Wonkette

* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Peter Welch (D-Vt.) is trying to make his office carbon-neutral… Mike Pence claims the Colts won because Bush said something vaguely optimistic about their chances once. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were partying with Dan Snyder again! [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Oh no, Tommy Jacomo might not host lunch at The Palm anymore! … Don Fowler cursed out, almost beat down some journo. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Democrats spent all weekend drinking, dancing, not wearing ties… HBO now offering Stuart Saves His Family on demand in honor of future Senator Al Franken. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: You know what the difference is between you and rich, important people like Robert Gates? Robert Gates gets to smoke wherever the hell he wants… Rep. Ilena Ros-Lehtinen incredibly excited to meet, uh, John McCain. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Senator Mike Enzi wears a big diamond ring on his pinky. [WP]

* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Jesse Jackson, Jr. makes every member of his staff turn in their resignation, then wait to be rehired… Rep. Mike Pence wore a flashy new suit! He’s running for Minority Leader, so a second suit can’t hurt… Isaac Hayes was on The Hill lobbying for the recording industry. Also, he’s a Scientologist. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Redskins owner/obvious bastard Dan Snyder will be attending Tom Cruise’s cult wedding… More Shelley Sekula-Gibbs, still no details on just how “mean.” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: As a publicist has already made sure to alert us, Eva Longoria was in town. She told a few jokes at a luncheon or something… Jim McGreevey might be on Joan Rivers’ new show, the Gay View… Freshmen Senators are stuck in the basements of Dirksen and Hart, Bob Corker and Sherrod Brown forced to share copier. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: George Allen’s sister Jennifer wrote stories even dirtier than Jim Webb’s… Alan Keyes, Rep. Chip Pickering (R-Miss.) and former Rep. Bob Barr (R-Ga.). are all in Borat… Senators-elect Sherrod Brown and Amy Klobuchar are former students of Joe Lieberman at Yale… Rep. Allyson Schwartz (D-Pa.) reports: Congress is like High School! [The Hill]

• Heard on the Hill: Nancy Pelosi’s sixth grandkid arrived Monday. It’s a boy, named Muqtada al-Pelosi Vos… Debbie Stabenow (D-Mich) is a graduate of Collegehumor.com’s number one party/lazy pot-head school, Michigan State. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: BREAKING: Joe Lieberman and wife Hadassah ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY WENT TO BORAT. [WP]
• Examiner: Nancy Pelosi and Jane Harman don’t get along, spend a great deal of time at the Four Seasons. We wait with bated breath for hilarity to ensue… Greta Van Susteren is a moronic sycophant, but you knew that. [Examiner]
• Under the Dome: Senator-elect Sherrod Brown’s wife Connie Schultz will resume her newspaper column and write a book about the race… Loretta Sanchez’ much-anticipated Christmas card is coming soon… Immigrant-hater Mike Pence Mark Souder hired Indian telemarketers to phone for him, then complained about their cuh-raazy accents mangling his xenophobic message. [The Hill]

• Heat Wave in California takes out aging power transformers, “When these transformers were installed, you had neighborhoods that weren’t air-conditioned, homes without two computers and five television sets.” [LAT]

• Bill Clinton stumped for Lieberman in Waterbury yesterday, “Lieberman did not mention Iraq or his support for the war, and Clinton touched only lightly on what he referred to as ‘the pink elephant in the room.’” [WP]
• 105 men “shackled at the wrists and the ankles” deported from Virginia. [WP]
• Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison (Tex.) and Rep. Mike Pence (Ind.) sponsor new immigration plan today. Plan expects illegal immigrants to “self-deport,” apply for a visa, quickly return to work legally in the US. [WP]
• Govs. Schwarzenegger and Blagojevich pony up state money for stem cell research. [NYT]

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* More discussion of “Rush Limbaugh’s penis” and the Dominican hookers he’s been sticking it in. [The Republic of T] MORE »

Watching C-SPAN at 8 a.m. is not generally our idea of a good time. But occasionally, it’s totally 100% worth it. Today was one of those days.

A Republican from Dallas, TX calls up C-SPAN to chat with a couple elected officials. But he has a quick question: what’s on Mike Pence’s chin?

You really, really, really need to see it for yourself. Bring up today’s Washington Journal and skip to 58:00 or so. But for those of you lacking RealPlayer, a partial transcript is after the jump.

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This week’s Sunday shows were best viewed with 20/20 hindsight.

Top topics: Dubai ports deal (dead) and the Southern Republican Leadership Conference straw poll (meaningless). This was leavened with some talk of Iraq and a single, lonely reference to Saturday’s Gridiron show.

Quotes to live by:
• Chris Wallaces curses us out: “Do the Democrats have — pardon the expression — a Newt Gingrich?”
• Bill Kristol also has the first Arctic Monkeys seven-inch: “I liked McCain before it was cool for conservatives to like McCain.”
• Everyone (except surprise mystery guest Joe Biden) avoids saying they’re running for President, though Huckabee does announce for 2016.
• Hospice-bound Art Buchwald stays wry: “I believe in God, but I’m not too certain that the people who are telling me that ‘it’s God’s will’ are the people I want to be listening to.”

Full rundown after the jump.

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