Wonkette

David Petraeus is the only General in the military anymore, so when any new General’s Job opens, he has to take it. Defense Secretary Bob “I Exist?” Gates today promoted Petraeus to head U.S. Central Command (a.k.a. CENTCOM, BWAH BWAH!), leaving Iraq in the hands of Lt. Gen. Raymond Odierno. Expect MoveOn.org to rename this new guy something like “Odier? NO!” in the coming weeks. [Reuters]

The AP has a funny article up about rich Arab princes buying camels for beauty pageants. Either the AP writer or her editor was masturbating furiously when thinking about these hot, slutty camel minxes, because look at the glorious camel typo:

Camels are registered for beauty contest in several categories, defined by age and skin color. The owners of the top three camels in each category split a $US2 million price fund and each receive a car from a pool of more than 100 4×4 vehicles and pickup trucks.

Five judges asses the camels’ bodies as a whole and their necks, heads, lips, noses, humps, legs and feet separately.

GO ON… [AP] MORE »

Yes yes, the War in Iraq is now five years old and has reached 4,000 American deaths. There’s no real plan for reconciliation between the government and the insurgents and various Terrorists, so it’s pretty much stalled forever. In other words, Iraq is super boring and not of interest to anyone. The media knows this, too! According to the Project for Excellence in Journalism, “Iraq coverage by major American news sources has plummeted, to about one-fifth of what it was last summer.” Well maybe if anything *cool* were going on over there, like COWBOYS/INJUNS or COUPS or PASSIONATE SEX or SPACE LASER FIGHTS, they might cover it more. MORE »

Iowa Republican Congressman Steve King is a known douchebag, and demographic trends suggest he is a racist too. What racist thing did racist Steve King say today? Just that the Muslim terrorists “will be dancing in the streets” if Obama is elected president, “and that has a chilling effect on how difficult it will be to ever win this global war on terror.” Yes, King Congressman, but will he get us universal health care?? MORE »

Now that “Pennsylvania is the new Iowa,” and the Democratic party is dead-set on making everyone hate politics even more, John McCain is going to pretend to be a senator again! Has he already forgotten that he is running for president? Or maybe he thought he never left the Mexican Hanoi Hilton where he was tortured as a baby during the Spanish Civil War? All of these things are true, and this is why he now plans on taking a 10-day “congressional delegation” trip to socialist Europe and communist Middle East. MORE »

Here’s something that should cheer up the Paultards: while President Obama may continue destroying the Constitution, it could be worse — Iran’s government actually plans on turning off the Internet. As you may recall, this is the Paultards’ worst fear. According to Iranian news outlets, the government may block private access to the Internet during the nation’s legislative elections on May 14. They are worried that political parties could abuse it to spread “news information,” a recent evolution from the Internet’s original purpose, showing pictures of naked ladies. MORE »

Tipster “Patrick” informs us that the foreign press is spreading nutty rumors about a drunken President Bush making an ass out of himself in front of Israeli leaders. As if! The translation after the jump. MORE »

Because Rudy Giuliani ended his campaign for America’s terrorism mayor yesterday, and because the kids enjoy top 10 lists (like on the David Letterman show), and because it is the most obvious opportunity to strike since 9/11, here is your list of the best Giuliani references to America’s Holiday in the Sun, 9/11. After this, we hope to never speak about either Rudy Giuliani or 9/11 again. The very existence of Rudy’s campaign, after all, proved that the terrorists had won a long time ago. MORE »