. Luckily nobody ever freaks out when huge scary low-flying roaring jets just pointlessly scare the shit out of everybody in the middle of the night. [Washington Post]

Over Easter weekend while the rest of America was busy gaining 10 pounds eating ham and Peeps, President Obama occupied himself authorizing military action that left three Somali pirates dead and one kidnapped American captain alive. This feat of daring means that nobody can call Obama a pussy anymore. MORE »

Well, this is alarming! An Israeli arms company made a video about its wonderful relationship with the Indian military, and the end product is … sort of indescribable. Watchy watchy, if you hate your life/freedom/tasteful things. [Wired]

Oh here’s some big news: Barack Obama has officially declared defeat in Iraq! War is over and our troops are headed home in shame! Stay with us as our president explains how he is going to pull soldiers out of the Middle East, a little bit at a time, until at some point in the future we have mere tens of thousands of troops overseas instead of hundreds of thousands. MORE »

All of the fit youngsters in America have already been sent off to War, so the only people left on the home front are pre-teens, very old people, and the obese. Various military/first responder spokespeople in this tragic AP article blame an epidemic of fat volunteers on “a lack of physical education in the high schools” and “a hard time understanding a healthy diet and the importance of daily exercise.” Jesus, you know we are doomed when fucking Army recruiters sound like a pack of sissypants liberals. You also know we are doomed when the Army has literally run out of non-obese people to recruit. [AP]