Tag Archives: Michelle Bachmann

  Post Hoc A Loogie

Mitch McConnell Notices Economy Pretty Good, Figures He Built That

Everything is Awesome!
It looks like Republicans have finally figured out how they’re going to deal with the unfortunate fact that the economy has been steadily improving under Barack Obama: Just say it was all due to the wisdom of Republicans. Michele Bachmann has already taken credit for low gasoline prices, and now Mitch McConnell is saying that the most recent good economic news is obviously in reaction to Republicans winning the Senate in November. In a speech to his brand-new majority Wednesday, McConnell said it was all pretty obvious: Read more on Mitch McConnell Notices Economy Pretty Good, Figures He Built That…
  freedom's just another word for no one left to discriminate against

A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful, Measured Reactions To Jan Brewer’s Veto Of SB 1062

Jan Brewer’s uncrazy veto of SB 1062, the “No Dogs or Gays” bill, is not that big a surprise — unless of course you’re certain that your ability to keep God happy depends on being free to tell people to GTFO if you dislike what they do with their mooshy bits. If that’s what you believe, then what Jan Brewer did was to stomp liberty into the ground while wiping her ass with the Constitution and cramming the gay agenda down your throat, because that’s really what this is all about. The implications are chilling — people whose businesses are open for business will actually have to sell stuff to people, regardless of what they think God’s opinion of those people is. Needless to say, freedom is over, as the American Patriarchy Association’s Bryan Fischer correctly tweeted: Bullies and bigots of Big Gay bag another scalp, intimidate Gov. Brewer into trampling on religious liberty. Ah, Bryan. Your tears are just the perfect final ingredient for the Big Gay wedding cake. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Thoughtful, Measured Reactions To Jan Brewer’s Veto Of SB 1062…
  Virginia Is for Losers

Virginia Loses Its Damn Mind, Steals Control of Crazy Train

Don’t look now, kids, but Virginia has turned the corner and gone nuts.  Seriously, it has gone It-Puts-The-Lotion-On-Its-Skin crazy. In just the past week, it has come to light that GOP nominees to state office and elected officials want to: force women who have miscarriages to report it to law enforcement officers; compared Planned Parenthood to the KKK; called out NObama for being a mooslim; shut down transparency; and sold the Governor’s Mansion for some cheap Virginia wine.  In an impressive feat, statewide nominees and officials have managed to wage a war on women, blacks, Muslims, transparency, and ethics! That’s enough wars to give Dick Cheney a year-long hard-on! Let’s review the play-by-play, shall we? Read more on Virginia Loses Its Damn Mind, Steals Control of Crazy Train…
  let's cherish those first baby steps

Watch Breathlessly As Your New 113th Congress Does Nothing: A New Wonkette Feature

Welcome to yr Wonkette’s new regular feature (and by “regular” we mean, of course, when we feel like it and only until we get bored of it or drunk or both) on your 113th Congress – already on track to be the do-nothingest Congress RIGHT OUT THE GATE. Recall, if you will, that the 112th Congress closed out by fucking over the Eastern seaboard and not taking up a Sandy relief bill before adjourning, just ’cause they could. Hard to top that, brand new baby Congress. Whatcha gonna do, baby? Read more on Watch Breathlessly As Your New 113th Congress Does Nothing: A New Wonkette Feature…
  predestined for a copy machine

Michele Bachmann Delegates Hiring Her Campaign Team To God

Hey, you lazy jerks, why haven’t you been pestering God in your daily prayers to hurry up and assemble Michele Bachmann’s campaign staff? Yes, He’s a busy Guy these days, dealing with the fallout over His decision to put Osama bin Laden on holy trial right in the middle of heaven rather than making it a military tribunal in a secret location on Earth. But Bachmann needs to get her campaign going! What, do you want her to recruit and interview people for these jobs? Read more on Michele Bachmann Delegates Hiring Her Campaign Team To God…
  sex organs in the news

One of Michele Bachmann’s 10,000 Children Refuses To Pose For Playgirl

Playgirl is still alive somehow. And we guess it’s because it does stuff like this: finding Michele Bachmann’s 28-year-old son and asking him to pose nude in their publication, for publicity. He said no, of course. But considering Bachmann has five children and has foster-parented 23 others, something she brags about on the campaign trail, statistically there’s a pretty good chance one of them would do it if enough were asked. The real scandal here, though, is that, while Bachmann and her husband “biblical therapist” Marcus went to good, barely-accredited Christian schools like Oral Roberts and Regent University, their son Lucas goes to UConn. Rebel! Read more on One of Michele Bachmann’s 10,000 Children Refuses To Pose For Playgirl…
  corn maze

Bachmann Going To Officially Run For President As Soon As They Make Her

By this point, the Republicans who are going to run for president all have to know they’re doing it, right? It’s not like any of these people have to “talk it over with their family”; nobody’s going to let expendable things like a spouse or children get in the way of their rightful place on the big stage before a roaring sitting ovation of adoring old Teabaggers on scooters. According to CNN, Michele Bachmann is planning on filing her exploratory committee in June, though she will get that set up earlier if it’s a requirement for her to enter debates. We can all breathe a sigh of relief — Michele Bachmann is running for president, and she’s bringing her into-the-distance banshee death glare to the speakey contests. Read more on Bachmann Going To Officially Run For President As Soon As They Make Her…
  open it sister

A Live List of Insane Things Michele Bachmann Has Said At CPAC

We just started watching. Keep refreshing this! “If the president wanted to be like Ronald Reagan, he would sign a balanced budget amendment!” “We are the Saudi Arabia of energy!” “A three-legged stool… won’t fall over easily.” (Conservatives are a three-legged stool.) Read more on A Live List of Insane Things Michele Bachmann Has Said At CPAC…
  machiavella

Bachmann Says Republicans Will Do Nothing But Issue Subpoenas If They Become Majority

Oh, here is your modern-day Edmund Burke, revealing what she thinks the GOP’s political philosophy should be when they win a Congressional majority in the midterm elections: “I think that all we should do is issue subpoenas and have one hearing after another. And expose all the nonsense that is gone [sic] on. And it’s very important when we come back that we have constitutional conservative leadership because the American people’s patience is about this big. So we have to make sure that we do what the people want us to do.” Yes, Michele Bachmann, this is what we want you to do. No more passin’ laws and such. Read more on Bachmann Says Republicans Will Do Nothing But Issue Subpoenas If They Become Majority…
  Not my senator

Maybe Franken-Felons Didn’t Destroy Democracy After All (But They Probably Did)

Al Franken is the patron saint-senator of comedians, artists, and Mick Jagger impersonators, but did you also know he’s beloved by America’s felons? A “traditional values”-loving pack of watchdogs called Minnesota Majority says that “hundreds of ineligible felons may have voted [in] the 2008 General Election,” and they all may have/probably/most definitely voted for Franken. Criminals just don’t vote for upstanding, well-dressed Republicans — there is no common ground. Read more on Maybe Franken-Felons Didn’t Destroy Democracy After All (But They Probably Did)…
  Leave Michelle Bachmann alone

Michelle Bachmann Is a Star, So Let Her Shine

Barack Obama’s been getting hugs and kisses galore for the comedy routine he performed for Scarlett Johansson and other hardscrabble White House “correspondents,” but where is the adoration for Real American stage actress Michelle Bachmann? The other day she gave a masterful performance of her new Off-Broadway show, I’m Not a Betting, Casino-Type Woman, as dinner theater for some freedom-fighting Marylanders. But so far nobody’s been HuffPo’ing or Tweeting about her talents, because of sexism. Obama’s Net Neutrality monsters and Bill Ayers are totally splitting a bottle of tequila over this. Read more on Michelle Bachmann Is a Star, So Let Her Shine…
  tiger woods has so much money!

Michele Bachmann’s Own Constituents Were So Mean To Her!

Meh, who wants to watch this whole thing? But it’s worth looking at the beginning to see her booed by town hall attendees for making a joke about Tiger Woods loaning the president $300 trillion. “HEALTHCARE, THIS IS A HEALTHCARE FORUM,” they shout, which is just a deeply unserious thing to yell in a public forum when your congresswoman is trying to get out a joke. Good times start around the 2:15 mark. [YouTube/Dusty Trice] Read more on Michele Bachmann’s Own Constituents Were So Mean To Her!…
  math & science

MICHELLE BACHMANN HAS A THEORY! “If you want to look at economic history over the last 100 years. I call it punctuated equilibrium. If you look at FDR, LBJ, and Barack Obama, this is really the final leap to socialism.” HMM QUITE SO. [Think Progress] Read more on …
  the sun also came up this morning

Michele Bachmann Does Something Stupid & Offensive

CPAC, it is the comedy festival of the year! New GOP leader Michael Steele offered a very honest yet very shitty new marketing strategy to America: “Tonight, we tell America: we know the past, we know we did wrong. My bad.” No we can’t! And then America’s Idiot, Michele Bachmann, responded with a very humorous blackface minstrel performance in which she repeatedly yelled, “Michael Steele! You be da man! You be da man.” [TPM DC] Read more on Michele Bachmann Does Something Stupid & Offensive…
  bloodbath

House Republicans Just Begging To Be Beaten By Liberal Website

There’s an exciting new trend in these Final Days of the campaign: Some far-right wingnut congressperson goes crazy on the teevee or at one of these Palin Smackdown Trailer-Park Freakouts, and the Daily Kos site declares Financial War on the Republican representative, who of course is up for re-election on November 4 like every member of the House, and the snarling money-having liberals quickly give the dingbat’s opponent half-a-million dollars, overnight. Read more on House Republicans Just Begging To Be Beaten By Liberal Website…