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Posts Tagged ‘miami’

RUNNIN' AROUND LIKE A BUNCH OF IDIOTS

Your Summary Of ‘All That’s Worth Doing’ At The Republican Governors Conference!

Tuesday, November 11th, 2008

Starting tomorrow, a bunch of leaders from the loser party will meet in the spicy gay Mexican outpost of Miami, Florida, for the most important event of the year: the Republican Governors Association’s 2008 Annual Conference (.PDF). Yay! They will supposedly discuss the future of the party, but since there is no future, it will just be five or ten potential 2012 candidates (including one S. Palin!) forging alliances to determine which will lose to Ralph Nader in four years. But! There are many delightful events on the conference schedule, so let’s see what the cool kids will be doing. MORE »


COCKTOBER

Judge Resigns Following Accusations Of Flashing In Starbucks Toilet

Monday, October 20th, 2008

Starbucks, land of loveO fair Cocktober, ye slayer of perverts and porn-filth fans, ye scourge of bathroom goblins and peen-flashers! Today’s Cocktober Update features a judge in Florida who was accused of showing off his man-parts in a Starbucks bathroom on the campus of the University of Miami. MORE »


JOE LIEBERMAN IS A VIRGIN

Joe Lieberman Ruined By Barack Obama Cake In Bus Crash

Friday, August 8th, 2008

More information has leaked about the Straight Talk Express destroying America’s minivans in Miami on Wednesday, a.k.a. “The Monica Lewinsky Scandal.” What of the bus passenger asshole Joe Lieberman, was he hurt in the crash? No, but he was attacked by a biracial cake: “A little more to that Miami traffic accident yesterday involving Joe Lieberman aboard the Straight Talk Express: Turns out the impact sent a staffer’s chocolate birthday cake with thick white frosting smack into the Connecticut senator.” EAT IT UP, GRAMPY. MORE »


RUH ROH

Thursday, August 7th, 2008
  • YIKES: “MIAMI (AP) - A man is being held in Florida by federal authorities on charges of threatening to assassinate Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. …The Secret Service says Geisel made the threat during a training class for bail bondsmen in Miami in late July. Another tipster said Geisel also threatened President Bush.” And yet no one cared about the threat to Our Greatest President Bush? Goddamnit, Miami. [AP]

DEATH AND CARNAGE

Straight Talk Express Demolishes Minivan In Florida

Thursday, August 7th, 2008

John McCain’s armored mammoth-of-death, the famous Straight Talk Express bus, completely destroyed a minivan making a right turn yesterday in Miami. The minivan was holding a black person, maybe, we don’t actually know. The Straight Talk Express was holding Joe Lieberman. *Just saying.* MORE »


FLORIDA

Friday, April 18th, 2008

ANGRY FLORIDA HIPPIE LEGISLATORS LOSE INTERNET: From the Miami Herald: “Partisan rancor erupted on the state House floor Friday morning as Democrats and Republicans feuded over procedural moves that led House Speaker Marco Rubio to angrily gavel the chamber quiet, order House guards to shut off Internet access and require members to quietly stay in their seats.” Meanwhile, homosexual state Rep. Bob “Twenty Dollar” Allen gets to check out Internet blowjob porn from his home! Who gets the last laugh now, moralists? [Miami Herald]


WONK'D

Mike Huckabee Spotted Returning from Secret Island Jaunt

Monday, February 18th, 2008

How the hell is Mike Huckabee doing these days? Well, he’s thirsty, and he’s still running for President of Jesus, and to finance both of these things he delivered a paid speech in the Cayman Islands — where the Fat Cats hide their money — this weekend. Wonkette operative “Mikey G.” happened to spot Huckabee at Miami Airport on Sunday, presumably when our heroic candidate was returning from his Island holiday. Huckabee, of course, was very alone, and no one knew who he was. MORE »


HOWARD KURTZ

Rumors On The Internets: Steny Hoyer Doesn’t Want To Hear That Illinoise

Tuesday, November 28th, 2006

* John Warner’s ready to cut and run, “If I can leave Liz Taylor, I can leave Iraq.” [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Howard Dean’s job to be given to the blogger with the most inventive Bush impeachment strategy. [Firedoglake, HuffPo]
* Tom Tancredo doesn’t like places where the heat is on, all night on the beach ’til the break of dawn. [ C&L, H&R]
* Tomorrow, Drudge will look down at his tighty-whities and see President Bush’s face in the skid marks. [Raw Story]
* In his heart, Howard Kurtz knows there aren’t even enough good newspapers to make a Top 10 list. [Romenesko]
* Steny Hoyer stops by Springfield, Illinois, to spit on Abraham Lincoln’s Library and fire off a couple verses of the Terps fight song. [The Swamp]


GUNS

Cartoonist Violence

Friday, November 24th, 2006

Cartoon Violence is on hiatus this week, which is a damn shame considering this: MORE »


REMAINDERS

Remainders: Welcome To Miami Where The Ass Kissing Is On

Wednesday, August 2nd, 2006
  • Katherine Harris pens blog post, incites flurry of pandering to Florida’s Cuban voters. [The Hill Blog]

  • Ousted from Connecticut, Juan Liebermantienez to lead coup in Cuba. [The Satirical Political Report]
  • Vanity Fair releases military tapes from 9/11, titles article as if it were a classic rock box set. [Vanity Fair]
  • The Republican party of Oregon, apparently more racist than in other states. [Oregon Live]
  • Expect one less mysterious “tax” on your phone bill as Congress closes books on Spanish American War. [News.com]
  • Christians pray for stability in Iraq, so they can hurry up and start proselytizing. [The Carpetbagger Report]
  • Relive all the hot Texan backrub action at the G-8 with this new video game — fastest finger wins! [Addicting Games]

CONDOLEEZZA RICE

Help Wanted: Donna Shalala Seeks Two Gardeners

Tuesday, March 7th, 2006

Last month we reported that Donna Shalala, the former Secretary of Health and Human Services and current President of the University of Miami, is living the high-life — while university janitors are trying to unionize and win a living wage. The story was picked up in the Washington Post and the Miami Herald, among other places. Now we bring you this brief update. MORE »