Wonkette

* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Norm Dicks, chair of the House Appropriations subcommittee on Interior and environment, wears a jacket with the words “Mr. Chairman” emblazoned on the front. On Saturdays. While getting a haircut… No members of Congress at Madame Tussauds, thank god. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: All-around douchebag and Abramoff buddy Michael Scanlon is suing his ex-wife for all the money in the world plus one dollar… New York state legislator starting a bizarre Courage Cup controversy. Features this sentence: “We will have nothing further to do with this person or his imaginary polo activity….” [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Darryl Strawberry was at Blue Gin Saturday night, where the hell were you? … NICOLAS CAGE IS COMING, PREPARE YOURSELF. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Staffer steals Rep. Tom Tancredo’s car, smashes it into another car, tells Cap Police he had permission. If it weren’t for stupid Libby we’d have just written about this all day long… Crazy former Marine sending crazy letters to congresswoman. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: Tim Mahoney, who unseated Mark Foley, has directed his staff to communicate via instant messenger… David Gregory: Airport line skipper. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Dick Morris continues to entertain. He’s being served with a subpoena by the DC Madam who’s threatening to sell her client list, all while trying to make an anti-Hillary documentary. [WP] MORE »

We haven’t checked in with journalist/gadfly Kim Eisler in a while — not since the days of Chris Matthews’ friends laughing at him — but he’s begun posting exclusive e-mails from disgraced ultra-lobbyist Jack Abramoff (in preparation for Eisler’s January Washingtonian piece on their friendship). Here are some of the gems: MORE »

• House Republicans took up military tribunals for detainees yesterday, embracing a significantly more conservative position than their Senate counterparts. Meanwhile, President Bush has asked Congress to ratify the tribunals already set up by the Defense Department. [WP, NYT]

• Between Israel’s new war in Gaza and Lebanon, Iran’s nukes, and Iraq just being Iraq, the Bush administration is in a bit of trouble mideast-wise, and it’s all Iran’s fault. [WP]
• Hillary Clinton faces an electorate made up of people who have already made up their minds about her. [WP]
• Congressional Democrats present their own gay marriage political lightning rod: the minimum wage raise. With state ballot initiatives and everything. [NYT]
• The Emergency Broadcast System is being updated to eventually include disaster text messages from your federal government. [NYT]
• Jack Abramoff, Ralph Reed, Michael Scanlon, and Neil Volz are all being sued by an Indian tribe for fraudulently closing said tribe’s casino while working for a rival. [NYT]

• Reliable Source: Attorney for Robert Steinbuch threatens to add Ana Marie Cox as a co-defendant in his suit against Jessica Cutler. . . Murdoch will host a summer fundraiser for Hillary. . . Mort Kondracke marries Marguerite Sallee, the CEO of America’s Promise. . . Bush twins are spotted buying vintage clothes. [WP]
• Heard on the Hill: Michael Scanlon will be awarded his diploma from John Hopkins. . . Josh Bolten went to a Nationals game with Bo Derek. . . Woman spotted with Rep. Brad Sherman (D-Calif.) is confirmed to be his girlfriend. . . [Roll Call]
• Under the Dome: Fundraiser for Sen. Max Baucus (D-Mont.) hosted by Mort Zuckerman features Sen. Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) and former Sen. Al D’Amato (R-N.Y.). . . Wolf Blitzer, Chris Matthews, Petra Nemcova, and Rep. Tom McMillen (D-Md.) showed up for the opening of The Collection at Chevy Chase. . . “Campaign chair” for Rep. Jerry Weller (R-Ill.) caught using a government-issued American Express card at a strip club. [The Hill]

Please, Al, you’re scaring the kids: MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Michael Scanlon, of the Jack Abramoff scandal, presented his graduate thesis, an “evaluative history of the House ethics process,” at John Hopkins University. . . Sen. Kennedy and his dog, Splash, will appear on “Good Morning America” this Friday. [Roll Call]
* Inside Politics: “The Star Spangled Banner” was sung in both English and Spanish during Bush’s first inauguration. . . Cheney: “My image might be better out there… if I spent more time as a public figure trying to improve my image, but that’s not why I’m here.” [WT]

* Rep. Cynthia McKinney hits a Capitol Police officer with her cell phone. We’ve been all over this one — our coverage is collected here (scroll down). MORE »

Love! Betrayal! Scandal! Sex! Lobbying! Man, this Wall Street Journal story has everything. It is more or less the quintessential Wonkette story (missing only intimations of homosexuality and references to sodomy — which we will work on rectifying). MORE »

Hell, it’s been a slow day. Let’s just post some random unattributed gossip. MORE »

Early this morning, someone forwarded us an email from a reporter for a national magazine looking for people who went to high school with convicted felon/disgraced former lobbyist/DeLay flack Michael Scanlon. Nothing too unusual about that, really. Though Scanlon’s been largely out of the public eye since his guilty plea, he’s still a newsworthy figure, and one who doesn’t get the same attention as his flashier former co-conspirator Jack Abramoff. MORE »

• Su Lin? Straight up OWNED. Butterstick? Currently keeping scientists busy recalibrating all known measures of cuteness. MORE »

After posting about the young Michael Scanlon’s bizarre hormonal explorations, we were sent a note from another of his contemporaries who experienced his high school reign of terror. Wishing to remain anonymous out of concern for a future of peaceful area shopping, our tipster assures us: “I can completely vouch for this. I was one of the black-clad girls he tormented at WJ (I was 5′ 6″ in high school, though, so he didn’t mess with me much — he mostly went after the shorter girls).” MORE »

We heard this little delightful story from a Wonkette operative this morning: MORE »