michele bachmann
What can America ever do to make it up to Michele Bachmann? She gave up the ghost on her presidential aspirations (THIS TIME) after voters in Iowa ditched her for a robot, a frog, a sweater vest, and a belt with an onion tied to it. Wouldn’t you take this insult to your grave? Bachmann [...]
Oh, so the war in Afghanistan is supposed to end soon-ish, like next year, maybe? Sure, we’ve done a pretty good job leaving that country on the brink of yet another horrifying civil war, NEXT. It is now Iran’s turn to be liberationed! Forty-nine percent of Americans, which for you statistically-minded folk means “probably at [...]
Were you, like us, very ultra super secretly sighing to yourself — under your breath when you were absolutely sure no one could hear you — hasn’t this campaign season gotten sorta boring since Michele Bachmann dropped out? WELL SIGH NO MORE: her surrealist sideshow is coming BACK following Michele’s announcement today that she will [...]
Santorum Iowa campaign staffer Jamie Johnson apparently sent out an e-mail last summer questioning whether it would really be appropriate for a woman, e.g. Michele Bachmann, to be president of the United States. Johnson, who sent the e-mail from his personal account, says the thing was “blown way out of proportion,” by which he means [...]
SHAME on your Wonkette for forgetting to follow up on the final results for the 9th thru 87th place finishers in the New Hampshire GOP primary! Well anyway, here is the “important” part: the (openly) gay dude beat Michele Bachmann! She quit the race several days before the primary of course, but that is SO [...]
Resurrecting the speeches of fiendish politicians is the best thing about the Internet, and today we have a new floating spirit in the form of a speech Rick Santorum gave on the Senate floor in 2005 during the Democrats’ attempt to filibuster President Bush’s judicial appointments. The surly fellow compared his friends across the aisle [...]
Famous head case Michele Bachmann held an unprecedented meeting with “reality,” which has sadly and inevitably led to the announcement that she is dropping out of the presidential campaign. Poor Marcus Bachmann will never get to be First Lady, after all!
Michele Bachmann finished in, what, negative 86th place in the Iowa caucuses last night? That it is Pretty Bad, but come on, let’s not panic here. This is also just a lousy fact, and since when have facts ever gotten in the way of Michele’s plans for world domination? WHAT IS THIS? Republican presidential hopeful [...]
Here’s an interesting sales pitch from some super PAC supporting Michele Bachmann which we will now (pretty closely) paraphrase for you: “Professional football player Tim Tebow is not very smart, he has a problem with accuracy, and his holier-than-thou Christian shtick is incredibly irritating to many observers — which makes him exactly like Michele Bachmann.” [...]
HIGH DRAMA: the Iowa captain of Michele Bachmann’s sinking insane asylum, state Senator Kent Sorenson, jumped ship and swam over to Team Paultard MERE DAYS before the Iowa caucuses. Sorenson explained his sudden last-minute switch with some strange line about Ron Paul being the only “true conservative” in the race, an assessment that may have [...]
Uh-oh, that thing that no one thought would happen but secretly knew was going to happen has finally HAPPENED, folks: Mitt Romney is leading in a new poll out of Iowa. Great. Iowa has lost its sense of humor just in time for the caucuses. “Political wisdom,” which is an oxymoron, has it that Romney [...]
Oh look, Michele Bachmann doesn’t even know the names of the random “children” she assembled to make this dumb Christmas video to remind everyone that her gay husband Marcus is so gay that he’s not even allowed in the family Christmas video. “Don’t forget the reason for the season,” sez Michele … which is marginalizing [...]
It was another day of thuggery on the Iowa campaign trail as Michele Bachmann’s remaining followers mercilessly booed and taunted a sad gay robot. The pudgy homosexual android just wanted to make a case for itself, but the slob wingnuts just chanted BOOOOO because that’s how they “cure homosexuality.” Speaking of pudgy gay robots, has [...]
‘Twas the night before Iowa, when all through the state, The wingnuts were fuming, their heads fat with hate. The caucus was planned, in just over a week, Yet the GOP candidates were unelectable freaks! The reporters were nestled in bedbug motels. Their noses recoiling from strange Iowa smells, Of corn syrup fields, and thick [...]
