Tag: mike huckabee

Congress Surrenders U.S. Army To Known Homosexual, Thanks Obama!

Just last week, we were telling you about how, last year, Obama nominated a known homosexican, Eric Fanning, to be secretary of the Army, but that Republican Sen. Pat Roberts, a dickhead, was being a dickhead about letting him be...

Obama’s Gay Army Secretary Nominee On Hold, Because Sen. Pat Roberts Is Being A Dick

But Sen. Roberts is being a dick for COMPLETELY unrelated reasons, he says!
Nothin's gonna stop him now... oh, shoot.

Poor Forgotten Jim Gilmore (Who?) Can’t Even Be GOP Convention Delegate, Awwww

You may remember former Virginia governor Jim Gilmore, who was, at least on paper, an actual Republican candidate for president longer than Carly Fiorina, Chris Christie, Rick Santorum, Rand Paul, Mike Huckabee, George Pataki (who?), Lindsay Graham, Bobby Jindal,...
WWJD? This probably

Sundays With The Christianists: ‘God’s Not Dead 2’ Could Use More Electric Boogaloo

a href="http://wonkette.com/568655/is-kirk-camerons-saving-christmas-truly-the-worst-movie-ever-a-wonkette-investigation"Let's get one thing out of the way right away: God's Not Dead 2 is not nearly as bad a movie as Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas. Somehow, we lucked out of seeing the original 2014 God's Not Dead,...

Louie Gohmert Would Have Gotten A Stiffie And Here’s Why

Texas Republican Congressman Louie Gohmert doesn't have an erection right now. (Unless he does.) But Louie Gohmert gets boners sometimes, and he knows sometimes there need to be laws, to protect people from his boners. He explained this to...
Muslim sharks will behead you!

Mean Federal Judge Orders Indiana Governor To Kiss All The Syrian Refugees On The Mouth

Oh fiddlesticks, the Sharia law is coming to Indiana, probably. A cruel federal judge named Tanya Walton Pratt has ruled that she doesn't even CARE that horrifically stupid Republican Gov. Mike Pence does, like, three oopsie squirts in his pants...
It's a mystery!

Donald Trump Firmly Anti-Hitler, Will Look Into Whether KKK Terrific Or Not

Donald Trump is simply shocked, shocked that anyone would think he's friendly to racist groups, although over the weekend he seemed unwilling to say they were exactly bad. On CNN's "State of the Union" Sunday, Trump refused to disavow...
Can't you see how she's dividing America right here?

Beyoncé Super Bowl Show Features Black People, Wingnuts Super Outraged

Sunday's Pepsi Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show at Levi's Stadium in Facebook, California, was tinged with controversy. In an astonishing move, the NFL chose Coldplay to headline as an obvious diversity hire. Some more sensitive types were unsettled by...
OOOH DADDY WE GET TO DO TEEVEE AGAIN!

Are The Duggars About To Finger Our Souls With New Season Of ’19 Kids And Counting’?

We just ... I ... what? WHY? If this report from the Christian Post is in any way true, the TLC network is a buncha rancid whores: After seeing the success of , it was announced that TLC will be bringing back "19...
Well this sure is upsetting, no it's not.

Rand Paul Has Another Extremely Occasional Moment Of Sanity, Drops Out Of Race

See? The insane, dumb Iowa caucuses DO serve a purpose, and it's to get rid of some more of these damn Republicans who think for whatever reason that they might get to be president someday, LOL as if. First...
BYE YOU DUGGAR-LOVIN' MOTHERFUCKER

Dearest Mike Huckabee: So Long, Farewell, Aufwiedersehen, Burn In Hell

By now, you may have heard the saddest news ever to come out of the big dumbocrap whatchamahoozit known as the Iowa caucuses: Mike Huckabee will no longer be pretending to "run for president," and will instead have to...
Ted Cruz looks so ... happy?

Hillary Winned The Iowa Caucuses, And Ted Cruz Still Sucks

Land sakes, the Iowa caucuses are stupid and dumb. We already 'splained why they are undemocratic and just overall a shitshow on a massive scale, so if you haven't read that, CATCH UP, MORANS. But now we know the...
Take Me To Your Butter Cow

Come Together While Iowa Jams Its Caucus Down Your Throat

It's your Iowa Caucus open thread, Wonkers! After all the prolonged teasing, flirting with billionaires, straining to get a surge in the polls, and lots and lots of sucking, it's time for the voters of Iowa to finally consummate...

Congratulations, Jim Gilmore, Here’s Your One Wonkette Post Ever!

The (supposedly, please dear God we don't ask for much) final Republican undercard debate, between Senator Frothy Mixture, iCarly, and Governor Squirrelpork was as much of a shouty shouty Jesus fest as we've come to expect out of them....
winner winner chicken dicker

Donald Trump Won The Fox News Republican Debate, By Not Showing Up

It's the morning after another fun-filled GOP debate extravaganza sexcitement night, are you still weak in the knees? No, you aren't, because that debate was BORING, mostly because Republican frontrunner Donald J. Trump decided to play hooky because he really...

With Trump Gone, Who Will Megyn Kelly Bleed All Over Now? Your GOP Debate Liveblog

It's the top-tier Republican losers debate, comin' at us from Iowa on Fox "News," and what in the wide world of ethanol and butter cows are we even doing here? Donald Trump is off "benefitting veterans" -- the ones he didn't try...