Mike Huckabee has a new (/old!) idea: get rid of the United Nations completely, because of those mean speeches the other day. This, however, is an improvement over recent years, when the actual U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, was the most prominent figure arguing for the destruction of the United Nations. But John Bolton never came up with a timely nickname like, “The international equivalent of ACORN,” did he? No, he didn’t. [Think Progress]

Over the weekend, Mike Huckabee spoke at a “How to Take Back America” conference, an event notable for the fact that it apparently exists. Anyway, obviously in taking back America, Huckabee must start by identifying who took it in the first place, when there must have been something good on TV and no one was looking. No surprises there: it was the crafty Foreigns, who must have planned the taking of America in one of their many languages! Ha! Well, let’s see them try to steal America again after America takes Huckabee up on his suggestion to somehow literally saw off the east side of Midtown Manhattan and let the U.N. float away across the Atlantic, to somewhere that wants it, like to Saudi Arabia, who want it so bad they MADE WAR WITH IT, on 9/11! MORE »

Now it is official, as Mike Huckabee — the famous ex-fat person whose chief economic proposal as a presidential candidate was to institute a sales tax of 25%, something he read in some book — hath decreed it. And this is a great example of it! The Politico, ostensibly a journalism outlet of the future, is just cold transcribin’ this random guy’s bitter rants about an industry that constantly makes fun of him for being stupid. [Politico]

Mike Huckabee, being a douche on the radio! “[I]t was President Obama himself who suggested that seniors who don’t have as long to live might want to just consider taking a pain pill instead of getting an expensive operation to cure them. Yet when Sen. Kennedy was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer at 77, did he give up on life and go home to take pain pills and die? Of course not. He freely did what most of us would do. He choose an expensive operation and painful follow up treatments.” Let’s make this CLEAR: Ted Kennedy was rich! MORE »

• Martin Peretz of The New Republic has an extremely developed, terminal case of xenophobic crotch rot. [Barrett Brown: True/Slant]
• Senator Grassley is only interested in the perfect health care bill. It must be as strong as an ox on ‘roids, as whimsical as a bicurious white tiger. It must birth from Adam’s meatiest rib. It must be a masterpiece, it must be perfect. [Matt Yglesias]
• The aporkalypse will kill 50% of everybody. [AMERICAblog]
• Charlie Crist reveals that his secret Judaism saves white people from Hurricanes every year when he visits the Holy Land and sticks his cock into the Wailing Wall. [AP]

This sounds about right, for conferences. While the Democrats are (at least pretending!) to address issues like health insurance/treatment costs, the Republicans aren’t QUEERS so here’s what they care about, this g’damn thing, fuckin’ space nukes ‘n’ robowar. [Washington Independent]

Very funny things happen when Mike Huckabee opens his mouth and says words about foreign policy. Remember the above clip from one of those hilarious 2008 GOP primary debates? He just had no idea what to say! And things don’t seem to have changed much, given today’s very confident declaration of no-peace. MORE »

Last year, even some Democrats liked Mike Huckabee for two and a half seconds because he had “ideas” that went beyond “grind up the bottom 2 percent of earners into Hamburger Helper and give Fred Thompson another tax cut.” He said novel things about looking after the Poors and probably some other shit, who can remember really, it was so long ago. Anyway, after he lost the Republican nomination to an enfeebled Navy guy with a hair-trigger temper and a grifter sidekick, Mike Huckabee formed a political action committee and everybody assumed he was laying the groundwork for another presidential run. But that PAC and its attendant “think tank” organ are now looking pretty sad. MORE »

Poor Southern hobo and the 2008 GOP primary’s most potent premature ejaculation, Mike Huckabee, first made waves on the national stage when his fat ass lost hundreds of pounds on some kind of “diet-and-exercise” regimen. He wrote a book about this and most people read it several times. Even through the hectic presidential campaign, Huckabee made sure to run his miles every morning, to preserve that sexy mass of dangling excess skin he had worked so tirelessly to create. But now, he claims, he is so busy criticizing Barack Obama that he has fallen off the wagon and will soon weigh millions of pounds again. MORE »

Mike Huckabee has always seemed like a nice enough fellow, which is strange, because he also wants us all to shoot each other! Here he argues that if Iranian lady Neda had had a gun, she would’ve been able to shoot all of those mean people first, meaning… [some sort of segue, while laughing]… the American Constitution’s Bill of Rights is not what you think it is: “Some of us fail to understand that our 1st Amendment right to speak and assemble is meaningless without our 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.” Misread! [YouTube via Slog]

Have you ever gone to a buffet and seen, say, three dishes such as lobster, chocolate cake, and cocaine, and wondered which of these delights to sample first? That is precisely the dilemma facing Republican voters as they ponder the upcoming 2012 general election, which starts in precisely one thousand-ish days. MORE »