Tag Archives: midterms

  Hey Loretta

Hey Who’s This Loretta Lynch Gal That Might Be Our New Attorney General Maybe?

HBIC
Eric Holder told us a while ago that he’s resigning as Attorney General to spend more time with all his Black Panther buddies. Who would replace him as the nation’s top cop? No one knew — the thinking was that if Obama named a potential successor, every Democrat would have to have an opinion on the successor, and that might be the kind of thing that could really hurt the party’s chances in the midterms Read more on Hey Who’s This Loretta Lynch Gal That Might Be Our New Attorney General Maybe?…
  No Weh

GOP Senate Hopeful Totally Not Sorry For Despicable Ad Exploiting James Foley’s Execution

Let’s say you are a Republican running for Senate in New Mexico against the current and quite popular Democratic Sen. Tom Udall, and your chances of winning are slightly better than a snowstorm in hell. What do you do? If you are Allen Weh, you run the most disgusting ad your campaign brain trust can imagine because YOLO, apparently. Read more on GOP Senate Hopeful Totally Not Sorry For Despicable Ad Exploiting James Foley’s Execution…
  baby come on give me one more chance

RNC Targets Women & Minorities, And Not Just For Voter Suppression! (Video)

You all remember how the Republicans made a big show after Nobummer’s re-election of learning that maybe putting all their eggs in the ‘angry white man’ basket might not work in modern America? That lasted about 2.8 seconds, until Republicans started, you know, being Republican. But since the report that outlined that sincere push was released a year ago today, the RNC has put out a teevee advertisement proving that they can, indeed, find minorities and women to say they are Republican. Click on the video! Seriously, give it a watch! One guy even speaks Mexican, so we assume Rep. Steve King is checking his calves for illegal cantaloupes right this minute!  Read more on RNC Targets Women & Minorities, And Not Just For Voter Suppression! (Video)…
  Generic Democrat is a True Patriot

How Will Republicans Bungle Away Their New 49-47 Generic Ballot Polling Advantage?

Don’t worry about this recent poll that shows Generic Republican leading Generic Democrat in Generic Congressional race 49% to 47%. Never mind that Democrats were 8 points clear in this poll just last month, probably due to the time Obama personally barricaded all the national parks with heaps of dead veterans and bald eagles. Americans have a lot going on! They sometimes forget that they support social insurance, abortion rights, gay marriage, immigration reform, gun control, alternative energy, cute puppies, and higher taxes on the wealthy. It’s all a bit depressing, but don’t swallow that fistful of Seconal just yet, because here are five ways Republicans could blow it all. Place your bets! Read more on How Will Republicans Bungle Away Their New 49-47 Generic Ballot Polling Advantage?…
  more man than us

The Year In Lovable Crazy Longshot Midterm Candidates

This year, we saw some stellar legitimate candidates for Congress who were crazy and won their party’s nomination, such as Sharron Angle and Christine O’Donnell. But there were also some other, more mentally unstable longshot candidates. These candidates brought interesting new personalities and ideas to the fore, such as the notion of traffic-stop slavery, that had been grossly ignored by the media. They may not have had political connections, jobs, or any campaign organization to speak of. But their faith in the democratic process and the marketplace of ideas gave us hope. And funny YouTube videos. Read more on The Year In Lovable Crazy Longshot Midterm Candidates…
  and babar is about elephants! so!

And Finally, the Best Midterm Election Analysis: It Was ‘Toy Story 3′

Andrew Klavan is a screenwriter of crappy crime movies and no longer has a job writing for Pajamas Media, so obviously his editorials are taken VERY SERIOUSLY by the LA Times. So when this man says the complex, nationwide, real-life event known as the 2010 midterm elections are merely an allegory of Toy Story 3, this is something that is printed in an actual newspaper. Good work, America! You perfectly recreated the plot of an animated children’s movie. And NO, we do not have that allegory the other way around — the election came after that movie, and just like the movie, it was a repudiation of communism. You remember all the communism in that cartoon, right? Read more on And Finally, the Best Midterm Election Analysis: It Was ‘Toy Story 3′…
  wonkette's weekly review of the week that was

Remembering Our Fallen Week: There’s No ‘I’ in ‘Tea’

Your Wonkette dutifully and diligently documented the great teabagging of America, which will forever be remembered in the annals of history. The newly dethroned Queen of the House will remain the reptilian princess of the Democrats, forever. Read more on Remembering Our Fallen Week: There’s No ‘I’ in ‘Tea’…
  jaywalking

Election Shocker! Meghan McCain Got All Her Midterm Predictions Wrong

The greatest joy of our election-night liveblogging was the moment, in the wee hours of the morning, that we realized every prediction Meghan McCain had made in her little column about the midterms was incorrect. Then this came into our inbox: “MEGHAN MCCAIN BREAKS DOWN THE MID-TERM ELECTION RESULTS ON NBC’S ‘THE TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY LENO’ TONIGHT (NOVEMBER 3).” Oh God, were there ever two greater talentless, pandering dolts to grace their respective “careers”? Too bad Meg’s sexual-harassing suitor Richard Cohen wasn’t invited to this Algonquin Round Table of stupidity. Read more on Election Shocker! Meghan McCain Got All Her Midterm Predictions Wrong…
  all black

Emo Obama Admits Defeat

President Obama made his big post-election press conference this afternoon, and it turns out he heard about that election thing that happened last night too. He said his party received “a shellacking,” but that wasn’t merely a quoted pun from a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon he had seen; the president’s tone and face were dire, and he doesn’t seem to see too much room for this whole “bipartisanship” thing. Sure, maybe the Republicans will stop hating gays for a moment and let them serve openly in the military, but that’s about it. Cap and trade? Yeah, any chance of that happening is pretty much over, the emo president mumbled. He’s probably just going to lay on the couch in his sweatpants eating arugula chips for the next couple years, because he also said he’s not going to just suddenly become a Teabagger. Read more on Emo Obama Admits Defeat…
  crazy people getting busy

Michele Bachmann Harassed By ‘Going Crazy’ Prankster

Remember when Chris Matthews was harassing Michele Bachmann on his liberal MSNBC show, calling her a hypnotized zombie and everything, and then her eyes got even bigger and she started mocking him for the “tingle down my leg” thing, and then remember how you wanted to die, because all of American life is so trashy and pointless and we’re going to be working in the salt mines for the Martians in a matter of months, anyway? Well, this joker held a fake Going Crazy/Michele Bachmann book cover — which, of course, is a play on the Sarah Palin book — and it was just there next to Bachmann’s head forever, until some cocksucker ran over and snatched it out of the kid’s hands. Read more on Michele Bachmann Harassed By ‘Going Crazy’ Prankster…
  public urination

Part V: No Country For Old Feingold: Liveblogging the End of Russmocracy

Oh sheesh, did they have to take Feingold? We aren’t upset because the man was a great senator; we are upset because that was Pagels’ seat. It still seems like the Democrats will hold onto the Senate at this, the fifth hour of our long crash into forever-gridlock. Sure, the complete sell-out half of the old McCain-Feingold duo was the one that got elected, but where we seem to be going, that sort of ancient “bipartisanship” thing just seems quaint. The results are still trickling in. We don’t know about Nevada or Illinois or Alaska, which will end in a bloody fistfight on the tundra between all of those candidates tomorrow afternoon, most likely. So what is going on in the final hour before we reach the Teabaggers’ fabled “November 3″? Read more on Part V: No Country For Old Feingold: Liveblogging the End of Russmocracy…
  liveblogging from the civil war

There Will Be Tea: Liveblogging America’s Return To Slavery, Part IV

Is this still happening? Has Rand Paul bankrupted America and outlawed blogging yet? We’re entering HOUR FOUR of this teabagstravaganza, and we’re still weeping for the loss of Our Christine (“You”) because comedy is going to be in short supply, forever, and she was our queen! Well whatever. At least John McCain won his easy-ass had-it-forever Senate seat, so ol’ Walnuts will still be around to yell at clouds. Read more on There Will Be Tea: Liveblogging America’s Return To Slavery, Part IV…
  polls close on teabag hope

The Non-Witch Is Dead: Liveblogging the 2010 Midterms, Part III

We have now almost reached the 9 o’clock hour, when you can start to watch these returns on the network teevee channels, so this election is finally official even though we have reached our pivotal THIRD HOUR of this liveblog. Yes, Christine O’Donnell’s Campaign of Pubes has come to an end, for now, though the way she died left things open for a sequel. (And more gross Gawker posts.) Marco Rubio is your new Florida Elian Gonzalez, and all it cost was every shred of Charlie Crist’s humanity. In West Virginia, Joe Manchin has shot his lasers PEW PEW PEW PEW PEW at his opponent and will now shoot Barack Obama from his seat in the Senate, with his trusty shotgun, making things closer to impossible for the GOP to win a majority. So if that makes you a bit relieved for democracy, it’s one less shot of tequila to do tonight. Read more on The Non-Witch Is Dead: Liveblogging the 2010 Midterms, Part III…
  house of horror

Teapocalypse Now: Liveblogging the 2010 Midterms, Part II

It’s 8 p.m. on the East Coast and probably midnight tomorrow on the Alaskan West Coast, so let’s begin the second awful installment of America’s favorite liberal moan temple, the Wonkette Midterms 2010 Liveblogging Challenge! So far, Republicans have won important Senate seats such as the Rand Paul seat and the Rob Portman seat. Will Barack Obama be removed from office, along with his so-called “health care” scheme? And why did the Economy gang up on Democrats, anyway? Is the Great Recession simply racist? (Yes.) But Chris Coons is the WINNER against Witchcraft and Patriotism! No, please Wiccan goddess in the Sky, do not take Christine O’Donnell from us, for goddess’ sake, we NEED COMEDY now more than ever. Read more on Teapocalypse Now: Liveblogging the 2010 Midterms, Part II…
  visions of america

America Decides 2010: What Does IHOP Stand For, Anyway?

On the eve of the most important midterm election of the year, the combined cultural powers of teevee’s 60 Minutes and the movie-star magazine Vanity Fair have again delivered a poll that tells us not only what Americans think, but what they are. Read more on America Decides 2010: What Does IHOP Stand For, Anyway?…
  just trust them

Americans Going To Vote For GOP Even Though They Prefer Democrats

The New York Times has a new poll about the midterms out today, and, surprise, it seems people are more likely to vote for Republicans than in 2008. “Republicans have wiped out the advantage held by Democrats in recent election cycles among women, Roman Catholics, less affluent Americans and independents,” they concluded. What does this “less affluent Americans” thing mean? Less affluent than women and Roman Catholics? Less affluent than “Bo Obama”? Oh, right, that’s probably just their way of saying “people who don’t read The New York Times.” Anyway, this sort of looks bleak for Democrats, no? But, as Matthew Yglesias points out, it turns out voters in this poll actually say they have a more favorable opinion of Democrats than Republicans. Huh? Read more on Americans Going To Vote For GOP Even Though They Prefer Democrats…
  squares from the square states

Ken Buck Will Never Compromise Ever (Except For Colorado $$$!)

For the last two years the Republicans have been a wee bit obstructionist in the legislative department! Fortunately they are a minority in both houses of Congress, so the only result of this obstructionism has been the blockage of most of the Democratic agenda and the permanent poisoning of the political culture in Washington. What will happen if they actually control Congress? Will the GOP legislators and the administration come together, figure out what they can both agree on, and compromise for the good of the nation? Or will it be a profound clusterfuck that will make the last two years look like a pleasant dinner party? Let’s ask Ken Buck! Read more on Ken Buck Will Never Compromise Ever (Except For Colorado $$$!)…
  one more thing

Obama Tries To Steal Election With Free iPads For Everybody

So we don’t know if you heard but it sounds like the midterm elections might not go so well, for the Democrats! Naturally this is of some concern to Barack Obama, who barely was able to pass any good laws despite controlling an overwhelming congressional majority, so who knows how he’s going to deal with a Republican congress. He could try helping his party win by the traditional methods — “campaigning,” “being popular,” etc. — but remember, Barack Obama came to Washington to change the tone there, to really shake things up, so obviously he’s going to blaze a new path. What will the Democrats’ “October Surprise” be? Will Barack Obama extract a promise from Steve Jobs that every American voter will receive a free iPad? Maybe! Read more on Obama Tries To Steal Election With Free iPads For Everybody…
  future shock

CNBC Publishes Secret AP Election Results; Republicans Lose

What’s the New World Order/Nobama got in store for the Teabaggers on Election Night? Nothing but pain, if these leaked Election 2010 results are to be trusted — and they are “not to be published or broadcast” until the Powers That Be are ready to announce Permanent Halloween for America’s tightly-wound white people. So many important Republican/Teabaggers are losing, with 40% reporting or whatever! Carly Fiorina, John McCain, Richard Shelby, Ken Buck, Christine O’Donnell, Mark Kirk, David Vitter, Sharron Angle, Tom Coburn, even Chuck Grassley … all losers! CONCEDE YOU IDIOT LOSERS, the Associated Press is calling it! And in the biggest upset of the election, Alvin Greene has soundly beaten Jim DeMint, 45%-40%. YES HE CAN! Read more on CNBC Publishes Secret AP Election Results; Republicans Lose…
  rhodes commodes

ELECTION SHOCKER: Christine O’Donnell Didn’t Go To Oxford

If those previous Christine O’Donnell revelations didn’t lock up these midterms for the Democratic Party, surely this will: Her LinkedIn profile is incorrect! She didn’t go to the University of Oxford, even though she said she did! Hooray, all is saved! Democrats will have a full 80 seats in the next Senate! Ignorance is out, smart people are here! No ridiculous ideologues will ever step foot in Congress again! And there will be a reverent ferocity of masturbation from Senate office to Senate office, from House seat to House seat, from on top of Robert Byrd’s coffin to inside Ted Kennedy’s coffin, and all across this great land. Finally, we can take solace in knowing Christine O’Donnell will not be elected. Read more on ELECTION SHOCKER: Christine O’Donnell Didn’t Go To Oxford…
  cartoon violence

Cartoon America Finally Starts Paying Attention To Midterms

By the Comics CurmudgeonDid you know that the campaign for the 2010 midterm elections are finally underway? “Wait a minute, hold up,” you’re saying, if you’re the sort of person who reads this site, “hasn’t the midterm campaign been happening since roughly the middle of 2007?” Well, that just goes to show what sort of out-of-touch inside-the-beltway monster you are. Real America is just now starting to pay attention to this business, and is of course discovering that the Democrats are destined to lose in flames. But these Americans are just happy to participate in the process! Read more on Cartoon America Finally Starts Paying Attention To Midterms…
  just like nixon's last press conference

Liveblogging Obama’s First Press Conference Since the Last One

In mere moments, the hated failure known as Barack Obama will limp out to his lectern and face a hungry, brain-dead press corps(e). How will he prove he loves 9/11 enough to fix the economy when he’s still, quite obviously, a brown person — especially when angry white unemployed underwater midterm voters know in their hearts that Brown People are not even Human?! Let’s gather around the cold glow of the flatscreen and watch former Mister Slick Speaking Guy be ripped limb from limb (if his limbs are connected to each other, instead of to his torso, we guess?). Read more on Liveblogging Obama’s First Press Conference Since the Last One…