In the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress! According to some sort of ‘Save Glenn Beck’ online petition, Americans overwhelmingly chose WALMART as the symbol of our great Union! Other popular symbols that didn’t make the cut: a bald eagle clenching a Kenyan birth certificate with its razor-sharp talons, LYNNDIE ENGLAND pointing at at pyramid of naked LOLCATS, and the piano box casket … MORE »

According to several popular children’s ghost stories books, centuries ago Dick Cheney created another in the image of himself. He called it “Liz,” for he liked to draw out the zzzz and allow the vibrations produced by the humans’ language tickle his tongue-organ. According to legend, when little boys and girls don’t listen to their parents, the Liz Monster will emerge from the bowels of hell to waterboard them to death, or until they produce actionable intelligence. WELL: Everyone must have been on their absolute worst behavior lately, as the Liz Monster has materialized to not-torture us all! MORE »

• You careless fools! Barack Obama’s name is misspelled on a diplomatic agreement he signed with Dmitry Medvedev, which means … Stalin gets East Germany back. How could this happen? [RedState]
• Did Sarah Palin read a book, or stumble across Wikiquotes? And is there a difference? Let’s ask Plato. [Think Progress]
• The American Hostage Crisis is finally over! [Swampland]
• What do Nancy Pelosi and Michelle Malkin have in common? Besides having lady parts? They both detest Michael Jackson and his Kingdom of Pop. [The Caucus]
• “Are Crows The Smartest Birds EVER?” Watch the video! Take the POLL! Did space monsters abduct Arianna Huffington, and then “probe” her? Watch the video! TAKE THE POLL! [HuffPost]

Today at High Noon, the disciples of CNBC teevee ranter Rick Santelli held teabagging parties around the country. Apparently they did not pick up on the nonchalance in Santelli’s voice when he said, “we’re going to hold a… like a tea party or something because of this Obama, ha ha, weird.” Well, the biggest of these parties was in Washington, by the White House, and like 20 people took cabs from CPAC to stand around in poop hats and complain about fiat currency for a few minutes while Michelle Malkin filmed them in various pornographic poses. Major thank yous to poop operatives “Jamie” and “Ethan” for sending most of the photos below, as well as to intrepid D.C. blog reporter Dave Weigel, some of whose photos we have stolen. MORE »

• Shameless anti-Roland Burris propaganda organs The Washington Post and The Chicago Tribune are demanding that America’s first black president Roland Burris retire from the Senate and give up his position of chairman of the Joint Committee on Inspiring Generations to Come. [TPMMuckraker]
• This guy, Mike Quigley, is the favorite to be crowned Replacement Rahm Emanuel, as dictated by Chicago’s newspapers. [Daily Kos]
• In an apparent attempt to, hmm, make this whole sinning-confession-forgiveness process more Taylorist (?), Arkansas has just passed a law allowing its citizens to bring guns into church. [Andrew Sullivan]
• O song of the Drudge Siren! BREAKING: Michelle Malkin-national socialism-manila envelope-digital-camera-scandal! [Crooks and Liars]
• John McCain refuses to go back to the View, the site of 5 1/2 years of dehumanizing psychological and physical torture. [CNN Political Ticker]

• Here is your President — ha ha, no, the other one: “George” — congratulating Barack Obama. [Ben Smith]
• Hysterical manchild Eric Cantor, whose feelings were hurt by terrible bully Nancy Pelosi, is throwing his name into the House Republican Whip hat. [RedState]
• Michelle Malkin will have none of this dumb “GOP re-branding,” which is just a fancy vapid David Axlerod-ism. The fundamentals of the Party, clearly, are strong. [Michelle Malkin]
• A bunch of elitist four-year college professors suggest books that Obama should read, now that he’s President and has so much more time for leisure. [Inside Higher Ed]
• Meet Obama’s all-star transition team! Starting lineup includes Janet Napolitano, John Podesta, and that new puppy that Obama has pinky-sworn to Sasha and Malia. [Marc Ambinder]
• There are about 9 billion humans on Earth right now (not counting Joe Lieberman or his multitude of evil hologram clones.) In 1830, it was just 1 billion. [The Caucus]

Look everyone, Wonkette videographer Liz “Polaroid” Glover is here in the Twin Cities doing those interviews that you love so much. Hooray! Yesterday or the day before or something, she caught up with conspiracy theory/New World Order media kingpin Alex Jones to discuss, among other things, his confrontation with cryptofascist blogger Michelle Malkin in Denver as captured in this hilarious video. What a guy. After the jump, another video where Liz asks him about some ridiculous crap she just made up on the spot re: Ralph Nader. He answers it. MORE »

The rampant, raging Absolut vodka controversy took on new dimensions this weekend when a pack of insane nativists vowed to boycott Absolut and demanded the firing of the employee who approved an ad that encourages the Mexicans to take over the Northern Hemisphere. To be fair, it is well known that The Illegals and their cohort take most of their political marching orders from liquor ads. MORE »

• Nothing gets a candidate ready for some swiftboating like putting up with Hillary Clinton. [Headline Junky]
• Hey, look! Barry Obama can beat Hillary Clinton and still have time to do more international diplomacy than the State Department. [Horserace]
• Having a hard time sourcing rumors about Hillary dropping out of some upcoming races to attack Barry from the sidelines? Go figure! [Hot Air]
• Hey look who writes fiction! Just like the New Yorker! [IMAO]
• Fred Thompson’s campaign ruined his campaign. [Michelle Malkin]
• Mitt Romney: friend of the billionaire. [MoJo]
• Larry David killed people in New Hampshire today. [Fresh Intelligence]

• Barry Hussein isn’t fooling anybody in Nevada with all his dumb lies. [Las Vegas Review Journal]
• Tell the feds to keep their laws of our emissions. [Los Angeles Times]
• Oh, hey, Rudy is still running. [Politico]
• But what does Iowa mean for Al Gore? [Headline Junky]
• Huckabee, I don’t mind telling you, is a Jew. [IMAO]
• Michelle Malkin loves pee cock. [Michelle Malkin]
• And my oh my that Mittens sure is handsome! [Redstate]
• Funny picture. [Deadline Hollywood]

• Christmas was ruined for so many this year by taser-wielding, Jesus-hating maniacs. Or, at least it happened in this one case. [WorldNet Daily]
• We’re pretty sure Tom Tancredo’s endorsement wasn’t a “stinging setback” for anybody but sometimes it’s nice to pretend. [Hot Air]
• Crazy Michelle Bauchmann wants you to know that Iraq is almost healed! They passed a pension bill, and that’s more than we’ve got. [Right Wing News]
• Malkin stays awake all night, just waiting for someone to write something about Al Sharpton. Then, finally, at 5 in the morning, she caught a big one! Congrats, Michelle! [Michelle Malkin]
• Huck hates the Pope and we’re not sure how well that’s going to play in Iowa. [Fresh Intelligence]
• Obama is the only person running for something who objects to Bush’s FEC nominee and therefore conspiracy! [Redstate]