Wonkette
Posts Tagged “Mike Huckabee”
beloved political icons
The enfeebled Mexican liberal John McCain might be the presumptive nominee of the Republican party, but that didn't stop about 25 percent of the Republican voters in recent primaries from casting their ballots for such worthies as Alan Keyes, Ron Paul, Mike Huckabee, and "Undecided." So how will the candidate who is barely tolerated by most of his voters and enthusiastically loathed by a significant few hope to do in the fall?
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Nearly 25% Of Republicans Still Despise John McCain
The enfeebled Mexican liberal John McCain might be the presumptive nominee of the Republican party, but that didn't stop about 25 percent of the Republican voters in recent primaries from casting their ballots for such worthies as Alan Keyes, Ron Paul, Mike Huckabee, and "Undecided." So how will the candidate who is barely tolerated by most of his voters and enthusiastically loathed by a significant few hope to do in the fall?
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employment mysteries
A woman who works in a restaurant at the Little Rock airport said she was fired after she held up a Hillary Clinton sign in view of John McCain's landing plane. Micah Qualls says former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee saw her holding up the sign in the parking lot and complained to her boss, who promptly canned her. But Mike Huckabee and her boss say no such thing happened, and this is all a terrible misunderstanding! So who's lying — the sassy lassie who starred in a local theater production of "Anything Goes," or the devout governor whose covenant wedding Qualls protested three years ago?
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Waitress Fired For Hillary Sign At McCain Event?
A woman who works in a restaurant at the Little Rock airport said she was fired after she held up a Hillary Clinton sign in view of John McCain's landing plane. Micah Qualls says former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee saw her holding up the sign in the parking lot and complained to her boss, who promptly canned her. But Mike Huckabee and her boss say no such thing happened, and this is all a terrible misunderstanding! So who's lying — the sassy lassie who starred in a local theater production of "Anything Goes," or the devout governor whose covenant wedding Qualls protested three years ago?
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book nooze
Remember way back in JANUARY when math-hating yokel Mike Huckabee looked, for about five minutes, like he might win the Republican presidential nomination? Soon you'll be able to relive the magic all over again, because he is writing a book, about his campaign! He'll share secrets like how to gain 35 pounds on the campaign trail without even trying; how to talk your wife into putting a paper bag over her head during Jesus-approved procreative activities; and why Chuck Norris would have made the best Treasury Secretary since Alexander Hamilton.
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Mike Huckabee To Write Book About His Famous Losing Campaign
Remember way back in JANUARY when math-hating yokel Mike Huckabee looked, for about five minutes, like he might win the Republican presidential nomination? Soon you'll be able to relive the magic all over again, because he is writing a book, about his campaign! He'll share secrets like how to gain 35 pounds on the campaign trail without even trying; how to talk your wife into putting a paper bag over her head during Jesus-approved procreative activities; and why Chuck Norris would have made the best Treasury Secretary since Alexander Hamilton.
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losers
Several people spent this week in suspense as they waited for Republican loser Mike Huckabee to reveal his exciting new website. The doomsday clock ticked, the days and hours and minutes went by, as they tend to do, and then it turned out Huckabee was just starting another PAC like every other political loser in the history of modern loserism. But the comments are hilarious!
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Mike Huckabee's Shocking Online Secret Is A ... Political Action Committee Website
Several people spent this week in suspense as they waited for Republican loser Mike Huckabee to reveal his exciting new website. The doomsday clock ticked, the days and hours and minutes went by, as they tend to do, and then it turned out Huckabee was just starting another PAC like every other political loser in the history of modern loserism. But the comments are hilarious!
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death
Karate movie star Chuck Norris, Mike Huckabee's most effective supporter in his useless presidential campaign, is the target of terrible teenage violence in New Jersey: "Just as I was turning away (again) in disgust from America's awry juvenile daily news, I found myself a constituent of it, when two New Jersey teens were arrested after a teacher found a 'hit list' that contained my name." Someone needs to save him before the rascals pour Mountain Dew on his straw-man effigy and burn it with Xbox Fire! [World Net Daily]
Teenagers Trying To Kill Chuck Norris!
Karate movie star Chuck Norris, Mike Huckabee's most effective supporter in his useless presidential campaign, is the target of terrible teenage violence in New Jersey: "Just as I was turning away (again) in disgust from America's awry juvenile daily news, I found myself a constituent of it, when two New Jersey teens were arrested after a teacher found a 'hit list' that contained my name." Someone needs to save him before the rascals pour Mountain Dew on his straw-man effigy and burn it with Xbox Fire! [World Net Daily]
former presidents
Many have commented on this strange new ticking time-bomb version of MikeHuckabee.com. It appears that he is not nuking the earth with space rockets, as most assumed. Instead, he is starting some strange new right-wing christian "political organization," because Lord knows we need more of that. He'll explain it tonight on a conference call, to nobody. [MikeHuckabee.com, Jonathan Martin]
Mike Huckabee's Strange New Life
Many have commented on this strange new ticking time-bomb version of MikeHuckabee.com. It appears that he is not nuking the earth with space rockets, as most assumed. Instead, he is starting some strange new right-wing christian "political organization," because Lord knows we need more of that. He'll explain it tonight on a conference call, to nobody. [MikeHuckabee.com, Jonathan Martin]
secrets
Last month in New Orleans, a secret cabal of leaders from the Christian right met to discuss their evil plans. Among them was Paul Weyrich, a big wig with the Moral Majority, Heritage Foundation and the super-secret Council for National Policy. Weyrich had previously supported Mittens "Mitt" Romney, and took the occasion to apologize for not supporting Mike Huckabee, the bass-playing Arkansas ex-fattie who people only liked because he told comical jokes written by your grandfather.
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Christian Fat Cats Regret Not Supporting Huckabee
Last month in New Orleans, a secret cabal of leaders from the Christian right met to discuss their evil plans. Among them was Paul Weyrich, a big wig with the Moral Majority, Heritage Foundation and the super-secret Council for National Policy. Weyrich had previously supported Mittens "Mitt" Romney, and took the occasion to apologize for not supporting Mike Huckabee, the bass-playing Arkansas ex-fattie who people only liked because he told comical jokes written by your grandfather.
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funny laws
Bill Clinton's latest Little Rock bastard baby can no longer marry Mike Huckabee's latest Jesus baby in Arkansas, saving the world for now, but ruining Democracy in the future. On Wednesday, Arkansas Gov. Mike Beebe signed a measure repealing "a law that mistakenly allowed anyone — even toddlers — to marry with parental permission."
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Arkansas Babies Can No Longer Wed, Says Fascist Government
Bill Clinton's latest Little Rock bastard baby can no longer marry Mike Huckabee's latest Jesus baby in Arkansas, saving the world for now, but ruining Democracy in the future. On Wednesday, Arkansas Gov. Mike Beebe signed a measure repealing "a law that mistakenly allowed anyone — even toddlers — to marry with parental permission."
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jesus
Former presidential candidate Rev. Mike Huckabee knows him some God, and since he also sort of hates the Republican party, he's done the unspeakable: defend Obama's nuanced take on Rev. Jeremiah Wright! On yesterday's edition of MSNBC's Morning Joe, Huckabee offered this liberal apologist take on Jeremiah Wright's white racism: "Sometimes people do have a chip on their shoulder and resentment. And you have to just say, I probably would too." Mike Huckabee also thinks gay sex is essentially man-on-horse sex, so take it with a grain of salt.
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Mike 'Liberal' Huckabee Defends Obama's Preacher
Former presidential candidate Rev. Mike Huckabee knows him some God, and since he also sort of hates the Republican party, he's done the unspeakable: defend Obama's nuanced take on Rev. Jeremiah Wright! On yesterday's edition of MSNBC's Morning Joe, Huckabee offered this liberal apologist take on Jeremiah Wright's white racism: "Sometimes people do have a chip on their shoulder and resentment. And you have to just say, I probably would too." Mike Huckabee also thinks gay sex is essentially man-on-horse sex, so take it with a grain of salt.
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wwcnd
As they enter year six of John McCain's thousand-year battle for Mesopotamia, American and Iraqi troops have wearied of worshiping the same old "Jesus" and "Allah." They're in the mood for something new...different...mustachioed! And fortunately, one cult figure is fresh off the Biggest Republican Loser campaign trail and ready for duty.
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Chuck Norris Is Your New Godhead
As they enter year six of John McCain's thousand-year battle for Mesopotamia, American and Iraqi troops have wearied of worshiping the same old "Jesus" and "Allah." They're in the mood for something new...different...mustachioed! And fortunately, one cult figure is fresh off the Biggest Republican Loser campaign trail and ready for duty.
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monsters
Thanks to the Young Turks for making the video that will heal America: a retrospective of our dearly departed Republican candidates. God, these guys were fun. Fortunately, Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney will probably run again in four or eight years, and those candidacies will probably launch in a few months. In the meantime, vote in our poll for which monster you miss the most. More »
Missing The Republican Candidates, A Retrospective
Thanks to the Young Turks for making the video that will heal America: a retrospective of our dearly departed Republican candidates. God, these guys were fun. Fortunately, Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney will probably run again in four or eight years, and those candidacies will probably launch in a few months. In the meantime, vote in our poll for which monster you miss the most. More »
liveblogging losers
Huckabee is conceding, by talking about baseball. He is crying too! Aww. Now we remember why we liked him once, before we knew anything about his ideas.
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Huckabee Strangely Concedes Nomination
Huckabee is conceding, by talking about baseball. He is crying too! Aww. Now we remember why we liked him once, before we knew anything about his ideas.
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the thousand-year campaign
In four lucky states today, voters got to stand in line and have their cars towed while they exercised their inalienable right to vote for hilariously named candidates like "Manlove." Stay with us tonight as we cover the race from scrappy Rhode Island to tender Vermont to "high in the middle" Ohio to that other state, the one that used to be Mexico. One lucky Wonkette editor will provide on-the-ground coverage of the endangered Texas Primacaucus and then liveblog drunkenly from a downtown Austin bar. Your other editors will be at home, cooking meth and chortling at Chris Matthews. Stock up on guns and liquor, and we'll see you tonight! [Washington Post]
Tonight: Liveblogging The Texas Primacaucus And Ohio Slaughter!
In four lucky states today, voters got to stand in line and have their cars towed while they exercised their inalienable right to vote for hilariously named candidates like "Manlove." Stay with us tonight as we cover the race from scrappy Rhode Island to tender Vermont to "high in the middle" Ohio to that other state, the one that used to be Mexico. One lucky Wonkette editor will provide on-the-ground coverage of the endangered Texas Primacaucus and then liveblog drunkenly from a downtown Austin bar. Your other editors will be at home, cooking meth and chortling at Chris Matthews. Stock up on guns and liquor, and we'll see you tonight! [Washington Post]
missionary positions
Republican Mike Huckabee might try to pass himself off as the conservative Christian alternative to John McCain, but he and his wife showed their true, kinky colors in front of a horrified audience at the Fort Worth Stockyards on Friday. More »
Mike and Janet Huckabee's Sick Roping Fetish
Republican Mike Huckabee might try to pass himself off as the conservative Christian alternative to John McCain, but he and his wife showed their true, kinky colors in front of a horrified audience at the Fort Worth Stockyards on Friday. More »