Tag: military

Don't coup me, bro

What The F*ck Is Going On In Turkey? A Wonksplainer!

The F*ck-Tussle in Turkey: No matter how it turned out, it was going to be Obama's fault.
A couple of amateurs

Mark Kelly And David Petraeus Started New Gun Safety Group Before Orlando. See? It Didn’t Work!

Former astronaut Mark Kelly and retired Gen. David Petraeus have formed a group to fight for stronger gun laws. We're looking forward to the Usual Suspects yelling these vets don't know anything about firearms.
My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Take Away Our Liberty

Deleted Comments: Don’t Call Trump Supporters Thugs. They’ll Kick Your Pinko Ass

Greetings, Ye Wonkers! We're back with all the comments that weren't fit to keep printed, and we've got a bit of a backlog to work through. Fortunately, there's no expiration date on deleted comments: They're usually rancid to start...
On the left, Stuart Varney, who is scared of girls. On the right, the dude who killed bin Laden.

Fox News Can’t Believe Navy SEAL Who Killed Bin Laden Not Terrified Of Lady Soldiers

Good news! Ladies are now officially allowed to go do all the same war combat things the gentlemens get to do! SCANDAL! You see, some people believe men and women should be equal, so they are happy about this. Others...
DON'T PUT WORD SALAD IN HER MOUTH.

Sarah Palin: Only A Idiot Would Blame Her Son’s Drunken Girlfriend-Beating On The President

Congratulations, Sarah Palin, you talked to the nice people at the "Today Show" for five whole minutes Monday and managed to do TWO major stupids. First you were saying people are mean to judge Donald Trump for not being...
It's not lying. Carly just believes we're in a post-truth era.

Carly Fiorina Admits She Was Wrong, Which Proves She Was Right, So There

This might be a first: Carly Fiorina admitted she was wrong about something! Not as wrong as she actually was, but it's a start. On Fox News Sunday, Fiorina admitted she was actually incorrect in saying General Jack Keane,...
What's science got to do with medicine?

The Snake Oil Bulletin: How To Detect The Gay, With Science

Greetings and Happy Thanksgiving to all our sinners, saints, and lawyers in between. This week on the Snake Oil Bulletin we decided to take a break from kid bleachers and their ilk to examine some good old fashioned pseudoscientifical...

America To Pay Iraqis For Dead Civilians We Definitely Did Not Kill

Not that America has ever inadvertently killed the wrong people -- we only shock and awe the bad guys, don'tcha know -- but that doesn't mean we can't pay a couple grand to some families whose loved ones may have ended...
Hooray, an actual witch hunt!

Hindu Witch Lady Terrorizes Innocent Christians At Air Force Dental Clinic

  As we all know, the United States military is an all-evangelical Christian fighting force that's been under attack as of late, mostly by the homosexuals and the transgenders being allowed to do their gay-gender diddles in foxholes next to...
Truly.

U.S. Military Letting Afghan Allies Rape Boys On American Bases, So That’s Gross

Here's a nice and horrifying story for you. The New York Times reports that in our completely necessary Freedom War in Afghanistan, the United States military has told soldiers and Marines to please ignore the fact that American-trained Afghan military...
SAD HUCK.

Mike Huckabee’s Shriveled Manhood Threatened By Gay Homosexual Army Secretary

Oh, poor Mike Huckabee! It seems that not a day goes by when he doesn't wake up to some new terrible gay homosexual Muslim threat to his "religious liberty" or his failing manhood. Sometimes it's how Syrian refugees are...
What a RINO

Remember That Time John Kasich Said A Gay And Republicans Cheered?

  So here was a weird moment in Thursday night's Republican debate! John Kasich, who is, science fact, a person running for the GOP nomination, was asked that typical Fox News Republican question: "If we put a gay on this stage...
Shut the fuck up.

Mike Huckabee Worried All The Military Ladies Will Want Fancy New Sex Boobies Now

Mike Huckabee took some time out from smuggling the Jews off Barack Obama's Iranian Auschwitz train this week to make some more weird comments about boobies. He's worried that if transgenders get to be in the military and go...
Tinfoil flags are best

Sen. Joni Ernst Worried Obama Lowered Flag To Half Staff For Secret Muslin Reasons

You may be astonished, as we were, to learn that conservatives are furious with Barack Obama for waiting Five Whole Days to order the flag to be flown at half staff in honor of the victims of last Thursday's...
This little guy is very excited about all the civil rights advances lately!

Congrats Trans Folk, Obama To Let You Meet Interesting People And Kill Them!

As the old saying goes, "there are no transgenders in foxholes," but that might have to be updated very soon, to something like "sometimes there are transgenders in foxholes" (which isn't a good saying, really), because the AP is...