This pretty picture shows Michelle and Barack Obama in silhouette, as Washington is bombed by the Independence Day socialist aliens from the planet Hawaii. After a holiday weekend of the desperately unhappy and angry Sarah Palin threatening everyone with lawsuits on Twitter and Facebook, Pete Souza’s picture of a happy couple enjoying the Fourth is like ulcer medicine. And, if you can imagine, it was a WHOLE DIFFERENT WORLD before Palin’s public meltdown. We just read about it in Paul Slansky’s TIME index.

Throughout the history of American journalism, reporters have upheld one vital standard: asking the tough questions and holding to account the most powerful person in the nation, which is to say, the First Lady. But is our national legacy of unbiased investigative East Wing reporting suddenly in peril because some black gals are writing about Michelle Obama? MORE »

• Last Thursday hundreds of helpless picnic-goers were forced to wear leis and eat lomi lomi salmon while Barack Obama lit cigarettes with a tiki torch. It was the first madrassa-themed congressional picnic, ever. [HuffPost]
• More than 200 mullet-sporting diabetics came to pastor Ken Pagano’s bring-your-gun-to-church-day and wow, nobody got shot! It was a big improvement over a similar event pastor Ken hosted at the Dallas book depository back in the ’60s. [Think Progress]
• If you’ve noticed Michelle Obama skipping around the White House eating crumpets and slicing shit in half with an enormous saber, it is because she thinks she is the Queen of England. Who will shatter her fragile heart and tell her the truth? 1,2,3 …. Not it! [RedState]
• In a new and provocative ad campaign, Amnesty International beats up women when no one’s watching, to help illustrate how sneaky domestic violence is. [Andrew Sullivan]
• The eight Republicans who voted for Cap and Trade — known in more sophisticated bohemian circles as the TR8TORS — have enraged the Teabagging Community. And now the Tea Baggin’ Patriots have rigged up a javascript Doomsday device that will detonate in two days unless the Tr8tors change their vote! [Cap And Tr8tors]

• Michelle Obama is the spokeswoman for the new and groovy United We Serve initiative. But consider this: first we were asked to “stand” united and now the government wants us to “serve” united? That’s a big leap there, going from just standing around to “cleaning up a neighborhood park”, united. Baby steps Michelle, baby steps. [The Caucus]
• What? Matt Taibbi has posted some sort of odd video from Russia, which he claims is very funny if you are like him and understand Russian. But wait, before you assume Taibbi is some sort of bilingual Tolstoy-reading Cossack genius: he posted the video at 1:02 a.m.! Yeah okay Matt, everyone speaks fluent Russian — when they’re drunk! This is so unlike you. [Matt Taibbi]
• Some poor immigrant family had their door kicked in at 4:00 a.m by a SWAT team, which then proceeded to handcuff all the teenage girls in the room. Whoops, wrong door! And then Montgomery County generously offered the distraught family “a couple of movies passes” as compensation. And then the ACLU laughed and laughed and laughed. And laughed. [Hit & Run]
• RedState has expensive-looking Venn diagrams to show how every state is debt-ridden and practically foreclosed! Oh no, does this mean Mexico gets California back? [RedState]
• Every night our cultured, worldly President cooks a big pot of traditional Pakistani tuna casserole and then reads mystical Urdu poetry until it’s time for bed. Jesus Obama, why don’t you and Taibbi get married so you can speak Russian together? The rest of us will be watching television, like normal red white and blue-blooded Americans. [Politico]

WHY DOES MICHELLE OBAMA HATE OUR NATION’S PROVIDERS OF TELEVISION ENTERTAINMENT? “She said that she had instituted what she called ‘Camp Obama’ at the White House, which means that the TV and computer stay off all day until after dinner and before bedtime, adding that bed time was early.” It is terribly unpatriotic to prevent one’s children from watching television 16 hours a day in the summer. How else are they going to learn English? [First Read]

It’s been such a fun week for the South Carolina GOP, with all the comedy about gorillas and aspirins! But now it must come to an end because the humorless nancies of the Far Left have demanded a more sincere apology from Rusty DePass, the Republican operative who explained his crack about “Michelle Obama’s ancestor” by pointing out that she believed in evolution or something. MORE »

Chicago crime boss Michelle Obama wasted no time turning the once-pristine White House grounds into a foul “organic garden” filled with marijuana and other arugula. Children from a local elementary school were shipped over in FEMA trailers and forced to sample the “good for you” delicacies. In other words, the first harvest from the Nobama Nationalized Yard Garden was a great success! [Flickr/NYT The Caucus]

Huzzah our prayers have been answered! Courtesy of the White House comes this darling portrait of Mrs. Obama and whatsername, “Just Say No,” shortly before sitting down to a dignified First Ladies’ seance. [Official White House Photostream]

Couch-bound American sweatpants-wearers love to smell their own farts and follow the fashion adventures of their First Lady, which is why they love Nancy Reagan and Michelle Obama equally. Laura Bush? Whatever, she just walked around in stiff light-blue suits all the time so PASS. Anyway, First Lady lovers (like Mr. T, left) will be sure to follow today and tomorrow’s activities at the White House very closely. MORE »

What a fantastic spring it’s been in DC, what with the terrible muggy spell in early May, and now there’s nothing but terrible swampy grossness ahead! Fortunately, DC’s “celebrities” can be spotted both in- and out of doors, where they engage in elite activities such as air travel, grocery shopping, lunching, and even watching sports events. After the jump: Find out which famous politician hums loudly to himself in public bathrooms.

Ever been waiting around to pick up your deli sandwich or your luggage or collect your mail or whatever, and you see some very put-together man or lady giving you the eye like they would like to take you up to Eliot Spitzer’s room at the Mayflower? It’s probably one of those terrible people you’ve seen on O’Reilly’s show talking about the sanctity of post-marital sex. Tell us about these encounters, and other more boring encounters please! Write to tips@wonkette with subject line “Wonk’d.” MORE »

Whoa, a black person on Sesame Street! They were not kidding, about the change. Here is elitist fashion plate Michelle Obama disrespecting our Queen again by saying the best thing she ever did was some kind of fetish play with a red monster which is actually just some terrible carpet with ping pong balls for eyes and a gay dude’s hand up its ass. Exercise, it’s what’s for dinner, fat America! [YouTube]