Wonkette

Just in time for the November coup by poorly-aging gimp-DILF John McCain, the free states of America are planning to unman our households and militias. Now that Charlton Heston is safely packed in his coffin with a dozen darling rifles, 38 states want to take away our sidearms—those wonderful death-sticks that have for years consoled our bitterness regarding our poverty. (Me, I take my gun to church. Next they will take our nativity scenes and our child brides. Later flesh-coated robots will come and intercourse with our children in the public-private schools.) This initiative is led on numerous fronts: Tiny wonderful oligarch Jew Michael Bloomberg in New York is bullying all of America’s wuss-mayors; and also the extremely liberal Supreme Court is, in D.C. v. Heller, quite possibly planning on taking guns away from D.C. residents, which is exactly where America needs its guns most. You see the larger picture here: we will be defenseless against the bolt-necked army of Cindy McCains. [New York Times]

Eternally potential presidential candidate Mike Bloomberg sucks. This stooge, a multi-billionaire, says today, “They [The Washingtons] want to send out a check to everybody to stimulate the economy. I suppose it won’t hurt the economy but it’s in many senses like giving a drink to an alcoholic.” He is using this metaphor as a complaint? MORE »

You know how, in his inaugural column, Bill Kristol said that, if Huckabee takes the Republican nomination, “Republican” Mayor Bloomberg will enter as an independent candidate and steal votes from Obama? Yeah, well, actually, it turns out that Obama getting the nod may be the thing that finally shuts the press up about Bloomberg getting in the race, because Bloomie likes Obama’s “unity message.” Sorry, Billy, better luck prognosticating next time or, you know, not. [Politico]

A bunch of wild-eyed idealists formed Unity08 to get Mike Bloomberg to run for president which he’s supposedly been ramping up to do for months anyway and somehow still hasn’t yet managed to pull off. The group behind the site is having a meeting next week which Bloomberg and his pal Chuck Hagel will attend to talk about the importance of bipartisanship, which, come on guys, is pretty fucking lame. The whole idea of the Unity08 thing is to build a network of people fed up with two-party gridlock and influence of money, blah bah blah, and then “recruit” an independent centrist candidate who also happens to be a billionaire so that he’s not beholden to any interest groups or whatever and create a benevolent consensus government. The two problems with those ideas right off the bat are (1) bipartisanship and (2) billionaire. MORE »

Obama had an interesting overnight swing through Gotham, eating soul food with Al Sharpton and eggs with New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg. Last night Obama played The Apollo. Just down the street from Bill Clinton’s office, he told the packed theater that “poll-testing and avoiding questions don’t work… telling the American people what we think they want to hear instead of what they need to hear just won’t do.” While Al Sharpton was glued to his side for much of the visit, he has yet to endorse the candidate. He did, however, support his taste in food. “A man who likes fried chicken and corn bread can’t be all that bad,” Sharpton told press while the two chowed down at the famous soul food joint Sylvia’s. Then, this morning, it was off to a greasy spoon diner for breakfast with Bloomberg. Video after the jump, complete with funny accents and fighting New Yorkers!

MORE »

Just as decrepit old teevee actor and abortion lobbyist Fred Thompson is running for president of teevee by making webcam announcements, non-candidate New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg has all kinds of online shit that sort of suggests he will eventually run for president — hey, he just got a Facebook profile, how lame! MORE »

So if Bloomberg jumps in, we’ll have another tie decided by the Supreme Court, and then Scooter Libby becomes President of Earth. MORE »

* Saudi Prince Bandar, who gets his kicks by bringing his cousins along to gang-fuck George Bush, apparently accepted a bribe to throw jobs to a British defense contractor. Apparently, they still get upset over this kind of thing in the UK. [Fresh Intelligence]
* Two guys who love starting wars got together to talk about how this newest one got started without either of them having to kill anybody. [The Swamp]
* Bill Richardson just wants peace, man. [Iraq Slogger]
* Anybody but Wolfowitz seems to be the World Bank Board’s guiding philosophy. [Passport]
* Now you can join the absolute lamest social networking site ever imagined. [Political Insider]
* Good thing Rudy had nothing to do with that filthy Iraq Study Group or he could never be president. [AmSpec Blog]
* Mike Bloomberg switched from Republican to Independent for no reason, no reason at all. [The Corner]

* Billy Clinton will tickle Mike Bloomberg’s prostrate if it gets him to run. [Passport]
* Democrats love wasting campaign money almost as much as taxpayer money. [MyDD]
* Democratic staff asses now getting ass. [The Hill]
* Sam Brownback yearns to feel a life growing in his belly. [Think Progress]
* Monica Goodling is testifying next Wednesday, so get a courier to start standing in line for you now. [The Gavel]
* Iraq problem: solved. [Dilbert Blog]