michael bloomberg
Never Fear, Arkansas, Your Democrat Senator Will Never Come Between You And Getting Murdered With A Gun
Since it has been about 5 months since the President was inaugurated, it is about 4.5 months past time for the 2014 election season to heat up, because this town runs on scandal, protests, and never-ending electioning. Who’s opening their maggot-laden, corn-fed piehole this week? None other than conservative extremely conservative Republican Democratic Senator Mark [...]
Nation’s Most Obese State Passes ‘New York Sux’ Bill, RC Cola & Moon Pie Stocks Rebound
So, simply because enough fucking people are not already TALKING ABOUT THE GODDAMN SODAS, here is this thing: Mississippi’s legislature has overwhelmingly passed and sent to Governor Lardstick McGoober a bill that will explicitly ban any municipality from discouraging its citizens from eating like gross disgusting pigs, for FREEDOM. The law, informally known as the [...]
Andrea Peyser Wants To Knock Up Your Pre-Teen
New York Post harpie-in-residence Andrea Peyser, what are you shrieking and yowling about this morning? Oh, that teen pregnancy has gone down 25 percent in New York City over the past decade, so we should stop teaching sex ed and giving out birth control? Madam, you are genius. Come, let us listen at Peyser’s gentle [...]
The Police Remembered Occupy Wall Street’s One Year Anniversary!!!
Last year, it took Occupy less than three weeks to reallocate $2 million in government-funded aid to working men and women in New York City, in the form of overtime pay to the city’s police department. This year, some in the movement hope to achieve this goal sooner — and judging from the police turnout [...]
Another NYPD Officer Accused of Extra-Protecting Lady Citizen
Hello, NYPD police officers, how have you been protecting and serving lord and master Mayor Bloomberg the citizens of New York lately? Oh by raping, menacing, attacking, and assaulting a lady in a Staten Island parking lot when off duty? That’s nice! We should note that the officer’s mother claimed that he was innocent of the [...]
“Who Wrote This S***?” Mayor Bloomberg Does Not Care For Your Stupid Hotdog Puns
Courtesy of David Graham at the Atlantic, here is video of New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg just barely making his way through a speech on the occasion of the annual 4th of July Coney Island hot dog eating contest. The lame puns, strung together like so many old-timey frankfurters in a Marmaduke cartoon, leave him [...]
People’s Mayor Mikey Bloomberg Rushes To Boost Morale At Goldman Sachs
Let it never be said that Michael Bloomberg, the charitable billionaire currently serving in the 11th year of a midlife vanity project called “being mayor of New York City,” ignores his constituents in their time of need. Just yesterday, a lil’ start-up investment house in Manhattan called Goldman Sachs was all down on its luck [...]
Jackass NYPD Pigs Throw Protesters In Jail And Eat All Their Food
New York City cops arrested eight protesters dressed in Robin Hood garb during a joint OWS-World Aids Day march demanding a Financial Transaction Tax on Wall Street to help restore the $10 million in HIV/AIDS services funding that Michael “I eat ground up poor people for breakfast” Bloomberg cut last year, but it wasn’t the [...]
Actress Loses Day Job Over Satirical #OWS Performance
An actress who hilariously portrayed a representative from Bloomberg’s office during Saturday’s weaponized drum circle around the mayor’s mansion has been fired from her job at a marketing firm. Why? Eh, got to keep the people on edge. If everybody starts protesting, well, there would be fear and confusion in the corporate boardrooms!
Not Even FBI Cares About Bloomberg’s Phony Terror Suspect
While #OWS protesters created a “weaponized drum circle” around Michael Bloomberg’s mansion over the weekend, the mayor’s attempt to get people to freak out about the terrorisms was a total failure. Not even the terror-happy federal government was convinced by New York’s lame-o made-up terror suspect. Reuters reports: Federal authorities declined to join the local [...]
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