Wonkette

President George Walker Bush spent his Tuesday in Saudi Arabia (they finish Tuesday earlier over there because the sun comes at different times), and boy boy boy did he have a whale of a time. He got to watch ponies dance, play with curvy fun swords, look at magical books that brown people read — why the Saudi King even let him try on some pretty dresses! Those lovable wire photographers at the AP caught it all, so check out party pix after the jump. MORE »

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

The New Year Condidrought is over …. Or is it? Last week got off to a rousing start with a slew of interviews and then climaxed with Our Heroine’s trip to the Middle East with the boss. To a less practiced Condiwatcher, this would indicate a return to business-as-usual for the secretary of state. But I know better: the real Condoleezza Rice is still on vacation. What we’ve been seeing this past week has been the Condibot.

MORE »

George W. Bush is on vacation in the West Bank today, telling everybody about how great things will be in 2009, after he’s mercifully out of office. According to our sad, ignored president, the Middle East will finally see peace, love and understanding next year. Why? Because everything will magically get better after Bush is gone. Here are some other predictions from our optimistic pal: MORE »

Talking to reporters about Iran’s “provocative action” in the Persian Gulf, National Security Adviser Stephen Hadley had strong words for Iran, which, as far as we can tell, sent three blue speed boats out to say creepy things to American naval commanders over the radio. Obviously, they were hoping that the memory of the USS Cole getting blown up by a speed boat had faded? Or that someone at HQ wouldn’t let the ships fire on them? Or maybe Iran has its own drunken idiots? It’s so hard to tell these days. We’ve got doctored infidel propaganda video after jump. MORE »

John Bolton, former U.S. ambassador to the United Nations and overall sack of shit, is taking his grievances with American foreign policy to the German press now, and they are quite grievancesy! In an interview with the Fatherland’s Spiegel, Bolton claims that Bush’s “foreign policy is in free fall” now that he’s talking to gross people like Iran and Syria. But John Bolton is John Bolton, and he blames it on that chick at the State department, Rice or whatever, for going all vagina-ish on the Administration’s manly sensibilities. MORE »

The big news in fake diplomacy today is Condi’s Middle East peace conference, which held talks in Annapolis, MD this morning between Israel, Palestine, Syria and some other horribly screwed places. It just so happens that this Wonkette editor is living in Annapolis until December, so what a coinky-dink! I went down and took some pictures of the protesters, which included Code Pink, a guy who looks like Santa Claus, some old ladies and various anti-Semites. Check out the gallery, the aesthetics of which are sure to bring peace to all troubled nations across the globe.

According to the textbook definition of “cultural hegemony,” MTV Arabia launched this weekend in an attempt to show Middle Eastern youths what their American counterparts were watching in 1984. Hopefully the new channel will never syndicate The Hills, because watching Spencer Pratt is known to encourage suicide bombings and other forms of jihad. MORE »

“Long-time Bush adviser Karen Hughes will leave her post as undersecretary of state at the State Department in mid-December, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice announced Wednesday.” Sad! Especially since the State Department has been promoting American ideals of “freedom” so well in the Middle East recently. For example: Those Blackwater guards were able to shoot civilians at will because they were free. [CNN]

* America gets “swift boated” by President Bush’s recess appointments. [NYT, LAT]
* Alberto Gonzales is in front of the mirror every night working on his “I am not a crook.” [WP]
* Limits of “Iowa nice” are tested by listening to Rudy Giuliani’s “I can get things done” speech. [WP]
* Americans have no problem writing checks or clicking “donate now,” for Barry Hussein, proving they don’t discriminate against people with big ears. [WP, NYT, LAT, WSJ, USAT]
* Elizabeth Edwards thinks WaPo staff writers are weak willed. And you, you pussy. [WP]
* Nancy Pelosi finds Syrians less goofy than Moroccans, less gay than Lebanese, more down to Earth than Egyptians. [NYT, LAT]

Today: the wacky leader of Iran called for, uh, a debate against George W. Bush. A “direct television debate,” which would presumably be moderated by Tim Russert and his non-union Iranian equivalent. Sort of an international diplomacy Crossfire. MORE »