Tag Archives: michelle malkin

  man fuck this guy

Mike Huckabee: Can We Shut Up About Racism And Talk About My Lord And Savior Jesus Christ?

STFU, Huckabee.
When Mike Huckabee was first asked whether the Confederate flag should fly in South Carolina, he said Americans don’t “want [presidential candidates] to weigh in on every little issue in all 50 states that might be an important issue to the people of that state but not on the desk of the president,” because clearly the president of America is not president of the individual states that make up America. He also said you can’t assume, based on the actions of one lunatic, and also the state’s official endorsement of the Confederate flag, that the state is racist. The “lone wolf racist” has nothing to do with the lone racist flag, apparently. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Can We Shut Up About Racism And Talk About My Lord And Savior Jesus Christ?…
  wingnut slapfight

Bryan Fischer Will Root All Queers Out Of Wingnut ‘News’ Websites

GRRRR HOMOS GRRRR
Bryan Fischer’s butthole is in an extra-twitchy state (not the Michelle Malkin kind of twitchy; or wait, come to think of it, yes the Malkin kind), as he is feeling BETRAYED! You see, one of the wingnut websites he likes, Townhall.com, has a known homosexual in its midst, by the name of Guy Benson, political editor. And Benson is a dirty homo, as he reveals in a new book out this week. Let your freak flag fly, Fischer: Read more on Bryan Fischer Will Root All Queers Out Of Wingnut ‘News’ Websites…
  Unfair!

Michelle Malkin Outraged: Twitter Jailing Conservatives Like They Are Japanese-Americans

Our thoughts exactly
BREAKING EXCLUSIVE MUST CREDIT TWITCHY! The liberal-biased interwebs are putting conservatives in Twitter jail, maybe (or maybe not) but probably (but probably not), just for being conservatives, OH NOES! Michelle Malkin, conservative keyboard-banging hero and founder of the the site with NINE PAID STAFFERS (or, ugh, maybe even more by now) who collect random tweets, mostly by Pat Sajak, and call it “the news wire of the 21st century,” is on to you, Twitter! Read more on Michelle Malkin Outraged: Twitter Jailing Conservatives Like They Are Japanese-Americans…
  let them eat kale!

Jesus, Internet, What’s The Matter, Did Gwyneth Paltrow Bone Your Dad?

Movie star lifestyle guru Gwyneth Paltrow has taken up the SNAP challenge — to eat only what she can afford on the $29 a week, on average, that people on food stamps receive. Did you know the Internet is VERY MAD about this? How dare this privileged princess make a mockery of hunger advocacy blah blah yortle blerp? HOW DARE YOU GWYNETH PALTROW???? Read more on Jesus, Internet, What’s The Matter, Did Gwyneth Paltrow Bone Your Dad?…
  The Wonder Years

Joni Ernst: Let Them Wear Bread Bags

NEWS FLASH: You can afford these shoes on $7.25 an hour
Sen. Joni Ernst did her best in her robotic SOTU response to let us know that she empathizes with folks facing hard times: You see, growing up, I had only one good pair of shoes. So on rainy school days, my mom would slip plastic bread bags over them to keep them dry. But I was never embarrassed. Because the school bus would be filled with rows and rows of young Iowans with bread bags slipped over their feet. And thus was born the #breadbags hashtag: Read more on Joni Ernst: Let Them Wear Bread Bags…
  Education Nice Time!

Obama Proposes Free Community College; Will Terrify Wingnuts With Educated Populace

Bluto studied Photoshop at Estes Kefauver Community College
Now here’s a nice thing if you’re into “education” and “free stuff,” which of course you are, because you’re an over-educated socialist liberal. President Obama is heading to Tennessee today to announce a program that would provide qualified students with two years of free community college, as well as other reforms aimed at making higher education more accessible. Tell us more, New York Times: Read more on Obama Proposes Free Community College; Will Terrify Wingnuts With Educated Populace…
  rage against the machine

Conservatives React To Jeb Bush With Usual Thoughtfulness And Rage-Induced Aneurysms

#BetterThanJeb
Jeb Bush’s announcement this morning that he is exploring maybe thinking about the possibility of considering a run for the presidency has set off an awesome fit of rage and whining among the true conservatives of the right, and it is hilarious. Hanukkah doesn’t even start for a few more hours, and already we have received the greatest gift. Read more on Conservatives React To Jeb Bush With Usual Thoughtfulness And Rage-Induced Aneurysms…
  That's Not What We Meme At All

Texas Congresstwit: Study Of Internet Spam Is Secret Obama Plot To Silence Conservatives

Some people say...
It must be difficult to live in a world where dark conspiracies are always seeking to destroy America and crush freedom. And lord knows, Our Government has certainly done some seriously nasty stuff! The thing is — and we’re only telling you this because we think you can handle it — not everything the government does is aimed at stifling dissent! No, really! Read more on Texas Congresstwit: Study Of Internet Spam Is Secret Obama Plot To Silence Conservatives…
  Oh SNAP we burnt ourselves

Twitchy Very Sorry For Calling Pelosi ‘Jew-Hating Bitch,’ Meant To Quote Someone Saying It

We here at Yr Wonkette know we are not Very Serious Journalists, nor do we try to be, because (a) we enjoy telling jokes, which you sometimes even enjoy reading, thank you very much, try the veal and tip your waitress; (b) we have never helped a president lead the country into a bullshit war with our Very Serious Journamalisming, only to print an itty-bitty apology years later that “oops, our bad, we kind of got that all wrong”; (c) we’d much rather let the serious types do the hard work, which we can then quote and make fun of — but with links, because we are not assholes or PLAGIARISTS, and we have no problem attributing our sources because that is basic interweb etiquette. Read more on Twitchy Very Sorry For Calling Pelosi ‘Jew-Hating Bitch,’ Meant To Quote Someone Saying It…
  They're Under the bed

Don’t Blame Breitbart When Al Qaeda Murders The NYPD!

So, everybody was all Happy and Nice Timey about the New York Police Department ditching its “Demographics Unit,” a.k.a. Muslim surveillance unit, right? All it did was anger New York and New Jersey’s Muslim communities and screw with civil liberties, whilst producing exactly bupkis in terms of counter-terrorist intelligence, so everyone said, “Good riddance,” no? N-O, the answer is no, not everyone was happy to see this waste of money come to an end, because what part of Muslims do you not understand? Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home for Hysterical Xenophobes is SO MAD, you guys, about how political correctness has rolled the red carpet out for Al Qaeda to just attack New York whenever they want, go right ahead, nobody will stop you. As Breibart’s National Security Editor “Dr.” Sebastian Gorka notes, the NYPD has completely surrendered and is just waiting for Al Qaeda to come apply for murder permits at One Police Plaza. Read more on Don’t Blame Breitbart When Al Qaeda Murders The NYPD!…
  circles within circles within derples

Michelle Malkin Sees Through Eric Holder’s Partisan Scheme To Harm Republicans By Arresting Dems

It turns out that Barry Hussein Bamz-Soetoro-Alinsky isn’t the only schemer in the administration who plays 11-dimensional hopscotch, planning several steps ahead of reality to work miracles of political gamesmanship that only become obvious after the trap has sprung. Screeching rage-fueled harpy Michelle Malkin has sussed out the true intentions behind the Justice Department’s corruption indictments against prominent Democrats state Sen. Leland Yee in California and (now-ex-) Mayor Patrick Cannon: Attorney General Eric Holder is only going after these (allegedly) corrupt Democrats now so that voters will forget all about them come this fall’s elections, when Holder will go after Republicans, thereby erasing everyone’s awareness of Democratic corruption with his Jedi Balrog Majick! We wish more prominent conservatrolls were as smart as Michelle Malkin. Read more on Michelle Malkin Sees Through Eric Holder’s Partisan Scheme To Harm Republicans By Arresting Dems…
  crimea river

Lindsey Graham Takes This ‘Benghazi’ Thing Just A Bit Too Far For Voice Of Reason Michelle Malkin

Looks like the “Barack Obama’s weakness let Ukraine happen” trope has reached its apotheosis with this tweet from Sen. Lindsey Graham, with its inescapable logic: Barack Obama let Benghazi happen, therefore Ukraine. It’s just like that time when Reagan knew that somebody had to pay for the bombing of the Marine barracks in Beirut, so he invaded Grenada to show Hezbollah who’s boss. If Obama had just kicked somebody’s ass — anybody’s — we would surely not have seen Russia trying to reclaim parts of the old Soviet territories. Remember how George W. Bush’s swift vengeance for 9/11 completely dissuaded Vladimir Putin from invading Georgia in 2008? Read more on Lindsey Graham Takes This ‘Benghazi’ Thing Just A Bit Too Far For Voice Of Reason Michelle Malkin…
  ugly vile little snark mob

Deleted Comments Of The Day, President’s Day Edition

Once more to the pending comments queue, dear Wonkers, and let’s just see what has piled up for you. We have this, from terribly upset person “Sundaymorningg,” in reply to that article we did when Michelle Malkin noticed that Michelle Obama wore a designer dress to the State Dinner for French President Francois Hollande. Sundaymorningg is not pleased with all the terrible racism and sexism all over Yr Wonket’s comments section: My goodness, this forum is just a study in liberal tolerance and love. You call women the C-word, bitches, whores and so on and pretend to be pro-woman. You make racist comments right and left and claim that conservatives are racist. Most of the comments read like a potty-mouthed version of Hukd on fonix. Thank you for verifying that liberals are the hateful, anti-woman, racist, nearly illiterate buffoons they accuse conservatives of being. Oh, we are such monsters here. We have already addressed the c-word, and while we recognize that not everyone agrees with Yr Editrix on that, she has had her Feminist Card revoked so many times by other people that she’s not too worried that a wingnut is now ready to revoke it again. Oddly, in the eleven (11!!!!1!) comments Sundaymorningg left, they said not a single thing about policies, but were very careful to police every instance of “bitch” or “cunt” in the comments, because obviously if you say an unkind thing about a particular woman, you are therefore precluded from wanting equal pay, reproductive freedom, health care, and all that nonsense. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day, President’s Day Edition…
  fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion

Michelle Malkin: Prissy Jerk Michelle Obama Wore A Ball Gown To State Dinner Like Some Kind Of Prissy Jerk

That picture that you see above is Michelle Obama, First Lady of the United States, with her husband, the “president.” They are welcoming guests at their state dinner for French Mssr. President Socialist A. Horndog. She looks very pretty! While we were at first not wowed by the periwinkle and black color combination of this Carolina Herrera gown, at least not from a distance, with this closer look we now see the lovely detail work on the black overblouse, as well as the fuckin’ bitchen bustle with this sideview, because aw yeah booty. Well, some “journalist” (haw haw haw scarequotes) from NBC tweeted #BOWDOWN (it is, we are informed, a #Beyonce thing) with a picture of this dress, and the nine fulltime staffers at Twitchy had themselves a motherfucking cow babby, right there in their jammies. (It was very messy. Just cow babby placenta goop EVERYWHERE.) Now, Michelle Malkin is retweeting pictures her followers sent her of their best Goodwill finery. Let us see, with a lazy, Twitchy-style bunch of other people’s tweets, what Michelle Malkin’s Flying Monkeys think the First Lady of the United States should wear to a State Dinner, after the jump! Read more on Michelle Malkin: Prissy Jerk Michelle Obama Wore A Ball Gown To State Dinner Like Some Kind Of Prissy Jerk…
  never again

Michelle Malkin To One-Percenters: It Gets Better

Well thank god, someone has finally come to the defense of all the rich. Michelle Malkin has bravely come forward to call for an end to the “bullying epidemic” that plagues our nation: No, not the school bullying issues that get constant attention from Hollywood, the White House and the media. No, not the “fat-shaming” and “body-shaming” outbreaks on Facebook. The problem is wealth-shaming. Class-shaming. Success-shaming. The State of the Job Creator is under siege. You see, Malkin understands that when tech gazillionaire Tom Perkins wrote that letter to the Wall Street Journal warning that the rich are facing their very own Kristallnacht, he wasn’t being an obnoxious douche. He was presenting a “critical message in defense of our nation’s achievers” that she prays “will transcend, inspire, embolden and prevail.” Unless, of course, the Takers have their way and Holocaust the rich to death, putting them on the incremental tax increase trains and shoving them into the gas chambers of Keynesianism. Read more on Michelle Malkin To One-Percenters: It Gets Better…
  nein nein nein!

Shrieking Meth-Rage Banshee Michelle Malkin Selling Twitter Rag ‘Twitchy’ To Some Dumb Idiots

Do you love humorous things, perhaps of a political nature? Do you like wit, and incisiveness, and not being A Idiot? Then you probably do not read Michelle Malkin’s Twitchy. It is a bad place of sadness where unnamed “staff” go and cull tweets from right wingers yelling at liebruls and then add commentary like “SNAP” and “YA BURNT” (they do not actually say “YA BURNT” I think, because that would be too much coolness) and call it a day. Oftentimes, instead of focusing on SNAPpy BURNING from rightwingers, they focus on dastardly tweets from treasonous Demoncrats, at which point all the monkeys fly out of Michelle’s butt and go harass the Demoncrat in question for like days. Also, seriously, they are stupid as fuck. Read more on Shrieking Meth-Rage Banshee Michelle Malkin Selling Twitter Rag ‘Twitchy’ To Some Dumb Idiots…