Tag Archives: mike huckabee

  Mad About A Thing

Mike Huckabee Says You Can Serve Your Country Again Once He’s President

Effin beyotches, amirite?
Smiley soulless sack of crap cuddlebear Mike Huckabee is getting so sexcited, in his heterosexual bathing suit areas, about announcing that he is going to run for president again, and as long as only Iowa and maybe South Carolina get to vote, he might win! And then it will once again be safe to join the military, but not before then, because Obama hates God and Jesus. Read more on Mike Huckabee Says You Can Serve Your Country Again Once He’s President…
  You See Us Together Chasing The Moonlight My Cinnamon Girl

Mike Huckabee Has One Weird Trick To Cure Diabetes (It Is ‘Money From Hucksters’)

Definitely Not Nuts AT ALL
Like Ben Carson, Mike Huckabee is going to tell you a few secrets that Big Pharma doesn’t want you to know. No, seriously! That’s how he’s making money these days, and it’s all because he wants to be president and definitely not because Huck knows a good grift when he sees one. The New York Times explains how Huckabee is using this one weird trick to cure diabetes, cancer, and other illnesses all the way to the goddamn bank. Read more on Mike Huckabee Has One Weird Trick To Cure Diabetes (It Is ‘Money From Hucksters’)…
  We Have Always Been At War With Erotic Terror

Rick Santorum Hates Americans For Our Erotic Freedoms

All the probable Republican presidential candidates have been visiting the Steve Deace radio wingnut program lately, in order to explain to Real Americans that people’s fundamentalist religious beliefs will ALWAYS stomp on everybody else’s rights, no matter what, because that is how America works. Deace specifically wants to know if these fine fellers — Santorum, Ted Cruz, Mike Huckabee, all of them — believe that “the sexual revolution trumps the American Revolution,” or if “someone’s erotic liberty trumps your religious liberty.” EROTIC LIBERTY, everyone, GET SOME. Read more on Rick Santorum Hates Americans For Our Erotic Freedoms…
  The revolution will not be ... happening

Alabama Anti-Gay Today, Anti-Gay Tomorrow, Anti-Gay FOREVAH

Well, actually ...
Hooray, the revolution is finally here! After years of judicial activists cramming marriage equality down the unwilling throats of Americans who are mostly cool with it at this point, Alabama’s probate judges, who are not judicial activists because they just aren’t, have answered the call of literally tens of Americans and refused to recognize the authority of the Supreme Court of the United States of America-Except-For-Alabama, because who do those guys think they are anyway, Supreme Court justices or something? Read more on Alabama Anti-Gay Today, Anti-Gay Tomorrow, Anti-Gay FOREVAH…
  He'll be here all week and try the veal

Dumb Obama Needs Mike Huckabee To Explain Racism To Him Again

Obama needs to watch more Fox News, obviously
Last week, President Obama committed the impeachable high crime of saying some historically accurate things at the National Prayer Breakfast about how Christians have also done some terrorism and violence and bad things in the name of spreading their faith, and they have not been perfect all the time since the first year of anno domini. Read more on Dumb Obama Needs Mike Huckabee To Explain Racism To Him Again…
  no heart huckabee

Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer

Huckabee preparing to hold a shotgun to the head of a black American.
Dear practitioners of homogay buttsechs, Mike Huckabee — former Arkansas governor, Baptist minister, once and future failed presidential candidate, once and future Fox News host, Ted Nugent’s buddy (which does not at all make him a big ol’ hypocrite, no you shut up), America’s Great Moral Scold — would like you to know that he would just love to be your friend, because he doesn’t discriminate against friends based on their Lifestyle Choice, even if those Lifestyle Choices will condemn them to an eternity of roasting in perdition’s flames. Gosh, some of his friends use naughty words and drink the devil’s liquid, and Mike Huckabee is still their friend, because he is a Nice Guy. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Doing The Gay Is Just Like Swearing, Having a Beer…
  fuckabee

Megyn Kelly To Mike Huckabee: We’re Just Whoring It Up All Over The Place At Fox News!

Sometimes Megyn Kelly does a thing where we don’t hate her, and then we write “Megyn Kelly did a thing and we didn’t hate her” and the commenters go URGGGH UGHHHH WHY CAN’T YOU BE MORE VENGEANCIER WE HATE YOU FOR NOT HATING HER REEDUCATION CAMPS FOR MEGYN KELLY AND ALSO FOR YOUUUUU! So boring you guys. Why not appreciate when terrible people are unterrible for a second? Why not give them gentle back-pats, and then they might like their gentle back-pats, and try to get more of them, by not being Megyn Kelly once in a while? Read more on Megyn Kelly To Mike Huckabee: We’re Just Whoring It Up All Over The Place At Fox News!…
  He will wash your mouth out for you America

Mike Huckabee Simply Fainting At Crass Broads And Their Sweary Filthy Sh*tmouths

Effin beyotches, amirite?
Mike Huckabee, America’s favorite moral scold, is at it again. Again again. While pimping his book, he explained how it’s not just that whore Beyonce who is corrupting America’s lady-youth, but all of the potty-mouthed single ladies who work in New York, aka, Bubbleville: Read more on Mike Huckabee Simply Fainting At Crass Broads And Their Sweary Filthy Sh*tmouths…
  It's the Derp-Derpiest Time Of The Year

Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place

Bachmann kept trying to get the Riddler into Conversion Therapy
Oh, dear lord, Iowa is going to be like a superdense mass of Dumb this weekend, as Rep. Steve King and Citizens United host the “Iowa Freedom Summit” — kind of a Moronic Convergence of rightwing political hacks all coming together to hang out with the man who proclaimed that DREAM Act kids were mostly “drug mules with thighs calves the size of cantaloupes” [how quickly we forget!] and who fretted about the president hosting a “deportable” at the State of the Union. Read more on Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place…
  thanks obama!

Oklahoma Rep: Hope You Like Your ‘Common-Law’ Marriages, Godless Hippie Homo Folk!

Todd Russ likes steers, not queers If you’re like us — and we know you are because we’ve seen you in the shower — you find the ongoing right-wing freakout over gay marriage delectably amusing. Whether it’s the Florida clerks of court stopping all courthouse weddings so they wouldn’t have to pronounce Adam and Steve husband and husband (in fairness, they’re all from the hillbilly parts of the state, which, contrary to popular belief, is not the whole thing, shut up comment section; we also have Miami) or Mike “Fat Again” Huckabee, constitutional expert and Ted Nugent fan, declaring that hey, maybe states don’t need to listen to the Supreme Court anyway, there’s an endless bounty of schadenfreude to be had, and we need to enjoy it while we can. Read more on Oklahoma Rep: Hope You Like Your ‘Common-Law’ Marriages, Godless Hippie Homo Folk!…
  It must be the fever talking

Mike Huckabee: Ted Nugent’s Song About Ladies’ Vaginas Really Just About Kitty Cats

Mike Huckabee should probably stop talking now. After being universally mocked for writing in his new book that the Obamas belong in bad-parent prison for letting their daughters listen to Beyonce’s whore music — which is basically the same thing as buying them a stripper pole — he was then universally mocked even more for that time he was getting his rock on to a song about sexing ladies, with his BFF Ted Nugent, “an outspoken rocker and a political commentator, but above all, he’s a patriot.” Read more on Mike Huckabee: Ted Nugent’s Song About Ladies’ Vaginas Really Just About Kitty Cats…
  Why aren't the Obamas in bad-parent jail?

Mike Huckabee Can’t Believe Beyonce Still Hasn’t Resigned In Disgrace

Mike Huckabee, perpetual maybe-presidential candidate, wrote a book about what’s wrong with America. Everything, basically, is wrong with America — including the Obamas allowing their daughters to get their hippity-hop on to Beyonce’s whore music. But it’s not as if he wanted anyone to notice that. That anyone in the media is all, “Huh? What?” just proves his point that America is a cesspool of Indecency and Immorality and other I-words. (The Huckster is also fond of the greatest I-word in the Bible, which no Republicans ever talk about, ever, but it rhymes with dimpeachment.) Read more on Mike Huckabee Can’t Believe Beyonce Still Hasn’t Resigned In Disgrace…
  pieholes are for shutting

Mike Huckabee Can’t Believe Obamas Allow Girls To Listen To Beyonce, Who Is A Prostitute

Huck must have needed a whole bottle of his heart pills when this popped up on screen.
Mike Huckabee, a man so unpleasant that dogs will commit suicide to avoid being dragged home to meet him, has been looking for a way he can distinguish himself as this election cycle’s go-to moral scold. Not content to call a black entertainer a pimp for letting his singer wife dance around on a stage like a common tart, he has now gone after two of the singer’s fans by questioning their parents’ judgment for letting them listen to her music. Oh, and those fans happen to be Malia and Sasha Obama. Damn kids, always listening to that Negro jazz and swinging their hips around like horny sex monsters and such! Read more on Mike Huckabee Can’t Believe Obamas Allow Girls To Listen To Beyonce, Who Is A Prostitute…
  Will Rape Jokes Ever Get Old?

Mike Huckabee Kicks Off His Maybe-Campaign With Some Prison Rape Jokes, For Jesus

Definitely Not Nuts AT ALL
Since the GOP is so good on the issue of rape, Gov. Mike Huckabee (R-Guitar Hero) decided to make a chapter of his new book dedicated to a rape joke. And some namby-pamby liberals decided to get all butt-hurt over it, because not everyone thinks that rape is the next funniest thing to “concentration camps are a great diet” jokes! Read more on Mike Huckabee Kicks Off His Maybe-Campaign With Some Prison Rape Jokes, For Jesus…
  Anarchy is for white people

Mike Huckabee Outraged Black People Don’t Want To Be Shot

What is he really trying to say?
Mike Huckabee, another Bible-humping wingnut whackadoodle who just might have to run for president to save America from itself, is a big fan of anarchy. Sometimes. Like, when judicial activists try to cram marriage equality down our throats? That is bad and unconstitutional, according to the Bible, and in Huckabee’s ideal America, brave governors who actually care about values and what they are pretty darned sure Jesus meant when he wrote the First Amendment would tell the courts to go throat-cram themselves by refusing to follow these unlawful laws. Read more on Mike Huckabee Outraged Black People Don’t Want To Be Shot…
  A Sojourner In A Strange Land. A Very Strange Land

Obama Said Words From The Bible, Is That Even Allowed?

He's stealing our worship words!
Newest Rightwing Butthurt: In his speech on immigration reform, Traitor Usurper Friend Of Lawbreakers Barack Hussein Obama, who never mentions Jesus on Easter or Christmas, actually referenced the Bible, and now that’s a terrible thing. As part of his address, Obama said, Read more on Obama Said Words From The Bible, Is That Even Allowed?…
  We Have always Been At War With Crustacea

You Will Be Outraged By The Tax Dollars Not Spent On This Dumb Science Thing!

Boondoggle! Government Waste! Volcano Monitoring!
You probably heard about the terrible waste of money where the National Science Foundation threw three million dollars at some stupid scientists who ran shrimp on a treadmill, we bet. It was big news in 2008, and kept on being huge news. Sen. Tom Coburn and Mike Huckabee (God’s Flatulent Instrument on Earth) both cited it as just the worst of a whole laundry list of useless waste in government spending. Here’s Huckabee’s version: Read more on You Will Be Outraged By The Tax Dollars Not Spent On This Dumb Science Thing!…
  Get The Huck Out Of Here

Mike Huckabee Declares Himself God’s Unqualified Instrument

Effin beyotches, amirite?
Mike Huckabee’s Saturday night show on Fox News, “Huckabee,” could soon be killed by its host’s political ambitions, putting the cable commentary landscape in danger of losing a significant source of down-home everymanliness. Following a new profile in the Washington Post about Huckabee’s non-campaign campaign, CNN’s Brian Stelter reports that Fox’s VP of programming would like to speak to the former governor regarding his future at the network at his earliest convenience. Read more on Mike Huckabee Declares Himself God’s Unqualified Instrument…
  Stop Impeaching Yourself

GOP Really Wishes Obama Would Stop Trying To Bait Them Into Impeachment

Dear GOP please impeach me kthxbai
Look, Republicans do not want to have to impeach President Obama. They have said it time and time again. Sen. John McCain said he really did not want to have to impeach Obama for warring on Syria. And in 2013, when the GOP House caucus had a secret meeting to talk about impeaching the president, they didn’t even want to use the “I word.” When Texas Rep. Blake Farenthold said the House would totally impeach Obama if it weren’t for that dumb obstructionist Democrat-controlled Senate, he probably didn’t even mean that. (Yes he did.) And when never-gonna-be-president Mike Huckabee said the actual president “has done plenty of things worthy of impeachment,” he was probably just speaking hypothetically. Read more on GOP Really Wishes Obama Would Stop Trying To Bait Them Into Impeachment…
  Thanks but no thanks

National Organization For Marriage Tries To Cram Endorsement Down Democrat’s Throat

Nobody actually listens to these assholes. Nobody.
Image via The New Civil Rights Movement The National Organization for Marriage is just about as dead as opposition to marriage equality itself. NOM is pretty darned sure homophobia is going to be making a big comeback any day now — any day, you’ll see! — and when it does, NOM will be there, telling all of us sinners and friends of sinners that NOM was right all along about how The Gay would destroy America and the family and the sanctity of Newt Gingrich’s three marriages and freedom and then America some more, thanks in no small part to the Obama administration’s evil fascist agenda to let gays do paperwork together, IMPEACH! Read more on National Organization For Marriage Tries To Cram Endorsement Down Democrat’s Throat…
  Now From Our Boise Bureau

Idahoans Like Butch Otter, Hate Hillary Clinton, Go Both Ways On Potatoes

Looks like the pogayto will be getting a lot of work now
Our pals at Public Policy Polling (we like to say they’re our pals, but they don’t know us from Adam’s off ox) have graced us with a poll on the Idaho midterm elections, and you will be astonished to learn that Idahoans are probably going to elect a bunch of Republicans again. Read more on Idahoans Like Butch Otter, Hate Hillary Clinton, Go Both Ways On Potatoes…
  Multitasking is hard

Indiana County Clerk Just Wants To Be Super Duper Sure About This Gay Marriage Thing

Maybe this would make it clearer?
You may have heard the obscure news that the Supreme Court recently told several states, including Indiana, that the justices really don’t want to hear any more whining about gay marriage, but did they really mean it? For some county clerks in Indiana, it just isn’t that clear. Read more on Indiana County Clerk Just Wants To Be Super Duper Sure About This Gay Marriage Thing…