Tag Archives: mike lee

  Next: The Inevitable Drunken Make-Up Sex

Glenn Beck Breaks Up With GOP, Won’t Return Any LPs They Bought Together

Who'll get custody of the Butthurt?
Oh dear. This is going to make for some awkward Thanksgiving dinners, we bet: Glenn Beck is done with the Republican Party because he just can’t stand how they keep cheating on him. On his radio programme Wednesday, Mr. Beck told the GOP that it’s not him, it’s them: Read more on Glenn Beck Breaks Up With GOP, Won’t Return Any LPs They Bought Together…
  It's the Derp-Derpiest Time Of The Year

Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place

Bachmann kept trying to get the Riddler into Conversion Therapy
Oh, dear lord, Iowa is going to be like a superdense mass of Dumb this weekend, as Rep. Steve King and Citizens United host the “Iowa Freedom Summit” — kind of a Moronic Convergence of rightwing political hacks all coming together to hang out with the man who proclaimed that DREAM Act kids were mostly “drug mules with thighs calves the size of cantaloupes” [how quickly we forget!] and who fretted about the president hosting a “deportable” at the State of the Union. Read more on Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place…
  How will they 'save' the Constitution next?

Hero Conservatives Will Fix Stupid Framers’ Dumb Constitution

Trivia question from the first week of the 114th Congress: What percentage of proposed changes to the United States Constitution were filed by members of the Constitution-waving, original intent-spouting, Founding Father-worshiping Republican Party? Read more on Hero Conservatives Will Fix Stupid Framers’ Dumb Constitution…
  because that would be racist

Sarah Palin Endorses The Black Guy In Oklahoma Senate Race, But Definitely Not Because He Is Black

Remember James Lankford, from that story Editrix just wrote? Well he is locked in a race for the Republican nomination to succeed Senator Tom Coburn (R-SpackleBrainedDickWeasel), with T.W. Shannon (R-Some of Tea Partiers’ Best Friends Are Black), a former Oklahoma Speaker of the House, a member of the Chickasaw Nation, and also a member of another ethnic group that Cliven Bundy has some thoughts about. T.W. Shannon has garnered the awesome endorsements of Sarah Palin, and Mike Lee, and Canadian anchor babby Ted Cruz! But definitely not because he is black, which would be racist, because that would be affirmative action, which is liberal, who are the real racists. Let Sarah Palin explain just how much her endorsement of T.W. Shannon is Not Because He Is Black: “The Democrats accuse us of not embracing diversity? Oh, my goodness. He is it. He is the whole package. Oklahoma, you’ve been so lucky to have him,” Palin said at the rally, seconds after cracking to awkward laughs: “I still can’t pronounce his name. Ta-herer-wuhn. So I’m glad you go by T.W.” (His full name is Tahrohon Wayne Shannon.) Thank you for that naked tokenism, Sarah Palin! But seriously, Sarah, watch yer back: T.W. Shannon became Oklahoma’s first African-American Speaker of the House on January 8, 2013, and he resigned from the office less than 13 months later, while it took the Grifter Queen of the Northwoods more than two full years to skip out on her elected office. This kid is hungrier* than you, Sarah!  Read more on Sarah Palin Endorses The Black Guy In Oklahoma Senate Race, But Definitely Not Because He Is Black…
  get a fife

DC Tea Partiers Exercise Free Speech, Assembly Rights, Protest Government Tyranny

The Tea Party finally noticed that it turned five like a week and a half ago, so what could these insurgent grassroots heartland Willy Lomans do but get together with a bunch of Senators and millionaires in Washington DC to celebrate? Michelle Cottle of the Daily Beast was there, gulping the very same air as Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, Mike Lee, Michele Bachmann, Louie Gohmert, and other ones. Ms. Cottle tips her wry liberal hand early on: “Martial language flowed thick, and variations on the word “tyranny” were hot, hot, hot.” But while she may be lamestream to her core, we don’t doubt that she overheard much talk of sanguinary horticulture, second amendment solutions, and letting God sort ’em out. Then things get weird. Read more on DC Tea Partiers Exercise Free Speech, Assembly Rights, Protest Government Tyranny…
  equality means everyone's private jet is taxed the same

Mike Lee’s Tea Party SOTU Response Explains How Government Created Inequality With Taxes, Abortions

By all reasonable measures, Utah Sen. Mike Lee’s response to the State of the Union address was a huge success: He knew where the camera was, he didn’t go lunging off to the side to grab a water bottle, and he boldly articulated the innovative idea that government is the source of all our problems. Hey, he even had a repeated metaphor about “the road from Boston to Philadelphia,” noting that the original Tea Party was all about protest but then the Founders got organized and wrote the Constitution, so he gets a couple of points from this rhetoric teacher. And he only made up one completely nonexistent word, talking about Washington’s atmosphere of “cronyous privilege.” No, that’s not really an olde-timey Colonyous American word. Still he makes a compelling case for supporting General Washington, and as Charlie Pierce says, the speech might just be the thing to “break the logjam and get the Articles of Confederation passed.” Kind of a bummer that everything else was the same old libertarian crap about how the only thing Americans need to all become rich and happy is for the mean old government to get out of the way and let the profits happen. Read more on Mike Lee’s Tea Party SOTU Response Explains How Government Created Inequality With Taxes, Abortions…
  stock up on whiskey

You’re Going To Be So Drunk By The End Of All The State Of The Union Responses

Did you already check out our handy guide to what time and where the State of the Union is on and what you should drink? Were you feeling like you could probably manage those rules for an hour or two days or however long it is that Barack is going to talk at you? Well, you are a damn fool for thinking you would get out of the SOTU jungle alive, because there are going to be so many prebuttals and rebuttals and sur-rebuttals that you will be doing shots until the break of dawn. Sorry about your liver! Blame the GOP. As we write this, there are no fewer than four separate responses planned. FOUR. Plus at least one by a non-Republican, unless Roseanne Barr has gotten even weirder lately. Read more on You’re Going To Be So Drunk By The End Of All The State Of The Union Responses…
  a vagina-d monologue

Despite Risk Of Raging Libido, GOP Picks a LADY To Deliver State Of The Union Response

Oh ladies. If the GOP isn’t insulting your intellectual capacity, demanding you be submissive, or trying to keep your libido in check (because you are all raging fuckmonsters), then they are desperately wooing you for your votes. Their latest attempt to distract from their 1930-era policies is to scrounge around and find a GEN-YOU-INE lady to deliver the Republican response to the State of the Union. Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-WA) will deliver the response immediately following the President’s address on Tuesday night. Who is this lady what speaks for the GOP? Let’s wonksplore. Read more on Despite Risk Of Raging Libido, GOP Picks a LADY To Deliver State Of The Union Response…
  big box office boredom

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Chris Christie Implosion/Mitt Romney Monotony Double Feature

You don’t even need to open this week’s Sunday New York Times to know that it is going to be wall-to-wall Chris Christie. First there was the news that he may have blocked Hurricane Sandy aid to Hoboken because the mayor there didn’t love Chris Christie’s real estate development as much as she should have, With those revelations, Christie’s transformation into out-of-control mob boss continues apace. Next up: Chris Christie kneecaps all of Trenton for failing to pay him protection money. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Chris Christie Implosion/Mitt Romney Monotony Double Feature…
  fight for your right to discriminate

Patriotic Senators Boldly Stand Up For Oppressive Religious Majority What Wants To Be Anti-Gay

You know what sucks about being an American? When the big bad government steps in and says that you have to treat all people the same, even if they are not like you. First, they came for our lunch counters, and now they are coming for our discrimination against gays. Luckily, there are some patriotic senators who think this whole “all men created equal” thing has gone too far, and are willing to stand up for your god-given mandated right to discriminate against things you find icky. Sen. Mike Lee (R-UT) has introduced a bill that, according to ThinkProgress, “guarantees that businesses and even government employees can refuse to recognize a same-sex marriage and discriminate against anybody who engages in premarital sex.” It’s about time someone stood up for the oppressed Christianist majority, who keep on being persecuted by being forced to follow the same law as everyone else, like they are not even special or set apart or anything! Let’s same-sexplore.  Read more on Patriotic Senators Boldly Stand Up For Oppressive Religious Majority What Wants To Be Anti-Gay…
  we've created a monster

Tough Guy Mitch McConnell Gonna Punch All Those Tea Party Bullies POW Right In The Nose

You know who is a tough guy? Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is a tough guy, and you know this is true, because in a conference call with Karl Rove and other RINOs, he said why, why, he’s agonna stand up to all them teabullies like Ted Cruz and Mike Lee and punch em POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER! Someone who was on that conference call hates Mitch McConnell and loves Ted Cruz, obviously, or they would not be transmitting seeeekrit information to noted Tea Party toady Matthew Boyle, of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home for A Christmas Story Bully Sidekick Impersonators. Read more on Tough Guy Mitch McConnell Gonna Punch All Those Tea Party Bullies POW Right In The Nose…
  unforced error

Sen. Mike Lee Loses The Script, Admits GOP Is ‘Holding Government Functions Hostage’

A hundred years from now, maybe a dozen misanthropic trolls will know that Mike Lee was a Republican Senator from Utah and that he was dear friends with our first Canadian president, Ted Cruz. But in the here and now, Mike Lee is important, or something, at least we guess he is because we keep reading his name, and the words he said. Like these: [L]et’s leave Obamacare for another day and not hold the vast majority of government functions hostage when the vast majority of government functions don’t have anything to do with the implementation and enforcement of Obamacare. Not a bad idea, Mike Lee, and thank you for your candor! It’s so refreshing to hear a Republican admit that his party is holding “the vast majority of government functions hostage” in order to sabotage a law they don’t like. Oh, this isn’t what Mike Lee was trying to say? It would be unfair to imply this? DO NOT CARE. RUBICON CROSSED. Read more on Sen. Mike Lee Loses The Script, Admits GOP Is ‘Holding Government Functions Hostage’…
  mott the hoople and the game of life

Ted Cruz: We’re Not Shutting Down Government Over Obamacare, Obama Is Shutting Down Government Over Obamacare

The Senate GOP caucus has its dumb, its cranky old man yelling at clouds, its closeted Scarlett O’Hara impersonator, and its Tortugan wildlife. To this menagerie of dickitude the wise voters of Texas have recently added a condescending, particularly malevolent evil asshole in the form of Ted Cruz (R-Asshat Harbour). But now someone is going to have to persuade us that Cruz is not either Andy Kaufman in a skin-suit made of Canadian bacon and derp, or a fifth columnist sent here by our northern neighbors to finish off our decaying empire from within. Let us set the scene so that if we are wrong you can yell at us in the comments: when the next fiscal year begins on October 1 Congress will have to pass a continuing resolution to keep the government funded and running. Not long ago Cruz signed onto a plan by Senator Mike Lee to refuse to vote for any continuing resolution that includes funding for Obamacare. Should the resolution not pass, the government shuts down, a plan of action that has worked so well for the GOP in the past that even Tom Coburn thinks this is an addlepated stunt of pure fuckery. Ah, but Ted Cruz has the counter-argument here, and yesterday during a Q & A at The Heritage Foundation the beady-eyed cock-monkey squirted his world-class logic all over the GOP’s next great plan to stop the socialist menace of affordable health insurance for all: Read more on Ted Cruz: We’re Not Shutting Down Government Over Obamacare, Obama Is Shutting Down Government Over Obamacare…
  dumber and dumberer

Tom Coburn Says Murdering Economy To Stop Obamacare May Backfire

There are two surefire ways to tell if you have a really stupid idea. The first is to ask whether or not you are a Republican. If yes, the idea is likely stupid. If that doesn’t convince you, then look around and see if other conservative asshats are calling you a moron. If both things happen, you can be pretty sure you are a dumbfuck of the highest order. So whose dumbfuckery are we taking note of today?  Take it away, TPM: Sen. Tom Coburn (R-OK) told conservative writer Byron York that, while he’d “love” to cut funding for the new health care law, it’s an unrealistic push by the handful of GOP senators who have pledged to oppose any continuing resolution or appropriations bill that funds Obamacare. Hahahaha. This guy is from OKLAHOMA, which is redder than Rick Santorum’s ass on nickel butt-fuck night, and he is calling the idea unrealistic. What kind of mindless, far-right ideologues are trying to shut down the government and crash the global economy to make a point? Let’s find out.  Read more on Tom Coburn Says Murdering Economy To Stop Obamacare May Backfire…
  wonkette poetry corner

Sequestration Approaches, Utah Senator Mike Lee Writes Nice Poem

The Senate’s got a lot of stuff going on: There’s the straw man climate legislation coming later this week, solving the entire sequestration problem in the next two weeks, gun control, the Hagel confirmation and its pseudo-filibuster, the John Brennan confirmation and its threatened pseudo-filibuster, you get the idea — there’s a lot on the Senate’s plate, even outside of the things we hear about on the news all the time. In this time of great urgency, Utah Senator Mike Lee has taken upon himself another duty: He wrote a poem, about an aide, that he then read on the Senate floor. Read more on Sequestration Approaches, Utah Senator Mike Lee Writes Nice Poem…
  taxes are for democrats

Senator Mike Lee Will Protect Poors By Protecting The Rich

Have you heard of Senator Mike Lee? Neither have we, all of these rich white guys look alike to us because we are reverse racist/sexists. Anyway, he has made it his business to stand out among the sea of white male GOP senators by going on Mike Huckabee’s radio show and something extra stupid (well, RELATIVELY extra stupid) about Poors and Job Creators and taxes. Read more on Senator Mike Lee Will Protect Poors By Protecting The Rich…
  sure fine whatever

Blah Blah, Sen. Mike Lee Wants Child Labor Legal Again, Blah Blah

What a boring Friday! Why is that Loughner kid not doing anything crazy? There are so many reporters there in Tucson, ready for him to lick a bailiff. What are we supposed to talk about, each vote in that RNC election? Meh. Or that the new Utah senator says the ban on child labor is unconstitutional? Fine. Read more on Blah Blah, Sen. Mike Lee Wants Child Labor Legal Again, Blah Blah…