Wonkette

* Ron Paul’s gonna get banned from debates just cause he’s the only one who knows the truth about 9/11. [Election Central]
* Dennis Kucinich is still a “whiny ass motherfucker who stands on a box so he doesn’t look like a little midget.” [PrezVid]
* U.S. Mint knows Americans only like spending money with dead white dudes on it. [Suitably Flip]
* Larry Flynt’s mumbling respect for Jerry Falwell. [YouTube]
* Jenna Jameson endorses Hillary. [LAist]
* John McCain autograph on heavy paper doorstop: $200. [On Call]

Hooray for the freedom of the British sailors who were only following orders and trying to instigate war with Iran! And wow, this gang puts the “hot” back in … uh, “hot-stages.” We are pretty sure they weren’t doing boat patrol in those Justin Timberlake suits. A Wonkette Operative writes:

All of the male British sailors are groomed, dressed in finely tailored suits, and look unbelievably hot (except for the short guy in the middle who looks like a midget lesbian). And then … there’s Faye Turney, who is wearing a denim jumpsuit (as my friend calls them, “Canadian tuxedos”) and HORIZONTAL STRIPES. In ORANGE. She looks like the elderly Russian babushka house mother taking care of a bunch of hot male models who live together in Miami Beach.

Seriously. this may be lost on you guys, but to the gay community, these are the sexiest hostages EVER. Too bad that dumpy bitch is in the picture ruining today’s fantasy.

Who Got the British Sailors Released? [TIME]

* Gee, those Republicans still really love that Iraq War. [NYT]
* But hate that Attorney General. [NYT, LAT]
* Fired US Attorneys go on the Sunday shows and blast the White House, proving once again that jobless people with the least to lose, make the best teevee. [WP, WP]
* 2008 campaign may soon be even more diverse if midget Jew Michael Bloomberg plays the big blind. [WP]
* Adam H. Putnam’s life is like a compilation of all the wet-dreams Alex P. Keaton ever had. [NYT]
* Are there political improprieties going on at GSA? Is the Pope Catholic? [WP]
* Democratic Congress considers robbing the old to insure the young. [LAT]
* President Bush acknowledges the existence of income inequality, but won’t do anything about it until you get off your lazy ass and get to work. [WSJ]

* Court upholds law insuring there will be no Guantanamo Redemption for the charming, good-natured inmates of that prison. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* Supreme Court says smoking kills, but it’s still cool. [WP, NYT]
* David Geffen sits in a booster seat at the booster dinner he hosted for Barry Hussein. [WP]
* One hundred Americans in a room, and only 9 of the most stoned think they trust President Bush to improve national healthcare. [WSJ]
* Ellen Tauscher looks like low-hanging moderate fruit to the gaping maw of California hippie bloggers. [WP]
* Jurors begin deliberations today in the trial of that lying liar Scooter Libby. We’ll let you know if you need to pay attention. [WP, NYT]
* White House calls reduction of British forces in Iraq, “a sign of success.” [LAT, USAT, Guardian]
* Maybe there are actually three things from Texas. [NYT]

* Walnuts’ campaign website is a page-view whoring device of the five-dollar-back-alley variety. [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Political trivia featuring “midget porn, neocon jizz, and raping hobo corpses.” [Only in America via Rude Pundit]
* NSA has the power to continue warrantless spying, but doesn’t have the power. [Worldwide Standard]
* Toby Keith is a flip-flopper. [Think Progress]
* Liz Taylor endorses Hillary. Liz Taylor is still alive. [Reuters]
* Former fat-ass Mike Huckabee will probably announce his ‘08 candidacy on Sunday. [Hotline on Call]
* Joe Biden declares he’s running, again. [Boston Globe]
* George Pataki’s going to personally solve Iran first, and then say whether he’s running. [CNN]
* Al Sharpton checks Barack Obama’s ghetto pass, finds it expired. [Althouse]

* “George Jr.” was too cool for Christmas cards long before he was too cool for facing political realities. [Daily Kos]
* The Inconvenient Truth parties taking place nationwide this weekend are a Godsend for those too nerdy to attend “ugly Christmas sweater” themed parties. [Washington Wire]
* OPEC celebrates Hanukkah by cutting oil production, “have eight crazy nights paying more for gas, bitches.” [Freakonomics]
* Exciting conspiracy theorists everywhere, the 2008 Presidential election could be decided by a Jewish billionaire midget. [Political Insider]
* But that’s fine, Americans are more tolerant than ever — unless a candidate has worked for the Bush administration. Then they’re fucked. [Political Wire]
* Fox News wants viewers to know that Tom DeLay isn’t a has-been Congressmen, but an Exxxtreme! to the max conservative force. [C&L]
* “Americans fat, lonely, frequently injured by bikes.” [MoJo Blog]