michelle obama
Why Is Michelle Obama Visiting Bin Laden’s Son In The Hospital After He Did The Boston Bombings?
So it turns out, via tipster “Michael,” who would like Wonket to investigate before we get 9/11ed again, that the SAUDI NATIONAL (who has already been cleared of the Boston Bombings but only because the FBI IS IN ON IT) is actually Osama Bin Laden’s son, Hamza, and Michelle Obama visited him in the hospital [...]
Hero GOP Reps Fight Back Against Tyranny Of Healthy School Lunches
Brave GOP legislators are fighting against the Kale Tyranny of Michelle Obama and her personal minions at the USDA, who are phasing in a fascist plan to require all school lunches to reduce their maximum calorie count and include servings of fruit and vegetables. Congressmen Steve King (R-Iowa/National Pork Producers Council) and Tim Huelskamp (R-Kansas/National [...]
How Is Michelle Obama Murdering Jesus And Easter Today?
Well, it is almost time for the White House Easter Egg Roll! Which means it is already past time for the annual whinging about the White House Easter Egg Roll. How is Michelle Obama murdering it today? Oh, just the same way she did in 2011, again. The “Christian” “News” “Service,” founded by superawesome dude [...]
Michelle Obama Answers Questions On Twitter, With Predictable Results
Michelle Obama: Today I will be on Twitter taking your questions about my Let’s Move campaign! Would anyone like to ask me about it? Wingnuts Everywhere: BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI.
Wonkette Readers’ Inexplicable Fondness For Michelle Obama Deemed ‘Creepy,’ Cultlike
Time for the Wonkeratti to have a moment of Zoidbergian excitement: Hooray! Somebody noticed us! Of course, it was only the troglodytes at Weaselzippers, who were utterly perplexed that anyone could like Michelle Obama, what with her big butt and mannish looks and all. One of our loose rules here at Your Wonkette is that, [...]
Here Is Just A Video Of Michelle Obama Dancing, For Fun And Nice-Time!
Watch this video! It is our First Lady Michelle Obama and what appears to be the mom who was way too involved at your middle school/Jimmy Fallon, doing a silly dance! It is the combined birthday wish of both your Editrix Rebecca and FLOTUS Correspondent Blair that you watch this video and do not think [...]
Fox Nation: Queen Michelle Obama Bogarting All The Powder
How is Queen Marie Antoinette Moochelle Nobumer class warring the poor people of Aspen today? She is class warring them by being too rich, that is how! Because the poor people of Aspen could not land their private jets because Michelle’s fat ass was in the way!
Michelle Obama Invites Awesome Haitian Lady To SOTU FLOTUS Box
Your FLOTUS correspondent can smell an ABC Family original movie a mile away, and this one smells like some combination of Ruby Bridges, that documentary about the choir for elderly people, and scallions. It is the story of Desaline Victor. Who is Desaline Victor? “At age 102, it’s possible Desaline Victor is the oldest guest [...]
Idiot Defeated Congressman Joe Walsh: Why Does Michelle Obama Hate Black Kids Who Die By Guns?
Chicago is a mess of kids murdering each other with guns. Hundreds of children, each and every year, and it does not get the attention it should because the murders are of black kids by black kids. We are all aware of this, right? Well idiot defeated congressman Joe Walsh is aware of this too, [...]
News Media Squeals With Delight About Michelle Obama ‘Vogue’ Possibility
There is a rumor going ’round that the gorgeous visage of our beloved First Lady Michelle Obama will be gracing grocery store check-out aisles everywhere come next month. No, they have not started carrying Candy magazine at the Piggly Wiggly. It’s Vogue! “USA TODAY’s David Jackson confirms that Annie Leibovitz was at the White House [...]
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Please Nobody Tell The Yahoo! Commenters About Michelle Obama’s New Portrait
by Rebecca Schoenkopf
Do you know who Yahoo! commenters love? Hint: It is Michelle Obama! They love her very, very much, and when they call her “Moocow” and “Squatch” and “Sasquatch” and “Mooch” and “Silver-Backed Gorilla,” it is not because of racisms but is more like a … well, okay, maybe it is a LITTLE bit racist. Also, [...]