Former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani — the only mayor in American history to have commercial airplanes take down his city’s two most prominent buildings — is now “thtumping” for Mayor Bloomberg in New York City in his campaign against Democrat Bill Thompson. Did you know that Bill Thompson is black, old Jewish people? Rudy fears a return to the New York of old — “You know exactly what I’m talking about.” MORE »

• WHITE HOUSE HALF-ASSEDLY ENDORSES WHATEVER DEMOCRAT IS RUNNING AGAINST MICHAEL BLOOMBERG: Ha ha ha someone asked Robert Gibbs whether Barack Obama would endorse guaranteed Democratic loser “Bill Thompson” over Michael Bloomberg in the upcoming New York mayoral election, and Gibbs responded, “The president is the leader of the Democratic Party and as that would support the Democratic nominee.” Can’t “look weak,” you know! [Gawker]

It’s official: Poo poo platter BILL O’REILLY wants to finger-bang the snot out of Minnesota Medusa MICHELE BACHMANN. Say no, Michele! You have a husband, a family — What would your son GRENDEL think? Baby Jesus himself would probably have a hernia. But Bill has a certain charm to him and he’s so soft and warm, like a shard. Temptation! … MORE »

HE BELONGS TO THE ‘RE-ELECT MAYOR BLOOMBERG’ PARTY, OF COURSE: Nobody in New York knows which political party the chameleon plutocrat Michael Bloomberg belongs to, perhaps because he has slutted around with every party short of the LaRouchies. At various points Mayor Bloomberg has been registered as a Democrat and then as a Republican; these days he votes as a proud Green Party Communist Lesbian Furry, which is to say, an “independent.” [City Room]

Remember when Barack Obama made 9/11 happen again with one of his “backup” Air Force Ones, just so a few schmucks could get tourist snapshots of such famous New York sights as the Muslim president crashing into the Statue of Liberty? Well no one even told Michael Bloomberg, the mayoral sprite of New York City, and he is furious! “Furious!” Barack Obama is the worst president in American history. [Clusterstock]

According to ancient tradition, the Staten Island Groundhog bit Mayor Michael Bloomberg today, guaranteeing another six years of brutal financial collapse. Charles G. Hogg (R-Staten Island) attacked the New York mayor during a satanic ritual held each February 2 in opposition to the Christian celebration of Groundhog Day, in the Amish hamlet of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. MORE »

As we wait for the wicked nasty response ad about Rezko and Ayers that the McCain team is surely splicing together right now, let’s “read” some tea leaves: “CHICAGO - Barack Obama says he’s decided on a running mate, but he won’t say who. The Democratic presidential candidate told USA Today on Thursday that he went with someone who is independent and would challenge him in the White House. He also said he wanted someone who is prepared to be president and would help him strengthen the economy.” He’s so weird. Why would anyone want a vice president that would “challenge” him? Sounds like a pain in the rear. But that aside, this obviously changes everything we ever knew about the veepstakes and really everything else too. MORE »

Maverick John McCain is at it again, sticking his finger in the eye of the Republican establishment by saying he wouldn’t rule out a pro-choice running mate. Two names came to mind — Tom Ridge and Michael Bloomberg — and in a recent interview with the Weekly Standard McCain strained to point out that Ridge was far more appealing because he only loved abortions, not both abortions and The Gays. MORE »

We forgot, do we like Michael Bloomberg or not? What’s the line on this guy, now that he’s not annoyingly running for president anymore? Although he’s no Bill O’Reilly, Bloomberg certainly has his pet peeves, the biggest of which is the world “maintain.” That word does not transcend race, at all. [YouTube via NY Observer]

Today is New York City’s “Poem in Your Pocket Day,” the most elitist holiday in America (besides San Francisco on any given Friday). And the latest America’s Mayor, Michael Bloomberg, has penned a glorious poem for his pocket in celebration. It is called “Press Conference,” and the gist of it is that Press Conferences are terrible. It rhymes too! How post-postmodern. MORE »

Even though Barack Obama took New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg out to breakfast a few months ago, gave a big fancy speech about Alexander Hamilton in Bloomberg’s back yard, and not-so-subtly hinted that he would appreciate at least a steak dinner in exchange for the reacharound, Bloomberg still refuses to go steady with Obama. MORE »