Tag Archives: michigan

  When In the Courser Of Human Events

Teabagger Fornicator Writes Million Words About Jesus, No Words About Resigning

We don't really think Rep. Gamrat is a 1940s Messican lady
Clarification: We don’t really think Rep. Gamrat is a 1940s Messican lady Hey, guys, just in case you spent your whole weekend worrying whether Michigan state Rep. Todd Courser — the teabagger who had an affair with fellow teabagging legislator Cindy Gamrat and then plotted to cover it up with a fake smear campaign against himself that he did gay sex stuff with a gay hooker — had said anything new and dumb, guess what. You’re in luck! Saturday, he posted an insufferably long Facebook post to explain that while he is in fact a despicable sinner, so are we all, and he wants to make it absolutely clear that his sin does not reflect badly on God or Jesus, for those who thought he’d made God look bad by association. Read more on Teabagger Fornicator Writes Million Words About Jesus, No Words About Resigning…
  Winning The Publicity War By Not Sounding Crazy

Christian Teabagger Lady Rep. Only Banged Her Crazy Colleague, Never Broke Any Laws

Classic pulp covers just don't account for women as equal participants in legislative diddling
Classic pulp covers just don’t account for women as equal participants in legislative diddling Michigan state Rep. Cindy Gamrat, who did adulterous sex things with certifiable loon and fellow state House member Todd Courser, made her first public statement on the scandal Friday, apologizing for her conduct but insisting that she didn’t break any laws or House rules. Unlike her paranoid paramour Courser, she didn’t say anything about a vast conspiracy trying to destroy her, nor did she comment on Courser’s claim that mysterious blackmailers forced Courser to concoct a bizarre scheme to smear himself as a way of covering up the affair. It would appear that, however much they may have enjoyed pushing a rightwing Christianist political agenda and fucking each other’s brains out, the wackaloon amateur ratfucking was more Todd’s hobby than hers. Read more on Christian Teabagger Lady Rep. Only Banged Her Crazy Colleague, Never Broke Any Laws…
  Lord Of The Whinge

Michigan Teabagging Fornicator Still Making Up Super Amazing Sh*t

Those blackmailers have some pretty hot stuff!
The incredibly stupid saga of Michigan state Rep. Todd Courser continues to unfold, with former allies in the Tea Party urging him to resign, and Courser stating even more adamantly that he’s not going to knuckle under to the Powers That Be. Most recently, Courser has released a bunch of screenshots of the “blackmail threats” that he says forced him to concoct a fake story of a gay-hooker scandal so that no one would believe the real, far more mundane scandal involving his affair with another legislator, state Rep. Cindy Gamrat. And he’s also promising to prove, yes absolutely prove, that these threatening blackmail texts are true, because, he says, “another person” also received them, which means he is the real victim and therefore he wins the scandal Olympics. Read more on Michigan Teabagging Fornicator Still Making Up Super Amazing Sh*t…
  Courser And Coarser

Michigan Teabagger Fornicator Also Accused Himself Of Child Molestation, For Jesus

As you might have expected, the twisted stupid saga of Todd Courser, the Michigan state representative who faked a gay-hooker scandal to cover up his genuine heterosex affair with another legislator, state Rep. Cindy Gamrat, and then claimed that he was being blackmailed, has taken another weird turn. A Michigan political blogger says this isn’t Courser’s first attempt at Nixonian ratfucking: Last year, during an extremely close Republican primary for the 82nd state House district, Courser allegedly faked a smear campaign against himself, claiming that some unknown enemy had distributed fliers accusing him of being a child molester. We’re sure Courser, a raving rightwing Tea Party loony who can’t go five minutes without invoking his Christian values, should have a heck of a compelling explanation for this accusation too, like maybe a high-level plot against him by the enemies of Jesus. Read more on Michigan Teabagger Fornicator Also Accused Himself Of Child Molestation, For Jesus…
  Here have some news n stuff

Google Did A Thing

What did Google do, Jeeves?
If corporate restructuring is your kind of kink, then ooooh yeah, baby, do we have some HAWT sexxxy news for you! Larry Page, co-founder and chief executive of Google, said in a blog post on Monday that he was creating a new company named Alphabet that he would run along with Sergey Brin, the other co-founder of Google. Alphabet is to act as a parent holding company, with several other companies operating under the structure, including Google, a company focused on [blah blah blah blah who cares WORDS]. Basement-dweller Larry Page also dirty-blogged that you rich fuck investors will want to take note that your Google shares will now be called Alphabet shares, but don’t worry, they’re basically the same thing, and will “continue to trade on Nasdaq as GOOGL and GOOG.” Please further note the “Kick Me, I’m A Dork” sign on his back: Read more on Google Did A Thing…
  When In Doubt Say You're The Real Victim

Nice Christian Fornicator ‘Blackmailed’ Into Spreading Fake Gay Sex Scandal

We are through the rabbit's looking glass, people!
You HAD to know, given that the two state legislators in this stupid Michigan sex scandal are rightwing teabagger Christians, that things would get even weirder and dumber. Friday, we told you how state Rep. Todd Courser came up with a Most Cunning Plan to cover up his affair with state Rep. Cindy Gamrat: He’d have an aide email the media a fake accusation that he was paying for gay hookers and addicted to porn, so that when the truth about his adulterous-but-hetero-affair with Gamrat came out, it would seem mild by comparison. Genius! And now, here’s another shoe: Courser claims the only reason he made up that gay sex story was that he was being blackmailed, and he was going to use the fraudulent story to flush out the blackmailer. That’s the ticket! Read more on Nice Christian Fornicator ‘Blackmailed’ Into Spreading Fake Gay Sex Scandal…
  busted

Christian Teabagger Reps Have Terrific Plan To Hide Real Affair, With Pretend Gay Hooker Scandal

Not so secret anymore
Not so secret anymore It’s a well-known fact that Republican sex scandals are the very best kind. For normal people who want to engage in consensual no-no sex, that’s their own private no-no sex bidness, to work out with the marriage counselors and divorce lawyers. But for those whose careers are built on regurgitating bumper stickers from “the Bible,” telling their fellow Americans which sex sticks should go in which sex holes, and how and when and in what position and for what purpose, well, that’s a whole nother thing entirely. Like, say, if you’re impeaching the president for getting some extramarital knob-polishing, while you are doing the very exact same thing. Or if you are writing amicus love notes to federal courts demanding the preservation of traditional boy-on-girl marriage, while you are sexting a college intern who is not your wife. Or if you give speeches about how consenting adults who love each other are a danger to children, but you have a history of finger-banging your own very young sisters. Or if a thousand other examples we could easily provide for you, but you’re smart enough to get the point. Read more on Christian Teabagger Reps Have Terrific Plan To Hide Real Affair, With Pretend Gay Hooker Scandal…
  Another victory for the homofascists grrrrr

Mean RNC No Fun Anymore, Won’t Even Put Gay-Bashing In Platform

Chapter 10: Pointing and laughing at sad wingnuts who lost the fight LOL Being a staunchly conservative wingnut in America sucks these days. First Barack Obama replaced all the Christians in the military with homosexuals, and then he did gay marriage to America, and now suddenly, a good Bible-believing baker can’t even bash gays in peace without some liberal saying, “If you bake cakes, you have to sell them to gays too.” Where did their country go? And here’s more evidence! The liberals at the Republican National Committee refused to approve two resolutions, one about hating gays, and the other also about hating gays, because somehow overt bigotry is bad for electablity these days, like that even matters: Read more on Mean RNC No Fun Anymore, Won’t Even Put Gay-Bashing In Platform…
  'Kafkaesque' Doesn't Begin To Describe It

World’s Best Judge Sends 3 Children To Juvie — Indefinitely — For Refusing To Have Lunch With Dad (UPDATED)

Or if you're a kid in her court, serving Life.
Update: New developments; see end of post. Let’s all raise a glass to our own common sense today, as we can all celebrate the fact that we have a hell of a lot more of it than Oakland County (Michigan) Family Court Judge Lisa Gorcyca, who recently sent three children, aged 9 to 14, to juvenile detention for contempt of court after they refused to have lunch with their dad. The kids, stuck in one of those horrible divorce/custody cases that make family court so much fun for everyone, claim that their father is violent and hit their mother; the father claims that the mother poisoned the children against him, and somehow Judge Gorcyca decided that instead of doing anything about either parent, the best thing for everyone involved would be to slap three already emotionally fragile kids into a facility for juvenile criminal offenders. Until September. Read more on World’s Best Judge Sends 3 Children To Juvie — Indefinitely — For Refusing To Have Lunch With Dad (UPDATED)…
  Their Football Team Also Sucks Too

Email From Your Crazy Uncle: Obama Welcomes ISIS Youth Groups To Michigan, Sure Why Not

We saw it on the internet so it must be true
Wow, did you hear the shocking news that Barack Obama used one of those unconstitutional executive order thingies to allow a “youth center” run by an open ISIS sympathizer to open in Dearborn, Michigan, which is full of radical Muslims already? It’s completely true, apart from the fact that it’s wholly fictional. But somebody was worried enough to post it on an anti-Muslim Facebook page, and apparently it’s getting some traction on social media, even though it’s from rightwing fake-news site The People’s Cube, which is another of those sites that thinks “satire” need not be “funny.” Read more on Email From Your Crazy Uncle: Obama Welcomes ISIS Youth Groups To Michigan, Sure Why Not…
  Justice Of Miscarriage

Miscarrying Lady Almost Dies At Catholic Hospital, But At Least She Didn’t Get An Abortion

How cool is Steve Brodner? Cool enough that he gave us permission to use this within five minutes of asking!
Oh, Wonketteers, you’re going to want to remove any heavy objects from the vicinity of your computer before you read this one, lest you hurl anything through your monitor (mobile users are advised to tie down their throwing arms). Tuesday, a federal district judge in Michigan dismissed a woman’s lawsuit against the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops and three chairs or former chairs of the Catholic hospital chain that owns Mercy Health Partners’ hospital in Muskegon, Michigan. In 2010, Tamesha Means was only 18 weeks pregnant when her water broke and she went to Mercy — one of only two hospitals in Muskegon County, which are both owned by the same Catholic company, Trinity Health. We’ll let the ACLU tell you how that went: Read more on Miscarrying Lady Almost Dies At Catholic Hospital, But At Least She Didn’t Get An Abortion…
  Boo hoo

Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful

It's the end of the world! Except not
It turns out that not every single U.S. American is sexcitedly happy dancing because the Supreme Court confirmed that, per the Constitution, the Constitution is for everybody. Like, some of the justices on the Supreme Court (but not enough of them to matter, HAHAHAHA). Join us, as we read their word-weeping for their beloved institution of inequality, which is dead as fried chicken now, huzzah! Read more on Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten

Tryin' hard to come up with some more easy questions.
HEY WONKETARIAT, we hope this weekly Top Ten post finds you rested and not too hungover. It’s time for us to look at all the stories that made you laugh and cry and whatever other emotions you feel in response to Wonkette posts, you’re very unpredictable. Guess what? That Duggar story is still going on, but we are happy to report that only HALF of the top ten posts this week are Duggar-related. Read more on Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten…
  'Bagger & Me

Angry Screaming Patriot Pretty Sure Army Just Invaded Michigan, Has Video To Prove It

He sure looks tyrannical
In Flint, Michigan, earlier this week, the U.S. Army was conducting some perfectly routine training exercises that involved pretending to do urban combat — the kind of close-quarters fighting that poses some of the greatest risks to soldiers. Think Fallujah in 2004. So, like a fire department burning down a condemned house for practice putting it out, the Army got permission from the City of Flint to do some maneuvers among condemned buildings at a long-vacant junior high school. Problem is, when the Army unit changed its schedule, the city only gave a couple hours’ advance warning to locals that there would be a bunch of loud booms coming from the old school as the Army practiced “attacking” it. Read more on Angry Screaming Patriot Pretty Sure Army Just Invaded Michigan, Has Video To Prove It…