Tag Archives: michele bachmann

  Fab Five Freddie told me everybody's high

Michele Bachmann Super Excited We’re All Gonna Die And Go To Jesus Heaven Real Soon, Hooray!

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
Now that Michele Bachmann is retired, having saved America by giving it cheap gas, she has a lot of free time on her hands. And she certainly doesn’t want to spend all of it shopping with Marcus for doggie sunglasses. So she’s been hanging with her gal pal, radio host Jan Markell, talkin’ ’bout girl stuff, like how God is cursing us with droughts and snowstorms and economic disasters because Obama is causing the End Times. SAD FACE. Read more on Michele Bachmann Super Excited We’re All Gonna Die And Go To Jesus Heaven Real Soon, Hooray!…
  Let's gossip about the week that was!

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People

It's the best day of the week!
Hola, Wonkers, we hope that your Sunday is treating you well. Pull up a chair, for we must now gossip about all the hilarious and CONTROVERSIAL stories that you clicked on the most this week! We thought you would all be super-excited about Marco Rubio running for president, but none of those stories made the top 10, :(. Guess Rubio will never be president now. Also never being President? Hillary Clinton, because none of her stories made the top 10 either! It’s all yours, Rand Paul! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People…
  And next they'll ban talking!

Do Not Gaze Upon The Minnesota State Senate Like Common Eyeball-Havers, During Debate!

You will respect the sanctity of this hallowed place!
The Minnesota state Senate is a DIGNIFIED PLACE, and they will not have you misbehaving! Yes, the august institution that foisted Michele Bachmann on an unsuspecting world has rules, and you shan’t defy them! For one thing, they will be keeping their longstanding ban on members looking directly into each others’ eyes, for that is a violation of both decorum and privacy! Read more on Do Not Gaze Upon The Minnesota State Senate Like Common Eyeball-Havers, During Debate!…
  Gone but not forgotten

Michele Bachmann: God Is Punishing Us For Obama, Just Like It Says In The Bible

Here have some more crazy
Now that Michele Bachmann is no longer a member of Congress, she is free at last to share her innermost insanity that she’d kept to herself all those years she was in office. Like when she wanted to call upon Americans to slit their wrists in opposition to Obamacare, or wanted to demand that the media investigate Congress to find out which members are “anti-America” — but of course she didn’t do those things, because that would sound CRAZY coming from an elected politician. Read more on Michele Bachmann: God Is Punishing Us For Obama, Just Like It Says In The Bible…
  oy

Congressschmuck Steve King Doesn’t Understand Why American Jews Are So Anti-Semitic

Jesus
Iowa Rep. Steve King is an actual member of Congress, as well as a terrible person on every single issue, from Messicans to homomessicans to light bulbs to dogfighting. In a radio interview on Friday, Steve King demonstrated the depth and breadth of his terribleness by being a terrible person about The Jews, in whom he is Very Disappointed for being such bad The Jews, which is a thing The Jews never EVER tire of hearing, no really, please do go on some more about how The Jews have let down you non-The Jews. Read more on Congressschmuck Steve King Doesn’t Understand Why American Jews Are So Anti-Semitic…
  she's still got it

Michele Bachmann Tattles On Illegal-Lovin’ GOP To Her Friend, An Invisible Lion

She tried to warn us
Have you been missing former Rep. Michele Bachmann since she retired to be president of the United States of Cheap Gas? Us too! And it seems she might be regretting her retirement, because hoo boy, those morons in the House are absolutely lost without her. In an EXCLUSIVE! interview with WND, Bachmann predicted that the 2016 presidential election has already been lost, thanks to those know-nothing turncoat Republicans who sold out their party and America. No, no, she’s not talking about the traitorous love letter to Iran. Don’t be silly! Read more on Michele Bachmann Tattles On Illegal-Lovin’ GOP To Her Friend, An Invisible Lion…
  Let's laugh at John Boehner's tears

John Boehner Pines For Good Old Days Of Great Recession

Is this mean? It might be a little mean. Then again, John Boehner is mean.
Did you know it has been six years since President Obama murdered the American economy with his bare hands and some so-called “stimulus” spending? This is a true fact, according to Speaker John Boehner, who is crying — more than usual — about how the president’s unlawful Marxist Big Government spending ruined everything: Read more on John Boehner Pines For Good Old Days Of Great Recession…
  Fighting Cancer Not Nearly As Sexy As You Feared

Study Shows HPV Vaccine Will Not Turn Your Daughters Into Whores

OK Mommy, this time I'll be the doctor and YOU be the junior high slut!
A new obviously fake study published in some bogus “medical” “journal” called the Journal of the American Medical Association or whatever claims that vaccinating girls against the human papillomavirus so they do not get cervical cancer and die from it will not cause them to immediately rush out and do a bunch of unsafe sex and turn into sluts. Read more on Study Shows HPV Vaccine Will Not Turn Your Daughters Into Whores…
  don't hurt yourself reaching for that outrage

Sexist Liberals Afraid Pig Farmer Joni Ernst Will Castrate Obama In SOTU Response

biased pic i'm sure
Bobby Jindal. Bob McDonnell. Paul Ryan. My Man Mitch. Thirsty Guy. CMR. Delivering the GOP’s State of the Union rebuttal can launch a starry-eyed Republican to anywhere on a scale of Hapless Presidential Ticket to federal prison. So who, pray tell, will be this year’s sacrificial pap purveyor who argues against middle-class tax cuts on behalf of the GOP? (Please say Joni Ernst. Please say Joni Ernst. Please say — ) Read more on Sexist Liberals Afraid Pig Farmer Joni Ernst Will Castrate Obama In SOTU Response…
  #RIPpatriarchy

GOP Ladies Cool With Letting Menfolk Do All The Presidenting, Thanks

We all know the GOP is the real party of, by, and for chicks because they have told us SO many times. But that doesn’t mean they care about how Chick-Americans are doing in these American United States. Or whether Chick-Americans ever obtain anything laughably approaching equality in the workplace or our government or anywhere else, really. Come ON. It’s one thing to have campaign ads that show pictures of Republican women being Republican — and women! — but it’s something else entirely to care about whether those pretty ladies ever hold any actual power. Read more on GOP Ladies Cool With Letting Menfolk Do All The Presidenting, Thanks…
  rap battles

Who Will Be California’s Next Barbara Boxer? (Hint: It Is Probably Scott Brown)

Breaking political news to grandchildren is the pits
Well, it had to happen sometime, and apparently that “sometime” is 2016, because Barbara Boxer, one of the best liberals to ever lib up the Senate chamber with her San Francisco valyews, has announced to her grandson on video that she will not be seeking re-election in 2016, citing her desire to spend more time with her California. Is she RETIRING, though? Golly gee no, because there are still many, many things to be done. We are not certain whether she intended to release this announcement, or whether her grandson set this video to “public” on accident, but it’s out there now, can’t go back! Let’s watch it. I’ll live-blog, you laugh, got it? Me type words, you react in jolly manner. Let’s go: Read more on Who Will Be California’s Next Barbara Boxer? (Hint: It Is Probably Scott Brown)…
  In With The New

Meet Your New Michele Bachmann, Same As Your Old Michele Bachmann

Image via KARE video While Yr Wonkette joins the rest of the nation in mourning the loss of Rep. Michele Bachmann’s unique brand of political wisdom, we look forward to the arrival of her Republican successor in the House of Representatives, former talk radio host and failed gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer. Read more on Meet Your New Michele Bachmann, Same As Your Old Michele Bachmann…
  thanks obama!

Evil Obama Forces Eviler Billionaire CEO To Give Raises To Everyone Instead Of Firing Them, Huh

He shall let them eat cake maybe
We all remember evil CEO and King of Versailles: Florida Edition Dave Siegel, right? He’s the nutbag billionaire founder of Westgate Resorts who threatened his employees in 2012 with a most excellent plagiarized chainmail, sent from his CrazyUncle@aol.com account, that if they voted for President Obama, he’d probably have to fire all of them on account of how the president was totally going to destroy the American economy even harder, with socialism and taxes and socialist taxes. While the economy was safe for now, he’d copy-pasted at the time, that would all change if the employees of Westgate Resorts dared to exercise their small-d democratic right to vote for, like, any candidate of their choosing: Read more on Evil Obama Forces Eviler Billionaire CEO To Give Raises To Everyone Instead Of Firing Them, Huh…
  its a gas gas gas

Michele Bachmann Gave You Your $2 Gas. You’re Welcome, America!

romised and Delivered!
Retiring Congressdipshit Michele Bachmann has been doing a peculiar version of the Minnesota Long Goodbye, except instead of the usual arrangement, where a host follows a departing guest out to the car asking if they’re really sure they don’t want to take a little hot dish home with them, Ms. Bachmann has it a little backwards. Having given a farewell speech and received a loving farewell tongue-bath from WND, and packed up the U-Haul with all her Furry paraphernalia, she now keeps coming back from her idling getaway car to knock on the door and ask us if maybe we’d like to make her another pot of coffee and look at slides from her trip to Bemidji all night. Read more on Michele Bachmann Gave You Your $2 Gas. You’re Welcome, America!…
  #ReadyForLouie

New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner

Image via Daily Show video Texas congressman and casual House-floor snacker Louie Gohmert delivered blessed news to the nation on the first Sunday of the new year: he will finally rise to be the savior America needs by defeating John Boehner to become the new Speaker of the House. Read more on New House Speaker Louie Gohmert Will Fix America, Depose Dumb Drunk RINO John Boehner…
  We Completely Left Out Odin Again

2014: The Year In God-Bothering

If it's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
God had another big year in 2014, especially right near the end, when His Servant on Earth, Bill O’Reilly, finally declared victory in the War on Christmas. So we can look forward to a 2015 that’s free of that particular topic, we bet. Even so, it would appear that there are still a few areas of American life where religion has caused a wee bit of a ruckus. Like, let’s say, the courts, where the Supremes declared that the Hobby Lobby corporation’s sincerely held religious beliefs can exempt them from following laws they don’t like. Not that there’s going to be any weird fallout from that decision, like people suing for the right to ignore child labor laws because God says it’s OK. Read more on 2014: The Year In God-Bothering…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: We Were Very Mean To Barack Obama And Those Girl Scouts And We Should Feel Bad

Dear Princess Celestia... As a dragon, I find Hearth's Warming Eve to be very offensive.
Beyond all the half-priced candy, one thing we like about going to the store after Christmas is the sudden arrival of pallets of storage supplies — it holds out the hope that if you just buy the right plastic bins, you’ll be free of all the clutter that’s built up during the year. And so we bring you our own efforts at cleaning out the muck: A bunch of detritus from the comments queue, which we now won’t have to think about any more. Let’s start with some people we have upset with our unwarranted cruelty. For some reason, our piece on Barack Obama wearing a tiara while taking a photo with some girl scouts rubbed a few people the wrong way, perhaps because we said wearing a tiara betrayed Barack Hussein Obama’s desire for absolute power. “Thea” took us to task for being so mean to a decent, honorable man: Read more on Deleted Comments: We Were Very Mean To Barack Obama And Those Girl Scouts And We Should Feel Bad…
  It's Jihad All The way Down

Michele Bachmann Has Had It With Obama Supporting Jihad By Bombing ISIS

When in doubt, use this picture
Former Congressidiot Michele Bachmann explained in a recent interview that even when Barack Obama is trying to get one group of Muslims to bomb the hell out of another group of Muslims, he is actually advancing worldwide Islamic jihad, because of course he is. Read more on Michele Bachmann Has Had It With Obama Supporting Jihad By Bombing ISIS…
  Look Back In Angerbear

WND Spills Blood, Tears, Jizz In Exit Interview With Michele Bachmann

When in doubt, use this picture
Now that Michele Bachmann has said a God-filled farewell to the House of Representatives, she’s also doing a valedictory tour of rightwing media, or at least WorldNetDaily. It is titled — we swear we are not making this up — “GOP Legend Quits Congress With Message For America,” which is pretty loose usage if you ask us. Myth, yes, legend, not hardly. Read more on WND Spills Blood, Tears, Jizz In Exit Interview With Michele Bachmann…
  he looks good with a beard! no an actual beard

Jerk Obama Laughed At Michele Bachmann’s Great Idea To Bomb Iran, What A Jerk

We will always love you, The Bachmanns
via Michele Bachmann’s Facebook page Man, we are really going to miss Rep. Michele Bachmann. And not just because of her fabulous fashion sense and even more fabulous husband sense, or her riveting speeches on how much she loves God and freedom, but also because of sparkly rhinestones like this. Read more on Jerk Obama Laughed At Michele Bachmann’s Great Idea To Bomb Iran, What A Jerk…
  Also Did We Mention God? She's Big On God

In Surprising Farewell Address, Michele Bachmann Admits Liking Freedom, God

Here's the story, of a crazy lady, who was talking to a devil to her right ...
Michele Bachmann gave her farewell address to the House of Representatives Tuesday, and while we were worried that she might just stand up and announce that all her email should be forwarded to Shelly@CrazyEyes.com, she actually did deliver a thoroughly Bachmannian speech. It hits all the required notes: Freedom, In God We Trust, Why the House is the Best House, plus several extra helpings of God stuff just to be sure. Read more on In Surprising Farewell Address, Michele Bachmann Admits Liking Freedom, God…
  Listen to the man with an onion around his belt

John McCain Snarls At Young GOP Punks To Get Off His Lawn

Ugh, kids these days
Sure, you might think the whole Republican Party has gone round the bend and off the deep end about President Obama’s decision to destroy America (again!) with his unprecedented executive action on immigration. But no, that is A Illusion because a few young congressional newbies are making it look that way. So sayeth Sen. John Bitterpants McCain, always the voice of reason and rationality (unless there is a slight problem with The Economy, in which case drop everything and proceed immediately to crapping in your Depends, or unless someone somewhere isn’t currently being bombed). Read more on John McCain Snarls At Young GOP Punks To Get Off His Lawn…