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Tag: mike huckabee

Louie Gohmert Would Have Gotten A Stiffie And Here’s Why

Texas Republican Congressman Louie Gohmert doesn't have an erection right now. (Unless he does.) But Louie Gohmert gets boners sometimes, and he knows sometimes there need to be laws, to protect people from his boners. He explained this to...
Muslim sharks will behead you!

Mean Federal Judge Orders Indiana Governor To Kiss All The Syrian Refugees On The Mouth

Oh fiddlesticks, the Sharia law is coming to Indiana, probably. A cruel federal judge named Tanya Walton Pratt has ruled that she doesn't even CARE that horrifically stupid Republican Gov. Mike Pence does, like, three oopsie squirts in his pants...
It's a mystery!

Donald Trump Firmly Anti-Hitler, Will Look Into Whether KKK Terrific Or Not

Donald Trump is simply shocked, shocked that anyone would think he's friendly to racist groups, although over the weekend he seemed unwilling to say they were exactly bad. On CNN's "State of the Union" Sunday, Trump refused to disavow...
Can't you see how she's dividing America right here?

Beyoncé Super Bowl Show Features Black People, Wingnuts Super Outraged

Sunday's Pepsi Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show at Levi's Stadium in Facebook, California, was tinged with controversy. In an astonishing move, the NFL chose Coldplay to headline as an obvious diversity hire. Some more sensitive types were unsettled by...
OOOH DADDY WE GET TO DO TEEVEE AGAIN!

Are The Duggars About To Finger Our Souls With New Season Of ’19 Kids And Counting’?

We just ... I ... what? WHY? If this report from the Christian Post is in any way true, the TLC network is a buncha rancid whores: After seeing the success of , it was announced that TLC will be bringing back "19...
Well this sure is upsetting, no it's not.

Rand Paul Has Another Extremely Occasional Moment Of Sanity, Drops Out Of Race

See? The insane, dumb Iowa caucuses DO serve a purpose, and it's to get rid of some more of these damn Republicans who think for whatever reason that they might get to be president someday, LOL as if. First...
BYE YOU DUGGAR-LOVIN' MOTHERFUCKER

Dearest Mike Huckabee: So Long, Farewell, Aufwiedersehen, Burn In Hell

By now, you may have heard the saddest news ever to come out of the big dumbocrap whatchamahoozit known as the Iowa caucuses: Mike Huckabee will no longer be pretending to "run for president," and will instead have to...
Ted Cruz looks so ... happy?

Hillary Winned The Iowa Caucuses, And Ted Cruz Still Sucks

Land sakes, the Iowa caucuses are stupid and dumb. We already 'splained why they are undemocratic and just overall a shitshow on a massive scale, so if you haven't read that, CATCH UP, MORANS. But now we know the...
Take Me To Your Butter Cow

Come Together While Iowa Jams Its Caucus Down Your Throat

It's your Iowa Caucus open thread, Wonkers! After all the prolonged teasing, flirting with billionaires, straining to get a surge in the polls, and lots and lots of sucking, it's time for the voters of Iowa to finally consummate...

Congratulations, Jim Gilmore, Here’s Your One Wonkette Post Ever!

The (supposedly, please dear God we don't ask for much) final Republican undercard debate, between Senator Frothy Mixture, iCarly, and Governor Squirrelpork was as much of a shouty shouty Jesus fest as we've come to expect out of them....
winner winner chicken dicker

Donald Trump Won The Fox News Republican Debate, By Not Showing Up

It's the morning after another fun-filled GOP debate extravaganza sexcitement night, are you still weak in the knees? No, you aren't, because that debate was BORING, mostly because Republican frontrunner Donald J. Trump decided to play hooky because he really...

With Trump Gone, Who Will Megyn Kelly Bleed All Over Now? Your GOP Debate Liveblog

It's the top-tier Republican losers debate, comin' at us from Iowa on Fox "News," and what in the wide world of ethanol and butter cows are we even doing here? Donald Trump is off "benefitting veterans" -- the ones he didn't try...

Liveblogging Second-Tier Crybaby Losers GOP Debate For The Last Time, Thank God

Hooray and woot and praise the lord almighty Herself that this is the last time we have to endure this charade of pretending Jim Gilmore (R-Who? Never Mind) and these other losers are going to be president. Just kidding! There are still many Republican...

Let’s Watch Losers Debate A Man Who’s Not There. Your Republican Debate Preview

Whee, one more Republican debate before Iowa votes, after which somebody will win the Iowa caucuses and nobody will drop out and we'll have a million more debates, even after Hillary Rodham Clinton's two terms as president are over....
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort Heidi.

Sounds Like Ted Cruz Owes Jesus Some Money

Uh oh, the phone is ringing all day at the Cruz household, and it's coming from an unknown number. And nobody wants to pick it up, because it's the collection agency Jesus sent after one Canadian Ted Cruz, otherwise known...
GET THAT "SMILE" OFF YOUR FACE.

Lying Liar Carly Fiorina Lying About Jesus Now

Uh-oh, Cara Carleton "Carly The Liar" Fiorina has been opening her mouth again, and you know what happens when she does that. SHE LIES. Usually she's lying about little tiny baby arms and legs writhing on tables at the...