All Michigan Republicans Now Hate McCain
Friday, October 10th, 2008
John McCain used to be famous and handsome, when he was a lot younger, and many “moderates” enjoyed his personality and funny jokes about gorillas raping ladies. Now, however, he is a repulsive old cretin spouting utterly phony wingnut bullshit that he can’t even be bothered to pretend to believe — after all, he believes in nothing but the counsel of lobbyists, his right to massive wealth and his elite military bloodlines. This is why every Republican leader in Michigan — including the dead moderate ghost of Gerald Ford — has gone public with their deep hatred of John McCain, the horrible old fraud. MORE »
John McCain used to be famous and handsome, when he was a lot younger, and many “moderates” enjoyed his personality and funny jokes about gorillas raping ladies. Now, however, he is a repulsive old cretin spouting utterly phony wingnut bullshit that he can’t even be bothered to pretend to believe — after all, he believes in nothing but the counsel of lobbyists, his right to massive wealth and his elite military bloodlines. This is why every Republican leader in Michigan — including the dead moderate ghost of Gerald Ford — has gone public with their deep hatred of John McCain, the horrible old fraud. MORE »
Remember how John McCain used to want to lose elections to, uh, whatever that was? Lose elections to win elections? Anyway, this week’s suspension of his campaign is happening in Michigan. Team McCain is closing up shop, pulling the teevee ads, ending the mailers, canceling all events, the end. 
Wonkette operative “Jocelyn B.” reports from Grand Rapids, Michigan: “She in my backyard right now, dressed in neon yellow, squawking loudly to an impressive crowd of probably 200. A passerby commented that she looked like Tweetie Bird, albeit seven months pregnant. Emotional eating, no doubt. When she says ‘Barack Obama,’ her voice lowers about three octaves and she sounds like she’s reprimanding a naughty dog. Oh, she’s done. Over.” [
Oh look it’s Carey Torrice, County Commissioner in Macomb County, Michigan! Some e-mail we just got, completely unrelated, tells us that Macomb County is a bellwether for the state. Important! And Carey Torrice, who recently won TMZ’s search for America’s hottest politician, pretty much runs it. And yet, despite having a hot piece of ass as County Commissioner, Macomb residents are complaining about the TMZ article, which “has featured photos taken from Torrice’s own Web site that show her in various sexy costumes.” Well then! Let’s check out Torrice’s website shall we? 
People in Detroit hate nothing more than the Toyota Prius, because it is made by the “Orientals” in awful Japan. And unemployed blogger Meghan McCain, it so happens, drives one of these vehicles because she is a close friend of the Japanese President, Hirohito. Last week, John McCain tried to denounce his “daughter” by telling the local media that Meghan bought the dumb car herself, which is of course a lie, because Meghan McCain has no personal source of income. [
Oh God now it begins: our quadrennial debate about voter fraud versus vote suppression. The head of the Republican Party in Macomb County, Michigan has decided that a wonderful way to protect against “voter fraud” will be to get lists of foreclosed homes and check those against voter rolls to make sure that people whose houses are foreclosed — and what is that, about 130 percent of all Michigan residents at this point? — don’t get to vote if they aren’t residents of those addresses anymore. 
Here are some important new Battleground polls that you should take with a grain of salt, because they have not factored in Ron Paul’s 
Even though the Internet has already concluded that Barack Obama lost the election after some unknown wingnut vice president lady gave one surly speech last week, we couldn’t help but check out the electoral map anyway, just for kicks. Above is the fun 
MOST ELITIST PHOTO OF ALL TIME: The Detroit Free Press is so in-the-tank for Barack Obama that they used some terribly expensive camera to cover his rally with Al Gore in Michigan yesterday. It’s a 360-degree shot of a packed Joe Louis Arena, and you can swivel it, zoom in, zoom out, marvel at the diverse crowd of hard-working white Americans and black children, or whatever it is that gets you off about these big Hopey cult rituals. [
“WASHINGTON (AP) - Democratic party officials said a committee agreed Saturday on a compromise to seat Michigan and Florida delegates with half-votes after Barack Obama and Hillary Rodham Clinton failed to get enough support to force their positions through.”
Here’s a picture from our Wonkette “Saturday” operative. It is the worst car in the world, and America should be ashamed of it. It’s “rallying” around the DNC Rules and Bylaws Committee at some Marriott in northwest Washington D.C., along with various comical Hilltards and tragically counter-protesting Obamatards. Somehow the only result of the meeting will be the War in Iran. But are they making any progress? Perchance! 
So hints tragic reporter hero Mark Halperin, who says the Barry campaign will announce a major endorsement between 6:15 and 7:15. Obama will be holding a rally in Grand Rapids, Michigan tonight — and John Edwards got on a plane this afternoon! Maybe he was just flying to Outer Space or some deserted island, far, far away from the speculative hellhole we call the Two-Hour News Cycle.