Tag Archives: michigan

  'Kafkaesque' Doesn't Begin To Describe It

World’s Best Judge Sends 3 Children To Juvie — Indefinitely — For Refusing To Have Lunch With Dad (UPDATED)

Or if you're a kid in her court, serving Life.
Update: New developments; see end of post. Let’s all raise a glass to our own common sense today, as we can all celebrate the fact that we have a hell of a lot more of it than Oakland County (Michigan) Family Court Judge Lisa Gorcyca, who recently sent three children, aged 9 to 14, to juvenile detention for contempt of court after they refused to have lunch with their dad. The kids, stuck in one of those horrible divorce/custody cases that make family court so much fun for everyone, claim that their father is violent and hit their mother; the father claims that the mother poisoned the children against him, and somehow Judge Gorcyca decided that instead of doing anything about either parent, the best thing for everyone involved would be to slap three already emotionally fragile kids into a facility for juvenile criminal offenders. Until September. Read more on World’s Best Judge Sends 3 Children To Juvie — Indefinitely — For Refusing To Have Lunch With Dad (UPDATED)…
  Their Football Team Also Sucks Too

Email From Your Crazy Uncle: Obama Welcomes ISIS Youth Groups To Michigan, Sure Why Not

We saw it on the internet so it must be true
Wow, did you hear the shocking news that Barack Obama used one of those unconstitutional executive order thingies to allow a “youth center” run by an open ISIS sympathizer to open in Dearborn, Michigan, which is full of radical Muslims already? It’s completely true, apart from the fact that it’s wholly fictional. But somebody was worried enough to post it on an anti-Muslim Facebook page, and apparently it’s getting some traction on social media, even though it’s from rightwing fake-news site The People’s Cube, which is another of those sites that thinks “satire” need not be “funny.” Read more on Email From Your Crazy Uncle: Obama Welcomes ISIS Youth Groups To Michigan, Sure Why Not…
  Justice Of Miscarriage

Miscarrying Lady Almost Dies At Catholic Hospital, But At Least She Didn’t Get An Abortion

How cool is Steve Brodner? Cool enough that he gave us permission to use this within five minutes of asking!
Oh, Wonketteers, you’re going to want to remove any heavy objects from the vicinity of your computer before you read this one, lest you hurl anything through your monitor (mobile users are advised to tie down their throwing arms). Tuesday, a federal district judge in Michigan dismissed a woman’s lawsuit against the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops and three chairs or former chairs of the Catholic hospital chain that owns Mercy Health Partners’ hospital in Muskegon, Michigan. In 2010, Tamesha Means was only 18 weeks pregnant when her water broke and she went to Mercy — one of only two hospitals in Muskegon County, which are both owned by the same Catholic company, Trinity Health. We’ll let the ACLU tell you how that went: Read more on Miscarrying Lady Almost Dies At Catholic Hospital, But At Least She Didn’t Get An Abortion…
  Boo hoo

Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful

It's the end of the world! Except not
It turns out that not every single U.S. American is sexcitedly happy dancing because the Supreme Court confirmed that, per the Constitution, the Constitution is for everybody. Like, some of the justices on the Supreme Court (but not enough of them to matter, HAHAHAHA). Join us, as we read their word-weeping for their beloved institution of inequality, which is dead as fried chicken now, huzzah! Read more on Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten

Tryin' hard to come up with some more easy questions.
HEY WONKETARIAT, we hope this weekly Top Ten post finds you rested and not too hungover. It’s time for us to look at all the stories that made you laugh and cry and whatever other emotions you feel in response to Wonkette posts, you’re very unpredictable. Guess what? That Duggar story is still going on, but we are happy to report that only HALF of the top ten posts this week are Duggar-related. Read more on Megyn Kelly Plays Softball With The Duggar Sisters: Your Weekly Top Ten…
  'Bagger & Me

Angry Screaming Patriot Pretty Sure Army Just Invaded Michigan, Has Video To Prove It

He sure looks tyrannical
In Flint, Michigan, earlier this week, the U.S. Army was conducting some perfectly routine training exercises that involved pretending to do urban combat — the kind of close-quarters fighting that poses some of the greatest risks to soldiers. Think Fallujah in 2004. So, like a fire department burning down a condemned house for practice putting it out, the Army got permission from the City of Flint to do some maneuvers among condemned buildings at a long-vacant junior high school. Problem is, when the Army unit changed its schedule, the city only gave a couple hours’ advance warning to locals that there would be a bunch of loud booms coming from the old school as the Army practiced “attacking” it. Read more on Angry Screaming Patriot Pretty Sure Army Just Invaded Michigan, Has Video To Prove It…
  Naked Aggression

Butt Ass Nekkid Michigan State Senator Shoots Up Ex-Wife’s Car, May Have Issues

You see what happens when you feed a stoner scrambled eggs?!
A confrontation between a naked Michigan state senator and his ex-wife in the wee hours of Sunday morning made for competing narratives and movie references this weekend. Did Virgil Smith attack his former spouse after an argument when she showed up at his Detroit home at 1 in the morning, or did she fly into a rage and attack Smith’s girlfriend? And in either scenario, was it really necessary for Smith to shoot the hell out of his ex’s Mercedes? (No, it was not.) Are we watching Rashomon, The Big Lebowski, or the worst mashup ever? Read more on Butt Ass Nekkid Michigan State Senator Shoots Up Ex-Wife’s Car, May Have Issues…
  bad analogies

Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!

Say what now?
We have seen many laughable rationalizations for upholding bans on marriage equality over the years, and especially in the last few months before the Supreme Court rules, once and for all, that those bans are not constitutional. (Yes, that’s probably definitely we are pretty darn sure going to happen real soon.) Bigots say equality will mean the end of the world or at least make politicians get drunk and crash their boats into children. And it will cause a million more abortions and force dudes to have to explain periods to their daughters, can you EVEN IMAGINE. Read more on Dumb Guy Has Best SCOTUS Argument Against Gay Marriage: Buttsex And Abortion Are Not Crimes!…
 

Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!

It's the end of the world! Except not
Tuesday was the last chance for bigots to explain to the Supreme Court why it is constitutional to deny equal rights to gay people because you think they have icky sex. The Court had two questions to consider: First, is it okay for states to prohibit gays from doing marriage together because “tradition” and “ewww gross” and “states’ rights” and “some people don’t like it” and “WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?!”? Second, is it okay for states that prohibit marriage equality to tell already gay-married gay couples from other states that their marriages do not count, because this here is Kentucky (for example) damnit, and we do not like you liberal state gay types, for America? And freedom? Read more on Supreme Court Rams Gay-Marriage Nonsense Down Your Earholes. A Wonkette Transcriber!…
  in which laughter is not the best medicine

Michigan Cops Want In On That Whole ‘Beating Unarmed Black Guy’ Civil Unrest

It’s difficult to keep track of all the unarmed black men receiving treatment on a scale of illegal-to-lethal at the hands of American law enforcement. But hopefully you remember Floyd Dent. He is the retired auto worker who was pummeled by police officers following a routine traffic stop in Inkster, Michigan. In addition to the dash-cam video showing Officer William Melendez using his fists to protect and serve all over Dent’s head, new video has emerged purporting to show the manly and tough Inkster police officers guffawing and fist-bumping about the savage beat down they just gave the 57-year-old man. Read more on Michigan Cops Want In On That Whole ‘Beating Unarmed Black Guy’ Civil Unrest…
  Not gonna grease their gearboxes either

Michigan Mechanic Won’t Serve The Queers, Time To Crank Up The Old GoFundMe

He knows Jesus hates gays as much he does.
Because it is a day, here is a story about a bigot who needs you to know that he, as a white male (reportedly) heterosexual, is being oppressed, because gay people exist. Introduce yourselves to Brian Klawiter, owner of the Dieseltec auto repair shop in Grandville, Michigan, who took to the FaceSpace on Tuesday morning to say he’s sick of all these gays, and that if one of them has a diesel truck and comes in looking for a lube job, HE AIN’T GONNA GIVE IT! Let’s take a looksee at the various parts of his Very Well Constructed Word Thoughts, and see if we can learn something: Read more on Michigan Mechanic Won’t Serve The Queers, Time To Crank Up The Old GoFundMe…
  Hide your kids hide your wives

Homosexual Spotted At Michigan Newspaper, May Be Armed With Agenda, Caution Advised!

Don't open the folder or glitter will get fucking everywhere.
God-bothering Michigan state Rep. Gary Glenn, who is also president of the American Family Association of Michigan, has an ALERT and a DRUDGE SIREN and, hopefully, a SHOCK VIDEO, to share with the people who populate the city of Midland:  There is a homosexual, and he is at the newspaper right now, and even worse than that, they have made him the editor! Read more on Homosexual Spotted At Michigan Newspaper, May Be Armed With Agenda, Caution Advised!…
  Just Don't Make This A Racial Thing OK?

Michigan Cops Had Perfectly Good Reason For Beating Up Unarmed Black Guy, Probably

Funny, not one working microphone, either.
Surprising news from Michigan: On Jan. 28, police in the Detroit suburb of Inkster were caught on dashcam dragging an African American man from his car, putting him in a chokehold, then repeatedly beating and tasering him because, they say, he was resisting arrest. We were surprised to learn that there’s a Detroit suburb named “Inkster.” Read more on Michigan Cops Had Perfectly Good Reason For Beating Up Unarmed Black Guy, Probably…
  Frivolous lawsuits

Butthurt Michigan Woman Sues Planet Fitness For Being Nice To Transgenders

Behind door number three is this bitch named Yvette, who isn't allowed at this gym anymore.
Some weeks back, we had a Nice Time, about a Michigan lady, Yvette Cormier, who was bitching and moaning about the fact that her local Planet Fitness allows transgender people to use bathrooms and locker rooms that correspond to their gender identities. She huffed and puffed about a “man” being in the locker room (it was a trans woman), and Planet Fitness decided, to hell with it, and terminated her membership — Cormier’s, not the trans woman — citing the fact that it’s very boldly stated, in their policies and on their website, that they are a No Judgement [sic] Zone. Read more on Butthurt Michigan Woman Sues Planet Fitness For Being Nice To Transgenders…