Wonkette

Did you miss the daytime teevee shows because you have to “work” somewhere? Don’t worry, just relax with a dough-nut or whatever and enjoy this charming interview with the whole Obama family, including rarely seen stepson “Urkel.” When you’re done with the video, remember to check out the “Top 10 Weird Animals.” Platypus, wtf? [Today Show]

Need a new Internet Slogan now that all your other old, worn-out slogans were used up by Weezer or immigrants? Here is one for you, only a day old and still pretty much used up like Krusty’s porn: I am aware of all Internet Traditions. What the hell? We will tell you, and you’ll feel dumber for it. MORE »

This is the most crucial segment of Michelle Obama’s amazing visit to The View, in which the ladies discuss Mrs. Obama’s fierce guns, Whoopi Goldberg congratulates her for having teeth without gold around them, and Barbara Walters bitches about pantyhose. Then Michelle tells a cute story about her ten-year-old daughter, who can’t pass any laws. [RedLasso]

The next President of the United States, Michelle Obama, will debase herself before an audience of nice American ladies when she guest-hosts The View today with Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg, Bette Midler, Boy George, and Ferris Bueller. Stay with us as we liveblog this possibly tragicomic trainwreck at 11AM Eastern — just one short hour from now! [The View]

Get ready for the softer, whiter side of Michelle Obama! According to somebody at the New York Times who leaked it to Drudge Report, Barack’s fancy corporate wife is getting a “subtle makeover” that will finally make right-wing nuts put aside racism and sexism so they can metaphorically embrace their new first lady, who represents everything they so deeply resent in life: intelligence, wealth, style, liberalism and especially the “being female” and “being black” parts. UPDATE: Oh here it is. MORE »

Here it is, the terrible bit of “word play” that has offended everybody with its obvious lack of racial transcendence. A “baby mama” is the term for a lady who has mothered some or all of a gentleman’s illegitimate children, and clearly does not apply to Michelle Obama. Now please quit sending us this thing. [Salon]

Here is old former president George (H.W.) Bush Senior, enjoying a gay game of Yale Tennis with this young thing (Communist Soviet sex spy Anna Kournikova) who is also not his scary old crone wife. They are giving each other a sexy Terrorist Fist Jab, like all the Bushes do with all their girlfriends and boyfriends. Oh and that dipshit lady at Fox News got fired, haw haw.

New first lady Michelle Obama is a young, stylish, beautiful and successful corporate attorney from humble south-side-of-Chicago beginnings. In other words, she’s just like ancient yankee matron aristocrat Barbara Bush. MORE »

Via everybody, but especially Balloon Juice and Andrew Sullivan and whoever finally brought this dark truth to light, here is the video that will ruin Obama’s campaign. You shouldn’t have given up, Hillary. And congratulations to President elect John McCain. [YouTube]

A pack of grieving Clinton supporters in Minnesota dragged their dejected pantsuits over to the Xcel Center the other night and were amazed by the fact that Barack Obama and his army of houligans weren’t complete dicks to them. The Democratic nominee met with a bunch of Clinton heavies and shook their hands and then Michelle Obama “put her hand out to mine and rubbed her cheek against mine.” That is just the beginning of the amazing night these Clintards had discovering that NOBAMA and his ilk meet the minimum threshold for basic human decency. MORE »