Tag Archives: michele bachmann

  wonksplainer

More Than Corndog Fellatio Pics: The Iowa State Fair, Wonksplained

Perry seems to have better technique
Rick Perry wins on technique. Every few years, we are #blessed with photos of politicians deep-throating a corndog at Iowa’s state fair. But did you know that there is more to the Iowa State Fair than hot politician-on-food pics? There’s enough meat-on-sticks to make Rick Santorum yearn for a return to the Senate’s weekly butt-fuck night (Tuesdays at 7 pm in Russell 290). There’s a cow made out of enough butter to make Paula Deen momentarily forget the good ol’ days of plantation living. But what makes politicians line up to shake the hands of babies and kiss farmers? What’s this fair all about? Let’s wonksplain. Read more on More Than Corndog Fellatio Pics: The Iowa State Fair, Wonksplained…
  This could get exciting!

Michele Bachmann Says Carly Fiorina Loves Muslims Too Much To Be President

What is she up to now? Here is a thing that happened: We would never assume that former member of Congress and one-time presidential wannabe Michele Bachmann would automatically support Carly Fiorina for president, just because of how she is a batshit crazy conservative rightwing Republican lady, just like Bachmann. As far as we can tell, she shares all of Bachmann’s exact same values, so you’d think Bachmann would be like, “Woot, Carly4Prez!” But that would makes us the REAL SEXISTS, maybe? Read more on Michele Bachmann Says Carly Fiorina Loves Muslims Too Much To Be President…
  Misty Corndog Cramming Memories

Where Were You When Michele Bachmann Became Princess Of Iowa 4 Years Ago?

We were a more innocent nation back then
It was a simpler time, a time before Benghazi, a time before the Obamacare computers were all kerflooey, a time when America still believed it was possible for a bright-eyed crazy lady who never quite focused on your face but could really deep-throat a foot-long corndog could become president. Actually, only rightwing loons in Iowa believed that. But it’s hard to believe that it was only four short years ago when Michele Bachmann won the Iowa Straw Poll, putting her on the path to the nomination, or at least several completely bizarre debate appearances and an eventual decision by the Associated Press to give up on fact-checking the insane drivel coming from her mouthparts. Read more on Where Were You When Michele Bachmann Became Princess Of Iowa 4 Years Ago?…
  Hide Your Kids Hide Your Wife

Let’s Get Drunk On Republican Obamacare Tears, Together!

That's it, moving to Canada.
Ehrmagerd, the Surperm Curt upheard Abummacurr! This was not met on the right with universal approbation, although many Republicans were quietly breathing a sigh of relief that they won’t have to reveal that their ready-to-implement fix was really just a copy of the 1996 Houston Yellow Pages that they’d been lugging around in a briefcase. Read more on Let’s Get Drunk On Republican Obamacare Tears, Together!…
  Wonkette dance party

Here’s A Jaunty Gay-Hatin’ Campaign Song For Republicans, Since They Can’t Use Any Others

Republican creative type.
Republican candidates have this problem every single time they try to do campaigns. They think, “Hey, I have always loved that song by [insert artist here], I’ll use that!” And then they get a cease-and-desist letter, or a lawsuit, from the artist, saying “I hate you so much, you are not worthy of my song, you dirty disgusting wingnut.” It happened last week, when dumb Donald Trump thought it would be a good idea to use Neil Young’s “Rockin’ In The Free World” during his campaign announcement. No dice, Donald. But there is hope on the horizon! Read more on Here’s A Jaunty Gay-Hatin’ Campaign Song For Republicans, Since They Can’t Use Any Others…
  Why Would A Racist Give *Us* Money?

Charleston Killer’s Favorite Racist Gave A Bunch Of Money To Top Republicans, Oops

Just a racist, his gun, his flag, and his spring planting project
By now you’ve probably read about what’s believed to be Dylann Roof’s idiot manifesto, detailing all his insights into The Blacks and The Jews. It’s the usual loathsome pile of racist crap, but he does at least let us know where he got a lot of his ideas: from the Council of Conservative Citizens (CCC), the modern version of what used to be the “White Citizens Councils” of the ’50s and ’60s. And here’s a heck of a thing: Earl Holt, the leader of the racist group, has given buttloads of money to Republican candidates in the last few years, not that they agree with him, oh no no no, he’s despicable. But he has a checkbook. Read more on Charleston Killer’s Favorite Racist Gave A Bunch Of Money To Top Republicans, Oops…
  Guilt By Representation

Muslim Congressman Keith Ellison Obviously Behind Shooting In Texas Because Muslim

Another axe-wielding Minnesota maniac
Dead Breitbart’s Foundation For Frothing Paranoia brought us a whole new frontier in guilt by association Tuesday, revealing the shocking connections between the idiot jihadist-wannabes who tried to shoot up a stupid anti-Islam hatefest in Texas and a Somali radical Islamist who used to live in Minnesota Rep. Keith Ellison’s congressional district. Hey, Keith Ellison, why aren’t you reining in people who once lived in your district, you terrorist sympathizer, you? Read more on Muslim Congressman Keith Ellison Obviously Behind Shooting In Texas Because Muslim…
 

If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say About Republicans, Come Sit Next To Barney Frank!

The fabulous former Massachusetts Congresshero Barney Frank — who is not known for saying how he really feels about Republicans, bigoted colleagues who “accidentally” call him a fag, whackjobs who compare President Obama to Nazis, and especially Newt Gingrich — appeared on a recent episode of “Watch What Happens: Live” with host Andy Cohen to hesitantly express some more of his mild opinions. And it’s delicious! Read more on If You Don’t Have Anything Nice To Say About Republicans, Come Sit Next To Barney Frank!…
  It's not funny -- it's HILARIOUS

Michele Bachmann Has Beef With Barack Obama. Probably Kosher Beef.

She's serious about this, you guys
Reigning and forever queen of derp Michele Bachmann has been packing her bags and strapping on her black-and-white Nikes because the Bible says the End Times are nigh, THANKS OBAMA. While she is super steamed at the president for cursing America with droughts and snowstorms because he has been a meanie to Israel, and the Bible says you can’t do that, it’s actually a happy time — rejoice! — because (actual direct quotes here) “Jesus Christ is coming back!” and “this is one of the most exciting times in history.” And that means Michele Bachmann gets to rapture off to heaven, hooray, so THANKS OBAMA, but for reals, and — hey. Hey! Why are you laughing? Stop laughing! It’s in the Bible, goddamnit! Cut it out, OBAMA: Read more on Michele Bachmann Has Beef With Barack Obama. Probably Kosher Beef….
  When you lie upon a star...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: It Sure Is Tough To Know Whether Or Not You’ve Had Brain Cancer

Extree! Extree! Step right up for your weekly dose of flim-flam and phooey, your beloved Snake Oil Bulletin! For today’s edition, we have a few follow-ups to previous stories we’ve covered. So pull up a seat, pour yourself a heaping cup of coffee for your enema, and let’s dive right into today’s selection with the return of Belle Gibson. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: It Sure Is Tough To Know Whether Or Not You’ve Had Brain Cancer…
  Fab Five Freddie told me everybody's high

Michele Bachmann Super Excited We’re All Gonna Die And Go To Jesus Heaven Real Soon, Hooray!

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
Now that Michele Bachmann is retired, having saved America by giving it cheap gas, she has a lot of free time on her hands. And she certainly doesn’t want to spend all of it shopping with Marcus for doggie sunglasses. So she’s been hanging with her gal pal, radio host Jan Markell, talkin’ ’bout girl stuff, like how God is cursing us with droughts and snowstorms and economic disasters because Obama is causing the End Times. SAD FACE. Read more on Michele Bachmann Super Excited We’re All Gonna Die And Go To Jesus Heaven Real Soon, Hooray!…
  Let's gossip about the week that was!

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People

It's the best day of the week!
Hola, Wonkers, we hope that your Sunday is treating you well. Pull up a chair, for we must now gossip about all the hilarious and CONTROVERSIAL stories that you clicked on the most this week! We thought you would all be super-excited about Marco Rubio running for president, but none of those stories made the top 10, :(. Guess Rubio will never be president now. Also never being President? Hillary Clinton, because none of her stories made the top 10 either! It’s all yours, Rand Paul! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People…
  And next they'll ban talking!

Do Not Gaze Upon The Minnesota State Senate Like Common Eyeball-Havers, During Debate!

You will respect the sanctity of this hallowed place!
The Minnesota state Senate is a DIGNIFIED PLACE, and they will not have you misbehaving! Yes, the august institution that foisted Michele Bachmann on an unsuspecting world has rules, and you shan’t defy them! For one thing, they will be keeping their longstanding ban on members looking directly into each others’ eyes, for that is a violation of both decorum and privacy! Read more on Do Not Gaze Upon The Minnesota State Senate Like Common Eyeball-Havers, During Debate!…
  Gone but not forgotten

Michele Bachmann: God Is Punishing Us For Obama, Just Like It Says In The Bible

Here have some more crazy
Now that Michele Bachmann is no longer a member of Congress, she is free at last to share her innermost insanity that she’d kept to herself all those years she was in office. Like when she wanted to call upon Americans to slit their wrists in opposition to Obamacare, or wanted to demand that the media investigate Congress to find out which members are “anti-America” — but of course she didn’t do those things, because that would sound CRAZY coming from an elected politician. Read more on Michele Bachmann: God Is Punishing Us For Obama, Just Like It Says In The Bible…
  oy

Congressschmuck Steve King Doesn’t Understand Why American Jews Are So Anti-Semitic

Jesus
Iowa Rep. Steve King is an actual member of Congress, as well as a terrible person on every single issue, from Messicans to homomessicans to light bulbs to dogfighting. In a radio interview on Friday, Steve King demonstrated the depth and breadth of his terribleness by being a terrible person about The Jews, in whom he is Very Disappointed for being such bad The Jews, which is a thing The Jews never EVER tire of hearing, no really, please do go on some more about how The Jews have let down you non-The Jews. Read more on Congressschmuck Steve King Doesn’t Understand Why American Jews Are So Anti-Semitic…
  she's still got it

Michele Bachmann Tattles On Illegal-Lovin’ GOP To Her Friend, An Invisible Lion

She tried to warn us
Have you been missing former Rep. Michele Bachmann since she retired to be president of the United States of Cheap Gas? Us too! And it seems she might be regretting her retirement, because hoo boy, those morons in the House are absolutely lost without her. In an EXCLUSIVE! interview with WND, Bachmann predicted that the 2016 presidential election has already been lost, thanks to those know-nothing turncoat Republicans who sold out their party and America. No, no, she’s not talking about the traitorous love letter to Iran. Don’t be silly! Read more on Michele Bachmann Tattles On Illegal-Lovin’ GOP To Her Friend, An Invisible Lion…