Tag Archives: mike huckabee

  Right in the ear pal

Dear Black Folks, Mike Huckabee Would Like To Be Your White Knight

Fuck you, you fucking fuck
Boy, do we owe Mike Huckabee an apology. While we have, in the past, subtly suggested that Mike Huckabee is a racist piece of fuck, it seems we were wrong. Huckabee loooooooooooves African-Americans and knows the troubles they’ve seen, and he is ready to stand up and fight for their right to not have their real struggles compared to the fake gay kind: Read more on Dear Black Folks, Mike Huckabee Would Like To Be Your White Knight…
  Pretty sure this isn't racial transcendence

Idiot Wingnut Chick: America’s Not Racist, Except For Obama

Let's talk about slavery, Heather.
Here America is, all fired up for yet another solemn Conversation On Race, when we don’t even need to be doing that in the first place, since racism is over. The Charleston shooting was an Isolated Incident, because while individual racists still exist, America as a nation does not have any lingering institutional racism, according to Fox News contributing wingnut Katie Pavlich, who begins a column for The Hill by setting a straw man gloriously ablaze, much like the recent spate of burning black churches across the South: Read more on Idiot Wingnut Chick: America’s Not Racist, Except For Obama…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten.

She is such an impressive baby!
Hello, Wonkers, what a week we had! The Confederate flag died a timely death, Obamacare was saved AGAIN, and we now have the mandatory gay marriage the country has been craving for so long. Have you found your gay husband or wife yet? If not, you should find one in the comments, which are not allowed! Also, important update on Wonkette babby! As you can see above, she is now teaching math at the local university, isn’t that exciting? Read more on Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  So. Many. Idiots.

How GOP ‘Presidents’ Will Fail To Save America From Buttsex-Based Marriage

The spanking, it stung, YAY!
The Republican candidates for 2016 have spoken, and they are not one bit happy with all this gaiety today. Their reactions ranged from sadly resigned to reality, to promises to fight the decision forever — they will fight the gays in the fields and in the streets, fight them in the hills, but not fight them on the beaches because they might see a guy in a speedo and that would simply be too much — to saying nothing at all because they’re too busy crying, apparently. Read more on How GOP ‘Presidents’ Will Fail To Save America From Buttsex-Based Marriage…
  Give them another five years

Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One

It's like health care only different
The highest court of unelected activist judges in the whole Us of America declared, for the second time, that Obamacare haters need to hush now and take a nap because that shit is kosher, yo. Which does not mean the Republican Party or any of its “presidential” “candidates” are going to do that. The Affordable Care Act may be the super-duper twice-certified constitutional law of the land, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be repealed and replaced with something even MORE better, dunno what yet, that’s not what matters right now! Read more on Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One…
  Hide Your Kids Hide Your Wife

Let’s Get Drunk On Republican Obamacare Tears, Together!

That's it, moving to Canada.
Ehrmagerd, the Surperm Curt upheard Abummacurr! This was not met on the right with universal approbation, although many Republicans were quietly breathing a sigh of relief that they won’t have to reveal that their ready-to-implement fix was really just a copy of the 1996 Houston Yellow Pages that they’d been lugging around in a briefcase. Read more on Let’s Get Drunk On Republican Obamacare Tears, Together!…
  lol

Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For

Not presidential material. Not Bobby Jindal either.
BREAKING NEWS! Gov. Bobby Jindal, who has basically ruined Louisiana, declared his candidacy for president of US America Wednesday afternoon, far too close to the city of New Orleans for anyone who actually loves that city. He had started off the week getting punched right in his junk by IBM, which had been nice enough to choose Baton Rouge for its new National Service Center. The company’s mood soured when Jindal decided he had to prove he was the gay-hatin’-est homophobe in all the land, by issuing an executive order giving Louisiana business owners the right to discriminate against gay people. That might work on the set of “Duck Dynasty,” but not in the grown-up world of big business. So IBM decided to cancel the big ribbon-cutting photo-op, the one Jindal could have used to show just how GOOD he’s been for Louisiana business. Read more on Bobby Jindal Is The Wingnut Presidential Candidate Nobody’s Been Waiting For…
  She can't even get 113 percent!

New Poll Finds Hillary Clinton Already President

Up to no good, maybe or maybe not
Try not to get too happy in your privates, but there’s a shiny new poll that shows Hillary Clinton is the winningest presidential candidate right now, by all the points: Basically, all the Democrats are like, “Yeah, we are cool with Hillz,” despite OOOOH SCARY headlines recently that she should be shaking in her pantsuit because Vermont Sen. Bernie Sanders (buy your Bernie T-shirts today!) is getting some thumbs ups and big crowds at campaign events. Of course he is, because he says all the good words that make progressives go all swoony, which is why we also too love him. But and however, Clinton has been saying good words as well, which might be part of why 75 percent of Democrats are #ReadyForHillary. That, in case you did not know, is a big number. It’s bigger than the 15 percent who say Bernie is their guy, and it’s a whole lot bigger than the less than 1 percent of people who know who the hell Lincoln Chafee is. Read more on New Poll Finds Hillary Clinton Already President…
  man fuck this guy

Mike Huckabee: Can We Shut Up About Racism And Talk About My Lord And Savior Jesus Christ?

STFU, Huckabee.
When Mike Huckabee was first asked whether the Confederate flag should fly in South Carolina, he said Americans don’t “want [presidential candidates] to weigh in on every little issue in all 50 states that might be an important issue to the people of that state but not on the desk of the president,” because clearly the president of America is not president of the individual states that make up America. He also said you can’t assume, based on the actions of one lunatic, and also the state’s official endorsement of the Confederate flag, that the state is racist. The “lone wolf racist” has nothing to do with the lone racist flag, apparently. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Can We Shut Up About Racism And Talk About My Lord And Savior Jesus Christ?…
  Wonkette dance party

Here’s A Jaunty Gay-Hatin’ Campaign Song For Republicans, Since They Can’t Use Any Others

Republican creative type.
Republican candidates have this problem every single time they try to do campaigns. They think, “Hey, I have always loved that song by [insert artist here], I’ll use that!” And then they get a cease-and-desist letter, or a lawsuit, from the artist, saying “I hate you so much, you are not worthy of my song, you dirty disgusting wingnut.” It happened last week, when dumb Donald Trump thought it would be a good idea to use Neil Young’s “Rockin’ In The Free World” during his campaign announcement. No dice, Donald. But there is hope on the horizon! Read more on Here’s A Jaunty Gay-Hatin’ Campaign Song For Republicans, Since They Can’t Use Any Others…
  You go first

Republicans Decide Time Has Come To Take Sorta Brave Stand Against Confederate Flag

Maybe it's problematic after all
Seems like only yesterday, Republicans were afraid to follow in the footsteps of Mitt Romney and tell South Carolina to take down its Confederate flag. Who’s to say the flag is hate, not heritage? (Everyone.) And now isn’t the right time for that discussion anyway. (Yes it is.) And South Carolina doesn’t need the rest of the country, especially not presidential candidates, telling it what to do. (Clearly, it does.) And, as South Carolina Sen. Lindsey Graham has said, the state’s compromise — to fly the flag and have a memorial for African Americans — works JUST FINE. (Uh huh.) Read more on Republicans Decide Time Has Come To Take Sorta Brave Stand Against Confederate Flag…
  Why Would A Racist Give *Us* Money?

Charleston Killer’s Favorite Racist Gave A Bunch Of Money To Top Republicans, Oops

Just a racist, his gun, his flag, and his spring planting project
By now you’ve probably read about what’s believed to be Dylann Roof’s idiot manifesto, detailing all his insights into The Blacks and The Jews. It’s the usual loathsome pile of racist crap, but he does at least let us know where he got a lot of his ideas: from the Council of Conservative Citizens (CCC), the modern version of what used to be the “White Citizens Councils” of the ’50s and ’60s. And here’s a heck of a thing: Earl Holt, the leader of the racist group, has given buttloads of money to Republican candidates in the last few years, not that they agree with him, oh no no no, he’s despicable. But he has a checkbook. Read more on Charleston Killer’s Favorite Racist Gave A Bunch Of Money To Top Republicans, Oops…
  Profiles In Cowardice

GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney

All the GOP candidates right now basically
You wouldn’t think calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from the grounds of South Carolina’s state capitol would be a difficult thing to do, especially for those who believe they are bold and brave enough to be this nation’s next president. We’re not in the habit of honoring our enemies by flying their flags or building memorials to their fallen, after all, so it stands to reason that state-sanctioned deference to the traitors who declared war on the United States would be easily recognized as, well, un-American. Read more on GOP Candidates On Confederate Flag Ranked, From Yellow To Romney…
  take the no buttsex pledge today!

Here Are 50,443 Inspiring Americans Who Won’t Let Supreme Court Do Gay Stuff To Their Butts

Poor things.
The time is nigh, when the Supreme Court of the United States of America will likely find that there is a constitutional right to marriage equality, though court watchers don’t predict that they’ll make gay marriage a requirement for all Americans. But you’d think they were about to do that, the way anti-gay Jesus Americans are panicking, by nervously, fearfully pulling out their nipple hairs and issuing proclamations that NO! you cannot force gay marriage right down their throats, they’re gonna spit it out! Read more on Here Are 50,443 Inspiring Americans Who Won’t Let Supreme Court Do Gay Stuff To Their Butts…
  Ghostwriters In The Sty

Mike Huckabee Sure Does Pal Around With A Lot Of Alleged Child Molesters

Funny how that guy keeps showing up
This is rather inconvenient for a presidential candidate, you’ve got to suppose: John Perry, the ghostwriter co-author of two of Mike Huckabee’s books, who seems to have ghostwritten co-authored books with about nine million other rightwing Christians as well, was accused of molesting a child in two different lawsuits, according to a piece published Wednesday evening by BuzzFeed’s Andrew Kaczynski and Ilan Ben-Meir. Read more on Mike Huckabee Sure Does Pal Around With A Lot Of Alleged Child Molesters…
  NSFW because Huckabee

Mike Huckabee Wants You To Know He’s Still Mighty Proud To Be A-Hole

Not sorry one bit
Grinning sack of deep-fried squirrel meat Mike Huckabee is a jerk and a pervert, and he’s damn proud of that, mister. Damn proud. Last week, we learned about his EWWWWWW GROSS fantasies of pretending to be transgender in high school, to sneak into the girls’ locker room and ogle their lady privates, like a pervert, HAW HAW. Read more on Mike Huckabee Wants You To Know He’s Still Mighty Proud To Be A-Hole…
  but we thought the Duggars had been forgiven by Jesus

Mike Huckabee Removes Nasty Duggar Stains From Campaign Website

Hands where we can see them, gentlemen.
Mike Huckabee has been a BFF of the Duggar family for a long time. In 2008, the family publicly endorsed him in his failed bid for the presidency, and when news of Josh Duggar’s sister-touching broke, Huckabee was the first wingnut to step up and say that Josh’s crimes were “‘inexcusable,’ but that doesn’t mean ‘unforgivable.’” Because Jesus forgives everybody, even Huck’s son, for murdering that dog, and even the homosexuals, as long as they stop doing gay stuff! Read more on Mike Huckabee Removes Nasty Duggar Stains From Campaign Website…
  gross

Duggars Could Have Been Jailed For Ignoring Josh Duggar’s Three Sister-Touching Confessions

Was 19 Kids And Counting also the name of Josh Duggar's bucket list?
In Touch Weekly is doing the journalism again, having obtained ANOTHER police report through a Freedom Of Information Act request, pertaining to young Josh Duggar’s sister touching. A lot of it rehashes what we already know, but we get a couple of new, specific details, to help us all put a fine point on how grossed out we are by this. For one thing, the report states that Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar were told not only by their daughters, but by Josh himself, on three separate occasions, that he just couldn’t stop fondling his sisters –one of whom was only five years old — in their beds at night. And his parents still waited 16 MONTHS to do anything about it, even after being told “multiple times.” The new report claims Ma and Pa were just shrugging it off all those times Josh told them, “I am so sorry, for I have fallen short and diddled your younger girl children once again.” What did they say, those “multiple times?” “Oh, Josh, we’ve told you TIME AND TIME AGAIN. The only girl you’re allowed to diddle against her will is your Christian Wife, when you are older. You’re GROUNDED from homeschool, for a week!” Read more on Duggars Could Have Been Jailed For Ignoring Josh Duggar’s Three Sister-Touching Confessions…
  Trigger warning for Mike Huckabee's fantasies

Mike Huckabee’s Secret Trans Fantasy: High School Sex Boobies For Everyone!

Let us tell you our sex fantasies.
Hahaha, you know what’s funny, you guys? Transgender people! At least, if you are Mike Huckabee or any of the dildo-brained malcontents who respect him. Back in February, Huckabee spoke to the National Religious Broadcasters Convention, but WorldNetDaily just uploaded the video to its YouTube account, so now we get to see it! Huckabee’s speech was about, of course, “religious freedom!” and how Christianity is under attack from all corners. And of course, some of those attackers are transgender people, who would like to use the restroom please. Of course, since Huckabee and like-minded wingnuts are equal parts stupid and bigoted, the scientific reality of transgender people is reduced to “I wanna pretend I’m a lady so I can go in the girls’ locker room and see the boobies!” Read more on Mike Huckabee’s Secret Trans Fantasy: High School Sex Boobies For Everyone!…
  The Clenis Rises Again

Fox’s Megyn Kelly Won’t Be Too Mean To Duggars About Kid-Diddling Because Bill Clinton. Really.

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comSo here is a thing we know. We know that Josh Duggar did naughty sex things to five little girls, four of whom were his sisters. And Ma and Pa Duggar — being strict adherents of a religious cult that believes if you inappropriately touch your sister, it’s because her unholy whore hole was just askin’ for it, like the Bible says — thought it best to keep that quiet instead of, like, protecting their daughters. How do we know this? Because the Duggars released statements admitting that Josh did a bad, but he is sorry and his family is all A-OK with that now, and none of them have denied any of the details in the police report or any reported details about how they “handled” Josh’s molestation of his sisters. Read more on Fox’s Megyn Kelly Won’t Be Too Mean To Duggars About Kid-Diddling Because Bill Clinton. Really….
  Frothy logic

Human Dental Dam Rick Santorum To Stop SCOTUS From Doing Gay Stuff To America, Somehow

Portrait of a warrior.
We were surprised last week when, during Rick Santorum’s presidential campaign announcement, he completely forgot to talk about how The Lord Our God hateth the homosexuals, since that is the most important thing in his world. Sure, he sort of touched on “religious freedom,” or his conception of it, but there was no clear “gays are gross” moment. Never fear, though, because he went on the Meet The Press program with beard-haver Chuck Todd, to explain how he will fight back against the Supreme Court, when it (most likely) throat-crams America with gay marriage at the end of this month: Read more on Human Dental Dam Rick Santorum To Stop SCOTUS From Doing Gay Stuff To America, Somehow…
  Leave Josh Duggar ALOOOOOOOOOOONE!

Homeschooling Hero Wants You To Stop Being Mean To Righteous Kid-Diddler Josh Duggar

But he said he's sorry!
So a short while back that feels like a million years ago now, we quite presciently told you Josh Duggar proves “reality shows are bad, the Duggars are the worst, bigots are terrible, and don’t homeschool your kids.” And that was before we knew garbage person Josh Duggar used to touch his sisters in their bathing suit areas; we just thought he was your standard issue dumb homeschooled bigot, gay-bashing on behalf of the hate group Family Research Council — not an actual criminal who did the kind of things we are pretty sure Jesus would not approve of. Read more on Homeschooling Hero Wants You To Stop Being Mean To Righteous Kid-Diddler Josh Duggar…