michelle obama
As America heads swiftly toward its impending rapture date, Michelle Obama fans are wondering why our FLOTUS has not taken advantage of the opportunity to publish a “How to Make the Most of Your Ramadan Fast” diet book or, alternatively, eat some more hamburgers while no one is paying attention. Perhaps it is because our [...]
It appears that this country might actually continue to exist for a little while, so our FLOTUS Michelle Obama will probably come out of hiding now, to politely suggest that everyone wipe their tears, put down the anusburgers and jump on a treadmill. Of course, America never likes these sort of suggestions from the First [...]
Oh the obese, how quickly they seem to have multiplied across our fair land. The self-aware once had a hero in Michelle Obama, who gave important seminars like “Just Because It Is A Dollar Doesn’t Mean You Should Eat It” and “Put Down the Fried Dough, You Human Stick of Lard.” But no one will [...]
Michelle Obama is taking a nap right now because, haven’t you heard, she ate herself into a coma last week. Somewhere, a couple of news desk interns are very proud of themselves, because their cranky, jaded editor shouted, “HOW MANY CALORIES ARE IN A HAMBURGER?” and they got out their little calculators as fast as [...]
The woman whose front-yard FLOTUS shrine almost landed her in jail is in the clear now, sort of! So nice try, obesity epidemic, you lose this one. The city of Oak Park, Michigan no longer cares about Julie Bass’ hideous vegetable garden. Instead, they would like to go after her dogs, because Oak Park is [...]
First Lady and America’s personal trainer Michelle Obama was up to her usual tricks last week, going to a Washington Kastles game, celebrating the beginning of Malia’s angsty teen years, and probably hanging out in the vegetable garden. This vegetable garden has come up a lot during Michelle’s time as FLOTUS, because she likes to [...]
America must once again put down the Hostess snacks, because our FLOTUS has returned from her trip to Africa. This adventure went much better than last year’s Spain fiasco, maybe because there are fewer secret Muslims in South Africa? No one knows! Of course, it wouldn’t be a real FLOTUS vacation without some dumb non-controversy [...]
Michelle Obama is trying very hard to help Americans slim down so they can stop buying clothes with sizes in the triple digits. She is probably so frustrated right now, because she has tried so many things. She has tried to get kids to exercise by teaching them hot dance moves. She has infiltrated day [...]
America is full of fat children, and fat adults. This we know. But did you also know that America has many fat babies? It is more difficult to spot them, sandwiched between all the aforementioned full-grown fat people, but that doesn’t mean that Michelle Obama hasn’t noticed these sneaky, milk-guzzling fatsos. And since our FLOTUS [...]
Remember late last summer, when Michelle Obama thought it would be fun to take her daughters on a trip to Spain, and then America had a heart attack, because apparently a good First Lady would pretend to be poor as a courtesy to the rest of the country, which is actually poor? Well, great news! [...]
Our Michelle spent last week drinking her way around the world, or more specifically, in Europe. She went there to hang out with that Kate lady and wear different outfits so that the Internet could vote about who was fancier. (The correct answer is that FLOTUS is always fancier. Always.) But even when our FLOTUS [...]
