michael bloomberg

On Monday’s The Daily Show, Jon Stewart welcomes notorious communist New York Mayor Bill de Blasio, who calmly and politely lays out his terrifying socialist agenda for the city: equal justice and opportunity, in the form of an end to stop-and-frisk and a tax on the rich to pay for universal preschool and expanded after-school […]

So we have all read the New York Times story about homelessness in New York, yes? And we have all cried for the smart, tough little girl named Dasani, who lives in a “520-square-foot room with her parents and seven siblings” in a most wretched shelter, where life is most wretched, and we have all […]

A pro-gun group plans to hold a demonstration in favor of the 2nd Amendment in the same suburban Denver park where a remembrance will be held for victims of the Aurora theater shootings, which occurred one year ago today. Members of Rocky Mountain Gun Owners insist that they have no choice but to stand their […]

Hey Wonkstaffel, are you sad and depressed from all the awful news lately about BENGHAZI!!!!1!!! and the IRS and how President Barry spends his evenings in the White House personally reviewing your ISP activity logs and cackling at the number of German scheisse videos you have watched online since 2001? Then let us cheer you […]

Since it has been about 5 months since the President was inaugurated, it is about 4.5 months past time for the 2014 election season to heat up, because this town runs on scandal, protests, and never-ending electioning. Who’s opening their maggot-laden, corn-fed piehole this week? None other than conservative extremely conservative Republican Democratic Senator Mark […]

Well, let’s see who’s getting letters stuffed with poison this week! The newest inductee in the House of the Ricin Sons is New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who was sent two letters containing a “pink-orange oily substance,” according to New York deputy police commissioner Paul Browne on Wednesday. The substance tested positive for trace amounts […]

So, simply because enough fucking people are not already TALKING ABOUT THE GODDAMN SODAS, here is this thing: Mississippi’s legislature has overwhelmingly passed and sent to Governor Lardstick McGoober a bill that will explicitly ban any municipality from discouraging its citizens from eating like gross disgusting pigs, for FREEDOM. The law, informally known as the […]

New York Post harpie-in-residence Andrea Peyser, what are you shrieking and yowling about this morning? Oh, that teen pregnancy has gone down 25 percent in New York City over the past decade, so we should stop teaching sex ed and giving out birth control? Madam, you are genius. Come, let us listen at Peyser’s gentle […]

Last year, it took Occupy less than three weeks to reallocate $2 million in government-funded aid to working men and women in New York City, in the form of overtime pay to the city’s police department. This year, some in the movement hope to achieve this goal sooner — and judging from the police turnout […]

Hello, NYPD police officers, how have you been protecting and serving lord and master Mayor Bloomberg the citizens of New York lately? Oh by raping, menacing, attacking, and assaulting a lady in a Staten Island parking lot when off duty?  That’s nice! We should note that the officer’s mother claimed that he was innocent of the […]

Hello residents of New York City! (And probably also New Brunswick and parts of Connecticut, Buffalo, and Philadelphia)! Are you doing anything wrong? No? Then why not let Michael Bloomberg’s personal army the NYPD take a look at what you’re doing ALL THE TIME? You don’t mind, do you? After all, if you’re not doing […]

Courtesy of David Graham at the Atlantic, here is video of New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg just barely making his way through a speech on the occasion of the annual 4th of July Coney Island hot dog eating contest. The lame puns, strung together like so many old-timey frankfurters in a Marmaduke cartoon, leave him […]

Nothing offers a better preview of how lame American governance will be no matter who wins the next election — WHICH IS NOT TO SAY that the election doesn’t matter! — than the fact that Barack Obama and Mitt Romney are furiously courting the endorsement of New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, whose opinions no […]

Let it never be said that Michael Bloomberg, the charitable billionaire currently serving in the 11th year of a midlife vanity project called “being mayor of New York City,” ignores his constituents in their time of need. Just yesterday, a lil’ start-up investment house in Manhattan called Goldman Sachs was all down on its luck […]

The United States placed a thrilling 47th on the newly-released index of worldwide press freedom compiled by Reporters Without Borders, go team! This is 27 places worse than the previous year, owing to all the great fun cops across the nation had arresting, brutalizing and obstructing the work of journalists during the Occupy Wall Street […]