Tag Archives: mike huckabee

  thanks obama!

Oklahoma Rep: Hope You Like Your ‘Common-Law’ Marriages, Godless Hippie Homo Folk!

Todd Russ likes steers, not queers If you’re like us — and we know you are because we’ve seen you in the shower — you find the ongoing right-wing freakout over gay marriage delectably amusing. Whether it’s the Florida clerks of court stopping all courthouse weddings so they wouldn’t have to pronounce Adam and Steve husband and husband (in fairness, they’re all from the hillbilly parts of the state, which, contrary to popular belief, is not the whole thing, shut up comment section; we also have Miami) or Mike “Fat Again” Huckabee, constitutional expert and Ted Nugent fan, declaring that hey, maybe states don’t need to listen to the Supreme Court anyway, there’s an endless bounty of schadenfreude to be had, and we need to enjoy it while we can. Read more on Oklahoma Rep: Hope You Like Your ‘Common-Law’ Marriages, Godless Hippie Homo Folk!…
  It must be the fever talking

Mike Huckabee: Ted Nugent’s Song About Ladies’ Vaginas Really Just About Kitty Cats

Mike Huckabee should probably stop talking now. After being universally mocked for writing in his new book that the Obamas belong in bad-parent prison for letting their daughters listen to Beyonce’s whore music — which is basically the same thing as buying them a stripper pole — he was then universally mocked even more for that time he was getting his rock on to a song about sexing ladies, with his BFF Ted Nugent, “an outspoken rocker and a political commentator, but above all, he’s a patriot.” Read more on Mike Huckabee: Ted Nugent’s Song About Ladies’ Vaginas Really Just About Kitty Cats…
  Why aren't the Obamas in bad-parent jail?

Mike Huckabee Can’t Believe Beyonce Still Hasn’t Resigned In Disgrace

Mike Huckabee, perpetual maybe-presidential candidate, wrote a book about what’s wrong with America. Everything, basically, is wrong with America — including the Obamas allowing their daughters to get their hippity-hop on to Beyonce’s whore music. But it’s not as if he wanted anyone to notice that. That anyone in the media is all, “Huh? What?” just proves his point that America is a cesspool of Indecency and Immorality and other I-words. (The Huckster is also fond of the greatest I-word in the Bible, which no Republicans ever talk about, ever, but it rhymes with dimpeachment.) Read more on Mike Huckabee Can’t Believe Beyonce Still Hasn’t Resigned In Disgrace…
  pieholes are for shutting

Mike Huckabee Can’t Believe Obamas Allow Girls To Listen To Beyonce, Who Is A Prostitute

Huck must have needed a whole bottle of his heart pills when this popped up on screen.
Mike Huckabee, a man so unpleasant that dogs will commit suicide to avoid being dragged home to meet him, has been looking for a way he can distinguish himself as this election cycle’s go-to moral scold. Not content to call a black entertainer a pimp for letting his singer wife dance around on a stage like a common tart, he has now gone after two of the singer’s fans by questioning their parents’ judgment for letting them listen to her music. Oh, and those fans happen to be Malia and Sasha Obama. Damn kids, always listening to that Negro jazz and swinging their hips around like horny sex monsters and such! Read more on Mike Huckabee Can’t Believe Obamas Allow Girls To Listen To Beyonce, Who Is A Prostitute…
  Will Rape Jokes Ever Get Old?

Mike Huckabee Kicks Off His Maybe-Campaign With Some Prison Rape Jokes, For Jesus

Definitely Not Nuts AT ALL
Since the GOP is so good on the issue of rape, Gov. Mike Huckabee (R-Guitar Hero) decided to make a chapter of his new book dedicated to a rape joke. And some namby-pamby liberals decided to get all butt-hurt over it, because not everyone thinks that rape is the next funniest thing to “concentration camps are a great diet” jokes! Read more on Mike Huckabee Kicks Off His Maybe-Campaign With Some Prison Rape Jokes, For Jesus…
  Anarchy is for white people

Mike Huckabee Outraged Black People Don’t Want To Be Shot

What is he really trying to say?
Mike Huckabee, another Bible-humping wingnut whackadoodle who just might have to run for president to save America from itself, is a big fan of anarchy. Sometimes. Like, when judicial activists try to cram marriage equality down our throats? That is bad and unconstitutional, according to the Bible, and in Huckabee’s ideal America, brave governors who actually care about values and what they are pretty darned sure Jesus meant when he wrote the First Amendment would tell the courts to go throat-cram themselves by refusing to follow these unlawful laws. Read more on Mike Huckabee Outraged Black People Don’t Want To Be Shot…
  A Sojourner In A Strange Land. A Very Strange Land

Obama Said Words From The Bible, Is That Even Allowed?

He's stealing our worship words!
Newest Rightwing Butthurt: In his speech on immigration reform, Traitor Usurper Friend Of Lawbreakers Barack Hussein Obama, who never mentions Jesus on Easter or Christmas, actually referenced the Bible, and now that’s a terrible thing. As part of his address, Obama said, Read more on Obama Said Words From The Bible, Is That Even Allowed?…
  We Have always Been At War With Crustacea

You Will Be Outraged By The Tax Dollars Not Spent On This Dumb Science Thing!

Boondoggle! Government Waste! Volcano Monitoring!
You probably heard about the terrible waste of money where the National Science Foundation threw three million dollars at some stupid scientists who ran shrimp on a treadmill, we bet. It was big news in 2008, and kept on being huge news. Sen. Tom Coburn and Mike Huckabee (God’s Flatulent Instrument on Earth) both cited it as just the worst of a whole laundry list of useless waste in government spending. Here’s Huckabee’s version: Read more on You Will Be Outraged By The Tax Dollars Not Spent On This Dumb Science Thing!…
  Get The Huck Out Of Here

Mike Huckabee Declares Himself God’s Unqualified Instrument

Effin beyotches, amirite?
Mike Huckabee’s Saturday night show on Fox News, “Huckabee,” could soon be killed by its host’s political ambitions, putting the cable commentary landscape in danger of losing a significant source of down-home everymanliness. Following a new profile in the Washington Post about Huckabee’s non-campaign campaign, CNN’s Brian Stelter reports that Fox’s VP of programming would like to speak to the former governor regarding his future at the network at his earliest convenience. Read more on Mike Huckabee Declares Himself God’s Unqualified Instrument…
  Stop Impeaching Yourself

GOP Really Wishes Obama Would Stop Trying To Bait Them Into Impeachment

Dear GOP please impeach me kthxbai
Look, Republicans do not want to have to impeach President Obama. They have said it time and time again. Sen. John McCain said he really did not want to have to impeach Obama for warring on Syria. And in 2013, when the GOP House caucus had a secret meeting to talk about impeaching the president, they didn’t even want to use the “I word.” When Texas Rep. Blake Farenthold said the House would totally impeach Obama if it weren’t for that dumb obstructionist Democrat-controlled Senate, he probably didn’t even mean that. (Yes he did.) And when never-gonna-be-president Mike Huckabee said the actual president “has done plenty of things worthy of impeachment,” he was probably just speaking hypothetically. Read more on GOP Really Wishes Obama Would Stop Trying To Bait Them Into Impeachment…
  Thanks but no thanks

National Organization For Marriage Tries To Cram Endorsement Down Democrat’s Throat

Nobody actually listens to these assholes. Nobody.
Image via The New Civil Rights Movement The National Organization for Marriage is just about as dead as opposition to marriage equality itself. NOM is pretty darned sure homophobia is going to be making a big comeback any day now — any day, you’ll see! — and when it does, NOM will be there, telling all of us sinners and friends of sinners that NOM was right all along about how The Gay would destroy America and the family and the sanctity of Newt Gingrich’s three marriages and freedom and then America some more, thanks in no small part to the Obama administration’s evil fascist agenda to let gays do paperwork together, IMPEACH! Read more on National Organization For Marriage Tries To Cram Endorsement Down Democrat’s Throat…
  Now From Our Boise Bureau

Idahoans Like Butch Otter, Hate Hillary Clinton, Go Both Ways On Potatoes

Looks like the pogayto will be getting a lot of work now
Our pals at Public Policy Polling (we like to say they’re our pals, but they don’t know us from Adam’s off ox) have graced us with a poll on the Idaho midterm elections, and you will be astonished to learn that Idahoans are probably going to elect a bunch of Republicans again. Read more on Idahoans Like Butch Otter, Hate Hillary Clinton, Go Both Ways On Potatoes…
  Multitasking is hard

Indiana County Clerk Just Wants To Be Super Duper Sure About This Gay Marriage Thing

Maybe this would make it clearer?
You may have heard the obscure news that the Supreme Court recently told several states, including Indiana, that the justices really don’t want to hear any more whining about gay marriage, but did they really mean it? For some county clerks in Indiana, it just isn’t that clear. Read more on Indiana County Clerk Just Wants To Be Super Duper Sure About This Gay Marriage Thing…
  GOP will put a stop to all this GOP voter fraud

Voter Fraud Is Real, And It’s All Republicans

Sometimes you just forget you already did that
Republican governors and secretaries of state are determined to stop the scourge of Voter Fraud, by ensuring that the wrong kind of people can’t vote. (Poors, minorities, Democrats — you know the type.) Sure we laugh at them, but it’s no laughing matter. Voter fraud is a real problem. Among Republicans, anyway. Read more on Voter Fraud Is Real, And It’s All Republicans…
  Two Days At The Values Voter Summit

Values Voters Throw Annual Pity Party, Decide Obama is THE WORST. Again.

The Values Voter Summit happens every fall at the Omni Shoreham Hotel, the premier venue for conservative conventions in Washington, DC. (For those of you keeping score, it goes Omni, Grand Hyatt, Mayflower. We do not attend conventions at sub-Mayflower hotels.) Read more on Values Voters Throw Annual Pity Party, Decide Obama is THE WORST. Again….
  Whine and Jesus Party

It’s A Good Friday For Values Voters To Feel Persecuted Again

nice ride
Outside the Values Voter Summit 2014/Photo by Beth Ethier It’s time for all the wingnuttiest Christianist wingnuts who will never be president to gather once again in D.C. to Biblesplain how President Obama is THE WORST, liberals have killed Jesus (again!), and it’s hard out there in these American United States of Real America for an outraged white dude. Read more on It’s A Good Friday For Values Voters To Feel Persecuted Again…
  Stop making us talk about it some more

Surprise! Mike Huckabee Part Of Democrat Conspiracy To Make Obama Impeach Himself

RINO
We have some BREAKING NEWS to report on the developing story of the vast left-wing conspiracy “scam” to force Republicans to talk about impeaching President Obama even though they do NOT want to talk about that at all, no sir. Seriously, they don’t want to talk about it. They really don’t want to talk about it. Truly, you cannot find a single Republican who wants to talk about impeaching the president. And yet, when asked on Monday whether Mike Huckabee, who supposedly is a Republican, believes the president is “worthy of impeachment,” the Huck did not say, “Don’t be ridiculous, that’s absurd, come ON, man.” Which is what you’d think a so-called Republican would say when asked about impeaching the president, since NO Republicans actually want to impeach the president, wink wink nudge nudge say no more. But, strangely, the Huck did not say that. Instead: Read more on Surprise! Mike Huckabee Part Of Democrat Conspiracy To Make Obama Impeach Himself…
  sorry not sorry

I Am Mad About A Thing: Hooray, Todd Akin Has A ‘Book’

Ugh, Todd Akin, right? You remember Todd Akin, of course. He was a Republican representative from Missouri who just might have become a senator from Missouri if he had not made the catastrophic mistake, as Republicans are wont to do, of opening his mouth and saying words. And you remember those words because we all do, because they are tattooed on our brains, and we cannot bleach them away no matter how hard we try: Read more on I Am Mad About A Thing: Hooray, Todd Akin Has A ‘Book’…
  you don't have to dress badly to be a homophobe -- but it helps!

Hate-Fest Fashion: Men of the Sweat-Soaked Cloth

If you’re having a party to advocate keeping the gays second-class citizens as long as possible and holding it in the very best swampy heat that Washington, DC has to offer, there are many things you need to ask yourself. In addition to questioning any number of your life choices, you must decide what to wear! And so Wonkette proudly presents the Sweaty Fundamentalist Summer Collection. Read more on Hate-Fest Fashion: Men of the Sweat-Soaked Cloth…
  thank god almighty

Mike Huckabee And National Organization For Marriage Are Your New Civil Rights Heroes, America

Yesterday, you may have noticed that it was a key date in the history of American civil rights. On June 19, 1964, the Senate passed the Civil Rights Act, which Lyndon B. Johnson would sign two weeks later on July 2. But after this year, no one will remember anything about that stupid old Civil Rights Act, because the real thing we will celebrate forevermore on June 19 is the March for Marriage, which drew literal scores of people to D.C. to hate on the gays getting married. Making this all the better: Mike Huckabee! Read more on Mike Huckabee And National Organization For Marriage Are Your New Civil Rights Heroes, America…
  gay marriage on the march

Last Outposts Of Decency Idaho, Arkansas Fall To Communism We Mean Gay Marriage

Open wide, Idaho, because we’re cramming some big gay homo marriage right down your throat! (Try relaxing your jaw and breathing through your nose.) Late Tuesday a federal judge in Boise struck down Idaho’s gay marriage ban, declaring a referendum passed in 2006 that enshrined the principle of one-heterosexual-man-one-heterosexual-woman marriage in the state constitution out of bounds. In her decision, Chief Magistrate Judge Candy Wagahoff Dale wrote that “Marriage is a fundamental right of all citizens, which neither tradition nor the majority may deny,” failing to add “So it doesn’t matter if 63% of you voted for this referendum, it’s still unconstitutional, no matter what your nitwitted governor may say.” Read more on Last Outposts Of Decency Idaho, Arkansas Fall To Communism We Mean Gay Marriage…